Innocence is the Forgotten
by death-in-the-orchard
Summary: Abraham and Alucard - When the vampire Dracula was first enslaved by Abraham van Hellsing, the discovery of what the state of Man's innocence is compared to a monster.
1. Chapter 1

Darkness spread out before the being, consuming his senses, his thoughts, and then encroached on his heart. The delicate organ shuddered and twisted his mind into a conundrum of emotion, and eventually his mind shattered. The shards splayed across the darkness, creating a sky out of the abyss. The stars were moving, colliding, forming a blinding portal into a world of light, and a shadow crossed the light into darkness.

The face formed slowly….

Abraham whipped around as he noticed the creature's eyes open. They moved blindly for a while, but he watched them lose their glazed appearance as the ignorant veil of darkness fell away. He waited, a grin of anticipation possessing his lips, twisted with cruelty. "Count…or rather, Slave…how does it feel to have fallen from the height of dominance to the lowest level of servitude?" His grin grew as he spoke, reveling in the outrage that would erupt from the vampire's lips and contort his delicate features into those of the recognizable monster that he was.

Abraham frowned in the lack of emotion in the eyes that stared back at him from the dungeon floor. They were keen, intelligent as usual, but lacked the scheming shadow behind them that usually made them burn with a daunting luster. These eyes….there was something wrong…. Abraham stepped forward and hesitantly crouched by the vampire who had not even bothered to test the restraints that held his arms behind his back and forced him to rest on his side. "Say something…I'm ordering you to. I defeated you, bound your existence to the Hellsing name….I posses you, you should be able to feel it."

The vampire could feel a pressure restraining his will, but he didn't consider the implications of what the man was saying…he wanted to know something much simpler.

"Who are you?"

Abraham froze, a sudden chilling thought enveloped his mind. Had the ceremony failed? Was a defect all that was left from his hard work? He collected himself. "I am Abraham van Hellsing. Your master until dust either claims your bones or the last of my line's life fades from existence." The vampire was frustratingly quiet and docile even. "Vampire! What game are you playing at?" Abraham yelled, disappointment accumulating and he rose to his feet to tower over the constricted being.

"Vampire? Is that what I am? And you…you are my Master?" The vampire's face was still blank and his eyes continued to watch the man that stood before him.

A roar ripped from Abraham, startling the vampire, and he tore the surprised creature from the floor by the length of his hair. "You!" his blazing blue eyes bore into the red, unflinching ones of the vampire. Abraham held the glare and the vampire left it unbroken, not attempting to turn his eyes from the man's.

"Master…if that is what I am to call you…how is it I have come to be a vampire, a servant, and one who has fallen from power as you have mentioned?" his eyes looked earnestly into the other pair, something making him want to look into the mind and soul illuminating them with his passion and life. He believed that he wasn't human…he didn't feel like he was. He felt corrupt, sinful…he felt like he was torn and worn with time, but he could not remember any of it…only drifting feelings that rose and fell periodically. "And, my Master, I would like to know more about you. Are you human?" The strength he saw in the man made him unsure of whether he was a vampire or not. He guessed he wasn't, voicing it aloud.

The large, innocent eyes and words from the vampire disgusted Hellsing and he threw the body into the stones with spite. "You…you really do not remember…" he slowly regained control of himself.

"No."

The eyes of the vampire still wrenched he man's gut, made him practically livid and revolted at the vampire and himself. He gazed coldly down at the unshaken being. "I don't trust your word."

He left the vampire in complete darkness.

*~:***:~*

Abraham opened the door of the dungeon. Only a few hours had managed to pass before his curiosity and persistent remnants of hope of the vampire regaining his memory and expressing his horror at the misfortune he has fallen prey to made him return to the dungeon. Two red orbs glinted in the light that was drawn into them when the door had opened. The vampire was silent.

"Slave…" he addressed the vampire, but did nothing more, waiting for the response to answer his hope's legitimacy.

The vampire didn't say anything and Abraham began to say something, but stopped as a voice reached him.

"Master."

The slave observed the anger that flashed like a single bolt of lightning through his eyes and body, making him jerk.

"Why are you so angry when I call you that? Am I not your slave and are you not my master?"

"No, those are true…"

"Then why?"

Abraham grimaced at the innocence that didn't belong in the vampire. "Never mind…" he looked the vampire over, blood still stained his torn garments.

The vampire saw the image reflected from his master's eyes. "I was wondering about that as well."

His eyes narrowed, still suspicious of the vampire. He growled in utmost disgust and left the creature to the mercy of isolated darkness.

"Master?" the vampire whispered and heard his voice as it was swallowed by the cold stones that contained his world. "Why do you hate me so?" he pondered in silence and felt the darkness slowly suck his life-force away.

*~:***:~*

Abraham couldn't bring himself to think of his failure and he condemned the vampire to the dungeon, without visiting him for weeks. He could almost forget about his slave at times, now. But with the visit of his former student, John Seward, the vampire remained at the front of his mind.

"How did this…magic of yours go?" John disapproved of the use of the word magic, as a scientist he hated the word, but with the existence of vampires…..magic was not something of mere fantasy.

Abraham groaned, startling the younger man. "I guess it served its purpose…but it cut out all of the fun."

"Fun?" the sadistic side in Abraham had been made clear on sparse occasions, otherwise he was quite a forgiving and likable man.

"There is a connection, and I can restrict and control the vampire….but," he sighed. "He's forgotten everything."

"Like amnesia?"

"Yes…a severe case." Hellsing groaned again and buried his head in his arm. "He didn't even know he was a vampire."

"What?" John cried out and stood up. He sat down immediately, a little perturbed with his lack of self control. "He must be lying."

"That's what I thought, and I've left him in the cell since he woke up…a few weeks ago. I couldn't tell if he was lying before, the bond….makes me inclined to think he wasn't."

"Weeks? Won't he die?"

"He's not dead…I can feel that he's still there." he sat up and then rested his head in his hands, his elbows on the table. He paused, looking at the arrangement of fruit in front of him. "Its maddening….I can feel his emotions spread over my own at times….I can feel two heart beats in my chest sometimes even…" he turned to his young and confused friend."Would you like to see for yourself?"

*~:***:~*

John was hesitant about walking into the darkness, so Abraham handed him the candle in his hand not holding the keys that were still lodged in the lock.

The vampire's features had become gaunt, but his eyes weren't touched by the hunger that ravaged the rest of his body, though they had something that was not as strong in Abraham's memory.

"Nothing to say, Slave?" John flinched at the term and cautiously walked closer to the vampire as Hellsing continued to do so.

The vampire left Abrham's words to hang in the air, unanswered.

"I asked you a question, slave." More force was added to his voice this time and he glared coldly at the vampire.

"Anything and everything I seem to say appears to aggravate you…I would rather spare myself that and rot in this darkness."

Both of the men were alarmed by the tinge of hostility and the strength of the would be weak voice with the state the vampire was in.

"Watch how you talk to me, Slave." Abraham spat, and the vampire's eyes narrowed. "You didn't address me as Master either."

"Why do you want me to call you that? That's what made your anger rise the most. You even tried to hurt me." John looked at Abraham whose face was undecipherable. "I can tell you hate me…so why do you wish to make me your slave, Master?"

Abraham could sense John's incredulousness, and he acknowledged the dramatic change and the unthinkable act of the No Life King calling anyone Master was hard to imagine.

"Who is your friend, Master?" the vampire noticed that his master wasn't being angered by his words at the moment, and risked asking the question to quench his curiosity.

Abraham recognized the interest in the vampire's expression. He would be curious…he had no memory of seeing anyone other than himself before.

"John Seward." John jumped when his name was mentioned. "I have a few other friends that you should already be acquainted with." Abraham's eyes analyzed the vampire.

"Alright." The slave didn't look away from his master. "I'll tell you if any of them sound familiar…so you don't have to glare at me, Master."

Abraham frowned but continued to list off a few names. "Arthur Holmwood…Lucy Westernra…Renfield…Jonathon Harker" he watched the vampire's face closely. "…Mina Murray."

"Why did you put emphasis on the last name?"

Abraham sighed. Nothing. No response from any of the names. His ignorant though sharp slave annoyed him, but also created a new possibility…

"Never mind, it's nothing all that important…" he bent over the vampire and started to unhook and unwrap the array of straps and buckles that made up the restraints on his slaves arms.

"What are you doing, Abraham?" John's worried tone didn't slow Abraham down as he released the vampire.

The vampire's eyes were wide with surprise.

"Why are you…?" the red eyes searched the blue ones that weren't looking at him for once.

"If I leave you down here for much longer you'll die." He stated frankly. "Even you should realize that."

*~:***:~*

"Even if you want to feed me…why did you bring me up here?" the vampire paced around the table that still held the empty tea cups and plates left over from Abraham and John. "The dungeon would have sufficed, Master."

"Would you rather be in there than up here?" Abraham growled.

"No. Up here is good." The vampire said quickly and then his eyes began to look at the arranged fruit center piece.

"I'll arrange someone to kill or bring some form animal here." Abraham opened the door and stuck his head out to say something to someone.

John eyed the vampire until he turned and looked back at John. John glared in response and then took his revenge on a pear, plucking it from the center piece.

Abraham could feel the dark aura of loathing emitting from John who tore into the pear. He glanced at the confused vampire.

"Even you hate me…is it because I'm a vampire?" the master glared at his slave to not pursue the subject.

"The animal will arrive in an hour…." Abraham began.

"Do I have to drink blood?" the vampire cut in, and then noticed his mistake and sat down in a chair, looking at the placemat to try and disperse the awkward atmosphere.

"Don't interrupt me." Abraham paused, thinking of the absurd question. "Of course a vampire drinks blood."

Abraham continued to blather on about specific rules, such as not eating the servants or killing people in any other way. He would feed on animal blood or human blood if the chance or need arose. Other details were addressed, and eventually the vampire's attention traveled to the fruit again.

He noticed his master had stopped talking to him and was now focused on John.

Some noise slowly made its way into the two men's conversation and they glanced in the direction of the vampire.

"What the hell are you doing?" Abraham demanded, more surprised than angry.

The vampire had been munching on an apple as the men had spoken, and now the apple had a dozen or more puncture marks.

"Am I not allowed to? He ate a pear." He indicated John who was sitting and gaping at the vampire with a slight smile coming across his face.

The vampire looked at the apple and then at his master. "I don't think you'll really want me to put this back, Master. It'll ruin the display."

"You shouldn't even feel inclined to eat that!" Abraham stood up and the vampire flinched and drew into the chair as the man advanced in his direction.

"I'm sorry. Here." He handed the fruit out to Abraham who stopped, staring at the mutilated fruit.

John let out a laugh as Abraham scowled and sat down.

"Don't complain if it makes you sick."

The vampire took this as an initiative to continue with the apple. The crunching sounds of the fangs piercing the crisp fruit filled the room. Abraham felt the slight wave of pleasure that the content vampire felt from the sugar entering his system, and he scoffed.

"It's like I've adopted a child," He put his head in his arms, crossed on the table, and groaned in frustration. "… a stupid child at that."

John on the other hand watched the vampire with interest. The vampire noticed and looked at the human while he bit into the apple, occasionally liking the juices that oozed out.

"I'm not going to give you any." The apple vampire bit into his apple for emphasis.

John hit the table and buried his face in his arm to muffle his hysterical laughter. Abraham groaned again.

Neither noticed the vampire had gotten up until they heard the door open.

"Hey!" Abraham sat up and began to get out of his seat while John looked up.

"He was knocking for a while…." The vampire held the door open and the two men could see a surprised servant observe his master's strange behavior.

"The er…animal will be here shortly."

"Yes. Good, now go." Abraham waved his servant away, and the vampire watched him leave.

"Close the door, Slave."

The vampire closed the door and sat down, and began to worry his mushy apple. "Don't I have a name?"

The sudden question caught Abraham off guard. "Uh…yeah…" he shook his head, rubbing his temples to ward away the oncoming migraine. "You did…I renamed you though."

"When? What is it?"

"I haven't told you it yet…Alucard. I picked the name Alucard."

The vampire frowned. "That's not even a real name…is it?"

The man returned the frown. "It is now that I've come up with it."

The vampire returned a familiar scoff that made Hellsing raise his eyebrows.

*~:***:~*

"What the hell is this?" Alucard stared dumbly at the goat. "I am not eating that."

"Yes you are." Abraham looked the animal over. "We'll just drain the blood."

Alucard grimaced as they brought over a basin and a large, curved knife. "This is disgusting I will…" the vampire went rigid as the blood spilled, his eyes dilating, frightening the servants dealing with the poor goat.

"You are my slave…you are not to hurt anyone unless I say you can." Abraham told the vampire for a second time, reminded of his deadliness as his vampiric nature showed itself. The vampire nodded but couldn't remove his eyes from the blood and he edged closer to the basin, ready to take it up and drink right out of the bulky container.

"Stop." Abraham commanded, nervous at the vampire's behavior. A pressure constricted his heart and Alucard yelped and fell to the ground gasping.

Abraham and John looked down at the vampire who clutched at his chest, a sheen of blood sweat breaking out on his face.

Abraham grinned madly. John's face remained blank.

"Don't do that." Alucard was still clutching his chest.

"You don't order me, Slave." Abraham's voice was cold and Alucard looked up and his eyes widened a little.

"Sorry…Master."

The first glass of blood was pure ecstasy and his drank with his eyes closed, not caring that he was restricted to sitting on the ground or that the sun stung his eyes and made him uncomfortable. He drank another and another, Abraham watching with an odd smile, while John had to turn away.

Abraham could see the strength returning to the vampire as he lost the gaunt shadows from his features. But he was disturbed from the pleasure he felt traveling to him from the bond he had with the vampire.

Alucard took his fourth glass and the basin was removed. Abraham looked at Alucard's distressed face and laughed darkly, explaining that it would be saved for later, though it wouldn't taste as good then. The vampire silently sipped his last glass of blood, trying to be thankful for what he had gotten.

*~:***:~*

The vampire reached and took a pear, biting it. He froze, and Abraham wondered if he was finally going to get sick from eating the fruit. The vampire seemed to be deep in thought. This time he bit a chunk of the fruit off and tried to swallow it. He couldn't and choked.

"You're supposed to chew." Abraham watched as the vampire did as he had advised and then swallowed.

Alucard smiled slightly, but then his face became green. "This fruit…I don't like this one…." he leaned forward. "I think I'm going to throw up."

While Alucard was busy, a knock came from the front door and a servant called on Abraham to see if he wanted to welcome the guests. From the second floor, Abraham watched two figures walk into the entrance hall. It was Jonathon and Mina. Abraham greeted them warmly, pausing afterwards to bite his lip in thought.

"What is it, Abraham?" Jonathon watched his friend's behavior with uneasiness.

"It's perfectly safe right now, but I have no doubt that it will be extremely uncomfortable for Mina and yourself here at the moment." Abraham half muttered to himself.

"What do you mean?" Mina spoke up, wary of the circumstances for their visit. "Did everything not go well for the imprisonment or curse you spoke of before? Where is….the Count, Abraham?"

"He's….well…." Abraham snapped his fingers impatiently as he thought of a way to begin effectively. "The curse that was meant to allow me to completely control him…it was a success."

"Good." Jonathon spoke up.

"Yes. But there was a side effect…on him not myself, fortunately." Abraham hesitated. "He's forgotten, I can easily say, everything about himself and about us. He's more like a child than anything else right now."

Mina could only gasp.

"What? So…" Jonathan shook his head, unable to picture Dracula in such a state. "…what have you done with him? He's in the dungeon, right?"

"That's the part I meant when I said it wouldn't be comfortable for you here." Abraham looked up at the second floor, seeing a shadow come towards the railing.

John peered over the wooden rail, clearly surprised to see the couple, but also anxious at their presence.

"John? You're here?" Jonathon smiled, reassured to see his friend. He frowned as he noticed how distracted John was.

"Where is he?" Mina said, her voice a little unsteady, gazing at the second level.

"He's up there with John." Abraham muttered.

Another head appeared over the rail. Both of the guests gasped and Mina began to tremble even though Jonathon stood before her protectively.

He was different, even they could tell. Mina was afraid more of his memory than of the man who stood above her and looked down at her now. "He's different." Mina muttered, fear fading into wonder.

Abraham saw no recognition in Alucard's eyes, only awareness. He had recovered from being sick already, Abraham noted. The man wanted to find out how the vampire had managed to get the toxins out, without losing his vitality as his eyes were bright and wide like a child's again, but that would have to wait.

Alucard started down the stairs, but John grabbed the back of his shirt and tried to convince him not to. Alucard looked from John to his master. Abraham sighed.

"Can he come down here, or would you rather keep some distance…?"

"It..It's fine Abraham." Mina said slowly, without taking her eyes off of the vampire.

The vampire heard them and started down the stairs after Mina's approval.

"This is Jonathon and Mina…I mentioned them before so their names should be familiar." Abraham was aware that the vampire was only a foot or two away from his guests as Alucard stood next to him, a little behind him though. Alucard's eyes ran over the guests, noting the woman's hesitation and the man's hostility.

"So you know me too?" the vampire's question unnerved the man and he glared at Alucard.

"Unfortunately, you're hard to forget." He growled.

Alucard's eyes brows rose and his eyes widened. He smiled slightly. "So what have I done? All of you have had the same reactions towards greeting me, for what I can remember as being the first time…"

"Quiet. This is an unnecessary discussion." Abraham ordered, feeling hesitant about the thought of the vampire learning about his identity and perhaps regaining his memories…it may put his friends in danger.

"Sorry, Master." Alucard inclined his head slightly.

The other two were amazed. Abraham had really succeeded…he controlled the Count as his slave, just as he had promised them. They continued to watch Alucard as they walked into the sitting room.

"So…you two are going to be married soon?" Abraham began.

"Yes," Mina chirped in. "In a month or so." She glanced in Alucard's direction. Abraham noticed.

"This is Alucard." He gestured towards the vampire who sat in a chair near him.

"Alucard? You named him?" Jonathon said in surprise. "An anagram?"

"Anagram?" Alucard muttered to himself, startling the others and Abraham turned his attention to him swiftly.

"The reverse of my previous name…"

"That can be discussed later." Abraham cut in, he gave a sharp look to Jonathon.

Jonathon looked disgusted at his friend. "If you believe he's this unstable, how the hell can you let him into your house. You know we all apposed of this anyway, you should have…."

"That's quite enough Jonathon." John cut in before Abraham. "You should respect his choice since he was the one in the position of making it, not you or any of us."

Jonathon looked at John sharply, and then sighed seeing his friends imploring face. "Fine….There are other matters to discuss. There was talk of having the wedding here, but we've decided against it now, we'll be holding it in a church."

Abraham noted the edge in his friend's voice.

"If I'm the cause of your behavior," Alucard addressed Jonathon who started. "I can leave the room." Alucard got up and no one stopped him.

"Is that safe?" Jonathon said in alarm after he snapped out of his daze.

"Yes, I know where he is and I can tell what he's doing….It should be fine…" Abraham mumbled the last bit.

"Why say it like that?" Jonathon sat up straighter and Mina looked concerned.

"No." Abraham waved his hand to calm them down. "The only one I afraid he might hurt is himself."

"Why are you concerned about something like that?" disbelief made Jonathon's voice louder than usual.

"He's… unused to being a vampire…I guess I could explain it like that." An unbelieving look from his guests prompted him to continue. "He does things he shouldn't do to himself, like trying to eat human foods."

John chuckled in the background, remembering the humorous experience.

"It's like letting a child run around in a chemistry lab….he's going to end up poisoning himself." Abraham ran his hand through his hair and he looked tired. "Again."

"He already did?" Mina said in surprise, amused by the information. It somehow calmed her nerves.

"He ate an apple…in a way, but then he tried to actually eat and swallow a pear and it made him sick."

John laughed into his hand. "We should make him do it again." He continued to chuckle.

Jonathon seemed to approve of poisoning the Count, but not of John's humor.

"He was hungry then…he shouldn't be as hungry now." Abraham said casually.

"Hungry? How are you controlling that situation?" Jonathon's face was a little pale.

"Animal blood…..he doesn't remember human blood, so as long as he isn't exposed to it…it should be fine."

*~:***:~*

"Where do I sleep?" Alucard paced the length of his master's bedroom. He had been spared sleeping in the dungeon.

"On the floor, anywhere you deem comfortable…."

Alucard hoped on his bed.

"…other than my bed."

Alucard frowned and got off. He wandered around the room as his master left to bathe and then came back in nightclothes. Abraham found Alucard asleep in his reading chair. He circled the vampire once, drinking in the odd sight, before he settled in his own bed.

He fell asleep slowly, but once he did he only slept for an hour before Alucard woke him up by staring at him, their faces only inches apart.

"What?" Abraham growled, drowsy.

Alucard was silent, but Abraham was shocked awake when Alucard rested his head on his stomach and clutched his nightshirt. He moved to push the vampire away, but stopped as he felt a wave of pain from the bond and Alucard whimpered and shivered.

"What is it?" he sat up as much as he could without moving the vampire. Alucard didn't answer, but buried his head deeper into his master's shirt.

"Did you eat something weird again?"

Alucard whispered something unintelligible.

"I can't help you if I can't hear you." He was annoyed by the whole thing. A vampire shouldn't act the way he does….Abraham thought.

"I'm….so cold." Alucard continued to shiver as Abraham froze. "My body…hurts…I don't know why." The whispers were broken with pauses.

Abraham moved the vampire off of him, hearing a weak protest, and lit a gas lamp, returning to the bed.

The vampire's hair was white. That was the first thing he noticed. When he touched Alucard's skin, his hand recoiled from the cold, his nerves continuing to scream after the contact was broken. His research on vampires was minimum and he didn't know if they were naturally this cold but he was sure that they were usually immune to extremes in temperature. His hand had been dyed red.

"Damn….your body's rejecting the animal blood." He cursed silently to himself. He would have to provide a source of human blood for Alucard now…

"There weren't any problems…earlier." Alucard managed, confused.

"It's night now, when your body is most active….the blood probably hadn't spread to the same organs during the day or it had not been digested thoroughly…" Abraham mumbled in thought. "I don't think there's anything to do other than to sit it out."

Alucard groaned. "Oh joy." He grinned sheepishly. "Does that mean…I can sleep…on your bed, Master?"

"What?" Abraham said dumbly….sleep affecting his thought process.

"Sick people…privileges." Alucard chuckled and then whimpered.

Abraham groaned into his hands and then glared at the vampire with irritation and humor. "Fine."

He made to get up but stopped, feeling another wave of pain from the vampire. He laid down and surprised the vampire by moving him back to the position he had chose himself after he woke his master.

"Sick people are annoying." Abraham closed his eyes and ruffled Alucard's hair, noticing how the vampire instantly stopped shivering. Abraham looked to his stomach and saw the vampire close to falling asleep. He stopped petting him and the vampire's eyes opened a bit, but closed when the hand returned. The vampire nuzzled against him and gripped his shirt, tightening the grip when a new flash of pain hit him.

He was going to have to look up the spell he used to create the bond….or do more research on vampires.

Time passed and eventually Abraham fell asleep again.

When he woke up in the morning his body instinctively pushed the vampire away from his throat where it had rested its head and was sleeping. Hitting the floor with a thud, the vampire remained on the ground, disoriented.

"I guess you're feeling better?"

"I was." Alucard rubbed his head, it had made contact with the wooden floor.

"What were you doing?" Abraham was aggravated at having been surprised by the vampire and at having slept in the same bed with him.

"Sleeping." The vampire yawned, white fangs in full view for a moment.

Abraham decided to ignore his slave and he got up, rummaging through his book shelf. They contained books he was hoping to read and books that he had recently read. He soon found one on vampires' eating habits. Glancing through it he threw it to the floor in frustration as it only told him information he had already known. A small pile of books accumulated. Eventually Abraham ran out of books to throw and he glared at Alucard as if it was his fault that he couldn't consume the animal blood.

"Put these away." Abraham ordered Alucard and he moved to his closet door and closed himself inside.

Alucard began to put the books away. He had difficulty figuring out what order they should be in and decided categorize them by topic. He was becoming lightheaded by the time his master came out of the closet fully dressed.

Abraham noticed his discomfort, but ignored it and left the room to inquire about his own breakfast and then to roam his personal library. Alucard eventually wandered into the library and plopped into one of the sitting chairs and closed his eyes. Abraham looked up and then continued his searching. By noon, Abraham had to get back to his normal work and he left Alucard asleep in the library.

Abraham could still feel that he was asleep in the same chair three hours later, so he decided it would be okay to leave him there and to go visit John. He returned from his friend's house with two vials of his blood and then two of his own that he had decided to draw outside the presence of the starving vampire.

Abraham found Alucard dully sucking on an apple in his kitchen, unnerving his servants with his watchful eyes.

At least he didn't eat any of them, Abraham felt guilty about leaving his servants in such a dangerous position. First he made Alucard spit out the apple and berated him for putting such a thing in his mouth after the experience he had from the previous night. Then Abraham led him upstairs to his room again and set out the vials. He handed one to the vampire who looked at it without interest.

"Drink it…this won't make you sick."

Alucard unscrewed the cap, and as the sent wafted into his face a hideous grin warped his face, making Abraham start. The vampire downed the blood and liked the insides of the vile with his sharp tongue. It was altogether a disagreeable experience for the human.

Alucard waited for another but it never came.

Abraham put the rest in a drawer. "You don't need any more for now."

"But I'd like some…." Alucard's eyes were bright.

"No." Abraham growled, alert. His anxiety rose as the vampire's features became more appropriate to his nature. "No!"

Alucard fell to the floor, clutching his chest again. His fingers found the leg of a nightstand and he gripped it. The wood seemingly exploded and the stand lent in his direction. The gas lamp tipped and broke against his head. Blood painted his face and melded into his wide eyes.

"I'm sorry Master." His features had appeared to have their more childlike qualities once more. Abraham walked away from him with extant disgust and apprehension. Alucard got up and grabbed his sleeve. "Master, I'm…"

Abraham swiped his hand away. "Don't touch me, Slave." He left Alucard in the middle of the room, growling as his slave's hurt feelings traveled to him. "Clean that up by the time I get back." He called over his shoulder before disappearing down the stairs.

Alucard's depression worsened as he spent the rest of the day alone in the corner of the room, hugging his knees and staring at the broken leg of the nightstand he had attempted to prop up with a large volume. He drifted in and out of sleep.

*~:***:~*

When he came up into the room, the sun was still setting but he was beyond exhaustion after his disrupted sleep last night and he kicked off his shoes before drawing the covers over himself. He glanced towards the bookcase and saw Alucard, sleeping with his head resting against the bookshelf in the corner of the room. He turned his back, coldly, to the vampire and fell asleep.

Hours later Alucard woke up, completely alert. In the darkness he saw his master's rising and falling breaths. He watched for a few minutes, becoming bored he got up and wandered about the room. He silently open the closet door and walked in, after the rest of the room had been rummaged through. He gasped as light reflected off of the shiny instruments on one side of the walk in closet. The other only contained a row of clothes on hangers.

He wanted to touch them…they were dazzling to his eyes and he reached out. The silver burned his skin and Alucard jumped back and pressed himself against the clothes, startled at the effect the metal had on his skin. He looked at his blackened hand that began to heal and the burnt skin detached itself from his fingers.

"Master…?" he whispered in horror. "What is this?"

*~:***:~*


	2. Chapter 2

It was morning and rest had done wonders for relieving Abraham's stress. He sat up, a smile about to form on his features when he saw Alucard sitting in the reading chair, his eyes darkened with brooding thoughts.

"Slave…what…?" he began, his morning's mood ruined by the vampire. "What are you doing?"

"I didn't need to sleep last night. That would be expected, right? I spent most of the day sleeping." His eyes slowly moved to Abraham's. "I took the liberty of doing some research on vampires, Master."

"What?" Abraham realized just what kind of information he had left available to his slave.

"I found out a few things, like how a vampire drinks human blood but depending on whether the human is a virgin or not, the bitten human becomes a vampire or a ghoul, and how vampires sleep during the day and burn under the sun." his eyes flashed, making Hellsing's narrow. "I found that vampires can die from decapitation, a stake through the heart, fire, sunlight, starvation, that a crucifix burns or steals a vampire's strength, and…" he paused, looking more intently at Abraham."…silver burns a vampire's flesh and prevents or slows regeneration."

Abraham gasped and he turned to the open doors of the closet. The discovery of a vampire's weakness against silver…he had been the one to uncover the convenient fact. "You went in there!" Abraham threw back the covers and stalked over to Alucard, seething with his outrage. The vampire was expressionless.

"I also learned what hunt vampires. And, Master…" he looked up at Abraham who towered over him now. "…I believe you are one of them. You hunt and kill vampires…correct? Why don't you kill me? I'm…."

"You know nothing of what you are and what I am as a hunter!" Abraham yelled, making Alucard wince. "You are a monster! I am your master who chooses when you'll die or what purpose you shall serve until I kill you!"

"So what will you have me do, Master?"

Alucard's eyes were cold, though they still lacked their predatory qualities, and Abraham glared at him. "Whatever I want, Slave."

"Fine, Master. So I'll remain as your slave as you kill my kind. That is perfectly understandable, is it not?" Alucard started to stand up. "Most of those instruments didn't appear to be very effective for killing in any humane way." His face was below Abraham's, but close enough to enforce an intimidating, uncomfortable feeling. "Master, do you torture vampires? Do you like pain? Are you…a monster, Master? Those instruments sent shivers up my spine, and you call me the monster? Then what name would be left for you? Or are men something darker than monsters?" Abraham's eyes flashed and he snapped. He struck Alucard across the face, tearing the skin on his knuckles with the force, sending the vampire into the chair. When Alucard lifted his face, blood ran from his left eye and the skin on his cheek was ripped. But his eyes frightened Abraham for a breathless moment. They burned with thirst and hatred. Some of the old Dracula was resurfacing.

Abraham automatically ran to the closet, but Alucard grabbed him and threw him to the ground. His blood dripped onto Abraham as his face hung above the man's. "You are a cruel, vile man, Master." He whispered, sending a shiver down Abraham's spine. "I don't understand many things right now, but I know what pain is. Giving it to others in the manner that can be imagined by the design of those…" his faced lent closer to Abraham's neck. "Maybe…you just need to taste what it's like to be at the mercy of your enemy…"

"NO!" Abraham yelled, ripping into their connection. Alucard fell away from him, and didn't get up. "Slave, you will learn to never…." He looked at the vampire again, finding something was off. Suddenly Alucard gasped and started breathing again. Wide eyes looked up at Abraham.

"You…destroyed it." He whispered, coughing up blood into his palm.

"What did I do to you?" Abraham stood over his slave with interest.

"You…destroyed my heart." Alucard coughed. "That's an understatement. It was obliterated." His body shivered and twitched, life returning to his limbs.

A cruel smile stretched across Abraham's face. He grasped the long locks of the vampire's hair and crushed his face against the floor. "Never question me again, Slave!" he barked, pressing Alucard's face into the floor with more force. "I am a man and you are a vampire! Men kill vampires because they are monsters whose existences are blasphemous and damned. You yourself are a monster, Slave. You have killed hundreds of thousands of humans! You are right that I should kill you, and I may." Abraham wrenched the vampire's face back so that the wide eyes stared into his own. "I could even do so now, but I won't because I choose not to. You have no power or possession over your life, Slave. You exist due to my whim!" Dropping the vampire, Abraham stood up, pleased when Alucard remained lying on the floor. "Vampires are monsters. I have seen them rip children in half. They have forgotten that they were ever one of them."

"A child?" a quiet voice drifted from the floor. "They kill children and were children?"

"Yes…" Abraham said slowly, going over what he had said to the vampire. "What exactly do you know about the behavior or existence of vampires."

"I was…more interested in the topic concerning hunters…Master." Alucard muttered.

Alucard's silence quieted Hellsing's rage. "Maybe I should educate you on what you are, Slave."

"I would like that."

After a moment, Abraham sighed and sat in the chair, pausing when he noticed the vampire remained positioned on the floor. "Sit up." Once Alucard had done so, he continued. "A vampire is a man who has died but remains to walk the night and to prey upon the living. They supposedly burn under the sun, but you have experienced the sun and were unharmed…."

"Why is that?"

Abraham glared at him in annoyance. "Don't interrupt. You are not the same as other vampires." He stopped to organize his thoughts. "Vampires drain bodies of blood, generally leaving behind ghouls or mangled corpses. Only virgins can become vampires."

"Master, are you a…"

"Don't even ask the question, vampire." Abraham massaged his temples and groaned at the similar characteristics shared between his slave and a child. "Vampires, to my knowledge, cannot reproduce, but they can make other vampires out of humans, and a connection exists between them until the created vampire drinks its creator's blood."

"So vampires were all alive at one point in time?"

"Yes. I made that clear, now stop interrupting or I'll stop."

"I'll stop." Alucard said quickly, displaying another child-like characteristic.

"There isn't much more to say." Abraham sighed. "That's why I'm trying to continue my research. I'm sure you read some of my journals and that's how you found out the details on silver's effect on vampires." He looked at Alucard as an obvious question weighed on his mind. He ignored him and got up, stretching his arms over his head.

"That's it?"

"Yes." He glanced at Alucard out of the corner of his eye.

Alucard was staring at the floor, ashamed for his brash behavior and annoyed at how little he had learned. "I'm sorry, Master."

Abraham stared at Alucard for a moment, and then closed the doors of the closet. After getting dressed, he walked downstairs. Alucard followed him, rousing an inquiring look from over the man's shoulder, but his presence was ignored. Abraham ate his breakfast, trying to forget Alucard by occupying his thoughts with a pile of documents. Soon the topic demanded his attention and he left for the library, reading as he walked. Hours passed as he engrossed himself in work and he only remembered Alucard when he was searching through the titles in his library and a sudden change in direction made him run into the vampire. He started and backed away from him, amazed at how he had not noticed that Alucard had been with him the entire day.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing."

"Well…" Abraham huffed, annoyed at the vampire's persistence. "Occupy yourself…read or something. Just stop following me around." He left the library and smiled with relief when Alucard stayed behind. Abraham received his lunch outside, enjoying the last few, somewhat, warm days before winter arrived. He went back to the library and frowned when he found the vampire in his favorite seat. Hellsing was about to demand that he move, but Abraham stopped. Alucard was asleep with a book on his lap, his head resting in his hand, propped on the armrest. Abraham knocked the vampire's arm from under his head and the vampire's face almost collided with the arm of the chair before he woke up and caught himself.

"Move. That's my seat."

Alucard got up, somewhat disoriented. "What about me?"

"Sit on the floor for all I care." He raised his eyebrows when Alucard sat up against the side of the chair and closed his eyes. The next time Abraham looked at the vampire, he was asleep. "Wake up."

"I'm tired." Alucard murmured and he shifted his position and rested his head on Abraham's leg, making the man growl and push him away with his leg.

"I don't want you wandering about my house when I'm asleep."

"Then sleep during the day."

"I'm human."

"I'm a vampire."

Hellsing glared at the red eyes that watched him, alert now.

"I'm your master."

Alucard was silent, then he sighed. "You won." He got up and sat on the armrest and peered at the papers in Abraham's hands. "What are you doing?"

"Work."

"What kind of work?" Hellsing looked up at Alucard with a tired expression.

"Why do you have to ask so many questions?"

"I want to know, therefore I ask."

Abraham caught himself just about to laugh. "That doesn't mean you'll get an answer."

"Would you like me to do more than ask?"

Abraham had an amused smile. "And what would that be?" The vampire took the papers from him. When Abraham noticed he growled and reached out for them, but Alucard retreated to the other side of the room, beginning to read the papers.

"The Queen? Of England?" Alucard looked at Abraham. "Are we in England? It would make sense since we are both speaking English."

"Yes, yes, and yes." He sighed and extended his hand. "Return my papers."

Alucard pretended that he didn't hear, but a mischievous smile gave him away.

"Now!'

Alucard started and handed them to Abraham immediately.

"Good." Abraham grumbled and realigned the edges of the papers.

"When are you going to see the Queen?"

"You read that far?" Abraham didn't look up, he was intent on finding the paragraph stating the invitation. He knew it was there, he just hadn't read it yet.

"It was a complaint that you turned down the last invitation a month ago."

"And whose fault do you think that is?" the dark voice confused Alucard.

"Um…could it possibly have been mine, Master?"

Abraham realized his mistake. "Never mind. I was just preoccupied."

Alucard was silent and Abraham cursed his stupidity. "Do something else, other than bother me when I'm trying to work." He ordered, crossing his legs and focusing on the letter and papers piled underneath it.

The squeaking of wheels made his look up and he watched Alucard climb up the ladder after pushing it along the rail attaching it to the bookcase. Shaking his head, Abraham tried to focus on what had been so interesting to him earlier, but he found himself watching for Alucard's humanlike characteristics. He didn't seem at all like a vampire, Abraham realized, and then his face darkened with the memory of that morning. No, Alucard was definitely a vampire.

He saw Alucard's face brighten when he found whatever he was looking for, and he jumped off the ladder, landing without making a sound. His eyes met Abraham's. "Can I use this?"

"Use?" Abraham blinked, taking a closer look at the leather bound book.

"It's blank."

Abraham recognized it as one of his journals. "Why?"

"To write in it."

"I know that." He frowned, somewhat irritated. "What for?"

"To take notes. I want to write down anything I find out about vampires from your journals or from myself."

The man stiffened in his chair. "Are you remembering things?"

"No. I'm a vampire, so I should be able to write more detailed observations about them than you could have."

"You're not normal, so you aren't the prime specimen for learning about vampires." He relaxed and then tensed again. "Where are you going?"

Alucard was already at the door. "The journals I'm interested in are in your room."

"Oh." Abraham continued, eager to get rid of the vampire. "Go ahead."


	3. Chapter 3

Abraham opened the door, having already eaten his dinner and having enjoyed the quiet peace left in the absence of his slave. He found his vampire asleep in the familiar chair again, several journals piled around him and on the coffee. Abraham growled and put his hand on Alucard's shoulder to shake him awake, but the journal filled with spidery writing caught his attention. Abraham flipped through the pages, finding the beginning.

_Known definition of a vampire- a monster, myself, that sustains their lifeless existence on the blood of humans. They may live forever if their lives are not ended by with the exploitation of their multiple weaknesses by the hands of a Man. Powers that would never be possible for a human comes with being undead, such as regeneration and the ability to manipulate animals and their own body. Shape means nothing as their body can distort to form any species imaginable. Complete control over the existence of their body, a vampire may even cast aside the illusion of life and may become darkness itself, as so this can be applied to myself only, with the lack of another sample to compare to…._

Abraham stopped, stunned by the unknown information. What had his slave been doing to have found all of this out? He nudged the vampire face with his elbow as he continued to read. Now he found more familiar observations and a detailed recount on the effect one of the silver weapons had had on Alucard and then he frowned when the journal switched to a foreign alphabet.

"Stop that." Alucard grumbled and Abraham noticed he had continued to elbow the vampire's face after he had woke up.

"How did you find this out?"

Alucard looked at the journal sleepily. "Experimentation with my powers."

"The animals? The shadow shifting?" Abraham paused, rereading the first few lines. "You call yourself a monster?"

"That's what everyone else has told me I am." Fangs shone in the dull lighting when he yawned. "Am I in your seat again, Master?"

"No." the man murmured, still reading. He frowned with frustration. "How many languages do you speak?"

"I don't know…" Alucard got up and leaned over Abraham's shoulder to look at the journal.

"You keep on changing the language so it's hard to read." his face was creased with concentration. "There's German, Romanian, Turkish, French…there's even some Korean and Chinese." Abraham couldn't help but be somewhat impressed.

"I didn't really notice the different ones." Alucard attempted to ease the journal out of his master's hands but Abraham didn't lessen his grip. "If another language came to me…I noticed only after I had written a bit and then I would decide to continue for the rest of the paragraph. I found it as interesting as you do now, Master."

"Can you show me." Abraham said suddenly, confusing Alucard.

"Show you what? Writing…?"

"No, no." he shut the journal with a snap and turned around to face the vampire. "Show me some of the things you said you could do."

"You didn't know?" he blinked in surprise. Abraham sat in the chair, and waited expectantly.

"Go on, Slave."

Alucard hesitated.

"Then I'll help you." Abraham sighed. "Shift your shape."

"Into what?"

"Anything." Gritting his teeth, Abraham bit back his growing annoyance. He sat up in his chair and his eyes grew darker, reflecting the smoky shadow that his slave became for a moment before reforming as a lean, black dog with blood red eyes that stood out against the darkness of his lengthy coat. With his hand, Abraham signaled for the dog to come to his side. It rested its head on his knee and he scratched behind its ear, smiling with wonder as its tail began to wag and sweep across the floor. "Just like a dog…" he thought aloud to himself. Alucard closed his eyes, enjoying the calming touch. "But you still can't fall asleep." The hand left the dog's head and it whined in protest. "Shadows and shape shifting….now animals."

Alucard remained in the form of a dog and he padded over to the back of the bookcase, sniffing and sneezing when he breathed in a cloud of dust. A little grey mouse scampered out of the cloud and ran in front of Alucard and froze. Scooping the creature up in his palm, Alucard stood up in his normal form and returned to his master. Abraham was fascinated by the calmness of the mouse and how it curled up comfortably in the deathly cold hands. Instinct should have made the mouse try and escape, but it seemed content and peaceful, almost as if it were drugged. Alucard looked down at the mouse and beady black eyes turned up to him. Suddenly the mouse jumped onto Abraham who started, and it ran into the folds of his coat.

Abraham jumped up and started patting himself down, batting at the moving lump, and he glared at Alucard.

"You're going to kill it….just wait and watch." Alucard grabbed his sleeve and Abraham stopped and looked at Alucard before watching the lump again. He flinched as little claws ran up to his shoulder and then caught his ear to attempt climbing into his hair. Alucard sighed with disappointment and picked up the rodent and set it on Abraham's head. "That's what it was supposed to do."

Cringing with mild disgust, Abraham grabbed the mouse and went to put it on the ground, but stopped. "It should go outside."

Alucard took the mouse and put it down, watching it dart out of sight. "One won't hurt."

Abraham growled. "One will turn to two and then…"

"Then there would first have to be two." Alucard smirked and Abraham continued to grumble as he went to his closet.

"You sleep on the floor." A voice came from the closed doors.

"Why?"

"For infesting my house with vermin."

Alucard chuckled. "Didn't you do that when you brought me here?"

Abraham growled at him at he made his way to his bed. "That's why you sleep on the floor." He noticed the mirth fade from Alucard's face, and satisfied, Abraham went to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

"He's planning to kill you, you know."

Abraham turned to Jonathon with a frown. "And how do you know this?"

Jonathon gawked at him. "It's in his nature! He's a vampire! Not a pet and surely not a replacement for…"

"Jonathon!" John warned with a look of mild disgust. "You need to think before you make to any assumptions. Think about how you would feel if you were accused of what you were about to suggest."

Jonathon flinched and looked away from his friends as they sat around the table, supposedly enjoying their midday meal. He glared at the vampire who was standing by the wall, looking back at him. "What are you scheming?" Alucard's eyes flashed.

"I'm building an army of mice."

"See! I told…!" Jonathon began, whipping around to look at Abraham, but he stopped and turned back to Alucard. "Wait…what did you just say?"

"Beware." Alucard smiled, flashing his fangs.

John chuckled in his chair and Abraham hid a smile. Alucard laughed openly, making Jonathon's face turn red with embarrassment and anger. He took a bite of an apple to see if it would bother the vampire, remembering he had poisoned himself when trying to eat some fruit. Alucard continued to snicker and Jonathon decided to glare at Abraham.

"How is Mina?" Abraham asked, trying to change the subject.

Jonathon glanced at the vampire for a second before answering. "Good. The preparations for the wedding are coming along smoothly…meaning she's taken full control of everything and shoved me out of the way." He laughed good humouredly. "And so I've ended up here in your company. Not that I mind."

"What church have you decided on? You did say it would be in a church, right?" Abraham reclined more comfortably in his chair.

"St. Joan's church."

"The small one on the edge of town?" John began to eat his lunch again.

"It's quieter there, rather than in the city. Mina likes the clean, country air."

They continued their conversation and Alucard, recognizing his chance, snuck away to the more remote corner where one of Abraham's endless supplies of bookcases was positioned, accompanied by a reading chair. John spotted the vampire's absence after the grandfather clock struck three.

"Where'd he go?" John looked at the wall, catching the other men's attention.

Jonathon scowled at Abraham as he rose from his chair. "See, this behavior…"

"Relax, Jonathon." Abraham motioned for his friend to sit and calm down. "He hasn't left the room. Though…" he stood up and went to the corner where Alucard was curled up in the chair. "I told you that you aren't supposed to sleep during the day, you'll stay up…"

"…all night and roam about your household." Alucard finished, uncurling and sitting up.

Abraham looked at him for a second while Jonathon stood behind him, eyeing the vampire. "You're like a cat."

"Don't say that. The mice would hate me." Alucard joked, remaining seated.

"But I really need to get a cat. I don't favor the idea of little rodents scurrying about my kitchen."

Alucard was about to protest when Jonathon interrupted. "Wait." He looked at Alucard and then Abraham in confusion. "There's really an army of mice?"

"No." Abraham looked at him with concern. "That's absurd, Jonathon."

"Think before you start talking." Came John's voice and Jonathon's face became red again.

Suddenly a mouse scurried to the chair Alucard was sitting in, surprising the guests and making Abraham scowl. Alucard grinned and picked up the ball of fluff.

"I don't know why you hate them…or why you'd want a cat tearing them apart on your rugs." The vampire said, turning his hand so that the mouse could run from his palm to the back of his hand.

"You have a point…about the rugs…" Abraham watched for a while before taking the mouse. "This one…" he declared, holding the squeaking creature up. "…goes outside."

Alucard grumbled when Abraham briefly left the room.

"So, vampire." Alucard's eyes went to Jonathon who still stood before him. "What is your plan?"

"Was the army of mice not good enough for you?" John got up and joined them, leaning against the bookcase with his arms crossed. "There is no plan, Jonathon. Accept it."

"There has to be." Jonathon muttered glaring at Alucard's uncomprehending stare.

"Why?"

"Jonathon." John glanced at his friend so as to tell him not to answer Alucard's question.

"Because you're…" Jonathon stopped as Abraham entered the room. Abraham paused when he noticed the attention he'd received and the tense silence.

"What were you talking about?" He looked at Jonathon with suspicion.

"Nothing, as of yet." John sighed with relief and Abraham's eyes narrowed at Jonathon, showing some sign of frustration or disappointment. "Perhaps it's time for us to take our leave."

The men took their hats and coats from the servants waiting by the door. The door was opened and Jonathon paused when he saw the dark clouds and felt the frigid air. "We might have to post-pone the wedding." He said slowly, primarily to himself.

Abraham nodded in agreement. "A winter wedding in a church like St. Joan's wouldn't be very…pleasant."

The wind howled harder and the sun had already been blocked by the storm clouds.

"Maybe you should stay the night."

"I might have to take you up on that offer." John hesitated and then decided to remove and hand his coat back to the servant, along with his hat. "The carriage we took here wasn't exactly new."

"But, Mina…" Jonathon stared at the weather apprehensively.

"She'll assume you stayed because of the storm. She's a smart woman, Jonathon." Abraham took the worried man's coat and handed it to his servant. A sheet of rain broke on the cobblestones and thunder echoed from the heavens. Seconds later, lightening spiked through the sky and the door was immediately closed.

Jonathon stared wistfully at the door and then caught sight of Alucard who was also looking at the it. "Planning on escaping?" he leered.

Alucard gave him a blank expression. "I'd get wet."

"Humph." Jonathon turned away from him, deciding to glare at the picture on the wall.

"Well, I suppose I could amuse you all with card games and other such trivial things." Abraham led them to the library. "Or…" he stopped, surprising them. "I forgot that you know a couple of different languages, Jonathon. Could you translate something for me?"

Alucard's eyes widened slightly and he shook his head at Abraham, but no one took notice of the vampire.

"Fine, Abraham. But you'll owe me."


	5. Chapter 5

"What in blazes is this, Abraham?" Jonathon put the journal down and gawked at Hellsing who watched with interest.

His eyebrow rose. "What does it say?"

"I haven't read any of it yet…" Abraham looked disappointed. "…but what deranged…individual…decided to write something like this? It's impossible for any one man to know all of these different languages." He let out a sigh and took up the journal again. "It does have a lot of interesting information, but the way this person wrote it…it's just…delusional. He writes from the perspective of a vampire…."

Alucard slunk into the corner, kicking up a random dust bunny sticking out from under a rug. Abraham turned his attention from his slave back to the man reading the journal. John was leaning over Jonathon's shoulder to see what he could make of it, but he moved away when Jonathon complained about his shadow.

"It's insane…like some part of a twisted Wonderland story." Jonathon muttered, copying what he read on a piece of loose leaf paper, in English. "And it's absolutely random at times."

"Yes, but please translate it anyway." Abraham had taken John's old spot and he retreated when Jonathon glared at him in annoyance.

"This'll take a while, so play cards or something." He waved his hand at them as if they were bothersome children pestering him for attention.

John looked around to find his source of amusement and found Alucard in the corner, fingering the dust bunny with a down cast expression. John went and crouched in front of him. "What are you doing?"

Alucard blinked and looked at the dust and then at John. "I really have no idea."

John smiled but held back his amusement. "Randomness comes from boredom."

"Hm." The vampire looked at the loosened ball of dust and then back at Jonathon and his master who were illuminated by a lamp. "Master must be bored."

"Why?" John said with an anticipating spark in his eyes.

Alucard grumbled, stalling. "He's bringing out the journal to make fun of me."

Confusion dulled John's eyes and they traveled to Abraham for a moment. "What do you mean?"

"It's mine."

"What?" the man blinked.

"He let me have the journal and now he won't give it back…" he continued to grumble. "What is Wonderland anyway?"

Abraham and Jonathon started when they heard the roaring laughter and stared at John who was sitting in front of the vampire, his eyes beginning to water.

"Oh." Abraham frowned and then smiled a little.

"He's gone mad." Jonathon stated as if reaching a final conclusion of a long endured study, and then returned to the journal but couldn't concentrate. "What is it John?" he snapped, making the man laugh harder. Jonathon slammed the journal on the armrest and stalked over to the corner, gritting his teeth. He didn't mind his friends humor, he just disliked the idea of his sharing it with the vampire…

Alucard just stared at John in awe. "Why is that funny?"

"No…it's not the question…well, maybe a little." John finally calmed down. "It's…the other thing." He smiled at Jonathon, making him even crosser.

"What's so funny?" he scowled and gave a fleeting look at Abraham. "You too, what's funny?"

"The journal."

"What about it?" He turned to Abraham, frowning.

"Alucard can tell you." Abraham grinned at the vampire's devastated look.

"Why me?"

"What do you…? I don't want to ask him!" Jonathon stammered, but John cut in, pitying the vampire.

"He…"

"No, John. Let Alucard do it."

John stared at Abraham for a moment and shrugged. Jonathon fumed while Alucard looked for the missing dust bunny.

"Go on. I'm waiting." Hellsing said slowly, savoring the moment.

Sighing, Alucard gave up on the dust bunny and peered up at Jonathon. "I wrote the journal…yesterday."

Jonathon twitched and turned on Abraham. "Of course that would be the case." He left them.

"What are you doing?" Abraham was still smiling.

Jonathon picked up the journal and any remaining smiles faded. "I'll burn it."

"Wait..!" Abraham and John began as Jonathon moved towards the door, but the room fell into silence. Alucard was on the other side of the room, holding the journal while Jonathon's mouth was open, shocked and horrified at the stealth and speed of the vampire.

"It's mine." Alucard announced quietly, his eyes flicking from Jonathon to the floor nervously.

"You…!" Jonathon lunged for the journal stubbornly, and Alucard easily moved out of the way. After a few minutes, Jonathon was out of breath and the two men in the corner were thoroughly enjoying themselves. Jonathon glared at the top of the long shelf of books that stretched along the length of the library. "Get down here!" He panted. "Coward!"

"No." Alucard sat down and leaned over the edge, peering down at him. "I refuse and you can't make me."

Abraham stepped beside Jonathon, followed by John. Clapping a hand on Jonathon's shoulder, Abraham hid his grin. "Why don't you retire for the night?"

"Fine!" he stomped away but came back. "Where are we sleeping?" he asked more calmly.

"I'll show you to your rooms." Abraham led them out of the room, but Jonathon stopped before reaching the door and he glowered at Alucard.

"Where will he be?"

"Why?" Abraham and John had also stopped.

"I'll be sleeping under the same roof as him…" he didn't finish, having made his point.

"He'll be with me."

Both of the guests paused. "Eh?" Jonathon stared at him.

"He sleeps in my room." Abraham watched their dumbfounded expressions. "What?"

"Do you have a death wish, Hellsing?"

"Jonathon, he can't hurt me." Abraham sighed, bored.

"Where does he sleep?" Abraham looked at John out of the corner of his eye.

"Anywhere."

"Even your bed?"

"What?" Abraham scoffed with an odd smile, but he was spared from explaining himself as a loud thud distracted them.

Alucard had fallen off of the bookshelf, landing on his face. He looked up with blood trickling from a broken nose that was quickly reforming. "What?" he stared at John with mortified, wide eyes. "What are you saying?"

"Nothing." John said quickly, embarrassed, and left the room. Jonathon walked out with Abraham slowly, his mind empty.

"Wait." Abraham stopped at the doorway while Jonathon continued. "The journal." He held out his hand expectantly and Alucard frowned but made his way over to his master.

"I wouldn't have written it if you were going to do this…" he mumbled.

Abraham took hold of the leather cover when it was handed to him and he joined the others who were waiting in the hall.

"That accursed thing again?" Jonathon fell into step with Abraham and glared at the journal distastefully.

"I'm glad you have such a high opinion of it, could you finish translating it now?" Abraham held it out to him with a pleasant smile.

Hiding his surprise behind a glare, Jonathon snatched the journal. "I'll burn it, Abraham."

"No…what if he wrote all of those plans you claim that exist, in it?" he smiled as Jonathon's face lit up. "He didn't want us to read it." Abraham added to ensure he had captured his friend's interest.

"Fine, Abraham. Fine."

****

Jonathon settled down in the cushioned reading chair, pleasantly situated in his room. The fire had been lit beforehand so the room was quite warm and sleep weighted Jonathon's eyes, but curiosity and determination made sleep undesirable at the moment. A reading lamp very much like the one he had used in the library gave him the adequate light he needed to begin.

The information became more and more broad, as information on vampires became less of a priority until, finally, it faded completely. Jonathon was at a loss for a few awkward moments. There were lines from random poems that would later be collected and put together elsewhere and even small snippets of music compositions. They were obviously from memories, Jonathon realized, both excited and anxious about the discovery.

"He _is_ recalling things." His eyes narrowed as his lips thinned into a grin that was somehow empty. It soon tilted into a frown. "But…poetry? Some old Romanian songs? Why these?" Jonathon blinked when he turned the page and gave an exasperated sigh. "Stupid vampire." He bit his lip, his eyes scanning over the various sketches of mice and servants at work. A few of them were of apples and Abraham staring at papers in different rooms. There were places where things were scribbled out in looping squiggles, adding to the innocence of the journal.

Jonathon sat up in alarm when the sketches changed. A detailed map of London took up the whole of two pages. Memories of the Count's library and later events involving the vampire flashed through his mind. He snarled, discarding the journal and he angrily threw back the sheets and got into bed, leaving the journal on the floor.

"Alucard or Dracula…they're one and the same." He growled to himself, glaring at the door. " Abraham just needs to be reminded of that before it's too late."


	6. Chapter 6

"John?" Abraham looked over his shoulder at the man who was following him. "I showed you your room. What is it you need?"

John didn't answer right away. "I would like to talk to you."

Their footsteps echoed.

"About Alucard?" Abraham didn't need to turn around to know that John had nodded. "Right." He gazed at the ceiling for a while and then looked in front of himself as his room came into view. "So what exactly makes this so important that it can't be discussed in the morning?" Abraham went to his chair and indicated for John to follow his example.

"What's your relationship?" John sat down and stared directly into Abraham's eyes, watching him scowl.

"This again? John, why are you even supposing such a thing?" his frown remained.

"The…" he was interrupted by a clap of crashing thunder whose magnitude deepened as seconds passed. John was unable to continue before Alucard burst into the room.

"What?" Abraham looked the vampire over, not finding any childish fear of thunderstorms in his expression.

"Abraham." Hellsing looked up, a little surprised to see John standing. "I'll talk to you in the morning…I'm a bit more tired than I had thought before." He left the room, followed by Abraham and Alucard's eyes until the door closed.

"What is it?"

"I want to go outside." Abraham observed his slave's jumpy excitement.

"And why would you feel so inclined to do so…during a storm?" he crossed his arms and leaned into the back of the chair.

"I want to watch the lightning." Alucard was smiling.

"And get electrocuted?" he smirked as Alucard's face fell with realization.

"I won't get electrocuted." He mumbled, but Abraham knew that the discussion was over. "Why would I get electrocuted?"

"You're tall and thin…and wearing those clothes, you look like a lightening rod." Abraham looked him over, realizing how thin Alucard had become. "When was the last time you…" he didn't finish, stopped by the awkwardness of the question. Alucard didn't notice.

"That's a very strange comparison, Master." He said doubtfully and Alucard wandered about the room until he found a mirror. He stared at himself critically for a while. "I look like…" he chewed his lip in thought. Abraham watched with mild amusement as the vampire appeared to be struggling. "…a beggar."

Abraham coughed loudly, and tried to mask his surprise. "I'd never imagined him saying that…" Hellsing murmured to himself and gave an abrupt laugh at how absurd it was.

"The clothes and how thin I am." He turned to Abraham. "I do look like one…or some stray dog you took in from the streets." He gave a last glance at the mirror and abandoned it.

"Well…I guess you do." Abraham said through a wry smile. Count Dracula, reduced to a beggar in rags… Then again, this was Alucard…not Dracula…or… Abraham frowned sharply during his musings. Hellsing gave a tired sigh and walked over to his closet.

Alucard watched him disappear, and he didn't come out for several minutes. When he did, he held a bundle of black clothes. Abraham tossed the clothes onto the chair and unraveled them.

"You'd look odd if you weren't wearing black…" Abraham said to himself and reviewed the clothes. He had never worn them himself, but perhaps once, so they appeared to be new. "Here they are, then." He stepped back and then paused, momentarily shocked when Alucard immediately stripped off his shirt. Disturbed by the undressing vampire, Abraham left the room, declaring that he was going to take a bath.

When he returned he nearly groaned in exasperation when he saw that Alucard was wearing his old clothes. "Why?" Abraham stood by the folded pile of clothes on the corner of his bed.

"They're really big."

Abraham's eyes found Alucard sitting on the back of his chair, and after ordering him to get off, he realized what Alucard had said. He picked up the pants and let them unroll by themselves. "Really?" He tossed the pants back onto the bed and snatched up the shirt before going to his slave. "Stand up straight." He put the shirt up against Alucard. "Stop fidgeting." He growled, but his frustration was cut short. His face fell blank as he saw how obviously oversized the shirt appeared to be next to the vampire.

Alucard fidgeted again and Abraham backed away. "I guess you'll have to remain as a beggar until I can get you some new clothes." Absentmindedly, Abraham dropped the shirt on the nearby chair and threw the pants in the same location when he went to his bed.

"I'm getting new clothes?" Alucard smiled to himself, wondering if he would get to go with Abraham to pick them out.

Hellsing smirked as he got into bed, guessing what the vampire had been thinking. "You'll come with me." He sat up after a while when he didn't hear Alucard move to the chair or anywhere for that matter when he usually went to sleep right away. The vampire was staring at the window with a serious expression.

****

"How does the seal work?"

Abraham sat up in the patio chair as the sun was rising higher in the sky. The sky was bright blue and the air was crisp and clean from the previous night's thunderstorm.

"I thought I told you before I put the seal on him." Hellsing's stare made John frown.

"You told me it allows you to control him completely and would allow you to kill him whenever you wanted or needed to. You reassured me that he wouldn't be able to run rampant, Abraham. You didn't give me any specifics."

"I put the seal on the organ we know to be the most sensitive for a vampire, but that and what I said before is all of the information."

John's eyebrows knitted for only a moment before his eyes widened. "You put the seal directly on his heart?" he whispered, his eyes seeking his friend.

"Yes." Abraham crossed his legs and laid back in the chair, gazing at the sky now.

"What did those pagan books of yours say would happen if you did this?"

Abraham flinched at the word pagan, but knew that it was an accurate title. "I would control and claim his life as my possession. I could bend his will and chose the date of his death if so I chose." His eyes refocused after visiting the memories in the lamplight, hovering over dusty volumes.

John rubbed his temple, both from a forming pain in his head and in thought. "You still have scientific reasoning….that I clearly support. But…" he put his hand down and sat up, causing Abraham to do the same. "…does the strict scientific thought process apply in this…field?"

"Magic, you really hate it don't you?" Abraham's smirk left him after a moment of thinking the question over. "And so what if it didn't? Would that have something to do with his lack of memory?" Abraham was looking off into the distance.

"That wasn't my focus…but perhaps." John hesitated for a moment, biting the side of his mouth. "I was just concerned…when you told me you felt two heart beats…"

"That isn't as noticeable anymore."

"But, then you were also able to…do something to him…."

"The pain? That's directed to his heart, yes."

"Then this conversation loops back in on itself." John murmured, building his resolve. "You hated him…the Count. Now what has happened to make you so fond of him?"

"He isn't the same John." Abraham returned his attention to his friend and stared at his face for a moment. "You know that too."

"Yes, but that doesn't take all of my doubts about him away. You and I both saw what happened when blood was involved…"

"He's a vampire, that can't be helped." Abraham interrupted angrily. "It's not his fault."

"Then was it too not the Count's fault that he needed blood to survive?"

"That is wholly different, John! Alucard…!"

"Is still Count Dracula, Abraham." John and Abraham stood, finding Jonathon behind them. "I had thought that I would be alone in trying to convince you." He smiled slightly at John who diverted his eyes and sat down, biting his lip.

"Alucard isn't like that." Abraham sat down and scowled. "He isn't the same." He froze suddenly.

"Alucard is still the Count, Abraham." John ventured, cautiously, eyeing his friend's upset state. "I still hold my own doubts about him. You and I both saw what happens when blood is involved."

"He's a vampire, he can't help it. And we already went over this." Abraham snapped.

"Does that also apply to the Count who also needed blood in order to survive? Yes we're repeating ourselves." John sighed at the disgust that painted Abraham's features. "You have become attached to him, Abraham. And he has undoubtedly become attached to you."

"What do you mean?"

"As a vampire, he's a solitary creature by nature." John looked into Hellsing's dulled blue eyes. "Now he follows you around everywhere, though I may be wrong as my observations have been limited. But he also follows any order or demand you make, willingly."

"He has too." Abraham muttered, but John shook his head.

"Any individual will have an extent to which they will conform until they rebel. That is part of the character of the individual, being an individual in control of their self. But Alucard does so without second thoughts, he doesn't doubt you, and he fully trusts you, Abraham."

"So what John? He doesn't know of anything else."

"Referring back to the seal, the heart, and your form of scientific thought…I believe you created a bond between yourself and Alucard. An emotional attachment that could be defined in the seal, but you overlooked it because you don't think in terms of the…more poetic…"

"John!" Jonathon gasped in shock and outrage. "That's just…!"

John was smiling weakly at Abraham's lack of a response. "But you still don't see it. Your mind isn't wired to…" John stopped, looking at Abraham who was currently sitting.

"I'll reanalyze the magic and the seal, John. But until then, leave it be before we make it out to be something it isn't."

John was about to retort when a servant came out with their morning meal. Recognizing how exhausted the topic was, John let it alone. There was silence.

"I need to do something…about feeding him."

Jonathon choked on his breakfast and John hit him on the back, looking at the man with sympathy.

"What about the blood I gave you and the blood you drew from yourself?" John looked at Abraham now.

"It won't last long…I gave him one a day or so ago, but…" he grimaced. "I'm starving him. I know I am even if he doesn't say anything…"

"How?" Jonathon had recovered by now and was enveloped in the discussion. "Even though you shouldn't care if he starves out of existence….not to death since he's already dead…How do you…?"

"Just take the time to look at him. I'm not surprised you haven't noticed, because I myself didn't realize it until last night."

"He looks fine, Abraham." John observed Hellsing's quietness after their last discussion.

"You don't realize it at first…because of what we see him as…from what we recall him as being…"

"Why do you want to feed the monster?" Jonathon's tone showed his displeasure.

"I pity him, only because of his current personality and dependence on me. He doesn't have interest in blood…rather he's averted to it until…exposed." Abraham's rambling was heard in his own ears and he quickly collected himself. "And I have further use for him."

"What use could he possibly…"

"Jonathon." Abraham smiled. "How do you feel about a vampire hunting down other vampires…the No-Life-King killing his own kind?"


	7. Chapter 7

"What is this?" Jonathon glared at Alucard, with confusion and distrust.

Alucard blinked and stared at Jonathon. "It's a birdy."

The man let out a breath, scowling. "I know that. What are you doing with it? Going to eat the poor thing?"

"I'm not going to _eat_ it!" Alucard held the bird protectively, aghast. "Why would I eat it?"

"Then what are you doing with it?"

John looked on with some interest, but his mind was lingering elsewhere. Abraham wasn't in the room.

"Nothing."

"Why did Abraham let the vampire get to a poor bird?" Jonathon said to himself, but Alucard answered.

"It was caught in the storm last night." Alucard looked out the window, stroking the creature's head with his finger.

"Let it go, if you don't have any ill intentions for the thing." Jonathon continued to eye the bird with pity, trying to overlook how content it seemed to be in Alucard's hands. The vampire frowned but didn't answer. "Let it go."

"But…" he looked at the little brown bird in his cupped hand, moving his finger along its wings. "I will eventually."

"Now," Jonathon growled. "Let the poor beast go now. It must be terrified."

"It's happy…" Alucard protested, but stopped as Jonathon shook his head and gave him a harsh look.

"It must be vampire magic tricking its mind."

"Jonathon, give it a rest." John sighed, closing his eyes for a moment.

"John…are you okay?" he watched John's tired appearance with growing dismay.

"I'm fine. I just had a hard time sleeping with the storm and all." John sat down, trying to divert Jonathon's attention. "He's not hurting the bird, so why must he let it go right at this moment?"

"Because." Jonathon said lamely and the room was quiet. "Why do you want it anyway?" he spun on Alucard, startling him.

"It's cute and soft and I like it." The vampire opened his hand and let the bird perch on his finger. It remained there, not making any attempts to fly away.

Jonathon flinched visibly at each adjective Alucard used. He grumbled to himself about the vampire not having any pride as a man, before claiming a chair near John who had closed his eyes again. Jonathon jolted when he felt tiny claws on his ear, making the bird lose its balance and beat its wings to remain on Alucard's finger, brushing's feathers across Jonathon's face.

"What are you doing?" he stood up, glaring his enmity at Alucard who stood next to his chair.

"If you don't want the bird to be with me, you take it…since it upsets you so much." Alucard held out the bird perched on his finger, but it hopped up his arm to his shoulder. "Hey. No you go here…" Alucard murmured to the bird, trying to scoop it up with his other hand. He managed to get it to stay patiently on his finger and he looked up at Jonathon who had been watching with distaste. "Here."

Jonathon walked up to Alucard, but was at a loss as to how he should take the bird. One of his hands was outstretched somewhat in Alucard's direction. With a sigh Alucard took the hand and drew it towards himself, quickly making the bird move to Jonathon's wrist. Jonathon recoiled from Alucard's touch when he let go. It wasn't that Jonathon hadn't wanted to resist, but some fear had paralyzed him for the few moments the exchange took place in.

The bird's wings fluttered, showing its nervousness on its new perch, but Alucard told it to stay and so it did. John's eyes were open and his look was attentive, having witnessed the event.

"See, it is cute." Alucard insisted, but Jonathon ignored him. He sat down for a moment before he remembered the bird and moved to the window, overcoming his slight shock. Abraham walked into the room, leaving the door open when he was distracted by Jonathon trying to open the window. He looked at the bird and glanced at Alucard.

"What are you doing?"

"Letting it go." Jonathon was still intent on opening the window so he didn't see Abraham's annoyed expression. "How can you submit a defenseless creature to such a fate?"

"He saved it. He wasn't about to hurt the bird." Abraham didn't try to stop Jonathon and sat down with the newspaper rolled in his hand.

"It's not opening." Jonathon grumbled, still fiddling with the window.

Abraham unrolled the paper and held it over his lap, his eyes scanning over the titles before he unfolded it. "That's because it's stuck. It hasn't been able to open for years now."

Jonathon turned and frowned at him. "You don't want me to let it go?"

"I don't care, really." Abraham continued to read the paper until he noticed John. He folded it in half and rested it on his lap for a moment. "John?"

He didn't respond, even as Abraham stood up and waved his hand in front of the man's face. "He's asleep."

"He said he didn't sleep well last night." Jonathon said, looking at the chair and then at the bird as he dithered about what he was going to do.

"He seemed alright this morning." Abraham continued to watch John's face.

"He has a cold." The men looked at Alucard. "It's weak and should pass if he gets some sleep."

"How do you know that?" Abraham waited for a response as Alucard thought.

"I don't know." He fidgeted, also looking at John now. "But shouldn't you move him back to the bed?"

"He should rest at home. It'll be better for him." Abraham concluded but didn't wake his friend up. "Though, we should just leave him for now."

"And you aren't disturbed by this at all, Abraham?"

Abraham gave a sharp look at Jonathon but let the antipathy in the remark pass. "It was helpful, was it not? Jonathon?"

Jonathon grumbled, and then stiffened in response to Alucard standing next to John's chair. He glared at Alucard distrustfully. The vampire sat down, resting his back against the chair similar to how he usually did when waiting for his Master to finish his paperwork in the library. Alucard looked at Jonathon.

"What are you going to do with the bird?" Jonathon was still standing idly and now he looked at the little brown creature in thought.

"I'm still letting it go." He left the room, going into the next. Alucard heard the window open and then Jonathon grumble as the bird wouldn't come off his finger. He smiled slightly as the cross man came back into the room, glaring indignantly at Alucard.

"That was funny."

"No it wasn't." Jonathon said, as Abraham watched over the top of his newspaper. "Now make it get off."

"No." Alucard smiled and Jonathon flinched at the sight of his fangs.

"Why not?" he demanded coldly, not enjoying the game Alucard was forcing him to participate in.

"On one of two conditions." Alucard held up one finger. "Stop calling me vampire." He lifted his next finger. "And the second would be, help me bring John to his bed."

Jonathon and Abraham were quiet.

"You said it wasn't that bad." Abraham put his paper away and glanced at John.

"But I also said he needs rest." Alucard waited for Jonathon to answer.

"Abraham," he turned to Hellsing, ignoring Alucard. "We'll bring John to his room, but I want to talk to you."

Abraham sighed, not looking forward to a discussion similar to the one he had had with John. "Alright." He blinked as Jonathon recoiled when Alucard unexpectantly took the bird from his hand.

"I'll put it outside now." Alucard left the room and Abraham observed Jonathon for a moment before they went to John.

****

_I cannot read minds, specifically. I can deduce what others are thinking because of body language, by the most obvious cases, I can tell the severity of the emotion that would be contained in the individual's words. Facial expressions and the tone that the individual uses when speaking and any known components of their personality or of the situation also help. I have learned that these…guesses are altogether awkwardly accurate. There was a fight between the chef and one of the butlers. The chef pretended to be humble and to accept the criticism that was said to be from my Master. While watching from the stair, I imagined her calling Master several disagreeable names and wanting to slap the butler. Later, I followed her to the empty store room and she began shouting the obscenities I had imagined, though she said them in French, and she hit a cupboard, succeeding in bruising her knuckles. Of course I won't tell Master about her remarks. She was just frustrated…and I would rather not have to repeat some of her more graphic suggestions she stated that he should do with his next meal… Jonathon, I believe his last name was said to be Harker, is another obvious example. I can clearly tell he absolutely loathes me and that it has something to do with his fiancée, Ms. Mina, because of her initial fear of me and his defensiveness towards her. I hope it wasn't something too dreadful as his current conduct towards me is rather hurtful as I do not know why I deserve it. He seems like a kind person…if I try hard enough to imagine it… I can clearly say that he is in love with Ms. Mina and he acts in a more gentle manner towards Master and John. _

_I do not believe that they have been friends for all that long as Master himself escorted them about the estate the entire time that they were here, as if he doubted that they could manage otherwise. That would involve them being unacquainted with his household._

_The estate is really quite large and the mentioned relationship between Master and the Queen suggests that he is a rather important figure in society, or that he is becoming one._

_I like John. He's nice and he isn't as cold towards me as he first was and he seems to hold Master in high regards._

_List of Favorites:_

_Master_

_John_

_Apples_

_Ms. Mina_

_My mouse-friend_

_Dust bunnies_

_Pears---do not swallow (ever again)_

_Jonathon_

Jonathon glared at Hellsing when he started chuckling. "Why is his recalling of memories and his vast knowledge of the layout of London funny?"

"I can assume you didn't read the page after the map." Hellsing still had a smile, though he wore it guiltily when he glanced at his sick friend who lay on the bed next to him as he sat in a chair with Jonathon around the coffee table. "He doesn't like pears."

Jonathon paused. "So?"

"He likes them better than you."

Jonathon glowered at the man who laughed at him. "Why should he?"

"Indeed." Abraham closed the journal in his right hand and then held it suspended above the floor as he draped his wrist on the arm of the chair. "He wrote a little about you and Mina."

Jonathon froze, paling. He held out his hand and Abraham found the specific page and gave it back to him. Jonathon practically hissed his fury when he found that there was nothing of consequence within the paragraphs. "It's so random." He muttered, closing the cover and staring at Abraham for a moment. "But it is undeniable that his memories are returning. Abraham…" he sighed. "…what will you do?"

"If he reverts back to how he was…it shouldn't matter. The seal controls him completely and if it somehow failed under his powers and wit…I would kill him instantly. He would also be locked in the dungeons, though I would still use him for hunting down vampires….and though it is likely to be more difficult in getting him to cooperate."

"Abraham…it cost us the lives of friends…it took 7 months to capture him. If there is any hint that he should be living contently…it's wrong to keep him thus. He doesn't deserve the kindness you've given him. He doesn't deserve to live. He…"

"Just leave it for now, Jonathon. Without his memories…without the personality….I don't know if we can dole out the justice you imagine." Abraham's eyes were fixed on the rug at his feet, some of the navy blue and green reflecting in his eyes.

Jonathon crossed his arms, aggravated at Hellsing's stubbornness.

"I want to return the journal to him…I have no doubt that he'll continue to write in it….but perhaps not as unguardedly as before." Abraham crossed his legs and moved his line of sight somewhere closer to the ceiling.

"Fine." Jonathon suppressed a scowl. "About these future hunts…I won't be a part of them once I'm married."

Abraham nodded in agreement.

"But I will accompany your first excursion with the vampire." Abraham looked at Jonathon with surprise. "I want to make sure that he is fully controlled by you….under any circumstance. Also that it is worth the risk…having him out and about at night. I'm planning for a family, Abraham. I want to ensure their future safety."


	8. Chapter 8

Alucard leaned over his Master's shoulder to get a better look of the rows of clothes. A pleasant looking man came up to them as Abraham brushed the vampire away.

"Hellsing." He clapped his hands with a friendly smile. "What can I do for you today my friend?"

Alucard blinked at the reference, but Abraham smiled in return with an underlying mischievous glint in his eye.

"A suit, some casual clothes, and some hunting attire."

"For what you're hunting I'd suppose you're in the wrong store, we don't sell armor." The man chuckled at the joke while Abraham smirked at its familiarity. "Might want to consult the Queen's armory or a blacksmith at the very least."

"How would two tons of armor help me?" his eyes glinted again. "You've always enjoyed my vampire stories…a little unhealthily I might add."

"That's so." The well fed man nodded, glancing absently at his assistants that were helping the other customers, reflecting them in his bifocals.

"I seem to have brought one with me today…he followed me here."

The man started to laugh, but he hesitated when he noticed Alucard. He opened his mouth to speak but was stopped when Alucard spoke up.

"But you said I could come."

Abraham waited for his friend's response and he cocked an eyebrow when the man grinned.

"This is quite an extravagant joke, Hellsing. You even put fake blood on his shirt to make it seem that you stopped by in the middle of a fight." He shook his head, chuckling. "Pray tell me, what is your name?" He turned to Alucard directly.

Alucard smiled and the man lost his humor. "Alucard."

"The er…fangs are a nice but disturbing touch."

"I'm not joking this time. I've brought you a real undead vampire." Abraham was still smirking as the man began to lose his confidence.

"Hellsing. Are you trying to tell me that you want me to make clothes…for a vampire? I thought you killed the buggers."

"Bug?" Alucard murmured and the man's smile left him completely. He noted the vampire's red eyes.

"Good Lord, Abraham Van Hellsing! Are you sane?" the man tried to control his volume.

"Probably not, but no matter. You'll take his measurements and have the order ready in a month or so?"

He gave a weak laugh. "This really isn't some sick prank…?"

"He could prove it." The man paled, looking at Abraham with wide eyes. "I'm not going to have him bite someone, Fredric." He frowned, realizing how insane he must appear to be at the moment. "He won't hurt anyone…I could have him show you have harmless he really is."

The man continued to grow more pale. He started when dull claws gripped his pants and he stared down at the little black puppy. Instantly he looked up and found the vampire to be absent.

"Where did he go?" Fredric struggled to keep his voice above a whisper. Abraham pointed at the floor, but all Fredric saw was the puppy. The puppy's red eyes glinted and he faded into darkness, reforming as the vampire.

"That was my attempt." Alucard smiled sheepishly and the tailor stared at him, struggling between two emotions.

He laughed out a sigh of relief and removed his glasses until he was finished. He sighed more plainly and looked Alucard over with a determined, not exactly confident, expression. "Alright then. I'll do it."

****

Fredric muttered under his breath. Previously astounded by the vampire's behavior, now he was only annoyed as Alucard fidgeted like a little child while he tried to safety pin the suite to ensure that it was properly fitted. Having taken the vampire's measurements, he had realized that he had a black suite that was nearly perfect for him, only being slightly large on the shoulders and waist. The other clothes would take longer, having to order the materials and needing to bring Alucard back to make sure that the cut pieces of the clothing could be fitted as accurately as possible.

He sat back on a chair and looked the vampire over as Alucard stood in the small room of mirrors. Abraham was in the corner, overseeing the process on account of the tailor's persistent nervousness that caused him to prick Alucard once or twice.

Fredric gave another curious look at Abraham as to inquire why Alucard was so thin, but the steady gaze he received implied that the obvious difficulty of feeding the vampire human blood was the cause.

Alucard was smiling, and turning to look at the clothing. "Master?"

Abraham found Alucard looking at him expectantly. Not sure as to what he was supposed to say, he just nodded. This seemed to be enough for the vampire who turned back to the mirror before turning to Fredric.

"Thank you."

The soft smile spread to the man's face and he clapped his hand on his knee, still sitting. "It's my job. I should be good at it." Standing, he began the next process, growling more often as Alucard continued to act like a child.

As they left the shop and entered the streets, Abraham watched his slave's face as the vampire watched the people. A few people looked at them, attracted by the vast difference in their appearances and, in some cases, because they noticed the traces of blood on Alucard's shirt.

"Master?"

Alucard had turned to face him, but continued to walk, backwards now. Abraham overlooked the improper conduct, though it attracted more attention.

"What is my job? What am I supposed to do?" Alucard stopped and fell into step next to Abraham.

Abraham debated on whether to answer or not, but saw that it would have to be addressed in the future so he smiled, somewhat darkly. "You'll work with me."

Alucard blinked. "I'll kill vampires."It wasn't a question.

"They haunt streets like these." He gave Alucard time to look around at the people again. "They are plagues upon the lives and happiness of humanity." Alucard nodded for him to continue. "They need to be removed. They are evil." Thus satisfied that Alucard would agree with him Abraham fell silent. When Alucard continued the topic he was unprepared.

"But are all vampires evil?"

"They kill people in order to sustain their own lives when they should already be dead…their time has expired."

They listened to the laughter of a passing group of children, all of them were boys ranging from 3 to 7 years in age. A little girl ran after them, tears streaming down her reddened face.

"My kitty! My kitty!"

Abraham watched the boys for a moment before he realized Alucard had stopped them. He waited, amazed at how calmly he accepted that the vampire wouldn't harm them. He was surprised to find that the kitty the girl had been crying for was an actual kitten that cried when a boy opened a box reluctantly. The kitten was immediately silenced when Alucard took it into his hands and then passed it on to the little girl.

She gazed up at him with reddened hazel eyes for a moment and then hugged him, letting go only because the kitten mewed in protest when it was smushed between them. The kitten meowed and pawed after Alucard for a moment before it was shushed by the girl when she walked away.

"I don't know if all vampires are evil…but I know that not all children are entirely innocent." Alucard said as they continued to walk. "They were going to kill it."

"Those boys?" Abraham bit the side of his mouth when Alucard nodded. "They didn't understand the extent of what they were doing."

"I suppose." Alucard and Abraham walked to the end of the street before they were met with their carriage. Alucard ran his fingers over the horse's coats, stealing away any nervousness they had about the crowded London street, before he followed his Master and sat across from him.

He didn't go on to mention how he had the premonition that the boys had been planning on hanging the creature…having seen the rope at the bottom of the box. His Master didn't need to know the uglier details, Alucard reassured himself.

****

The vampire smiled when the journal was handed to him while John sipped his tea in the background. He had recovered since his last visit to the Hellsing estate. John chuckled when he heard a familiar question directed towards Abraham who paused and asked the vampire to repeat himself.

"What's Wonderland?" Alucard's eyes were wide, anticipating the coming of the long awaited answer.

"Er…It's from a story book…for children." He went to sit by John, hoping to end the odd conversation.

"Why would Jonathon say that my journal was from Wonderland? It is a place…right?"

"It has little girls, talking cats, scary queens, the mad hatter, the door mouse…" John blinked when he caught Abraham staring at him.

"You seem well acquainted with it." He smirked as John gave a slight scowl in return.

"It's a very…unique story." John crossed his legs and took another sip of his tea.

"Have you read it Master?" Abraham eyes Alucard who was bent over the arm of his chair. Abraham pushed the vampire's face out of his before answering.

"No."

"Why not?"

"It's for children."

"So? John's read it and he isn't a child."

John had a little trouble swallowing his tea and had to cough a few times. "I read it a while ago, not recently."

"Oh…Can I read it?"

Abraham sighed. "Just sit down." He shook his head at the vampire's dejected expression. "I don't have the book." Alucard perked up a bit as he saw that all hope was not lost. "If I find it sometime…I'll buy it."

Alucard smiled while Abraham scoffed. John settled into the chair and watched the fireplace as snow fell outside the window, content. The sun was up, but the grey clouds masked it, making the day less obvious.

"Is there enough yet?"

Abraham looked at Alucard who had finally managed to sit down. "Enough what?"

"Snow. Is there enough to play in?"

"Go ahead." He waved a hand and the two men smiled at Alucard's excitement, but paused as he stood by the wall and turned back to them.

"I have a new trick." He fell backwards, through the wall and disappeared.

Abraham's amazement was cut short when John spat out his tea in his face. Alucard returned and was puzzled when he saw his Master dripping wet and John snickering slightly as he collected the napkins that were folded at different placemats on the table.

Abraham stubbornly took a bath while Alucard dragged John out to play in the snow.

_Dear and precious_

_Laughter of innocence_

_But how long may it echo_

_Hold_

_As it is exposed to the larger world?_

_With no walls to gain momentum from_

_Falling from the air_

Abraham closed the journal, looking out the window, watching his vampire toss a snow ball to be pelted by another. Alucard fell into the snow.

_Snow angels are the footprints of innocence._

Alucard grinned as he wrote the line, closing the journal to go to his Master who was sitting with John by the fire. He sighed when he passed the window, noting that the falling snow would soon cover his snow angel. Something that lasts forever wouldn't be cherished, Alucard smiled slightly at the unoriginal thought, but stiffened, remembering his own immortality. He hid his unhappiness with a wide grin, playfully sitting on the armrest of his Master's chair so that the man would scowl and tell him to get off.

* * *

Please don't steal my poems. ^_^' They are copyrighted...as are the ones to come.

I'm sorry for the sadness...the loss of the carefree, happy feeling in this specific chapter towards the end. Sorry.


	9. Chapter 9

Outside of London, where snow had not yet fallen, Jonathon looked Alucard over with critical eyes. "Isn't that the uniform for your butlers?"

"Yes, but pay attention to the hoard of vampires we're moving towards." Abraham shook his head in disbelief. He had made Alucard change before setting out, remembering his store of uniforms kept for new servants as Fredric had yet to finish the vampire's clothes. "I could measure your attention span with a 6 inch ruler."

"Thanks." Jonathon grumbled sarcastically, pulling out his revolver and snapped in a cartridge from his pocket. "This has silver bullets in it, right?"

"Holds six rounds."

Alucard watched the men out of the corner of his eye while he gazed at the church half a mile away from the steep ridge overlooking the slight valley that it rested in. The area was occupied by trees that made it hard to get a clear view of the crescent moon in the cloudless sky. The weakness of the moon made the world dark and gloomy in mortal eyes, but it only made Alucard a little disappointed in finding it so far from being whole and did nothing to affect his sight. The vampire was still rather grateful for the chance to be outside at night as he had yet to do so in memory. The silhouette of an owl and the shriek of a mouse drew his gaze from the sky.

Alucard had the instinct to travel through the shadows, down a path where the night breeze would not be able to bring his scent to their prey, but Abraham said that it would be easier if the vampires revealed themselves, as they often did in their arrogance, so that they would be able to see the number that they would be up against.

Hellsing paused momentarily when Alucard continued to mutter to himself, but tried to ignore him. He refused to hunt like a vampire, he wanted to hunt like a man and not a monster. Alucard's increasingly more confident and assertive behavior perturbed Abraham, furthering his desire to ignore the vampire's suggestions.

Five pairs of red eyes peered at the hunters with curiosity and joy as the vampires waited for the humans before the church, taunting them with smiles. The priests and orphans were decapitated corpses on the blood drenched grass, positioned to goad the hunters. One of the orphans seemed to have been turned, as the small vampire's smile was weak and nervous. Their confidence persisted as the men came into direct view, leaving the trees. Then they saw Alucard.

Abraham and Jonathan were glaring coldly at the group when they noticed their abrupt anxiety that morphed into pure terror. There was a flash of white that passed them, coming from the wicked smile that clung to Alucard's features. The concept of the hunt had triggered his vampiric instinct…Abraham realized with a grimace.

The vampire tore into his brethren ruthlessly, vampiric blood coating the blood of the innocent on the holy ground. Abraham and Jonathon could hear the sickening creaking and snaps of their ribs as Alucard grasped and wrenched out their hearts, his eyes glowing a purer red than the arcs of blood left in his wake. The true horror came with the last vampire, the child, who screamed for God as the demon played with it. Alucard let it slip away for a moment before contorting his shape into a mass of shadow and diving into the trees. Abraham pursued them without thinking, followed by Jonathon. They arrived just as Alucard claimed the creature's throat, impaling its heart with his hand as he drank.

Shaken and pale, the men left the monster to its meal. Jonathon wretched on the ground while Abraham stood grim and pale, gazing expressionlessly at the moon. All innocence must die eventually…pushed by memories of sins experienced….a child is not immortal, though he may live forever….Abraham closed his eyes.

****

As soon as they entered the estate, Abraham came to his conclusion. He gripped the collar of Alucard's shirt, drawing a yelp from the vampire as he was dragged down the hall. Jonathon had gone home.

"Mas…" Alucard gasped, but a quick order of silence cut him off. He tried to speak again but felt a needle bore into his chest each time he opened his mouth.

Abraham didn't look down at his slave as he dragged the vampire behind him, eventually arriving at the stairs leading to the dungeon. Alucard's eyes widened in confusion and desperation as he was drawn into the dank air. He almost spoke, but pain morphed the word into whine. Abraham's shoulder flinched at the sound, but it did nothing to deter him.

He ordered one of the caretakers to open the cell door and to retrieve the restraints that had once been used on the Count when he had first arrived. He glared at Alucard's wide eyes with contempt, tightening the straps until the leather creaked in protest.

Stepping back, Abraham's eyes shook with his fury and frustration and he scowled at the desolate expression he found on the vampire's face.

"I forgot for a moment…that is all Slave. For a fleeting moment…" he turned, his red coat cutting through the stale air.

This time he didn't flinch as the whine returned and escalated into a cry of dismay as he closed the vampire behind the steel door. Abraham rested his fist on the door for a moment before telling the caretaker to lock it again.

As he walked up the steps he recalled the journal and cringed at all of the glaring signs indicating that the monster within Alucard was nearing the surface. The randomness and the poems and such other entries…showed the return of his memories, as had been pointed out by Jonathon. Then there was the time the vampire had told of John's illness and then sat by his chair…able to scent sickness and vulnerability and then instinctively drawn to it. The blood…his face and behavior…the rapture in his eyes as the vampires screamed….his cruel nature surfacing. The pain he felt from the connection with the vampire…some perhaps being truly his own, retrieved the memories of the discussion with John…the seal. The seal and the pressing bond between them. He could overlook it, though. The effect was mild for him…but he had seen the look in the vampire's eyes and could feel some of his emotions…he knew the extent of the damage being inflicted by loneliness at the moment. It would further draw the monster out of him, but this was better than being surprised again…perhaps too late to prevent a catastrophe.

He reached the top of the stair, cringing at the sudden piercing light before he turned to make his way towards the second floor…to his empty bedroom.

Alucard leaned against the wall, his outstretched legs spread before him as he ignored discomfort…numbed into not being able to notice it. He whimpered weakly before drawing up his knees and resting his head against them, balling the hands tied behind his back into tight fists. He still couldn't speak. In a sudden flash of emotion he threw himself to his side, but then quieted and curled into a ball.

****

Weeks passed and Jonathon showed up with John and the three sat at the table, the centerpiece of fruit having disappeared.

"I've told John…and he's described the vampire's previous reactions…those containing exposure to blood." Jonathon spoke quietly, prompted to do so by Abraham's cold demeanor. "He was the Count the entire time, Abraham…though you have my sympathy at being tricked into…" His voice dropped when John gave him a harsh, reproachful look.

"Where is Alucard?" John wanted to lessen the morbid atmosphere and he looked at Hellsing with a weak smile.

"Back in his cell."

This caught the two men off guard.

John stuttered while Jonathon's expression was unreadable. "Did he know what he did wrong, Abraham?"

"Of course. He's realized it before." Abraham's voice was monotone, making John frown.

"It's for the best." Jonathon crossed his arms, resting his elbows on the table as he leaned forward on it. "He tore them apart…with such bloodlust and glee." He shook his head. "He's a monster."

"But he still doesn't know that yet." John protested.

"He knows…he said so in the journal, if you need solid proof. But that doesn't matter." Abraham looked at John.

"Abraham…" John fell silent, glancing fleetingly at Jonathon whose unfocused gaze caught his eye. "I want to see him."

Both men jolted and stared at John. "I…" unable to think of anything to say, Abraham grit his teeth and stood up. "Alright then."

****

Alucard's face jerked up from the floor and his eyes grew wide when the door opened, revealing Abraham. He almost smiled, but his Master's glare stopped him and made him recoil, bringing his face back onto the cold stone floor. He whimpered, startling John and Jonathon.

"I ordered him not to speak…I guess it won't wear off on its own then." Abraham muttered, somewhat impressed with the seal, using this to overcome any waves of pity. His eyes surveyed his weakened slave without feeling. "Can you speak?"

Alucard edged closer to the wall, causing his back to touch it as he shook his head, his lips twitching once.

"You may speak." Abraham paused, expecting an outpouring of apologies from the vampire, but he remained silent, staring at them. What did you hope to do through coming here, John? He glanced at his friend.

"Alucard." John hesitated, unsure of what his purpose was as well. "Do you know why you're here?"

"Yes." The voice was much stronger than his appearance, making John flinch.

"Can you find it in yourself to prevent this occurring again in the future? Will you slaughter….like you did before?"

There was silence and Alucard shook his head, making John relax, but his words immediately tore away any calm from the cell.

"I would most likely…" he looked directly into Johns eyes, or seemed to as his vision was unfocused. "I enjoyed it." His lips twitched again, but he was otherwise unresponsive to their expressions.

John had paled and Jonathon closed his eyes, but Abraham's glare cut into Alucard the deepest. His eyes showed utter disdain and veiled disappointment. Abraham opened the door suddenly, motioning for his friends to leave with him.

"Master." Abraham turned his head and found the vampire sitting upright. He diverted his eyes before they locked onto Alucard's face.

The door was closed again…leaving Alucard in the darkness.

"Master…I'm sorry." Alucard leaned against the wall and closed his eyes, giving himself to the darkness. The vampire shivered as a grim smile caught his lips. "No more snow angels."

The words hung in the empty air.


	10. Chapter 10

Months passed. Abraham left the Hellsing estate and returned with a new title, as the leader of an official, secret anti-vampire force funded directly by the Crown. More time passed and the organization formed, its base a body of vampire oriented individuals with the desire to rid England and the world of the inhuman monsters. Abraham was supplied with arms by the Queen and an ever-growing population of victims from vampire attacks.

Deaths among his men would remind him of the presence of the vampire in his dungeons, but the dire need for the beast never arose in his mind.

On the anniversary of the vampire's return to the cell, Abraham stumbled upon the journal. Setting down a glass of red wine, Abraham blew off the thin layer of dust that whitened the dark leather. The library was currently under construction and he was taking this time to sort through which volumes he still thought to be useful and which could be discarded or distributed amongst his men.

He opened it and was surprised by the leaflets of paper that fell out, bearing Jonathon's handwriting. He hadn't seen his friend but perhaps once after his marriage. He was expecting his first born in a matter of weeks. Some undesirable memories coupled with a few pleasant ones flooded his mind and he began to read the journal without further thought. Anything to discourage the recollection of the collapse of his family…his son's death…his wife's unfortunate insanity….

_When you're trying to color in a circle_

_On a black surface_

_And your hand is in the light's path_

_You cannot tell how much of the circle_

_Is actually colored_

_In life_

_We try to do good_

_Or at least make our lives significant_

_But you cannot see the progress you have made until_

_You have removed your life from this world_

_Only when you move your hand and allow the light to illuminate the ink_

_May you see how much of the circle_

_You have actually colored_

_******_

_A whisper is calling_

_It is crying_

_Laughing_

_And singing_

_But it is screaming_

_And echoing_

_In my hollow soul_

_Heaven_

_Hell_

_Do not tell_

_Wake_

_Take the morning_

_Gnawing_

_Are the eternities before you_

_But no angel will ever go to you_

_Inquiring your thoughts and preparations for it_

_But your angel_

_May ask you_

_Of what you have given Life_

_Live for Life_

_And you will see_

_Your time_

_With God_

_*****_

_Look at me_

_Unlikely_

_Let me hide_

_I will not seek you_

_Who am I_

_I wouldn't care_

_Why is it cold_

_What do you mean_

_Why does it burn_

_You make no sense_

_Why do you mean so much_

_You are a fool_

_I do not feel but I feel_

_You should not speak_

_Then…no I am afraid_

_How so_

_Of losing_

_But you have nothing_

_No_

_What were you going to say_

_Then why do you respond_

_Why_

_I was afraid that you…_

_You were afraid of losing me_

_Yes_

_You actually want my harsh words_

_Undoubtedly_

_You make no sense_

_For there is none behind it_

_You really are a fool_

_No I am not_

_Of course you're not_

_No I am not_

_What are you then_

_I am human_

_So am I_

_And that is why I cannot lose you_

_But I can lose you_

_Because you do not feel the need_

_Now I will leave_

_It will kill me_

_It won't be on my hands_

_But your cause_

_Leave me alone_

_Now I have a presence_

_What_

_Now I exist_

_You are mad_

_I wasn't a part of anything_

_Leave_

_Now I have something_

_You don't possess me_

_Nor do I wish too_

_I can't understand_

_You gave me a memory of care_

_But I don't care for you_

_You responded and I was not alone_

_Stop_

_Why do you fear_

_I am not afraid of you_

_You fear my words_

_They are unpleasant_

_Then you taste my pain_

Abraham closed the journal slowly, having forgotten the reason why he had chosen to read it. Forgetting the glass of wine and the remaining books he had to shift through, he went to bed…drowning in his guilt.

****

Abraham bowed before the throne occupied by a woman whose face was obscured by shadows.

"It is an honor to be in your presence once more."

The Queen nodded in approval and Hellsing straightened.

"What is the current state of your practice?"

Abraham looked into the face of the shadow as he recalled the number of vampires eradicated in the past months and the number of men lost during the ordeal along with the number of civilian victims. These were acknowledged with grim satisfaction by the shadow. After addressing the supplies needed for the next six months and future plans for expansion, Abraham sighed and unwillingly brought up his next topic.

"Do you recollect the specific vampire who initially brought me to your attention?" He waited through her moment of surprise.

"Yes, Hellsing. Count Dracula, the No-Life-King." Her hand was not cloaked in the darkness, so Abraham observed as it closed into a fist. "You said you captured him. He is dead, correct?"

Abraham blinked, and his mouth opened for a moment. "I captured him and sealed him, as I said before, but I bring him up now as I believe he can be used to cut the number of human lives lost during these hunts…in half if not more."

"Hellsing. Count Dracula is alive?" her voice was hard, but did not contain any signs of anger.

"Yes." He was about to continue but her next question did not wait for him.

"Where is he?"

"At the Hellsing estate."

There was silence.

"Why has this not been mentioned before?" her demand was calm but edged with an unpleasant sharpness.

"After his capture, I sealed him…I bound him with magic that took away his freedom. He is bound to me and my will." The shadow was quiet and, unable to see her expression, Abraham couldn't tell if she approved or believed in the mention of magic. "The spell disrupted his mind and took his memories."

"How can you know this?" the figure on the throne seemed stiffer than before.

"The bond. I know if he is lying…if I order him to do something he cannot go against it. He feels pain if he does not obey, and the capability of the seal was briefly tested before I removed him to the dungeon beneath Hellsing."

"Have you been using my funds for this?"

Abraham shook his head as he answered, afraid that this might come up. "No. All of this took place before my first meeting with you about the founding of the Hellsing organization."

There was a pause. "Why would he be able to cut our losses?"

"He can easily…kill vampires, much more quickly and efficiently than human hunters can."

"You have seen this?"

"Myself and a fellow hunter who originally helped in the capture of the vampire Dracula went with the said vampire on one occasion. He killed the five vampires at the site before we could take a single shot."

"Why is he imprisoned? Why is he not being used if you are so confident in his ability?"

"Count Dracula had lost his memories, and this being so, he was not himself. He…" Abraham paused, taking a breath. "He did not resemble a vampire in nature so using him to hunt down his kind appeared to be a simple process. He had, in the time I spent observing him, never attacked a single human and since his capture he has yet to even show signs of attacking one." Abraham glanced over the memory of the vampire knocking him to the ground. "He was averted to blood and did not display signs of his evil persona."

"He was human?" the voice was gentle, making Abraham shiver slightly in the midst of his shock.

"No. He was a vampire, though he behaved in a manner unlike that of a vampire…comparable to a human. But this was not permanent. There were hints to his returning memories, but it was made clear when he was taken to hunt vampires. His character reemerged…as it did when he was exposed to blood, though it would immediately fade… He killed the vampires in a manner within his darker nature and when questioned he agreed that he would be likely to do so again in the future…claiming to enjoy it." Abraham stopped and looked up as he realized his gaze had moved to the floor. "Disturbed by this, I felt that it was best to lock him away, and two other hunters who, again, had helped me with the capture of the Count, agreed with the decision."

The Queen did not speak for some time.

"He fell completely into his past character?"

"Not entirely, but his progression with an observed loss of…timidness and…child-like characteristics suggested that he would soon." Abraham's eyes narrowed, angered by the affect the topic had on him.

"Child-like?" The Queen shifted on the throne.

"As he didn't have any memories." Abraham answered immediately.

There was another period of silence.

"How is he now?"

"Most probably reverted to being the Count."

"You don't know?" some mild disbelief fell into her tone.

"Checking on him would require rousing him from the comatose state he would have fallen into during the year he has not been fed. I wanted your approval to awaken him." Abraham inclined his head slightly.

The Queen stood, catching Abraham off guard and he took a step back before straightening his posture.

"You may, Abraham Van Hellsing. Awaken Count Dracula, assess his state of being…determine if he is capable of the position you suggest for him. If he is deemed acceptable, I will be his final judge before he is to be introduced into the Hellsing organization. But if he fails your expectations or mine…" there was quiet. "…I expect that you will fulfill your duty as a hunter, and you will kill him."

****

He had drawn the blood just outside the door. He wasn't sure why, though it could have been to escape the questioning from his men if they saw him with a glass of blood or perhaps it was curiosity…to see if it would draw a reaction from Alucard. He didn't feel a reaction through the bond.

The door creaked open slowly, having been neglected…without being oiled…under Abraham's specific orders. The same caretaker had been the one to open the door a year ago, and he watched his master enter the cell with rising anxiety, having seen the blood and the process of drawing it.

Abraham held the lantern before himself as he crossed the stone floor. He bit his tongue to smother a gasp. The vampire was sitting, leaned up against the wall, unmoved from the time he had last seen him. Alucard's hair hung before his face, a stark white contrast against the black of the uniform he still wore. He appeared to be a corpse and if not for the bond, Hellsing would have pronounced him deceased…beyond the state of being undead. He almost spoke, but realized he knew that Alucard wouldn't be able to hear him. He wouldn't be able to move. He may be awake…but his senses would have failed him…he was trapped within his mind.

The isolation made Abraham shudder though he fought it and the guilt that began to invade his heart. He knew how to wake him and he put the lantern on the floor.

Setting the glass down on the stone for a moment as he crouched before the corpse, Abraham took up the glass once more and brought it to the vampire, titling it until the blood met with his lips. He flinched when he realized that the liquid was being drawn into his mouth. Moments later, the vampire lost its corpse-like appearance, but he remained pathetically weak and his hair continued to be white in color.

Watching his blood disappear slowly, Abraham failed to realize that Alucard's eyes had opened until the glass was almost empty. He grew rigid as he looked at the eyes…both recognizing them and not recognizing them. Abraham set the glass on the ground but did not let go of it. He didn't move away from the vampire, still crouched beside him.

"Count."

"Abraham Van Hellsing."


	11. Chapter 11

"Can you go upstairs without my men noticing you?" Abraham stood while the vampire was still sitting on the floor. Alucard touched his wrists absently.

"I suppose I could."

Abraham looked at the vampire. His hair was darker, but not the dark ebony he remembered. "Why wouldn't you?"

"My coffin."

The man blinked at the seemingly random statement. "What about it?" his voice was rough to his own ears, but he didn't care at the moment. The creature before him was a monster, in heart, mind, and body.

"From your journals I can perceive that you do not know the special properties of a vampire's coffin." Alucard was looking at the base of the wall behind Abraham, his voice and face void of emotion. Abraham's eyes widened at the prospect of new information…and at the thought of whom it was coming from. "It bestows vitality and can prevent a vampire from drying up even if they go without drinking blood for years. Even with blood, the coffin is a significant provision. Rest for the dead is not as fulfilling if they do not lie in their rightful place."

Abraham almost spoke but stopped, astonished as the vampire continued.

"Dirt from a vampire's grave or place of birth is added to the casket to give it these properties, separating it from any other coffin." Here the vampire paused. "That is why I am still weakened and I wonder now if you still have my coffin."

"Why would I strengthen you so if you are an untrustworthy wretch, vampire?" Abraham's eyes narrowed, only flickering with surprise when the red eyes moved to him for a moment and then held him, mesmerized.

"I am still bound to you. You are still my Master, though be it that I am not as ignorant and undisturbed by my loss of freedom. I will still obey you, Abraham Van Hellsing." The creature's eyes flashed and his hand was brought to his chest giving semblance to a bow, though his gaze was not humble.

"A slave shall not call his Master by his name." Hellsing glared at the vampire who blinked.

"Master, then is it? What pray tell dragged you so close to Hell…to visit such a monster and to set it free?"

"You are not free." Abraham snapped and his eye twitched when Alucard's lips cracked into a small smile.

"My mistake, you unbound me, Master. I just wonder why you have done so."

The man's eyes searched the vampire's face again, but found nothing within it behind the smile and perhaps amusement in its eyes. "I will tell you what use I have for you with time, Slave." Abraham turned, but the vampire didn't stand up. Observing the blank face over his shoulder, Abraham paused. "I do have your coffin." He saw Alucard flinch discreetly. A smile formed on Hellsing's lips as he turned his attention from the vampire, to the door once more. "You may sleep in it. You've been in the cell next to it this entire time… But for now you will come with me."

He heard the whispers of the vampire's garments as he stood slowly, drawing a shiver from the man as Alucard followed him out of the cell.

The caretaker started when both of them emerged and his tightened grip rattled the keys in his hands that were drawn over his heart, as if in prayer.

"Collect the lantern and lock the cell." Abraham ordered, sweeping past the man.

"Wait, Sir!" the man froze when Abraham stopped and Alucard did the same though he stopped next to the man who gazed at him with frightened eyes. Shaking his head as he looked into the red orbs the man whispered. "Sir…the monster from a year ago, perhaps. But this…it's too…" his voice broke with a shudder and he looked away from Alucard's gaze.

Abraham watched with apprehension at the man's reaction.

"It's fine, and don't speak a word of this to anyone. If he is to remain outside of the dungeon, then I will make his presence known, but not before then."

The man trembled behind them as the two figures moved further into the dark passage.

****

Abraham noticed his slave's eyes narrow when the sunlight from the windows reached them after they had emerged from the dungeon. He continued, hoping that no one would suspect the vampire as anything more than a butler a first glance. He held back a scowl as one of his manservants came to him just as they reached the stair.

He almost glared at the aged man and made his impatience clear. "Sir Hellsing, I…" the servant began but a sudden voice made his words meaningless. Jonathon smiled, walking towards them. He wasn't alone.

"Abraham it has…" he froze as his eyes caught sight of Alucard who stood silently behind Abraham. They both were still facing the stairs. Mina froze, holding her child tightly to her chest for a moment before her arms lost their strength and began to fall as her sight darkened.

Her sharp gasp with combined horror and surprise made Jonathon whip around and Abraham's heart skip a beat. Alucard stood before her, holding the infant she had almost dropped when she was close to fainting. She stared at him in absolute terror, her eyes reflecting his blank features. The vampire put the infant back into her arms which instinctively drew the baby to her chest and she stepped back, away from Alucard, shaking excessively.

"You shouldn't drop such things. They tend to break easily." Alucard stood with a hint of a smirk, watching her tormented eyes for a moment before passing Jonathon and his Master as he ascended the stairs. "I will leave you to your company."

There was a fragile silence that soon fell away.

"Abraham." Jonathon whispered, his hands visibly quivering. "That…the vampire…"

"Has use in my organization, and his revival was at the consent of the Queen." Abraham clasped his friend's shoulder only to have it be refused when the man turned to his wife and newborn child. The baby was quiet, it's eyes wide. It began to whimper because of the tense atmosphere and Mina began to murmur reassurances into its hair, kissing the locks gently. Jonathon draped his arm around her shoulders for a moment and sighed.

"I thought we concluded…"

"He didn't kill her." Abraham made the couple start and stare at him. "I still control him, Jonathon. He has remembered who he is, but he still did nothing." Hellsing himself was still processing the information, but he smiled as if he believed everything was perfectly at ease, that everything was understood. "May I invite you to have some tea?"

****

Abraham walked into the room but he stopped immediately, observing the vampire that watched him from the familiar reading chair. Jonathon and Mina had gone home after a somewhat peaceful afternoon visit, an hour or so ago. The sun was setting now, the nights having grown longer as the winter month progressed. A month had passed since the uncovering of the journal, and now it had found its way into the vampire's hands. Alucard turned his eyes from his Master, back to the pages. He closed it silently and continued to stare into the leather.

Abraham opened his mouth but Alucard was quicker.

"I've always preferred this chair."

Abraham froze, almost choking on the words he had wanted to say. A moment passed. "Is that so?" Abraham stepped towards the chair, keeping his heartbeats level as he looked down at the vampire. Alucard's legs were crossed as he looked up when his Master stopped before him.

"Why didn't you kill them?" Hellsing said quietly. Alucard's face was still an empty mask.

"Was I supposed to?"

"You…" Abraham swallowed his anger. "You could have just let the child fall."

"It would have been injured."

Abraham stared at the pale features but didn't respond.

"Master." Abraham blinked. "Why am I here? I am suspected to kill your guests and their infants, but still you bring me here and expose me to them…"

"It is not your place to ask questions." Abraham growled.

"I wish to know, therefore I ask."

Abraham trembled with rage at the familiar words. "Shut up!" he whispered fiercely at the blank expression. "I don't want your mockery, Slave."

"My apologies for such a statement to have angered you." Alucard was still seated as he watched the fury burn in his Master. A smirk touched his lips.

The slap was a sharp contrast to the slight calm that had existed before in the room. Alucard's face was turned to the side, his eyes dulled as Abraham drew a breath at the pain that now made his hand throb. "I want nothing of your…disrespect, Slave. How dare you?" he glared icily at the unresponsive figure. "Ask for forgiveness." He didn't understand why he made the demand but he stayed by it once the command left him.

"I am sorry, Master."

Abraham flinched and scowled at the bright eyes that peered up at him though the vampire's face was still turned awkwardly to the side.

"I'm sorry."

"Enough!" Abraham wrenched the journal from Alucard's loose grasp and turned away. "I am testing you, Slave. This will determine whether you are to rot in that cell for the rest of time, or you will serve some significance."

"I am to kill vampires." Alucard said coolly, relaxing his neck from the awkward angle.

"Don't try to mess with my mind, vampire!" the man hissed viciously in the unresponsive creature's face.

"I am the same being as before."

"Not quite." Abraham smiled callously and turned from the vampire again.

"Master…" Alucard closed his mouth for a moment, changing his mind. "What do you wish from me at the moment?"

Abraham stopped, halfway to his bed, disturbed by the old habit he realized he had fallen into once more. "Nothing. And you may not sleep in the coffin tonight." Alucard didn't say anything as the man tore off his red coat and threw it on the end of his bed before extinguishing the source of light and going to sleep.

Sharpened by the darkness, the vampire's eyes watched the face that gazed blindly in his direction before rolling away from him. His eyes locked onto the back of the mortal's head for a few moments before closing and reopening to look at the wall in front of him. Alucard closed his eyes, running his hand along the arm of the chair.

****

Abraham's eyes widened when he opened them to see the vampire standing in his line of sight, though nowhere near his bed. Alucard seemed to acknowledge him with a quick glance before he looked back at the painting on the wall.

"What are you doing?" Abraham said suspiciously drawing the eyes back to him.

"I am preoccupying myself as I waited for you to wake up. I cannot fathom why I had to watch you sleep, Master."

Abraham scowled and grumbled as he got up. He stopped and stared at the end of his bed where the red coat was neatly folded. He glanced at the vampire who was watching without interest.

"I was bored."

Abraham glared at him and then the coat. Alucard's eyebrow rose when his Master left the coat where it was and walked out of the room. His eyes flicked back to the coat. Wordlessly, he followed the frowning man.

****

Abraham sat down at the table and the servant who brought him his food closed the door. Lifting a fork to his mouth as he shifted through the documents on his left, he hesitated and looked at the end of the table where the vampire was seated. The fork clinked when he put it down.

"I'm not doing anything now." Alucard answered before he was asked. His mouth twitched. "I didn't mean to ruin your appetite."

Annoyed, Abraham stubbornly took a bite of his breakfast and made a show of ignoring the vampire and focusing on the papers.

Alucard didn't speak.

Abraham felt like he was eating sand and he couldn't make sense of the words he read and after a few minutes he gave up and frowned at Alucard who was watching him with mild interest.

"What are you doing?" Abraham demanded, leaning back in his chair.

"I told you, I'm not doing anything at the moment. I don't suppose humans go senile at your age, do they?"

Abraham growled, observing the vampire. Alucard still appeared weakened…exhausted really. It was pitiable, but Hellsing couldn't help but wonder what would come with the return of his strength. Would the vampire resist him more? As he had seemed somewhat compliant to his command so far.

"It's morning." Abraham waited, demanding an answer with his eyes.

"I've noticed."

Abraham sat up a little in his chair and crossed his legs. "Shouldn't that bother you?"

"It does."

Abraham blinked at the resumed monotone. "How?"

Alucard's lips twitched. "I dislike it…strongly dislike it…and therefore do not favor being awake and in its presence at the moment."

"Hm." Abraham looked at Alucard's face again. Suddenly his own expression deadened in annoyance. "I want you to be fully truthful in your responses. Stop hiding your emotions. I am your Master…you have no right to hide anything from me. You are no longer an individual."

Alucard's eyes sparked and he quickly tapped his fingers on the surface of the table before stilling them. "I loathe the sun." he smiled maliciously, showing his fangs. "Your demands are amusing as is the way you toss in your sleep, plagued by memories, and the way your features grew starch when I touched Jonathon Harker's child." He chuckled at the furious expression. "I also prefer your anger, Master."

Abraham stood up sharply. "You are nothing but a monster." He said quietly, stripping his voice of his rage.

"I am, Master. Now that you have me, what will you do?"

"I should kill you."

"Why didn't you kill me? Were you drawn in by the prospect of power? Complete domination? Did you want to conquer the devil's soul?" Alucard laughed at the man whose expression darkened.

Suddenly Abraham gripped the vampire's shirt and shook him once to stop the hateful laughter. "I will use you if I so desire or I will kill you, torture you, maim you, I will do whatever I wish because you are nothing in the face of God, hateful creature of Satan! I may destroy you completely just to see if a soul in fact resides in this undead corpse of yours! No one cares for you, thus I shall never be judged!" Abraham panted slightly from his sudden passion, while the vampire had lost his expression once more. Hellsing snarled at the defiance of his order. "What is your response, Slave?"

"I have none. Your words are true. I forsook God when I became a monster. I am evil and you are the man of God who wishes to rid of me and my kind. You do this for your God and for humanity. It is an age old tale, Master." His eyes were still empty as he spoke though his mouth was twisted in a smile, the chill of his lack of raw emotion drew the anger from Abraham and he let go of the vampire's shirt.

"Wait in my room, and do not come out." Abraham ordered before he left the room.


	12. Chapter 12

Alucard waited for the return of his Master, rereading the journal before setting it on the coffee table. Abraham returned as the sun was setting. Opening the door to his bedroom, he entered the quiet, not finding the vampire the first time his eyes swept across the room. He found him on the chair that was now turned away from the door. With a scowl, Abraham reluctantly walked over to his slave but froze when he reached him.

A peace was retained in the sleeping face…similar to how the vampire had slept before in the same chair… Abraham hissed in disgust and wrenched the vampire from the chair so that he fell to the floor. Awake now, the vampire didn't stand and his eyes stared up at the enraged man.

"I told you to stop trying to mock me, Slave!"

Alucard was calm, though his interest was obvious. "How am I…?" Abraham snarled and almost struck the creature.

"Pretending to be as you were before! Mocking me! I will not have it!" Abraham's eyes shook. "You, a monster feigning innocence! You disgust me! Jeering at the good and purity given by God! You mock humanity's good with your evil intentions of reenacting it! You God forsaken monster! All you have now to inspire is not fear or desperation in victims, only my hate for you!" He would have continued, but a sudden outburst from the vampire halted him.

"Innocence?" The crazed laughter that gripped the vampire made Abraham recoil and retreat from him. The man watched the insane glimmer in Alucard's eyes, his own wide with amazement. "Innocence?" The vampire repeated, louder this time and he appeared before Abraham, his eyes boring up into his. "What is innocence? Can you see it? Measure it? Hold it?" He laughed again. "Where is it, Master?" the vampire waited and Abraham answered hesitantly.

"In a child, in the pure. A monster like yourself would not understand." The hysterical cackle made him flinch and step back once more, but Alucard stepped forward, not giving him his desired space.

"There is no innocence in a child! Children kill with more heartlessness than any man because of the ignorance you call innocence that allows them to be free of guilt, to indulge in pleasure, just as any monster, any vampire would! I know this for I have watched humanity for centuries, Master. I lived. I was once alive! I was once a human being! I WAS ONCE A CHILD! Yes, I am now a monster, but never claim that I cannot understand something that is considered to belong to humanity alone! You know nothing of the nature of a vampire! There is no solitary nature within me as your observations and journals said there exists!"

Abraham started and stepped back but felt himself hit the wall and the vampire came with him.

"I created vampires! I filled my life with other existences! I was not impervious to your abandonment or the dark isolation of my thoughts and memories from which I had no escape!" The vampire's laugh rung again, making Abraham's stomach lurch. "Think of it! Having to live your failures, your losses, over and over again without end." The vampire's voice had fallen. The gentle tone along with the wound the words stabbed into made Abraham pale. "God. Ha. Same to innocence. Laughable. I lived and sacrificed and took nothing from God. He abandoned me, he whom I had fully trusted, he whom I had loved. My land and people burned, my soldiers bled out before me, my words were revealed as empty, and I was to die. I refused to pass so unfulfilled and I clung to life and drank the blood of those God had abandoned…and I became a monster. Innocence is dead. Baptism is nothing but false hope created by the desperate human race. Humans…most are monsters, Master. Children are human and are not exempt from this truth. Can you hold innocence? Can you feel it? A Man will never hold the title…it is outside their nature though it is further from mine. I was ignorant like a child, yet I killed and indulged like a monster and you abandoned me when you saw this, so you know that there is no innocence. You know, but why do you hold on to it so dearly, Master? Cry for the children who are raped and killed every day for the selfishness of man or his ignorance. God will do nothing. He is not dead, that is not my thought. He just…" the fire in the vampire's eyes blazed and his smile widened. "He just doesn't care. He will not be judged…similar to how you claimed you wouldn't as no one, not even God, cares for me. Well, Master. What if I said he DOESN'T LOVE YOU EITHER!" Alucard's chest rose and fell rapidly, and he let out a choked chuckle. "What does it feel like to be nothing? To be alone?" Alucard leaned into Abraham and placed his hands on the man's face. Abraham was paralyzed, he couldn't even gasp at the cold but soft touch. "You dislike, fear, my words? Are they unpleasant?"

Abraham jolted at the familiar lines. Alucard brought his lips to his Master's ear with a sigh that made the man shiver.

"Then you taste my pain." The vampire whispered and withdrew, suddenly disappearing from the room.

Moments passed and Abraham struggled to control his breathing that came in near gasps. Fully trust…bonds and connections…his relationship through the seal with the vampire mirrored his relationship the vampire described he had experienced with God in life. Both of them had abandoned the vampire, as he had claimed.

Abraham shuddered and sank to the floor, suddenly cold.

"My God." He whispered and closed his eyes. He had felt the searing, drowning pain from the vampire through the connection. He had not been impartial to his harsh words and actions…he had felt them keenly but denied the existence of the pain in his mind. His heartless cruelty…his assumption that nothing human remained in vampires…it disgusted him and Abraham felt himself being drawn into self loathing and guilt. He thought of all of the vampires he had cruelly tortured and tore into with rapture, thinking he was destroying evil when he was creating it within himself…

Mentally exhausted, he collapsed into the bed and lost himself in the darkness and emptiness of sleep. He dreamt of his broken family and awoke, tears burning his eyes but not touching his cheeks. The man shivered and thanked God that he could escape his nightmare through waking, recalling the Hell the vampire had been caged in while he was in the dungeon. Abraham lay in bed, sleep escaping him as the moon set.

When the sun broke over the horizon, Abraham was already beneath it. He stared at the black coffin. The dust had been cleaned away and he could easily make out the foreign characters, though he could not understand what they said. He had come into the dungeons without a solid reason and now he found himself easily distracted. Exhaling slowly, Abraham prepared to knock on the lid, knowing that he wouldn't be able to remove the heavy lid easily.

There was a delayed response, but the lid was moved and the red eyes peered out from under it. Abraham lifted the candle (he had not wanted to bother the caretaker to find his _misplaced_ lantern) and let the light pour into the coffin, revealing the vampire's forming frown.

"I don't believe you told me I couldn't sleep in my coffin, Master."

"I didn't. You can today and tomorrow, until you lose your recently more ragged appearance."

Alucard seemed to catch the humor and he smirked, but Abraham's heart was not light enough to allow him to smile. "This is the only time you will find me saying this, but I apologize for…it can't be described as anything other than being my ignorance."

Alucard's eyes widened in surprise and his face lost its empty mask completely for a moment. "You ask forgiveness from a monster? There is no need." Abraham tried to speak but Alucard purposely stopped him by repeating himself. "There is no need, Master. Do not humble yourself before me again. Your place is as my Master. You do not seek forgiveness for your actions from me." Some disappointment or anger touched his tone, surprising Abraham. "I will not serve some weak dog of a man. You are a man, human in faults but you do not have human weakness or evil. Once you do, you will cease to be my Master."

Quiet fell on them for a time, both searched the other's eyes without a word. Alucard finally closed his eyes. "I will sleep during the day. I was not meant for the sleeping pattern you have tried to enforce, Master."

"You will sleep when I allow it." Abraham tensed and frowned at the vampire's smile.

"Much better."

Abraham loathed feeling like a child and he glared at the vampire for a few moments before calming.

"You are not a child."

"Hm." Abraham watched the vampire who had not opened his eyes. "What does your coffin say?"

The red shone and then faded away as the vampire closed his eyes once more. "The bird of Hermes is my name…..eating my wings to make me tame."

Not sure what to make of it, Abraham was quiet.

"It's from a poem, as you have seen, I enjoy literature to some extent."

Abraham scoffed. "A monster that likes poetry."

Alucard smiled. "But I also like sleep."

"Fine. I'm leaving, Slave. You may sleep." Abraham went to the door and smirked when the coffin lid closed immediately. He closed the door and the caretaker locked it.

"How did he get in there? I swear I locked it." The old man murmured as the lock clicked.

"He can move through walls." Abraham remembered the pleasant memory with a smile. But the memory was…a ghost of the past. He realized this and his smile quivered.


	13. Chapter 13

John crossed his arms and leaned against the book case as Jonathon sat silently in the study.

"From your encounter with him it would seem he is not the same as before."

Jonathon looked at him with disapproval. "Stop deluding yourself. He has returned to the way he was. When you see for yourself you'll know."

Alucard stood by the door, entertaining himself by listening to the men while he waited for Abraham. He recognized Jonathon's voice and a mischievous smile appeared on his face as he opened the door.

Both of the men snapped to attention and froze, taken aback by the strange sight.

"Hello." A girl stood before them wearing men's clothing. Her long black hair contrasted significantly with the white cloth.

"What?" Jonathon stammered, quite flustered by her presence and appearance. John walked towards her.

"Hello." John hesitated, stopping between Jonathon and the smiling girl. He looked her over suspiciously. "Why are you here? Who are you?"

"Isn't that a bit direct?" she continued her small, knowing smile.

"Abraham doesn't have a daughter or any nieces that I can think of. Not to mention you don't resemble him in the least." Frowning, John crossed his arms again.

"What are you wearing?" Jonathon stared at the tie in amazement. "Little girls should wear dresses." He added with a grumble as she appeared delighted by his words.

"Who are you, though?" John persisted. "This is a…dangerous organization and I doubt you are a part of it."

Tossing her hair behind her shoulder she watched the two men. "I might join. It would be a lot more fun than doing nothing…Will both of you help alleviate some of my boredom?" an impish smile flashed.

"How so?" John couldn't help but find some interest in the girl.

"Talking, listening, stories, I don't care." Her boots didn't make a sound as she crossed the distance between John and the door. "You look stressed anyway."

"I may if you tell me who you are and why you're here." John watched the reddish brown eyes that peered up at him, feeling a pressing nervousness in the back of his mind.

"I don't tell my name to strangers." Her eyes flashed, but the realization startled John and he felt somewhat ashamed.

"His name is John Seward, and I am Jonathon Harker. It was rude for us to overlook such basic manners." Jonathon stared at her when he finished. Catching himself, he turned his eyes away from her.

"Giving me your name does not make you less of a stranger." She snickered at Jonathon's aghast expression.

"What do you expect from us? A girl should have some manners of her own and know to respect adults." Jonathon was frowning, becoming more frustrated at her constant amusement.

"But doesn't that make me more interesting? Stepping out of the social boundaries…isn't it somewhat refreshing?"

"There is a reason for those 'boundaries'." Jonathon muttered and his eyes widened slightly when the girl came in his direction and sat in a chair across from him. She crossed her legs quite similar to how he was sitting and smiled warmly with mocking eyes.

"Do tell me what you mean by that."

Jonathon was stubbornly silent while John joined them.

"Perhaps he refers to your…lack of feminine conduct." The man glanced at his friend but didn't sit down. Instead, he leaned against the bookcase as he had before. "You are wearing male attire and your posture makes you seem…"

"Manly?" the girlish giggle disturbed John for some reason. "You just called a little girl manly? How rude."

Starting, John fought his creeping blush. "I didn't mean it quite like that."

"You look pretty and have girlish characteristics, but you spoil them with those unpleasant habits." Jonathon spoke up, reentering the conversation.

The girl paused, looking at Jonathon. "Why are you here?"

"That is not something we need to tell you." Jonathon answered immediately, smirking as he had guessed she would ask the question.

She huffed and leaned back in her chair. "How dull."

"So you like stories?"

The girl smiled at John. "Do you have one for me?"

John's lips were stretched into a smile when he thought of the vampire before he had remembered himself. "There isn't one I know by heart, but I could give you suggestions for good books to read."

A little disappointed, the girl sighed. "Alright."

"Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass is a good one though you may be a little old for it."

"Wonderland? I thought that that was the name of the book. Who thought of giving it such a long name? It's rather impractical." The girl frowned, muttering to herself.

"It's actually two separate books, but they are often together because both are rather short…So you have heard of it? I shouldn't be that surprised." John was beginning to enjoy himself to some extent and the girl noticed with a satisfied smile. Her eyes flicked to Jonathon.

"Have you read these books?"

Jonathon blinked and reluctantly confessed that he had when he was younger. "It's a random story and doesn't make any sense. I think it doesn't deserve half the praise it is given."

"Hm." The girl glanced at the door as it opened. "I may read it despite that. Randomness is amusing at times." She tracked the progress of the servant as he brought two cups of tea on a tray with cream and sugar. He started when he saw her.

"Um…" he put the tray down and tightened his neck tie, embarrassed. "I'm afraid I didn't notice that we had a third guest. My apologies, I'll get another cup." He hurried out the door, still followed by the reddish brown eyes.

John's expression drew her attention and she waited expectantly.

"So you are a guest?"

"Not really." She dodged the question and demanded to know of any other books he had read and enjoyed. She ignored the man who returned and placed a cup of tea before her, murmuring another apology.

When he persisted she waved her hand. "It's nothing, now please leave."

He gawked at her for a moment until she looked at him and he left.

"Hm." She stared at the steaming cup and then at the sugar and milk. She watched Jonathon take a sip of his tea. "Do you put sugar and milk in it?"

"Me? Or just in general?" he set the cup down.

She paused in thought. "I saw that you only poured in a little milk."

"I don't like excessively sweet things."

She turned to John who had sat down. "What about you?"

"I add a milk and little sugar, but I use honey when given the choice."

She looked from John to Jonathon, as if deciding on something. "I don't want to be as sour as you," she said with a smirk, looking at Jonathon who frowned. "…so I'll use John's preference." John flinched when she said his name, but he brushed it off and passed the sugar across the low table.

She took a sip of tea, slowly bring it to her lips. Swallowing it, she cringed. "It's bad." She looked at Jonathon as if it was all his fault and he laughed, surprising her.

"Have you never had tea before? You aren't from England, are you?" he smiled in triumph at the acknowledgment of the information. "You aren't used to it. If you drink it regularly then it will grow on you." He tried to explain.

She looked at the tea and smirked. "I would rather not."

Abraham entered the room, somewhat disheveled and he had begun to speak before the door was opened. "I'm sorry, I've been busy and hadn't noticed that he had…" he started at the girl who smiled and got up to face him.

"We were just enjoying some tea." Her grin widened at the man's obvious confusion and revulsion as he automatically recognized who it was.

"Just what do you think you are doing?" the men at the table started at Hellsing's sharp tone.

"Who is she?" John asked and Abraham stared at him with a blank expression for a moment. He grimaced and glared at the girl.

"Turn back." The girl sighed and John and Jonathon nearly jumped out of their skins when she faded into shadow and reformed as the vampire.

"You're no fun, Master." Alucard pretended to be sad, but his eyes held a flickering that was not related to the emotion.

"YOU!" Jonathon was standing, anger, apprehension, and confusion twisting his features. "YOU!"

"Yes. No need to be so loud." The vampire chuckled, looking at the pale men. His eyes rested on John whose mouth was open. His eyes sparked. "You yourself said that randomness comes from boredom."

"You were a little girl? Why? I can't understand why in the world…" John said quietly, still shaken.

"A little girl isn't quite as daunting a figure....I wouldn't have been as well received if I had not taken a different form." He stopped and looked at Abraham who was staring at him. "What is it?"

"The clothes." Abraham was as cross as he was interested and he frowned. "They were white before…and now the uniform is gone." He stared at the familiar black attire.

"I can regenerate my clothing."

"What happened to the other clothes?"

Alucard didn't answer right away, as he pondered what his Master had asked. "That's a good question."

"You don't know?" Abraham's anger melted into disbelief.

"I've never thought about it…I haven't worn other clothes that I hadn't created myself." Alucard appeared to be pleased with the mystery and he chuckled, looking at the sleeves though his smile momentarily deadened before it twisted unpleasantly. "They may just randomly turn up somewhere." He concluded as his face resumed a more agreeable appearance.

Nothing was said for a moment while Jonathon was seething in the corner. Alucard watched him and the man glowered in response.

"You didn't mind when you didn't know who I was." He smirked. John frowned at the truth in the statement.

"So that was your purpose?" Abraham looked at the vampire.

"Prejudice tends to alter one's judgment and I just wanted to get rid of such interferences for your decision."

"About whether you should be used, kept outside of a cell?" John received a fanged smile.

"Though I think he's a hopeless case in this situation." Alucard's eyes found Jonathon who had not calmed down.

There was a pause and the vampire turned to a random wall. "I'll be sleeping, Master."

Abraham watched him disappear into the wall, relieved that he was gone. "Now that you've seen him…what are your opinions on the matter? I'll assume Jonathon's answer is no."

"My answer goes beyond no. Why are you keeping him alive?" Jonathon sat down again and Abraham joined him. Jonathon continued to fume.

Abraham hesitated and then put his hands on the sides of his chair.

"There are two possible outcomes." Abraham said slowly, not looking at anything specific. "He will join the organization and kill his kind, or he will have no use and will therefore exist as nothing more than another vampire. A vampire that I will be expected to eradicate like any other."

Jonathon lost his expression mirroring John who stared at Abraham. "Was he trying to get us to…approve when he was taking that other form? To escape that?" John asked but Abraham shook his head and answered quietly.

"He doesn't know. I've told him that I'm testing him to see if I will use him in my organization or put him back in the dungeon."

There was quiet which surprised Abraham as he had expected Jonathon to be happy at the news. Instead, the man was emotionless for several moments.

"Even if we decide not to kill him, the Queen will have to approve of him also. If she decides that he won't be able to help our objective, she has made it clear that it is my duty to kill him." Abraham added to further the discussion.

"Why does this make us out to be the villains?" Jonathon gave a short, empty laugh and settled with a grim smile. "Why should we feel guilty about deceiving him?"

"It feels…" John murmured but fell silent.

Suddenly Jonathon sat up and looked Abraham directly. "There is no doubt in my mind that he is a monster. He is a vampire, just like any other. Actually, he may be worse as he was the No-Life-King…We are to do this, to kill vampires, in God's name but that will be impossible if we use the strength of the devil." Jonathon paused, tightening his jaw. "We should kill him."

"He could help us, and he does seem to have human characteristics…but I was not there to witness what he did when he killed those vampires and the newly turned child…" John said difficultly, trying to keep his voice even. "I would say, from my perspective that we shouldn't kill him…"

"This is the monster that turned Lucy, John." John started and paled when he looked at Jonathon who watched solemnly, understanding his friend's pain. John bent him head and caught it in his hands with a sigh.

"That is revenge, Jonathon." His lips twisted. "Prejudice clouds judgment. We can use him and his potential is undeniable. I…I have to stand by my answer." He looked up at Abraham. "Can you test him? Like a trial period?"

"No." Abraham growled, frustrated. "That's why you're opinions are so important, else I would make my decision strictly off of my own opinion."

"What is your opinion?" Jonathon waited with drawn features. "I don't like the prospect of such a cold murder, when he can't defend himself and he is not attacking us, but he is a monster…we can't use him."

Abraham was quiet. Then he leaned back in his chair and folded his arms, staring at the cup of tea the vampire had left. "What makes a monster a monster?"

"Killing with rapture, lacking morals and guilt, taking without regard for those around them, loving the action of destroying happiness, loving the devil and condemning God." Jonathon listed with a look of growing contempt, meant for the vampire.

"I doubt he loves the devil." Abraham responded automatically and withdrew into thought. "He described to me…how children can be as cold as vampires…that innocence is dead and God doesn't love us."

John's eyes widened as Jonathon scowled. "Disgusting." he spat out the words.

"No…I've seen it…children who would kill a defenseless kitten just to see it die and a little girl scream and cry, unable to save it. That is exactly what you just described a monster to be, Jonathon." Abraham looked at the face devoid of anything other than shock. He recovered quickly.

"That's ignorance, they don't know better." He defended, glaring at the table.

"They knew that they were taking a life and that they were hurting the girl."

John was looking at his folded hands now on his lap. "Abraham…I can't call children monsters but they have cruel moments because, as Jonathon said, they don't know better while vampires, or most, are adults and should know that is wrong…I'm sure of that aspect of what you said, but what was it about God? I find it…astounding that he would speak of God and love."

Jonathon lost his glare and his eyes became dull as he thought. Abraham's lips twitched, but he didn't look at his friends.

"I was…cruel to him, with my words and perhaps my actions, after he had regained his memories." Both of the men watched Abraham, hanging on his words. "I told him that I could do whatever I wanted with him because he was a demon and no one would care, not even God…and he agreed with me, completely." There was a moment in which Abraham gave a tired sigh. "Later, I accused him of acting like he had before to mock me, that he was feigning an innocent nature. And…I told him I hated him."

John's eyes widened, remembering his suspicions about the seal. Jonathon was unreadable.

"That's when he…he lost it for a while, his mind. It was terrifying, the amount of pain and the things he said about humanity that sounded so horrible but true and then he went on, making sure to give me the illusion of being alone…that I was unloved by even God. He was returning my hurtful words…and it was pure agony that I felt myself and that I felt from him. He also voiced how he will serve me, but he wants me to be a human without these weaknesses, those characteristics of a monster, for him to do so freely. His words have shattered my understanding of vampires…he was angry when I said that he couldn't understand innocence because he was a monster, so he reminded me that he was indeed a human once." Abraham shuddered. "I could kill vampires because they were monsters…and I still think they are…but he can seem human at times, I don't know if I can kill him, but I will if I know that it is the right choice." He looked at the emotionally unbalanced men and sighed again. "I need your answers, after all of what I have said…what do you think?"

John was pale and he shook his head. "As I said, I can't give an answer because of my lack of experience with his latest monstrous actions." Abraham looked at Jonathon whose lips were quivering.

He stilled them when he noticed Hellsing's eyes. "I…I stand by my decision. He confessed that he is a monster…and his words are blasphemous and poison to your mind. He is trying to trick you…to draw you into Hell with him." Abraham looked away. "Kill him, Abraham. That is my answer. I do not want such a monster on the Earth that my children shall walk upon. That is why we kill these monsters. You have good inside of you and that is why the decision is hard, you are not a monster that can kill so easily."

Abraham said nothing, but he nodded, though neither of the men could tell if he was answering the question or his own thoughts.


	14. Chapter 14

The men had withdrawn into Abraham's room, preferring its isolation. Abraham stood while the others sat quietly in the available chairs, separating themselves from him.

"Alucard, come here."

The men barely flinched when the vampire came through the wall moments later. Red eyes sought their expressions and then stopped on Abraham's face. Alucard smirked darkly.

"Though your expressions can go for either conclusion, I'm assuming it's the less pleasant one…for myself that is. I'll be restrained and left in the cell again."

"No."

Alucard's smile fell and he watched them. "So I'm that insufferable?" amusement touched his eyes. "Though I prefer it…"

Abraham cut him off, sharpness biting into his words. "No. You will not be going to the cell." His voice wavered and he calmed it into monotone. "You will die."

Any sign of feeling left Alucard and then it returned with surprise and morbid humor. "Really?" He looked at the men separately and return his gaze to Abraham's face. "So you changed your mind?" his fangs glistened when he grinned cynically.

"No. There were two possibilities. The other wasn't your return to the cell…I had planned on your death all along." Abraham held his gaze even as the red eyes flared and narrowed slightly.

"You lied to me." The vampire's voice was quiet, all of his attention given to Abraham. "You should have just told me. I don't appreciate you lying to me, Master."

Jonathon's hand clenched at the title, but he and John were silent.

Abraham watched the anger from his slave, detachedly. "That has no consequence, Slave…for you are my slave. I can do as I wish." Alucard's eyes sparked again and a humorless smirk appeared on his face.

"Fine." He slowly calmed, continuing to watch Abraham. "Then I shall accept my end. You defeated me, you deserve to be my death."

Abraham's expression hardened. "No." Alucard's mouth twitched. "I have decided that you will take your own life." It was as if the room had exploded.

"I REFUSE!" Alucard roared, startling the men and drawing out their fear. "I will not do such a thing!" His voice began to rise as he continued. Each word was louder than the last. "I refuse such an order and will never accept it! I detest, despise suicide! It takes away the worth of life, what one has suffered, it is weak, it is…!" he choked on his words and stiffened, his face torturous before griped the fabric of his clothing over his heart. Abraham realized as the vampire fell to his knees, that the seal had reacted when he had rebelled and the growing pain was the reason for his climbing volume.

Abraham watched as Alucard was unable to speak, holding himself, bent over, on his knees…in growing agony. His shoulders twitched and an audible hiss came from his clenched teeth. If this continues…then soon…Abraham thought to himself just as Alucard crumpled on the floor.

A moment passed and the vampire's eyes opened. Abraham recoiled inwardly as he seemed to only be waking from sleep…not coming back to his undead life after his heart had been destroyed by the seal. Alucard sat up calmly and looked at Abraham. The other men were pale and John's eyes were wide with horror at the idea of what would come next and the nature of what was now occurring.

"I would rather find death with the seal." Abraham glared at him but replied quickly.

"Fine. There should be other ways. How can we kill you slave?"

John started and held his head in his hands, not looking at what was happening. He couldn't bring himself to cover his ears to completely escape what was happening, held by guilt and biting shame. Jonathon continued to watch, his knuckles white on his clenched fist.

"Stab me in the heart and cut off my head until they don't regenerate." Alucard's grin made Abraham cringe. "Drown me in the sea, though it may take me some years to die, I won't be able to escape or be found. Or use the seal to destroy my heart enough times…"

"Drown you?" Abraham frowned, taking in the information. "The undead and running water…but the sea?"

"It will do the job. I can only cross it within my coffin, with dirt from my grave or birthplace. You should remember Demeter." Abraham stiffened, scowling. He made John jump when he suddenly walked over to them, leaving Alucard as the vampire stood up.

Abraham didn't say anything. He didn't ask for an opinion. He only sought space to think.

"Why would you eventually cease to regenerate if you are able to do so now? And wouldn't I have to use the seal just as many times?" his voice was low.

"The seal is much cleaner, though possibly more uncomfortable for me. I would cease to regenerate when you kill the last life within me."

Abraham spun and stared at Alucard, his lips parted as he realized what the statement suggested.

"Those you kill…you absorb their lives and that's why you don't die?" Abraham whispered. His knuckles cracked when Alucard smiled darkly to show that he was correct. "How many?"

"It would take some time, thus the reason why I suggested the sea…"

"HOW MANY!" Abraham stormed over to the vampire and glared down into his eyes, bringing his face inches from the vampire's. "How many lives do you have inside of you?"

"Over three million…"

The men in the chairs gasped and Jonathon stood up to look at Alucard more easily. There was another gasp from John that came after the crunch of the vampire's face when Abraham struck him.

"I should torture each and every one of those lives out of you! You should suffer for such a thing!" Abraham was shaking with rage while Alucard turned his reforming face towards him.

"I will, in my place in Hell, Master. But I told you not to take on the weak characteristics of a monster. I want you to kill me because you have defeated me, proven yourself as being a man with real strength not achieved from defeat and the weakness of turning into a monster. You used your own strength. But I don't suppose that you would go to Hell for doing such a thing to me, as you said before, God and no one would care."

"You deserve to die…you believe this." Alucard's face became a blank mask as he turned to the whisper, finding John. He didn't say anything. "You've been waiting for this specific death." Alucard suddenly smirked, his eyes kindling a new fear in John.

"You now know the ultimate nature of a monster…I am not immortal but I will not die unless killed by something other than time. Why not plan a satisfying death for myself?"

Abraham's anger had been forgotten and when Alucard noticed his expression, he glared. "I don't want pity. It is useless." He glowered at the man. "They were lives I stole. Why pity the murderer as he is to be hung? Is it the concept of taking another life to gain justice for another? What I have is not life, it is not human." Alucard eased his gaze. "It is the collection of over four centuries of being what I am. In some sense, it may measure only a fraction of my legacy as a monster…though it is a legacy that will undoubtedly be erased with time, insignificant in the countless murders and deaths and sins committed every passing day."

Abraham was quiet, his confusion about his decision surfacing on his face. Alucard hardened his eyes.

"Where is your conviction? Lying to me? Playing these evasive games? You are not acting as a man in your position should, Master. Your decision for my suicide was purely from cowardice. You do not want guilt for my death, when there should be none if you are making the choice that you believe in. Kill me with a steady hand or I will only rise again."

Abraham flinched and hid his expression with irritation.

"And yes. You are acting like a child, Hellsing. Right yourself and carry forward, and take only what of the past that you can carry."

"This is my decision, Slave. Call me Master and do not patronize me." Abraham wasn't looking at the vampire.

"Then decide, Master. Kill me. Use me. But…" he waited for Abraham to look at him. "…do not choose something you will regret."

Abraham winced, his emotions raging, unbalanced, and contradicting one another. He clenched his jaw and glared at the floor.


	15. Chapter 15

"Leave." Abraham wasn't looking at Alucard, and the vampire waited for a moment to see if he would.

"Master."

There was a pause and Abraham glanced in Alucard's direction, expecting him to continue. When the vampire wasn't there he didn't indulge in any feeling of surprise, too weighted by his choices to really consider anything else at the moment. Abraham sat down without a word.

"What would it be to not feel like a child in his presence? He has lived for centuries while our lives would be comparable to a child's in the face of his." John was sitting up now, though he was only looking at the floor. Abraham either ignored him or didn't hear.

"What I will not regret? Carrying the past? Not allowing one's self to be overwhelmed by regret, but also going through pains to avoid it?"

"Or it could mean that when deliberating on this, you need to narrow down what is going to be taken into consideration. Of his past, only what you deem to be the most prominent or relative should be included. Then you need to be calm and level and fully confident in yourself, this will prevent some regret if you choose wrongly. If you kill him, nothing can be changed. If you decide to use him and he kills people, then those lives will never come back, but he can be killed and there will be no debate in the matter." Abraham stared at Jonathon, as did John.

"You make it sound as if we should not kill him." Abraham spoke before John could.

"No. He is a monster and I believe we should kill him, but we have already figured out how meaningful my opinion is. The one that really matters now is your opinion, Abraham. Yours and then the Queen's choice." Jonathon stopped, but he refused to look up at the two men."But I have to wonder if you originally came up with the option to kill him. You said that it is expected of you, but if you had come up with it and believed it to be an appropriate choice…"

Abraham watched Jonathon, his mouth forming a line. "It was not my idea originally, but I do believe that it is an appropriate option, though my version of it would have been to lock him away again."

"Then that's the problem. If you had believed in it, it would have been your own idea, but it isn't so there is inescapable doubt."

"You say I'm doubting the Queen's judgment?"

"No. Only the decision to kill him, Abraham." Jonathon looked at Abraham's worn expression and unsteady emotion. "But you do need to calm down." He stood up, surprising the men as he looked at both of them. "I do not have any part in this. You have heard my decision and you may or may not decide to include it in yours, but as I have nothing more to contribute, I believe that I should be getting home."

Abraham nodded and then stood up. "Yes. Thank you Jonathon."

"It may not be my place, but I may stay, if that is alright?" John said quietly when Jonathon had walked through the door ahead of them. He was reluctant to separate himself further from the situation, hoping to be able to enter it and help Abraham. He had not been present when the vampire had killed the other vampires, he had been useless, unable to contribute to the decision of killing or using Alucard, but if he remained and was present so that he could make his own true opinion…he could help Abraham.

"I would prefer it. Two minds with different ways of thinking will unveil different issues in the matter, perhaps complicating it but also allowing a fuller understanding of what exactly we are about to do. Keeping a monster or killing a being that has lived for centuries and makes the rest of humanity seem like ignorant children. Killing an immortal when we ourselves are mortal. Finding God's judgment when we cannot hear his voice. I may be able to do such things alone in the future, but not now. I cannot trust myself at the moment."

John nodded and they saw Jonathon making his way down the hall before them as they left the room.

****

Night fell as Alucard rose and found his Master in his room with John. There wasn't anything decisive in their expressions so the vampire watched them for a moment. John looked up and then seemed to be lost in thought.

"Jonathon is gone, John has stayed." Alucard said watching his Master. "How many hours have passed?"

Abraham ignored his words and looked up at the vampire whose face was empty. "I have my own thoughts on the matter, but what are yours?"

"I have none. It is not my decision. Though one would have to consider specific implications one choice would create, such as feeding me, somehow bringing to light that you are keeping a vampire within your organization, and so on. Your growing number of loyal men may fall once my presence is made known. Then, I do tend to eat every day, though since my capture I have failed to do so." Abraham's expression didn't change as the vampire spoke. Alucard observed his lack of a response. "You have a decision?"

"Yes."

The room was quiet, making Alucard narrow his eyes slightly. "You don't seem like you do."

"My decision could easily be overruled by the Queen."

"This is the problem?" a smirk twisted the vampire's lips and his fangs made John look away. "This is why you changed your mind, or rather, felt obliged to kill me? It wasn't your idea?"

"Why use past tense?"

"Because it is obvious that if the Queen is going to have the chance to overrule your decision, then I will be alive…I highly doubt that she gave the option of using her choice to save me, it would only be to condemn me. You have chosen not to destroy my undead existence. Now I have to ponder the connection between myself and my Master's master, ruler, Queen, who can control your freedom of choice. That connection is slim. She does not have the power to order me directly, but she can order you and thus hold some control over me." Abraham's eyes had widened and Alucard's eyes sparked with humor. "It's not like I would blindly follow anyone, Master. If you agree with her decision, then I shall, but if you hesitate then I may as well."

"I do not question the Queen's authority." Abraham said coldly striping Alucard of most of his humor, replacing it with calm.

"Then I won't either."

Abraham glared at him for a moment but gave in and he stood up, stretching his arms. "What do you think of Jonathon?"

John stared at Abraham while Alucard's face was blank. A slither of humor made the corner of Alucard's lips turn upward.

"You've read the journal." The vampire watched his Master closely. "Why are you asking? He left. Was he annoyed that I wasn't going to be killed. Or could he not handle the task of making the decision? The freedom and responsibility overpowered him?"

Abraham rested his arms by his sides and glanced at Alucard without turning to face him. "He claimed that he thought we should kill you, but what he said in response to your words ultimately led me to realize that I didn't believe in the option to kill you. He told me something similar to what you said…it was rather too similar."

Alucard was quiet and then he smirked. "Interesting that our minds could come to such a relative conclusion…really, that they could have anything in common would surely aggravate him to no end." He paused. "I don't believe I've given him enough of my attention."

"What do you mean by that?" Abraham replied immediately. Alucard watched his glare.

"He's an interesting individual, somewhat unpredictable, and I'm using this as a compliment and nothing more. My attention is not the same as it once was, it does not hold the same meaning. You've changed that, so don't be so quick on the defense. It shows doubt and insecurity, Master."

"Refrain from berating me." Alucard gave an approving look before his cynical smile broke out on his features and he inclined his head.

"Yes, Master. Though I suggest that my 'berating' be taken to heart."

Abraham ignored him and addressed John, offering to show him to an empty guest room as the number had been falling as of late with the addition of more presences under his roof. He made a note of looking into the construction of barracks for his men…now that the library was nearly finished. John watched Alucard as he walked to the door. His eyes went to the floor.

"Good night, then."

Abraham's face showed his surprise and he looked at his vampire who seemed to be feeling the same.

Alucard grinned, intentionally showing his fangs. "Good night."

He detected the small start that was betrayed by a quiver from John's shoulders, and the man left the room accompanied by Abraham. The vampire stood in the middle of the room until the sounds of their heartbeats faded. Skirting the reading chairs, Alucard scanned the bookshelf for the journal and any other books that caught his eye. He found it quickly and plucked it from the shelf. Holding the leather in his hand, he ran his thumb over the binding and chuckled.

"Unpredictable." He murmured to himself and opened the pages.


	16. Chapter 16

"I will take him to meet with the Queen within the next month. She wanted to meet him to either approve or disapprove of my decision to use him in the Hellsing organization…"

Jonathon was watching Abraham's face as he spoke calmly, his frenzied mess of emotions from their last meeting had leveled out neatly. He spoke detachedly about the vampire though he stood by the wall behind him, Jonathon noted with passing interest. His mind continued to draw up the faces of his wife and Quincy, their son. He remembered being caught by Mina giving the child a taste of his tea on his finger. He had been distracted as of late by the whole ordeal with the vampire and had wanted to have a moment of peace to rest his mind. The much louder screaming from Mina made him wish Quincy's bawling hadn't given him his already splitting head ache. That was yesterday and her voice still rung in his ears.

He snapped to attention when he noticed Abraham gaze. "What is it?" He straightened in his chair and rested his hands, folded on the table. Jonathon bit his lip, hoping he had not missed something important. His disbelief that his mind could have wandered during such a critical discussion bothered him greatly and some of this came across in his tone, making it sharper than he had intended. But that's how everything was as of late…he sighed and looked at Abraham who had failed to answer him. "I was distracted, I'm sorry." He drew his hand across his face to clear his mind and as his hand fell away, Abraham spoke.

"I've noticed. Have you heard anything I just said?"

"You will take the vampire to see the Queen to finalize the decision."

Hellsing paused, still watching Jonathon. "The last time we met you were the collected one and I was in your position." When he didn't get an answer, he continued. "How is your family?"

"They're doing well." Jonathon recognized that Abraham was trying to help him and he tried to smile.

There was silence.

"Jonathon." John spoke up, not convinced. "That was quite brief. You usually have a lot more to say when it comes to them." He waited for Jonathon to look at him, but the man continued to either look at Abraham or his own lap. "Has Quincy had his first taste of solid food?" John made the attempt with a smile.

Jonathon reflexively ducked his head at the dreaded memory, but tried to recover by looking at John as he answered. "In a way, but he won't be eating solid food for a while yet."

"Is this because of your family?" Abraham had leaned forward slightly in his chair.

Jonathon grimaced as the subject was continued by Abraham, aware of the fact that Abraham had once had a family like his, with a son. Quickly, Jonathon condemned the discussion as being too uncomfortable.

"No. They're fine. I'm just tired with the new baby and a lot is on my mind."

After a moment Jonathon relaxed when Abraham settled back in his chair, seemingly satisfied with the answer for the moment.

"I'm afraid I'm not one for lies."

All eyes found the wall where the vampire stood with a look of indifference. He was in the shadows, avoiding the brighter part of the room closer to the men.

"You…" Abraham began but Jonathon cut in.

"And why would you say that I was lying?" his glare drew a spark into Alucard's eyes.

"Because this goes beyond a simple family issue. You're apprehensive, withdrawn, and I can smell your remnants of fear persisting with your doubt on my continued existence…am I correct?"

Jonathon was silent, trying to kill the vampire with his eyes. "Fantastic analysis, smelling fear like some kind of wolf…not wolf really, those are free aren't they?" A cruel twist caught the man's lips and Alucard watched, his eyes becoming brighter. "You're more of a rabid dog, locked up and watching as we decide whether or not your case is hopeless just as any rabid animal's is and if we should shoot you with the hand gun or the hunting rifle."

Jonathon frowned as the vampire chuckled, oblivious to the blank stares he was receiving from the other men.

"This is about me." Alucard held his smirk. "You want to see me dead, don't you? You think I'm going to kill them, the men discussing the type of gun that they will use to shoot me, so to say, and that I will kill your family. You're terrified of that."

Jonathon's body had stiffened and he could barely bring himself to breath as he choked on his hated for the monster.

"Hm." Alucard's eyes flashed and then dulled. "I'm not going to kill them."

Jonathon gasped when he caught his breath in order to speak. "You're lying, how can I trust you? If you had the chance you would rip them to shreds and it would be all…."

"I see." Eyes turned back to Alucard and then found Jonathon again as the man paled. Alucard crossed his arms slowly. "I've heard that what you told my Master helped him realize his answer…that what you said to him mirrored what I myself said to him later. You trace any misfortune I might cause to what you said. Do you regret it?"

"I most likely will…if I do not now." Jonathon was still pale as he glowered at the vampire. "If you do anything, it will be my fault…I changed Abraham's answer in a moment of stupidity."

"In your moment of stupidity is when our minds are the most alike?"

Jonathon started and confusion easily overwhelmed him as he looked at the grinning vampire.

"I've been told and have already mentioned that what you said and what I said has been deemed similar…too similar for my Master's tastes apparently."

"That wasn't the case. I was only surprised! You make it sound like I actually compared him to you." Abraham broke in defensively, scowling at Alucard whose amusement didn't falter. Abraham was shocked as he got the impression that the vampire was ignoring him.

"You think that you have failed as a father and now this is slowly affecting your behavior."

The men flinched when Jonathon practically hissed. "Shut up! You know nothing of what being a good father means to a man!"

Fangs flashed, but Alucard was quiet for a moment. "Do I?"

"Yes!"

"It's amazing that you know that I was a terrible father and husband. My family was a rather separated one and not relatively sane." Alucard ignored the stares, focusing on Jonathon. "Yes, I never saw my sons grow up and I taught them little. I don't know what came of my younger son. The elder was a predictable failure as a ruler, but I suppose he never got over the fact that his mother threw herself out the window in a bout of insanity, pride, or fear of the Turkish invasion." There was silence and Alucard's fangs faded as his grin became more reasonable. "I do not know what an accomplished father is, so I cannot say anything to you, can I? Mina is alive, so is the child, and you are not constantly away at war, abandoning them…."

"That's enough!" Abraham was standing and he gritted his teeth when questioning red eyes turned to him. "If you do not know, then leave it at that! Your opinion is useless here." Jonathon grimaced as he knew that the discussion had finally reached Abraham's wound.

"Useless?" Alucard said to himself and something sparked in his eyes again, making Abraham flinch. "I suppose I am, at the moment." His expression calmed. "I thought you would catch the fact that I'm a vampire, yet I claim to have had sons of my own blood."

"Then you were…what did you think you were doing by weaving this falsehood? You claim to hate lies…!"

"And I do."

"Then…!"

"Never mind." Alucard sighed and leaned back on the wall, clearly disappointed. The men didn't speak, not realizing that John was the only one still sitting and not glaring at the vampire.

"You aren't a virgin?"

Abraham coughed before he realized the significance of what John had said. Jonathon stammered something unintelligible but resembled a string of blasphemous curses that would probably make Mina faint.

"John, have you lost your mind?" Jonathon finally managed.

"Though I agree that you worded it in a very interesting way, but no. I _wasn't_." Alucard watched John with curiosity and harmless humor. "Vampires do not retain their…purity in that sense, for their existence. They tend to lose it like humans do, eventually."

"W..Well…yes…I suppose." John muttered, obviously wishing he could bury himself under ten tons of dirt. "I…never thought about it much…just assumed some things." He slapped his hand over his face and groaned as he heard the vampire laugh at him. "Stupid…"

Alucard resisted asking who John was referring to as he saw his Master's thoughtful expression. "Which revelation are you pondering?"

The vampire received an annoyed growl before Abraham spoke. "I thought a human has to be chaste in order to turn into a vampire when they are bitten."

"Yes, they have to be if they are to turn into a vampire when they are bitten. Otherwise, they'll turn into a ghoul." Alucard's eyes had taken on a flickering spark again.

"Why wouldn't you turn into a ghoul?"

"Who said I was ever bitten by a vampire? Master, you are quite inclined to reside with assumptions."

Abraham lost his thoughtful look and stared at his vampire.

"Why are you so shocked? You always said that I'm not normal and am useless as a subject to learn about vampires from." He waited for his Master to obtain a more intelligent expression and frowned when he didn't. "You'll drool if you don't stop gaping, and I don't think that has ever been considered to be attractive."

"Then what are you?" Alucard's face lost its expression at the question. Abraham waited for him to answer. "You were not turned by another vampire so…"

"I'm a monster, but I am a vampire. There is no question about that. I was beheaded but before the ax fell I drank the blood of my fallen men that coated the ground before me…and I woke up again after my death. I was a vampire. I feed off of the living to remain on Earth just like any other vampire…And I'm afraid we are rather off topic." Alucard's lips twitched into a fleeting smirk. "Regarding the reason for why Jonathon is upset, that has been resolved…to some extent, though he was supposed to realize that he isn't as much as a failure as he thought he was…but what of my going to see the Queen? Isn't that supposed to be important? No one has asked if I'm going to eat her or not." He grinned when Abraham started.

"You wouldn't…"

"I won't. You just can't seem to focus."

"You make that nearly impossible." Abraham frowned. "Stop grinning, it's disturbing."

"I'm having fun."

"Fun?" Abraham scoffed. "Of course you would be."

"I never have anything to do, though. Think about it. You sleep at night and I can't go anywhere because your house is infested with people who would love nothing more than to kill me and your library isn't finished so all I can do is wander around in the dungeon which would probably drain the caretaker of his remaining sanity, go through the books and journals in your room, watch you sleep, or observe what the servants or hunters do in their spare time."

"You watch me sleep?"

"No. It's rather boring."

"But you have?"

"Yes. I've told you that before."

Abraham shuddered, Jonathon looked ill, and John's expression was still hidden in his hand.

"I was bored. What else am I supposed to do, stay in my coffin…?"

"That's sounds like a good idea." Abraham murmured and looked at Alucard with a dark smile. "And nail it shut."

"I wouldn't appreciate that, Master."

The men jolted and Alucard watched as John laughed at them. "You two have a very strange relationship."

"I think you're the strangest out of all of us."

John fell silent and he gave the vampire an odd look. "I don't know what that really means, coming from you."

"You have a sense of humor." Alucard stated, making John frown slightly.

"I wouldn't find that as a complement considering the kind of amusement you indulge in." Jonathon muttered.

"You just don't have one."

Jonathon scowled while Abraham observed the mind games the vampire was conducting. He was manipulating them and seeking to know their thoughts and personalities…he deliberately goaded Jonathon and would smirk when he got a satisfactory response.

"For the time being, I do need to keep you occupied and fed." Abraham broke in as Jonathon's face didn't seem like it could get any redder. "I don't want you stalking those living under my roof."

Jonathon's face lost its color and John's rising smile fell to a line.

"I don't stalk them, I simply observe. But I agree with feeding me, you don't really need a starved vampire with nothing to do…"

"Was that a threat?" Abraham demanded, narrowing his eyes.

"Never a threat, Master. It is a reminder that I have fed only twice in over a year."

Abraham was quiet. He had been fully aware of the fact and he had suspected if not known that the vampire was starving. He had been before he remembered himself, but his silence up until now, after having resuming his old personality, surprised him.

"What did you do to feed him before?" Jonathon muttered and avoided the vampire's eyes and he focused his own on Abraham.

"I drew some of my blood and John gave me some of his, though I'm sorry to say it went to waste. The second time, I gave him some of my blood again."

Jonathon's mouth formed a clear 'o' for a moment before he looked at John. "You gave…"

"Yes. To help, contribute, a little." John responded quietly.

"That trend won't continue, correct?" Jonathon turned back to Abraham.

"I would like to find another way…" Abraham glanced at the vampire before returning his attention back to Jonathon.

"I'm going to be a challenge to keep, aren't I?" Abraham shot Alucard a look of disapproval. "No. I'm not turning this into a game." Alucard reassured his Master with a small smirk.

"Yes. You are."

"I don't know how John feels about my eating him."

"What?" John gaped at Alucard.

"Donating your blood is the same as giving me a piece of you. I don't recommend it."

Abraham groaned, exasperated at the nonsense that was being drawn into the pressing matter and he ordered the vampire to retire. The absence of Alucard's presence seemed to release all of the tension that had coiled up inside Jonathon and he collapsed into a chair. Abraham decided to do the same.


	17. Chapter 17

Aged fingers darted across the keys, ease gained from experience rather than agile youth, and the notes drifted throughout the nearest corridors of the Hellsing mansion. Abraham rarely touched the instrument, less now with the absence of his wife and the presence of the demon that was sleeping under his feet, in the dungeons at the moment. His shadow moved with him, splayed out as a dark mass on the wall, given to existence by the setting sun's flames that stretched across the sky outside the window. The silent music sheets listened to their souls, remembering their identities for the first time in years. Their edges had been tasted by mice and dust clung to their faces, but the notes still stood out and could be read by Hellsing and he transferred them into the air where they fell and collided with one another, creating music.

The sudden inclination to play the piano could not be explained by the man who sat at the bench. He pressed the keys lightly, driven more by sentimentality than passion. Without this passion, the conclusion of the song came gently and lingered like a phantom memory instead of flitting across space into the realm where music drifts to when the life of an individual note ends. His hand ran across the keys silently, and he turned his palm to find it discolored grey, a thick layer of dust clinging to his finger tips.

"Only a single song?"

Abraham froze, his breath hitching in his throat as a short gasp swallowed dust. He cleared his throat with a brief cough and turned to the door, stopping halfway as he saw that the vampire was near the middle of the room, standing behind him while remaining in the shadows.

"The sun has yet to set, Slave." His eyes narrowed, tacitly telling the vampire that he had ruined something fleeting and rare.

"I could hear you."

Abraham didn't have a retort so he turned back to the piano and stood up, taking the sheets into his hands as he did so. He bent over the bench and lifted the hinged seat, resting the sheets neatly inside.

"Can I repeat my question?" Alucard persisted quietly, stepping forward to Abraham's displeasure. "A single song leaves one empty."

"The player or the listener?" Abraham eyed the figure, closing the seat with a dulled clink.

"Both or one, who am I to know if you were listening or conscious of your playing?"

Abraham's eyes narrowed with hostility as the vampire encroached on something he held precious, memories held within the room which he was disturbing and shifting with the ripples of his presence. Alucard's hand glanced over the ivory keys without drawing out a note. Something rose up in Abraham, screaming at the intrusion into his family's continued existence. The vampire could not be said to be oblivious or aware of the conflict that was occurring inside his master. Abraham stared at him, standing on one side of the bench while Alucard stood on the other.

"What is it? Why do you glare?" Alucard looked at him out of the corner of his eyes, his face directed down at the piano. He waited in this position, more of his attention gravitating towards Hellsing as seconds ticked from the covered grandfather clock that lent against the wall. He finally straightened and gave a final look at the piano. "I am not welcome here, am I?"

Abraham shook his head gradually and Alucard's eyes remained on him for some time before he turned and left the room. Abraham observed the abrupt exit with an unsteady sigh. There were some things he did not want to leave open to the vampire. His family and their legacy were a part of these that were forbidden and scarcely visited by anyone other than Abraham, much to his preference.

"A single song is all I want. More than one would be overwhelming." Abraham murmured touching the keys that had not been defiled by Alucard.

*~:***:~*

Abraham made his way up the stairs, not surprised to find his room empty. The vampire would occasionally end up in his room at night, but it wasn't a regular practice by any means. It was more like he wandered in at times…Abraham mused as he went to the bookcase and his fingers lit across the various bindings before he felt the smooth leather beneath them. He pulled out the journal, surprised when he found it to be absolutely immaculate, not a speck of dust on it or the books that would touch it on the shelf. He flipped through the pages but the desire to read the words fell from his mind quickly, exhausted by the day and the weight of the moon that hung overhead, so he put it on his night stand to remember to package it and to send it to the post. He wanted the Queen to have an insight into his vampire's mind before they met. She stood a better chance of understanding him then.

Abraham peeled back the covers and got into his bed, falling into a dreaming slumber as he usually did. The vampire passed the night, unseen.


	18. Chapter 18

"I've sent the journal to the Queen." Abraham was looking out the window of his study at the lazy clouds that were making the sky darken as they accumulated. John sat closest to him, by his right, and Jonathon was on the opposite side of the room, glancing through the titles on one of Abraham's innumerable bookcases. Both men paused and their eyes moved to Abraham who took a moment to look back.

"Alucard's journal?" "My journal?" two voices said at once and attention moved to the second as the vampire was standing by the wall. Jonathon retreated away from him, over to the collection of chairs situated around a low table.

"You sent the entire journal?" Abraham watched the almost surprised expression on his slave's face.

"I did."

Alucard bit his lip before a dark chuckle escaped him. "This will be interesting."

"Why say it like that?" The room was quiet as suspense made every sound magnified in volume. John and Jonathon glanced at one another before looking back at the vampire.

"I addressed John's theory about the seal."

Quiet. John turned a violent shade of red and groaned into his hands. "No. Please tell me you didn't."

"So what? There's a lot of…rather strange things in the journal." Jonathon began.

"That doesn't matter. She's only reading it to have a better understanding of Alucard before she meets him in person." Abraham said gruffly.

Alucard took a breath and then smiled at his Master, making the man's eyes narrow in confusion. "She's going to consider the theory of someone who works in a mental institute, Master. John's head position in an asylum will probably have been made known to her by now, correct?"

"I have mentioned it." Abraham frowned, feeling the weight of building apprehension.

"To make this absolutely clear, Master." Another chuckle came from the vampire. "She's going to suppose that the seal has made us into gay lovers."

Abraham froze as Jonathon sputtered and both men turned to John whose face was in his hands.

"I'll write her a letter with a better explanation." He mumbled.

Attention was drawn back to the vampire as a laugh drifted across the room. The oddity of it was that it sounded…human until they saw where it came from.

"Why are you laughing?" Abraham growled, scowling at the reaction.

"It's funny."

"No it's not. It's horrible."

"What did you write in the journal?" Jonathon made Alucard look at him and the vampire paused.

"In general? Or specifically about John's theory?"

"The theory."

"I mentioned it, that he supposed it made some kind of connection between us, of affection, but I recounted what had happened in the library, excluding nothing. I wrote down everything that happened last year after my capture, including the army of mice comment from you."

The men simply gawked at the vampire and what the Queen could be reading all too soon.

"I never thought that you would send the entire journal, but maybe some exerts …or I thought that you would at least tell me that you were going to send it."

"So it's my fault?" Abraham demanded defensively and Alucard smiled again.

"It's not going to do much more than make her laugh, Master. She'll just reevaluate her opinion of you, though not in a negative way. Insights like these tend to make individuals feel closer. This will more than likely improve the relationship between Hellsing and the Crown, though it may also make it less official."

"I don't like it." Hellsing grumbled to himself as John looked up, his face having returned to its normal color.

"Do you suppose she'll have doctors in the same field as John….psychologists, evaluate it?"

Abraham looked at Alucard and then a John after the vampire had asked the question. "Most likely."

"They'll probably condemn him as being insane…" Jonathon crossed his arms smugly and Alucard's eyes went to him for a moment and then to John and he smirked.

"Then I would get to move in with John. How about that?"

John started while the other's grimaced.

"But no, I'm already fully aware of my unquestionable insanity, I'll wait to see the results for a more interesting matter."

"You think you are insane? You admitted it?" Jonathon's lips tilted upward and his eyes met the red ones across the room. The vampire's eyes sparked.

"Consider my past and that is enough for a stupid man to determine that I am not sane. Humans do not act the way I did…and now I am a vampire which is a creature known to act as an uncontrolled, sadistic, monster, so my behavior is not as shocking."

An uncomfortable quiet came over the company. "It is still unnerving." Jonathon spoke quietly, remembering the child-vampire.

"And so, I am not sane. I will leave you now after one final question." Abraham waited as he was already looking at the vampire. "Has a date been specified for my meeting with the Queen?"

"No. Only that it will be by the end of this month, but should anything come up, we are expected to be pushed to a later date." Alucard turned to the wall and disappeared as a knock was heard at the door. Abraham opened it and listened to one of his men report a complaint that had arisen among some of the men.

"The cat is gone?" Abraham recalled that the men had adopted a cat when they recognized the number of mice that were scurrying around in the dungeon.

After a few more words, the man left and Hellsing slowly walked back to his chair. "Alucard, are you listening?" John and Jonathon looked at Abraham when he spoke after he claimed his seat, and then they settled back as if it was completely normal for the vampire to walk through the wall. "Did you do something to the cat?"

"I thought about it, but decided not to." Abraham blinked but let it pass. "It has been eating your mice Master."

"It's supposed to."

"But I thought we agreed that this would result in casualties among your rug population."

"So where is it?"

There was a moment in which the vampire gave a fanged smile. "It's stuck in a tree."

"Did you put it there?"

"Of course not, Master. It ran up there because a dog was chasing it."

Abraham sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose as the other men figured that the case was solved. "Don't turn into a dog just to torture the poor beast." John paused and then smiled to himself as Jonathon was seen to have an utterly confused expression.

"It tore a mouse apart in front of my cell. It was a declaration of war, Master."

"It's a cat, vampire."

"Ha!" Jonathon stood up, commanding the room's attention. "There is an army of mice!"

"I was joking, really."

The men gave Alucard an odd look and then watched Jonathon's face turn red with some pity for the man.

"The cat got stuck in the tree on its own, too." The stares continued, but Abraham looked a little bored.

"I knew you weren't serious." The stares shifted to Abraham.

"They didn't know."

Abraham frowned at his friends and they ignored it and continued to watch him. With an agitated huff he stood up. "Why do you do this anyway?" he was facing the vampire.

"The responses I get are interesting."

"They aren't toys."

The vampire smirked in the corner as Abraham decided to ignore him and he enlightened his guests as to the time and he escorted them to his door. Hellsing went to his room, pausing as he passed a window that revealed that the lazy clouds had turned into a blanketing mass that covered the sky in grey.

"Do you like cloudy skies, Master?"

Abraham looked at the vampire and then around the immediate area. It was rare for the vampire to show himself outside of a closed room. "It's calming." He answered, looking out the window again before leaving it behind. Alucard fell into step beside him and then a little behind him when Hellsing gave him a dull look.

"How did you know I wasn't being serious?" Abraham looked over his shoulder and found the vampire's face to be blank, but his eyes showed his curiosity.

"It was absurd."

"But they believed it, and you should have too, regarding my interests." Alucard watched the back of his Master's head when his face turned away from him.

"The seal helps too."

Alucard frowned, but erased the expression immediately. "The seal…you used alchemy and other magic…a hybrid of sorts."

Abraham froze at the door to his room, having turned the handle to enter. He ran through his past conversations with the vampire and failed to find a time when Alucard had mentioned the seal or attempted to talk about it. He opened the door and closed it, assuming that the vampire would come in through the wall. When he did, Abraham was waiting for him.

"Why are you bringing it up?" his eyes were narrowed, distrust rising.

"Because John Seward's theory is not entirely false, though it is not as…er….focused in the specific category…"

Abraham noted the difficulty with which the vampire tried to continue the topic and he cleared his throat uneasily. "The reference to a relationship."

"Yes. That is not the case, obviously, but there is something from the seal that affects…behavior. I would normally not interact with humans in such a manner, and cannot help but notice this. Normally I would be content to observe you and watch from afar as with your servants and the hunters, but instead I involve myself with you and engage in whatever you yourself are participating in, such as conversations during the day. I feel inclined to be awake even though it's exhausting. Then there was the time when you were capable of lying to me…something that has never happened and should not be possible for a human…"

_"As a vampire, he's a solitary creature by nature." John looked into Hellsing's dulled blue eyes. "Now he follows you around everywhere, though I may be wrong as my observations have been limited. But he also follows any order or demand you make, willingly."_

_"He has too." Abraham muttered, but John shook his head._

_"Any individual will have an extent to which they will conform until they rebel. That is part of the character of the individual, being an individual in control of their self. But Alucard does so without second thoughts, he doesn't doubt you, and he fully trusts you, Abraham."_

_"So what John? He doesn't know of anything else."_

_"Referring back to the seal, the heart, and your form of scientific thought…I believe you created a bond between yourself and Alucard. An emotional attachment that could be defined in the seal, but you overlooked it because you don't think in terms of the…more poetic…"_

"John saw it." Abraham muttered, making Alucard stop as he caught the words. "He saw that you followed me around before…" blue eyes dismally fell to the floor as he recalled the conversation again. "That you follow my demands…and you trust me."

The vampire watched, taking in each element that applied to himself with a blink.

"He said I created a bond." Abraham realized his face was directed towards the floor and he straightened, but hesitated before continuing. Should I mention anything related to the seal to him? Every instinct in Hellsing screamed out in alarm, but as he struggled to push them aside the vampire spoke for him.

"There is undoubtedly a bond." Alucard was looking at the wall, and this somehow gave Abraham the courage to continue.

"Your heart doesn't beat, vampire's hearts are still." He forced himself not to look away when red eyes came to him. "I've mentioned this to John and this is how his theory of a bond was conceived, but…" he grit his teeth as he hesitated again. "What does it mean for me to feel two heart beats…one being yours."

Alucard's eyes went wide and then his mouth frowned in concentration. Eventually his eyes flicked to the flooring and he walked passed Abraham towards his usual chair. Abraham followed, making sure to keep the vampire's expression within his sight. He sat down as the vampire did.

"You used alchemy, yes?" Abraham tried not to show his nervousness at the vampire's quiet voice.

"Yes."

"What did you use?" Alucard wasn't looking at him, having realized that it bothered Abraham.

"What do you mean?"

"You have elements which you transmute, such as lead, metals, or there is another form in which you use compounds and then another form in which you use life…animals or humans."

Abraham froze as he realized which one he had used and which one was the most disturbing in nature. "Compounds and…life."

Alucard's eyes widened again and they almost went to Abraham but he stopped himself and bit his lip instead. "I've never heard of a combination working before." There was another pause in which Abraham tried to forestall his anxiety. "What did you use?"

"A silver dagger…"

"You put silver in me?" the vampire's voice was louder than before, but as he continued it resumed its previous volume. "Did the dagger disappear completely?"

"After I used it, yes."

A sharp exhale filled the room. "Amazing…" he chuckled and a cruel grin briefly came to his features. "I should be dead, yet here I am. At least I know where the pain originates from now." He looked at Abraham as if to inquire what could have possessed him to consider putting silver into a vampire.

"I didn't know that the silver would be incorporated into the seal."

"You didn't know?" it was almost a growl.

"No." Abraham replied sharply and Alucard made himself calm.

"What source of life did you use? A goat? A cat? A dove? What?"

Hellsing sighed, dreading the confession. "Blood."

"What type though?"

"Human."

Alucard blinked in surprise. "You killed a human in order to do this?"

"No."

Alucard's face deadened. "Excuse me?" Abraham flinched at the raw anger that was beginning to roll off of the vampire. "Who did you use and please to God don't say…"

"My own."

Abraham recoiled out of the chair and he managed to take a step away as he saw the vampire face him with undisguised rage. Alucard gripped his arms, immediately bruising them. "Where! Where did you take the blood from?"

"M..my arm." Abraham paled as fear battled with his reason and he almost reached for the pistol he kept in his trench coat when the vampire let go of his arms, but the coat was discarded to the floor before he could move and Alucard was already rolling up one of his sleeves, the left one as he considered Abraham to be right handed.

Beneath the sleeve was a long, raw incision running under his forearm. Abraham started at how fresh it appeared. "What does it…" mean…? He wanted to finish but he was cut off as Alucard began to curse in Romanian and then English.

"God. You stupid human. You stupid bastard! Do you know what you've done! Do you know just what you have managed to accomplish?" Hands shook Abraham's shoulders, preventing him from thinking of a response. "DAMN YOU! YOU STUPID MAN!" Both of them went rigid, Alucard before Abraham, and Hellsing watched the vampire drop to the floor. The seal had been triggered. Seconds passed and Alucard awoke with a sigh. He looked up at Abraham from the floor and moved to his back, but didn't bother to get up. He draped his arm across his eyes and took a breath.

"That heartbeat isn't mine. I'm dead, Master." Abraham's face went cold and he couldn't move. "It's the seal. The seal…" he laughed at the word until his voice cracked. "It's a parasite. It's killing you…" his voice fell to a whisper. "Alchemy controls the use of energy…just transforming it. It's using your life…to keep me bound." He took a ragged breath as Abraham gasped at his words. "I'm sorry Master…but I'm killing you." Abraham saw the only part of the vampire's face that wasn't covered, scowl, baring his fangs.

"…not fair…" were the only two words the mortal caught from the following whisper.

Abraham was mortified by the news and thoughts wouldn't come as he watched Alucard lay on the floor, his frown trembling. Suddenly the frown disappeared and Abraham jumped when Alucard sat up without warning. His face was behind a calm mask and he didn't look at Abraham until he was standing.

"I'll take care of this, so go to sleep for now or do whatever you were going to do, Master."

That's what Alucard had said the previous night and now Abraham sat up in his bed, having gone to sleep as was the suggestion. His numbness had faded and suspicion had come with his reason. What proof did the vampire have to these claims? He debated this as he got dressed, eyeing the cut from time to time until he rolled out his sleeve again and put on his coat.


	19. Chapter 19

Abraham opened the door and stepped out of his bedroom, sighing from the weight of pressing matters he did not understand. He checked the seal and felt it pulse towards a storage room. As the man began in the direction, he reasoned why the vampire would be there while the rising sun bathed his face in red when he passed a window. The wooden crates of books would demand hammers or crowbars to open, but then again, a vampire needing such things was ridiculous. What worried Hellsing was the noise. He hoped no one had come to inspect it...but he would have been awakened if there was suspicion of a thief…. Abraham's hand twitched, making him wince at the dull pain from the black and blue bruises.

He glanced down at them, his steps pausing. Alucard had never injured him in any lasting way before. It should have been expected that he would because he was a vampire, but Abraham was unnerved by the shock the bruises brought him. His hands felt heavy as his thoughts contained them and he continued towards the storage room.

The door creaked open slowly and revealed Alucard, surrounded by piles of books that had been taken from a single crate. Ones he had already read were being placed back inside the box neatly. The lids to other crates were sealed shut and appeared to be untouched, but Abraham knew better than to assume that it had taken Alucard all night to go through a quarter of a crate of books and journals. The vampire's crimson eyes flicked up to him in acknowledgement, but fell to the journal. He turned pages every other moment.

"You said that you used compounds and life, but claimed to have used a silver dagger as the compound… What other metals were in the dagger?"

Abraham watched Alucard continue to turn the pages while he noticed how stuffy the cramped room was. Particles of wood dusted the crates, probably from the construction area his library had become.

"I believe it was bronze, to reinforce the base, and it ran upwards through the blade, to the tip to reinforce it. But that's an assumption from the color of the handle."

"How old was the blade? Depending on the age your guess could be accurate, or the metal could have been steel with only a bronze coated handle…though…if it was never meant to be a weapon…" he paused, his fingers in the middle of turning a page. "I doubt steel is common in such ceremonies…I'll assume that it was bronze. But this means you used elements, compounds, and life…not only the two." The vampire hid the fact that the overlooked detail bothered him, but Hellsing felt it in the bond.

Abraham was walking between the crates, his eyes running over the codes labeling each one. He stopped towards the back of the room, behind the vampire. "This one should have my journals from around the time I was constructing the seal." His eyes turned to the vampire expectantly. Alucard put what he was reading on the edge of the crate before him and went to the indicated box. He slipped a hand under the lid, close to one of the nailed corners. The vampire pushed the lid up, revealing part of the nail and then did the same to the other corners. Once that wood was leveled and an inch of each nail was exposed, he pulled the slab of wood off all at once.

Abraham nodded to himself, approving the quiet of the process before he knelt down and scanned the bridges of the leather journals that faced him. A moment passed and Abraham removed a row of journals, setting them outside of the container. The stiffened leather creaked when he opened one of the covers to check the dates he had scrawled underneath. He checked the last of the row of journals he had removed and then smiled grimly at the fact that his servants had managed to organize his journals by date when they stored them.

Alucard was standing patiently while this was taking place and he knelt beside his master when a journal was extended towards him. Abraham paused with a frown as he realized that he couldn't afford to ignore his other duties for the day in order to reanalyze the journals. Alucard noticed this but said nothing as Hellsing left the room, still maintaining his distaste for the situation.

He was practically handing the key to unlocking the seal, to the vampire. Hellsing gingerly fingered the bruises as he walked down the corridor.

"Sir Hellsing?"

Abraham looked up from his paperwork to find a concerned face peering down at him. The uniform told him that the man was one of his hunters and Abraham's hands lowered the papers to the surface of his desk.

"What is it?" His mind ran through any possible reasons for the expression. Abraham stopped himself before he grimaced as he found far too many reasons he should receive pity from others at the moment, but none of these reasons should have been known by anyone else and this fact made the man stiffen.

"What happened to your wrists, Sir?" The hunter spoke in a nervous manner and his hand clenched and opened repetitively as he continued. "I came to inform you that the shipment of supplies has arrived, but the number of cartridges and miscellaneous gear is half of what it should be."

Ignoring the comment on his wrists, Abraham scowled and stood up. The man followed him and stayed with Abraham as he spoke with the men who had been in charge of transporting the supplies to the estate from the port. When the matter was settled and Abraham was returning to his study, he realized that the man was still with him. His questioning look made the hunter stammer.

"Y…Your wrists…Sir. Are you alright? They almost look like cuff marks."

Hellsing blinked at the reference but tried to give a reassuring smile. "Nothing's wrong." He shook his head at the thought of the man's imagination become reality. "It's nothing."

He continued towards his study, refusing to answer the persistent man that trailed him. He closed the door and waited until the man's presence disappeared. He then sighed with relief but frowned at the trouble this was likely to cause.

'"Oh son, how many bodies we have to pass through, how many bands of demons, through how many series of repetitions and cycles of the stars, before we hasten to the One alone?"' Alucard closed the journal and observed Abraham's quizzical expression. "A quote."

"By whom?"

The vampire's lips twitched into a smirk. "The Greek god, Hermes."

Abraham noted the familiar reference. "What does it have to do with…"

"Hermeticism, a philosophical thought and religion…related to alchemy by strained blood ties…between gods and religions and lack of both. Your journals address the alchemic practice as unadorned guidelines. The words were not as you believed." Abraham was still, staring at Alucard as he was accused of misinterpreting the seal for the second time. "To possess the heart, existence, and death were not to curse and bind a being…but to recreate it, as is the nature of alchemy, to deconstruct and reconstruct."

"Recreate? You?" the man murmured to himself, knowing that the vampire would answer.

"I have a few theories…based on what the author of the alchemic book or books you took the seal from, would have been trying to accomplish with his research." Alucard leaned against the wall of the room while Abraham stood in the center. "The Philosopher's stone, a search for power…to become a god or to destroy a god…the search for immortality for himself or another. The search for knowledge and understanding of the practice…or of life…. It's a darker form of alchemy…blasphemous to the Church without doubt."

Abraham waited for him continue, but he felt nothing when the vampire was silent. "I wanted to bind your power and control you, not find a way to cheat death."

"Your seal became an attempt at stealing energy from a heart. It would have strengthened you if a normal human could survive you carving into his heart, but as the undead, I have no life energy. I am a void that swallows life…and now the void is attached to your life's energy and it is draining you slowly."

"I would have noticed if I was aging faster than I should, or if I was becoming weaker." Abraham ran his fingertips over a crate. "There is only the wound."

"It is taking in the years your body can endure. There is also the heartbeat that supp…"

"But how is there a connection between the void and my life? How can you prove it?" Abraham's eyes were fixed on Alucard's and neither chose to look away.

"The seal is attempting to deconstruct something that is nothing…so it reaches for what surrounds the nothing, myself. It is deconstructing my existence, my mind, and reconstructing it into the source of energy it was designed to exploit." Alucard waited for Abraham to realize what had been said, but the man was silent.

"It is attempting to turn something of my nothingness into life…trying to make it human."

Abraham eyes widened, not seeing the vampire anymore as he focused on his own thoughts.

"Of course this is impossible." The vampire shrugged, looking away from Abraham. "It is altering my behavior, trying to make me act like a human in the semblance of being human." Alucard's voice became quieter. "It makes sense. Interaction, attachment, blindness in my judgment…when dealing with humans. I shouldn't care that I'm killing you."

Hellsing heard Alucard, but he ran over what he knew of the seal and the books he had used to build it. The scar…the ability to destroy the vampire's heart…feeling the second heart….the loss of memories and personality…and feeling the vampire's emotions. Abraham bit his lip. "How do you explain the loss of your memories?"

"The seal tried to deconstruct my mind and rebuild it as being a human's, but nothing becomes nothing and my own mind returned."

"Destroying your heart?"

"Part of being able to deconstruct, or perhaps some of your intended affects showing. You can control me with pain, stopping me if I unleash my powers."

"The scar and the second heart…showing that I'm being used as a component of the seal?"

Alucard's silence told his acknowledgement of the fact.

"There is one more affect I felt from the seal…other than the heartbeat." Alucard's displeased expression made Abraham dread revealing the last secret of the seal. "You know that I can tell when you lie."

"Yes. Part of the reconstruction of my mind, making me trust you blindly like a human." The vampire's gaze did not weaken while his voice was a low monotone.

"The seal allows me to…feel your emotions. I can tell if you feel pain, pleasure…sadness, joy…I can tell if you feel nothing at all or every emotion at once."

The vampire blinked and his lips parted and then closed as fangs bit into the flesh, breaking skin without letting the blood spill down his chin. A moment passed as Alucard continued to watch Abraham. "Emotion is a tie between the un-literal heart and the mind. It may be the seal…that the seal has its own consciousness, to some extent…evaluating my transfer to becoming something that it can use…to read if I'm human. But vampires share many emotions that humans do. It can portray how alien my kind is to the practice of alchemy…we are practically bound entities drawing in energy like an alchemic circle would." Alucard stopped, looking at the floor as he continued to process the information.

Abraham watched, dazed by what the vampire suggested. A living creature? No, not actually a creature at all. A heartbeat did not mean that there was an actual heart and the emotions were being fed into his own mind, not… Abraham gasped, attracting Alucard's attention.

"What?"

"If I feel the emotions, interoperating them in my own mind…I can command the seal…"

Alucard pulled away from the wall without stepping forward.

Abraham hesitated, seeing Alucard's eyes and feeling his sparking emotions. "Can that mean, I'm the seal? My existence and not my bloodline?"

"Stop."

Abraham recovered from his raising anxiety at the odd statement from the vampire. "I feel the emotions, my mind collects them and reads them. I am drawing in, or would be, drawing in the energy. I can deconstruct the area where the seal is, destroying the circle I carved, but the seal continues to exist, being reformed. I am the seal. I am an alchemic…"

"No you aren't and cannot be." Alucard cut in heatedly. Abraham's eye twitched in annoyance at the disdain in the tone and the aggravation he felt in the vampire's emotions. "I was comparing a vampire to a seal because it is not alive. You are. And vampires are not alchemic circles, they are similar in nature but nothing more."

"But it makes sense."

"A circle is a circle. A human, a human. A vampire, a vampire. It's similar to saying that you are a book or a stone."

"But drawing in energy." Abraham frowned, shaking his head. "An alchemic circle is not comparable to those."

Alucard hissed, glaring at Abraham. "How can I explain to one who doesn't understand?"

"They can't be.."

"It is the concept of life and natural identity. You are one thing and not another. Alchemy failed when it tried to turn lead to gold because one thing cannot become another. You cannot bring back the dead. You cannot change what you are."

"But a human can become a vampire." Abraham persisted, arguing for his point.

"That is not alchemy! That is God!" the vampire snapped his mouth shut, grinding his teeth, bloodying his lips on the razor sharp edges. "The transfer of energy cannot create a new life or existence. The energy remains of the same nature. Life is life energy. A metal is a metal. A compound can merge with others and rearrange but retain their mass and number of atoms. Energy cannot be solidified…like taking heat and making it an object that can be held or broken. That is why alchemy is so complicated and dangerous. The seal would have been the deconstruction of life and reformation of it within you. The dagger was absorbed when energy could not be drawn into the equation. It used it as a component to form itself on my heart. The silver must be embedded in it, coated by the manipulation of the compounds so that it can expose me to the silver in regulated quantities or not at all."

"The emotions and consciousness? The heartbeat?" Abraham spoke quietly, lost and confused.

"The seal itself as you created it with your own life energy, your blood. You are a component of the seal and have also tried to tie it to yourself, to control me. You must have done something that allows you to regulate the seal…" Alucard's words became a sigh and he leaned against the wall once more, folding his arms slowly. "But I don't understand it entirely either. I can't give you an undisputable answer, Master."

Abraham twitched when Alucard called him master, having forgotten their individual positions. "So what do..we…do about the seal?" Hellsing couldn't exclude the vampire's involvement.

"If you stop the seal." Alucard said quietly. "…if you stop a deconstruction in alchemy, then what is being deconstructed will be destroyed."

"I'll die?" Abraham's eyes widened but Alucard's empty eyes and emotions ended the thought.

"You are being reconstructed as well as deconstructed…receiving the energy, supposedly, as well as being used up by the seal as a component of life energy. They cancel out in the flow that the circle is trying to create." Abraham didn't understand, but he calmed. "I am being deconstructed. I would be destroyed." Alucard increased the pace of his words at Abraham's expression. "But I exist as nothing in the equation and nothing cannot be destroyed. The physical part of me that it draws on, my heart and mind, would be destroyed. I can heal my heart and the organ that holds my mind, but the psychic hold on me would either make me lose my sense of reason entirely, becoming mad to such an extent that I cannot function, or I may resort to the state I was in over a year ago when the seal was first established. I'm not sure if I could recover from either result, though, as I have before, there is a high probability that I can."

"We destroy the seal…" Abraham tried to overlook the price it would exact on the vampire. "But how?"

"The silver engraving that, I believe, exists could halt the flow between us…as well as your death or mine."

"So the silver…" Abraham began with confidence, but the vampire interrupted.

"But if I go insane, you would have no way to control me…I would kill you and then every living thing on this island. Great Britain would burn in the hellish flames of my insanity…I can easily imagine it." There was a pause as neither spoke. "You can kill me. This should be done tonight or even now, as we do not know how much you life is being shortened every passing moment…"

Abraham grimaced, paling as he considered the offer. "No." His voice was deceptively confident, though his eyes were without conviction. "The silver will be removed, breaking the equation by removing the compounds and elements…the life energy would just be absorbed like normal blood by your body, as a vampire, right?"

"Yes, but you won't be able to control me." Alucard's monotone made Abraham scowl. "I could kill you. The gamble…"

"Then I will gamble, vampire. And that is my choice." Abraham composed himself, trying to assert his own authority in the matter.

"But you may kill millions with that choice. I don't mean anything, without a life, in comparison…"

"Shut up, Slave." Abraham barked out the order suddenly. "I made my decision. You have no opinion in the matter."

Abraham couldn't bring himself to admit the possibility that the vampire could destroy all of England, so he refused to send notice to the Queen or to his friends to advise that they leave the country. As total evacuation was irrational, he did not even consider it. The vampire had been unable to protest as Hellsing restrained him on the slab of rock that had been brought into the dungeons over a year ago while Abraham was trying to capture the vampire…when he first came up with the idea of binding the vampire as his slave. A deeper chamber in the underground cells had been constructed and soundproofed to the extent that was possible. As always, only the caretaker knew of their presence in the dungeon as the moon rose to the middle of the sky.

Abraham glanced at the silver scalpel in his hand and the other tools that rested on a table next to the wall, somehow finding the procedure to be simplistic. No lines of blood were drawn and Abraham's skin was left uncut. He recalled the last procedure uneasily and looked at the vampire, allowing him to speak.

"Do you remember the last…?"

"No."

Both of their voices were quiet.

"It's going to hurt…and morphine doesn't work on vampires…"

"No, it doesn't to my knowledge. It won't be that hard for me to…"

Abraham stopped him by shaking his head and he tore the sleeve of his shirt, unrolling it before doing so. He rolled it up and leaned to put it between the vampire's teeth, to prevent him from hurting himself as he had before. Alucard's head was restrained already, so he couldn't move to take it from Abraham's hand himself, and his face deadened at the wordless confession of why the vampire didn't remember the last ceremony. Hellsing drew in a deep breath as the vampire closed his eyes.

The muffled screams incorporated themselves into his nightmares for years to come. Having once relished the agony…he now shared it as the instruments carved into the vampire and his unbeating heart…removing the magic that reached like his own veins within his body….Abraham was pulling the roots of the seal, causing the vampire's agony.

The silver was coated in the bronze, forming a perfect outline of the circle Abraham had drawn. The eerie beauty in its perfection made the vampire's voice sharper in his mind. Abraham carved out a chunk of flesh, and pulled on it as an unseen connection seemed to hold it in place. Hellsing froze when he removed it and the seal fell to the stone floor with an echoing bell sound that cut into the vampire's falling cries. The flesh had turned to dust…

Instantly, Alucard became silent and blood attempted to reform the hole in the organ, but his hair was losing its color quickly. Without the source of Abraham's life energy, the state of starvation was quickly taking its toll on the vampire…a minute passed and Alucard had not healed.

Abraham feared what giving Alucard his blood could do at the moment and he dithered on whether to search for the caretaker or not…but this was not able to materialize as an option in Abraham's mind and the vampire's pallor was becoming grey. He drew a line into the mark left on his forearm and lifted the dripping blood over the opening in the vampire's chest…

The blood pooled, filling the missing flesh in the vampire's heart. Abraham almost smiled as Alucard began to heal and his hair became a dark grey. The man watched the blood drip slowly, trying to understand what he had just done…by gambling with the lives of millions for the undead life of a vampire.

The vampire was left strapped to the stone, but as the next night came and went, he did not awaken. Abraham spent four nights watching the unconscious body, finding it outside of reason to give him blood in order to strengthen the vampire, due to the possible circumstances. After the seventh night, Abraham sent John a telegram telling him to come that night.

John arrived, expecting an explanation from Abraham. He followed the silence his friend showed him as he was led through the mansion. When they began to descend into the dungeon, John's confusion turned into anxiety.

"What's wrong with Alucard?"

Abraham's dull expression became a frown and still the man did not speak, only shaking his head. John didn't ask any more questions as they met with the caretaker who walked with them to the deepest part of the dungeon and unlocked a heavily reinforced door. Abraham made the man leave before he opened it. Hellsing carried a lantern and he stepped into the room before John, giving a halo of light over the scene.

John stared at Alucard and the stone table, his eyes widening as Abraham lit candles on the walls and yet the vampire didn't wake up. When Hellsing went to the table as well, he spoke, quietly describing the nature of the seal and what steps had been taken against the problem. He explained how the alchemy…the removal of the seal…had been expected to affect the vampire, only mentioning the possibility of his losing his mind…not the slaughtering of Great Britain.

"Why is he restrained?" John looked at Abraham. He found that watching the vampire made him feel physically sick.

"Morphine doesn't work on vampires…for when I had to remove the seal from his heart." John paled as he listened. "Then, if he has lost his mind, it is to restrain him…"

His eyes widening, John made the connection. "You can't control him anymore?"

"No, but he may awaken in the same state as before…he won't be much of a threat now, I've kept him starved and weak, probably the reason why he hasn't regained consciousness as of yet…" Abraham looked at the white hair. "This is your area of expertise, so I was wondering if you could evaluative his state if he was like this…"

"I know nothing of magic…but I'll do what I can." Minutes passed and John brought the candle he had taken, away from the vampire's eye, letting it close. He had left the flame close enough to almost burn the creature's skin, receiving no response. John reported that the vampire's brain was not functioning correctly as he exhibited no reflexes. "He's brain dead." He whispered, but his depression was removed when Abraham waved the statement away.

"He's still healing. This was to be expected, but you can't do anything more unless he's awake?"

"I can't tell of his sanity…" this was obvious and John worried over how upset Abraham was though his outward appearance did not show it.

Three more nights passed before a letter was sent to the Queen and Jonathon was told that the vampire was no longer under the seal's control and that he had been in a comatose state for over a week. He arrived unannounced, finding Abraham without John who had left, unable to ignore his patients.

Abraham took him into the cell, and Jonathon's anger left him as he saw Alucard, bound almost cruelly to the cold stone. A Eucharist was placed by the door and crumbled along the walls. Abraham observed his precautionary measures before he noticed Jonathon move towards the vampire. Abraham watched in horror and disbelief as his friend touched the vampire's forehead lightly, not having touched the vampire himself for fear of his state of mind. Hellsing hadn't thought Jonathon would ever do such a thing, and so had not warned him. Abraham gasped when Jonathon went rigid. The man withdrew his hand quickly, having realized what he had done and scowled at the vampire. Abraham relaxed, moving to the stone. Some curiosity made him bring his hand to the vampire's brow, slightly covering his eyes.

"I wouldn't recommend touching him as of now, Jonathon, but why did you...?" Abraham began, but the feeling of something soft brushing over his palm, and then repeating itself a few times, made him take his hand away from the vampire.

Red eyes were open and they stared at the men, blinking occasionally. Abraham was speechless for several moments as Jonathon retreated back several steps. Hellsing inhaled.

"Do you know who we are?"

There was a moment of suspense that allowed Abraham to observe the curious look in the vampire's eyes…a sense of openness.

"Why would I, human?"

They started at the title. Abraham's eyes widened. "You know that you are a vampire?"

"Of course." The red eyes narrowed and then looked at the restraints. His expression twisted in surprise and the vampire struggled for a moment, then renewed his attempt to escape the bounds. "What is this? What are you doing to me?" he demanded.

"Do you know who you are?"

The question stopped the vampire's movements and he stared at Abraham without answering.

"You have been called Alucard as of recent time…before you were known as Count Dracula. I am Abraham van Hellsing and this is Jonathon Harker…"

"I do know you." Abraham's wide eyes watched Alucard's brow furrow in concentration. "I know you somehow…not the name…but I know you…"

"I was your Master for this past year." Hellsing found it interesting that the vampire showed no surprise to the claim.

"That seems…right…" Alucard closed his eyes and his face showed his struggle. "Why am I here? What happened to me?" His eyes were open again.

As Abraham recounted the year of bondage, his thoughts fell parallel with Jonathon's. The vampire was not the same as the last time he had lost his memories…but his state could not be described as being threatening though it was vampire-like in most ways. He was without memories…knowing what he was without knowing who he was. The open expressions revealed his lack of contact with the world, not bothering to veil his reactions and emotions. A vampire who never remembered being human…

Abraham no longer felt the heartbeat and he couldn't feel the vampire's emotions…leaving him to the cool emptiness of his individual person.

Alucard was left in his restraints until John arrived, and he awoke during the day, unwillingly.

"I'm tired." He grumbled, but curiosity at the new presence kept him awake. John introduced himself awkwardly and paused, staring at the vampire before continuing to ask him different questions, trying to start a conversation. To his amazement, the vampire refused to speak, only watching his attempts with a smirk.

"What are you trying to do?"

John sighed when all he received after ten minutes was the single question. "You were in a coma, I'm checking your mental h…"

"Don't lie."

John looked into the red eyes that were narrowed. "I'm checking your sanity." He watched for a response. Alucard's eyes widened a little, but a smile came to his face.

"Why do you want to know whether I'm sane or not?"

"Because." John sighed, feeling as if the Alucard he had known was dead. "With the seal's removal, you knew that your mind would be damaged. I'm checking how severe…"

"I cannot remember anything other than that I'm a vampire…nothing of my existence as one. I feel as if I know that other man, Hellsing."

A smile came to John as Alucard seemed to be cooperating. It froze at the vampire's smirk.

"I just want my memories back, human. You have some of them, don't you? I've been told that we have spent time together as of late. Continue your analysis if you will, but I'm interested in my past, not foolish stories or discussions with a child such as yourself." The fangs glistened in the lighting.

"You killed the woman I loved."

John stared at the vampire, finally being able to place the blame on the creature, finding nothing human in it.

"You turned her into a monster and, together with Abraham, I returned her soul to her person…impaling her heart with a stake."

The vampire was quiet, unfazed. "I've probably killed many that were loved. I want to know who I am…how I think…what I believe…then maybe I'll care about your troubles or not."

John's eyes burned with rage. "She was an innocent! You aren't bothered by such blood on your hands?" His body was rigid with the strain of his emotion.

"I prefer the blood of the innocent, perhaps then." Alucard's thoughtful expression was knocked out of place by surprise and blood dribbled from his nose while John's fist was still raised. The man's hand shivered, seeing how the vampire's head was strapped in place so that he could not move it…he was helpless.

"You can't feel anything for my loss?" John bit his lip, bringing his hand to his side. "What about you? You had three wives and now they are all dead."

The vampire frowned and his blood retracted. "Wives? That doesn't sound accurate. Fledglings, maybe…for company but not love of that kind…" he stopped when John turned away.

"I see." His voice was low. "This is the real Dracula…Alucard was only the result of the seal." He closed his eyes and then opened them, stepping towards the door. "I can't help you, vampire. I knew a man, not a monster."

The heavy door closed, the harsh sound lingering. Then there was silence in the room as the vampire stared at the ceiling that was painted with a blush of red from the candles. They flickered though there was no wind.


	20. Chapter 20

_To **night**-_

_I love your reviews and the depth of understanding you have of my story. Thank you for continuing to follow it over the past few months. About the alchemy, I hope it doesn't seem like I copied Fullmetal, I tried to be original, with the fixed idea of exchanged energy instead of matter being deconstructed and reconstructed to form something else, and I researched alchemy after chapter 18 reading a number of websights...I spent over two hours on research and five on writting chapter 19. I wrote this chapter on Tuesday. ^^ I think Fullmetal Alchemist is a great manga, so I'm complimented that my ideas are comparible. Thank you again._

_To **all **of my reviewers-_

_Thank you so much for reviewing and for reading Innocence is the Forgotten. I'm sorry that for a while Alucard seemed like he was...er...kinda weird. It was meant to show that he was not yet returned to his current state (plus I want to give night a huge hug for noticing-and I never hug people) he was meant to be protrayed as being human-like, somewhat influenced in the absurd. I researched some philosophical thought after chapter 10 or 11 and came up with Absurdism and Existentialism, but I was not intending to copy it at any point. I try to only use my own ideas...and had no idea of the connection between the quote "God is dead" and my "Innocence is dead" idea._

_*sigh* that felt good. Ha. These thoughts have been really distracting during school, especially chemistry...because my class can't seem to stay on topic...and thank my teacher in part for my choice to involve alchemy in the story instead of black magic. Here is chapter 20...same number as War After War, Sacrifice After Sacrifice, though much longer in words...I feel bad that this story choked off my other one...all of the people who sent me messages about it excomunicated me... T_T ... oh well_

_I would also like to comment that I have read Leashed Darkness, the first one, and loved it. I also think that anyone reading this would also enjoy it...but I would suggest that they be in high school at the very least._

_Have a nice weekend. ~ death-in-the-orchard_

* * *

Abraham and Jonathon jolted when the door to the study burst open, revealing a rare sight. John was clearly unable to control his emotions and he threw himself into a chair, seething with quiet fury.

"What…?" Jonathon began, but his eyes stopped on the wet blood smeared over John's knuckles. He gaped at it for a second, drawing attention to the hand. Abraham blinked, unable to comment. "He hurt you? How…?" Jonathon got up and was moving towards his friend when he was stopped by the chill of the man's tone.

"It's not my blood." A small smile came to John, making the men pale.

"Bloody Hell, John. Don't say that like you've become one of your patients." Jonathon breathed, staring at John's face. "That smile's really..." He shuddered when it grew with cruel humor.

"What have you done, John?" Abraham was standing, his hands secured to the edge of his desk. John seemed to recover at the sight of Abraham's face.

"I hit him once, but the thing deserved it." John's words turned into a growl. "That monster is not Alucard. It has no concern for life, completely self absorbed, and it speaks as if a human was only the scum of the Earth, oblivious to how closely related it is to them."

"He can't relate to humans…he can't understand them because he has no memory of ever being one." Abraham recalled the conversation he had once had with the vampire about God and the innocence of Humanity. "Right now he can't see us as anything more than sources of food…lesser existences that serve his purpose…like man does to animals."

John crossed his arms tightly and closed his eyes as he leaned into his chair, bringing his chin to his chest. Minutes passed and John sighed, having calmed himself. His eyes opened and they looked at Jonathon who was watching with concern and shadowed thought.

"I recognized him as Dracula, not Alucard." John spoke slowly. "I felt overwhelmed and lost sight of reason for a moment…I blamed him for Lucy's death…" Abraham was emotionless while Jonathon's face contorted at his friend's imaginable misery. "He gave me that demonic smirk of his." John's lips curled for a moment before he leveled them. "I mentioned innocence…and he…" the smile returned, making John seem on the edge of tears or madness. "He just concluded that he probably preferred innocent blood… Wretched demon…" John's face fell to his hands and the room was silent.

"But you're right, Abraham." John spoke from his hands, not sitting up. "A vampire's emotions must come from his once being human…he either doesn't understand or have emotion and empathy because of his lack of memories."

Like the darker side of an ignorant child…but even the cruelest child can cry. Abraham didn't understand why the thoughts came to him, and he sat down. There was no chance of the vampire shedding tears or having sorrow in Abrahams mind. He was different from a child as he was a vampire who had no longing for a parent…for the warmth of their embrace. Vampires have Masters, not parents…their arms are cold. Abraham hid his scowl from his friends as he realized his thoughts seemed to be from his own parental instinct. Absurd.

Something was wrong, taking Abraham from his sleep. He felt chilled for some reason. Rubbing his arms for a moment, he decided to turn on the lamp. Abraham saw something red out of the corner of his eye and froze, paralyzed. With difficulty, the man got up, throwing on his coat before he left the room.

Minutes went by and he returned with his guests who had decided to stay the night. The three of them stared at the bed, unable to think. Finally, Abraham drew a pistol from the pocket of his hunting coat and moved towards the sleeping vampire, stopping just outside reaching distance.

"What in God's name are you doing, vampire?" The eyes opened and Abraham continued. "How did you get out? I trapped you with Holy Eucharist inside and outside the cell."

"Mice and rats love Christ, you could say." Alucard grinned, showing off his fangs, but he didn't get off the bed and eventually closed his eyes, ignoring the men who gawked.

"You made rodents eat…" Jonathon couldn't finish as he paled at the blasphemous thought.

"You found out you can lose your substance." Hellsing grimaced inwardly. The vampire was discovering his abilities at a much faster rate than before…faster than he was recovering his memories. Hellsing frowned as the vampire ignored them. "Of all the things you could have done, you take my bed?"

"It's an improvement to the stone…and I don't feel like fighting off an army of hunters when I'm in this state."

"You could have killed me."

A red eye opened, showing unmasked curiosity and disturbance. "The thought didn't cross my mind." Alucard sat up gradually, looking at Abraham. "I should try…but you're the only thing I remember to some extent." His eyes flicked to the two men at the door, flashing as they settled on his prey.

Abraham blocked the vampire's path as it stood up and falling into habit, he scowled.

"You can't touch them, Slave."

His anger fell to fear as he caught the mistake and the vampire's infuriated expression. A hand lashed out before the mortal could consider pulling the trigger of the pistol, and a sharp gasp filled the room.

Alucard fell to the ground, his hands tearing into the wood for a few moments. His body twisted and he finally curled into a protective ball, shivering and twitching in turns. Stunned, the men didn't notice as minutes past, but they regained their senses when the vampire gave a broken, airy scream.

"Abraham, the seal?" John stammered, moving forward. His eyes watched the creature's suffering and he clasped Hellsing's shoulder. "Stop already." His voice was hoarse, but Abraham heard.

"I…I don't know how." Abraham whispered. It all felt like a dream…he watched numbly as Alucard's shivering became increasingly more violent. "This isn't at all like the seal. He's not touching his heart…it's not the source…" Abraham gasped as John shook reality into him.

"Try something before someone hears!"

Hellsing realized the sparse cries were becoming louder, and his chest tightened, feeling anxiety rise. "Stop." He stammered, knowing the simplicity of the statement. His eyes widened when the vampire seemed to be able to relax. The shivering lessened and stopped within a minute, but the vampire remained in the curled position, obviously in shock. His chest rose and fell rapidly and his eyes opened to gaze up at Abraham.

"How did you do that?" The man didn't answer, trying to understand the situation. John let go of Abraham's shoulder while Jonathon was still at the door. "What have you done to me?" Alucard was still breathing hard.

"The seal still works…and you are indeed my slave, vampire…" the blue eyes narrowed before the man spoke again. "What did you feel? It wasn't your heart."

Alucard stayed in stubborn silence, catching his breath, and then bared his fangs at the men.

"Answer." Abraham tried to find the seal inside of himself, to trigger it. He found nothing.

"It was like I was being burned by both fire and ice." The following growl went unnoticed as the men suddenly felt the reassurance from the statement that the vampire was under their control, Abraham's control, once more. Abraham grinned at the revelation while a cold smile returned to John. Meanwhile the vampire trembled as he realized how weak and helpless he was, how confused he was, how lost…empty…hurt, cold, hungry…pathetic…shameful…useless…powerless…he couldn't understand these…couldn't control the thoughts and dizzy sensation in his head. Something in Alucard's mind flickered.

John was the first to notice the vampire's panic attack. Alucard had caught his hair with his hands and his breathing became violent and erratic as his shoulders shook. Without the sense of danger, John went to the vampire, kneeling down. He saw behind the veil of dark bangs that the vampire's eyes were shut and his face contorted in undistinguishable emotions.

"Abraham." John said without looking at the man, his tone telling of his alarm, and he reached out to calm the vampire.

"No! Don't touch me!" The eyes didn't open as an uneven voice came from Alucard. "Get away…get away!"

"Calm down…" John said gently, seeing one of his patients instead of the vampire he had struck earlier. Abraham stopped him when he attempted to touch the vampire again. John looked up, seriousness weighing his features. "The loss of his memories and now this reversal of roles, the only thing he thought he knew…" John stopped himself as he realized the vampire could hear his whispers. He pulled at Abraham, bringing him to kneel as well, thinking Abraham might be better than himself for what was necessary. Without being told, he reached out towards Alucard.

Red eyes snapped open before the hand reached him. The terror turned to anger and then desolation and final miserable confusion. Alucard closed his eyes tightly, shuddering more violently. "Why? What is this? I don't know. I don't know." He murmured the mantra and his breath began to hitch in his chest and the words stopped. Abraham soon began to share some of the vampire's panic. Seeing this, John took the arm that was still extended towards the vampire. Knowing that explaining how one needed to conduct one's self in such a situation would do more harm than good, he moved forward, replacing Abraham.

John's hands gently grasped the vampire's shoulders and his eyes twitched at how frail they were from malnourishment. He brushed his thoughts on this away and tried to soothe the attack.

Abraham looked to where Jonathon had been, finding an empty doorway that was wide open. He took the invitation to leave the room, dreading the fact that he had to order the vampire not to kill or injure anyone before he left, knowing he had made the vampire's state worsen considerably. Abraham went down the hall, finding Jonathon through the open door to his study. The younger man was collapsed in a reading chair, his eyes unfocused until Abraham walked in. Jonathon looked at him, his face blank.

"How can he always make us feel guilt? He deserves it…" Abraham overlooked the uncommonness of Jonathon referring to Alucard as something other than 'the vampire', and he sat down in silence.

What seemed like an age later, John walked into the room, enervated. He joined them by pulling up a chair from the other side of the room.

"What happened?"

John looked at the drawn faces and shook his head at Abraham. "First I think we all need a drink, something to compose ourselves." Abraham went to his desk and drew out a small bottle of caramel colored brandy and a few glasses. Once the liquor began to take effect, John spoke.

"I think losing his memories, his state of starvation, being tied to the stone…platform…after waking to find himself captured by his prey, then his inability to understand emotion coupled with the sudden trauma of the seal and the consolidation of his powerless position and loss of freedom overwhelmed his already damaged mind…his original self's proclaimed insanity and what the removal of the seal had done. He was conflicted with the instinct to attack when the seal threatened him, but he couldn't…so if vampire's possess human adrenalin, then it could have also contributed to the panic attack…altering the pH level of his blood if it takes in the air he breathes..." Giving up on the scientific explanation, John stopped.

"Doesn't he need emotion for this? He's a vampire not a human." Jonathon muttered, pouring more liquor into his empty glass. John noticed and took the brandy bottle away after Jonathon set it down.

"He has emotion, or is perhaps beginning to have it again. We don't know if he has begun to remember anything. Before it started with his heritage, culture, then some of his individual personality arose. The rate of the rediscovery of his powers, or remembrance of them, is much faster than before…then a mind is not meant to go through so much stress in such a short period, just over a year's time…losing himself twice…being locked up, cut open, role reversed, the magic, the pain…" John sighed. "If he was a normal human instead of the ancient being he is, he would have collapsed earlier or lost his mind." He paused as no one spoke. "I think that if we had stopped the seal earlier he would have been fine…it was the sudden onslaught of pain and the additional confusion…this made the realization that you are his Master…the tipping point in the matter. Then the panic attack itself is usually a terrifying experience…and I doubt he's had one before."

Abraham spoke softly to himself, but the others heard. "I suppose what really defines a vampire…is the length of their existence…the time that allows them to conquer their emotions. As an adult can control themselves and cope, but one who has no experience with raw emotion and uncertainty cannot be assumed to have the same ability…right now he's half a being. A vampire is constructed from a human…" Abraham gave a weak chuckle at the irony of his thought. "…energy cannot be changed in identity…something human does remain in vampires…and yet they are not humans." The cruel sound of children laughing as they looked forward to killing a kitten rung in his ears.

They were quiet. Abraham took the bottle on the table that the chairs had collected around, making John frown. Ignoring him, Hellsing filled his glass and downed it.

"Where is he now?"

Hesitantly, John's eyes fell to his glass that was almost empty in his hands. "I didn't think making him return to the restraints on that stone would be healthy…so…I put him in your bed."

"My bed…" Abraham's eyebrow cocked and he blinked. "…you…put him…"

"He's rather light and didn't seem to notice. He must not have been able to sleep well on the stone or maybe it was his lack of nourishment, but he fell asleep…so..." The mumble managed to end the discussion and John had to confiscate the liquor as hands reached for it.

Abraham slept in a spare bedroom, but his fitful sleep led him to abandon it and find himself at the door to his bedroom. He opened the wooden door with caution, dreading the possibility of waking the vampire. Dawn would arrive in an hour or less.

Blue eyes surveyed the gashes that had been made by the base of his bed from the seal's influence on the creature. His eyes traced upward, along the trailing corner of his bed sheet and he found the vampire's shape, facing away from the door on the side of the bed furthest from it. His bare feet were soundless as he pursued closer. The blankets had been draped over the body. Their reverse position, showing the white underside instead of the coarse black and blue pattern revealed how unstable the situation had been…if John had not noticed, or if he had been hesitant to correct the mistake.

Without realizing it, he removed the blanket and set it in a more proper fashion. He moved to a familiar chair and sat down, numbly pondering what it had felt like for the vampire to sleep in it the year or so ago…when things were almost peaceful for Abraham…. He closed his eyes and dozed off.

John shook him awake a few hours later. "Where's Alucard?"

Abraham looked at John, not understanding the question for a moment. He jolted and whipped his head towards the bed. Reason caught up with him and he settled in the chair. "He's probably in his coffin… it's better for him anyway." Abraham added at John's doubtful look. "He would be able to find it…I told him it was in the dungeon."

Abraham left his two friends at breakfast, knowing that checking the vampire's whereabouts was mandatory. The caretaker was a nervous wreck when he met the man in front of Alucard's cell.

"He just walked passed me…I don't know how…he got out of the cell…the Eucharist's…then right through the wall just not that long ago." Abraham reassured that the vampire wasn't a threat and everything was okay. He left the man with a pat on the shoulder, having easily consoled him and taken the keys for the cell containing the sarcophagus.

When Hellsing tapped the coffin, seconds went by before he heard a few taps from within the casket as his answer. Almost smiling at the odd exchange, Abraham left the vampire in peace.

Alucard listened to the heartbeat leave the room, his face hardened and cold for the nature of his thoughts. Memories of a child tugged at his mind, coming with a feeling he had experienced the night before. The sun beat down on the Earth and the vampire was pulled into the darkness of sleep.


	21. Chapter 21

"_Arthur." Beautiful blonde hair that cascaded down the back of the woman caught the morning light, shining as brightly as her warm smile as she looked down at the sickly boy who was bundled in a comforter. He grinned and lifted his hands so that she would lean down and hug him._

"_Mother." He giggled faintly when she gave him a gentle squeeze. She withdrew gradually, brushing loose reddish-blonde strands from her son's face, letting her see his green eyes more clearly so that they reflected and made her own appear a deeper emerald._

_Then he looked at the windows into his world and the boy lifted his white arms again, beaming just as happily, though with the additional element of surprise. "Father! Father!" The cries were feeble but weighted with adoration. _

_A chuckle came and the window moved closer to the child and then lowered as bed springs creaked. The window moved to the face of the boy and then closed, making the world go black, allowing sound and the warmth of the touch of the boy's cheek to exist._

"_Yes my son. I'm home today. Your mother and I will be with you the whole of today. Do you know why?"_

_The window opened and saw the close face of the boy almost take on a blush, fighting against his unhealthy pallor. "It's my birthday." He giggled again._

_Darkness._

There existed the very same darkness now, but the vampire knew he was only looking at the inside of the coffin. He did not know the people in the dreams he had. They were complete strangers except for the window itself, which was absurd as it was the window…it was only himself in the dream. He lay frowning when a familiar tap came to his coffin and he clearly heard the sound of a heartbeat.

"Vampire."

Alucard froze, recognizing the voice. He blinked, seeing the dream each time he closed his eyes…the same one he had been dreaming, along with a few others of the same nature, since he first woke on the stone, but now he could remember it as if it were reality, a present that had only just burned out of existence and fallen as the ash of the Past. He opened the lid of the coffin, possibly a little quickly as Hellsing's eyes were wide when the vampire looked at him.

"Where is your son?"

Abraham gasped and backed away as if he had been shoved instead of questioned by the vampire.

"What?" he breathed, his face pale.

"What about the woman? You have a wife and a child. The sickly boy in a blue comforter and the blonde woman."

"How do you know this?" Alucard watched the anger in the man's face and hands grabbed his collar tightly, putting pressure on his throat. The vampire ignored this as it failed to affect him.

"So they exist?" Abraham's eyes narrowed, the blue sparking like the passing of a bolt of lightning and he threw Alucard down into the casket.

"You were never meant to know of them, Slave. How did you find this out?" Abraham growled. "Tell me now!"

"Do you think of me as a threat against your family?" the vampire smirked unenthusiastically. "I'm just curious, they are in my dreams…a boy and his parents in a sun bleached, undetailed room…it's his birthday…"

Abraham's jaw tightened and he closed his eyes, turning his face away from Alucard. It was his dearest memory…his son had died only days later. Then his wife had lost her will to live and had been reduced to a shell of herself. She was in a mental hospital. A beautiful empty doll that stared at the morning light and cried, showing her only emotion…as she was otherwise unresponsive. Abraham's teeth tore into the side of his mouth without drawing blood. "My son is dead and my wife is gone, Slave. Do not let me here you speak of them again."

"Why?"

Abraham flinched, his glare forming as he whipped around. Alucard was standing now with an expression of mild interest. "Because I am your Master and I demand it! I order you not to…!" Alucard broke in.

"Why do I have your memories? Where are mine?" there was irritation in the tone, but the facts were what disturbed Abraham. Alucard was remembering things that had never existed for him.

"Why the hell should I know?" Abraham almost hit Alucard, but knew his anger was misplaced, and so, he held himself back.

"Why are you here?"

Abraham's features remained in his glare as he drew out a thick vial of blood and handed it to Alucard. "You can't attack anyone. I'll provide you with blood, Slave."

"Is this your blood?" Abraham fancied that the voice was quieter than usual, but he shrugged it off and nodded as the vampire took the vial. The man looked away as the blood was consumed. When he turned back to Alucard, the vampire was watching him with interest.

No…Abraham blinked at the face. He wasn't looking at him…his eyes were seeing something else…

_Hot and cold. Cheeks burning…they were the tears…the cold was everything else…helping the numbness remain. The window was blurred by a watery veil, and it was cleared and would become obscured once more in turns. White lilies. The flowers and the scent were everywhere. Death. There had been a death._

_There was a miniature, yet magnificent, ivory coffin with golden rails that held a draped veil over the closed lid. The white was like the piano keys. It existed in the song. The memory lived within it, coexistent with the images of the laughing boy, an infant, the beautiful woman. The song sifted through the white world. It faded._

"I know that song…" Alucard's eyes focused and he saw Abraham before him in the cell. "I remember that you played it once…but you ordered me to leave. You remember the boy's funeral when you play it…and other mem…"

The crack of the abrupt collision of Abraham's fist against Alucard's jaw echoed and the vampire watched Abraham's face color with outrage.

"STAY AWAY FROM THEM!"

"Why did you hit me?" The vampire let a small smile escape.

Abraham snarled at Alucard. "Because a monster should not dirty such a thing with its presence!"

"I'm not…" Alucard stopped, giving up on the unreasonable man and he stepped back until he was able to lower himself to sit on his coffin. "If you are going to be this way, leave."

"You can't order me, Slave." Hellsing stiffened, his knuckles sounding in the stone enclosed room.

"You don't even want to be here, foolish human…my Master."

Abraham scowled and, against his stubborn intent, he left the cell. Alucard looked into the darkness, a stolid statue of white granite. This was only one of his dreams…others were still pressing on his mind…

Alucard was strapped onto the stone table and his mind ran over his last conversation with the man who now tightened the leather straps cruelly. He had been left alone in the cell for a week, which he hadn't minded except for his uncomfortable, constant, nagging, hunger. The man was talking to him now as his eyes went about the room, looking at the different, unfamiliar containers and a group of pails. Then his head was manipulated into the last strap that completely immobilized him. The voice became words as the vampire looked up at the blue eyes.

"Are you listening?"

"No."

Abraham scoffed at the response and backtracked in what he had been saying.

"The Queen has agreed that meeting you in your current state is a waste of time, but you can still serve some purpose to earn your keep, so to say. You are not a prime specimen for learning from, though you are still a vampire…you might as well be used for all your worth." There was bitterness in the man's voice as he spoke. "Such a use was acceptable to the Queen and she has allowed me to inform my men of your existence, vampire. These experiments will be run by them, as they are the specialists of your kind, and this will be supervised by myself."

"Did I hurt you, human? Master?" The eyes were keen and observed the spasm of the man's muscles on his face as emotion fought for dominance. "You are distancing me from them."

"Shut up." Abraham snapped, turning from the vampire to the men in the corner, outside of Alucard's view. It was true and the dark shadow of guilt still weighed on Abraham's shoulders. Alucard had come so close to the image of his son, when he had previously lost his memories, then he had come close, almost a companion later. Now, however, the vampire was an unwanted leech, stealing the feelings that Abraham had for these memories and the memories of his family. He was cutting Alucard down from the image of a being to one of a test subject…or at least he would attempt to…to an extent determined by his morals.

The men had been outraged at first mention of the existence of a vampire under their noses, but they came to an understanding as they learned of the Queen's request and the use the creature would be put to. Jonathon had contributed no comment except showing grim satisfaction that mirrored some of John's feelings. John was only slightly opposed to the experiments and had not done more to convince Abraham to change his mind than to mention this.

"I am not a cruel man, vampire." Hellsing's voice moved to Alucard, though he did not come into view. "This is not meant to be torture, they are just unpleasant in nature to yourself." A rag suddenly blotted out the vampire's sight, covering his entire face. A second later the vampire flinched when a bucket of icy water was poured over the rough cloth. He immediately stopped breathing. "We want to know how it is vampires drown, if they really do not breathe."

"We don't need to breathe." The vampire tired to say and then frowned as he heard the unintelligible words in his own ears. Another cold pail of water was poured.

Abraham watched as another was emptied before he stopped them, clearly seeing no response. "So it is being under the water itself that harms them. They don't drown." He walked to the stone and watched as the cloth was pulled away and crimson eyes glared under black hair that was plastered to the vampire's cold and clammy face.

"I could have told you that." He growled.

"And how could we trust a vampire?" a stranger's voice responded, making the vampire bare his fangs in a show of impatience.

"Master."

Abraham remained out of the vampire's line of sight, keeping quiet. A sharp scent made Alucard's eyes widen in disbelief and then narrow as the annoying smell came closer. "Garlic?"

Hands were heard placing the bulbs around him. He frowned sharply and sighed, unamused. "Garlic's influence is a myth." His nose wrinkled in distaste. "It smells as bad for a vampire as it does for a human."

Minutes passed and the men came to the same conclusion that the smell did nothing. They took it away and returned with the powdered form, sprinkling it an Alucard who hissed at the figures he could see in the room, the two men with the garlic. "This is disgusting and annoying."

Alucard stopped commenting on the experiments as they continued, involving the garlic, though he almost bit off a finger when it was placed in his mouth and he spat the peeled clove out at a face when Abraham said that they were to go to the next test.

"Maybe we should try decapitation, Sir." offered the unfortunate man, cleaning his face as he glowered at the chuckling vampire.

Abraham ignored him and wild rose branches were produced. The only affect they had was dispersing some of the garlic smell and the vampire actually asked to keep them, with a brazen grin on his face. Flowerless, for it was not May, common hawthorn branches came next, but held no influence. Then a rosary was laid on the vampire's chest.

Alucard was quiet, without a smile or any emotion apparent. Time passed and Abraham suggested that they put the rosary directly on his skin, so some of the straps were undone and his vest and ribbon tie were removed, followed by his shirt. Some gasped as the ghastly blue discoloration that formed the outline of the rosary on the vampire's chest, surrounded by blue, snaking veins that were fading quickly. They put the rosary on the vampire's chest and the blue returned and then slowly turned a turquoise grey and then final black that began to crumble. A moment of this snapped Hellsing into reality and he snatched the Holy artifact away as the layer of skin was reduced to a charcoal ash.

"Why didn't you say anything?" he demanded breathlessly, glaring at Alucard, but the vampire was unable to look in his direction and remained just as impassive as he had been before. The men were quiet as Hellsing announced that this was the last test for that night. The session had lasted barely an hour.

Alucard was left on the stone as the room emptied, only Abraham remained scowling at the vampire. "You did that on purpose." He stood so that the red eyes could look up at him. "You injured yourself so we would stop."

"No. I just wanted to see the result myself. It hurt and I'm generally immune to most pain and have not experienced a rosary's effect intensely as I have been inclined to avoid them...or that is so for my memory and instinct." Abraham looked at the black tattoo on the vampire's uncovered chest and he produced a vial and set it on a box. He had walked to the side of the room and now remained there as he spoke, his voice a monotone.

"You may drink this and return to your cell if you faze through the straps." He watched as the vampire did this with ease and went to the human as he remained standing next to the vial. Abraham was at the door when the cap was removed and he was gone when the blood passed the vampire's lips.

"_Mother! Mother!" Arthur giggled, a little boy barely past two or three. He gave a proud expression at the praise he received for saying the word so well. "Father!" The window chuckled and the boy was lost from the view as the sensation of taking the child into one's arms was felt. Then Arthur's happy face was seen, moving in the air as the window rotated as if turning in a circle._

The vampire put the vial down and went to the opposite wall, walking through it.

Back in his room, Abraham went over the results. "He really is one abandoned by God." He whispered, reading the description of the effect the rosary had on Alucard, touching the said object that rested in his pocket. Then he looked at the nonexistent reactions in the other tests. "Though, the Earth seems to accept him… I would like to test the running water…" he continued to mumble to himself as he readied for bed.


	22. Chapter 22

Abraham was distracted by the heavy clouds that rolled into the port and did not notice his slave's discomfort. Alucard was gripping the rail of the boat as it rocked back and forth on the uneven waters.

Perhaps a storm has come just as before, because a vampire is not welcomed by the sea itself? The vampire loosened his grip on the iron rail of the small ship Abraham had managed to borrow for the early morning hours. A few hunters had come with them, and their number, combined with a few sailors, still left the ship feeling empty and spacious. An angry wind ripped at his hair, tossing it into the face of the clouds that were steadily darkening. The vampire knew that this was familiar without having exact memories to place the nonchalant feeling.

It was a strange sensation that made Alucard close his eyes, letting the wind buffet his face, cutting over his features. A cold liberation was running fingers over the illusion of his life or soul, whatever held him to his corpse. The sea was coaxing him to enter it, the breeze becoming the enchanted songs of the sirens in the myths of Man. The freedom was unable to hold onto the vampire, but persisted, a constant whisper and touch…

"I need my coffin." He muttered softly, but Abraham still did not take notice of him, his practice in ignoring the vampire having become habit now.

"The vampire is doing this." One of the hunters was beside Abraham and Hellsing nodded, agreeing with the claim. He was still nodding when he glanced at the vampire who was glaring defiantly at the face of the gale.

"Stop." Scarlet eyes, bright for the darkness given by the clouds, peered at Hellsing and Alucard did not turn his head to look at him more directly.

"I'm not doing this."

Abraham analyzed Alucard's face for a moment, frowning when he could not feel a lie in his words. "It's developing too quickly, it is unnatural…"

"Just believe me," Abraham blinked at the words and the dark smile. "…when I say the ocean wants to drown me."

There was something eerie about Alucard's behavior that made him seem to be more of a haunt or phantom than a vampire.

There is such an openness, such a closeness to Death… The vampire breathed in the air, his body feeling a euphoric high. ..I could slaughter….and kill forever…without need or real desire but to fill the void…

Abraham turned away from the vampire as he closed his eyes and appeared to be within his own thoughts. The hunter who had been eying Alucard, stopped when Abraham looked at him. "So we are hostile intruders now. The storm is against us, but bear with it. We are not going far and it will not last long." The man left, the previously occupied space allowing Abraham to see the fading docks.

The sailors were against lowering the life boat into the choppy water, but Hellsing easily convinced them to do so against their intuition. Abraham sat at an end with one of his men while two other hunters were at the other side. One sailor accompanied them and he was staring at Alucard as the pullies and the taut ropes holding the boat above the sea creaked and swayed. Abraham took note that even when they hit the water, Alucard showed no strain. He told this to the man beside him who was keeping track of observations on pieces of paper he held to his chest, looking at the sea warily.

The oars cut into the waves when the bottom of the boat slapped against the water as it rose and fell violently. Alucard smiled with amusement at them and his eyes sparked when a spray of sea water coated his face. Everything was cast in an off grey as the clouds had completely swallowed the sky, making the ocean dark and foreboding as it reflected the heavens.

"I think I should at least have some of my grave dirt with me…" Alucard muttered, unheard. A shadow was building in his eyes.

Abraham was instructing the men on how to go about exposing the vampire to the water when he heard a loud voice.

"I don't suppose I can swim, Master."

Hellsing's eyes narrowed and he frowned in confusion. "Of course not…" His expression warped into one of disbelief as a large body of water hovered above him for a moment, giving enough time for a few men to cry out in alarm, before it fell on them like a mass of piercing needles. The boat tossed and rotated on the surface of the sea as the wave passed through it and the disoriented men rose from the floor, drenched in salt water. There was a loud splash.

It didn't register until the crimson coat fell to their feet beside discarded boots, but the men gasped as they realized the vampire was gone and Abraham had dove in after the creature. They went to the side of the boat, hoping to see the man. The hunters waited in silence while one man began to pray.

Abraham's eyes burned with the sea salt that assaulted them and the moving water threw him in unsystematic directions. He clawed at the water, kicking furiously as he caught a glimpse of the dark shape with his blurred vision. The pain made him close his eyes and he continued blind in the remembered direction, trying to open them at times to make sure the sinking figure was still before him. The ocean grew darker, swallowing the vampire.

A burst of bubbles rushed past Abraham's face as he exclaimed in frustration, ignoring the cold that was numbing him and the pain in his straining lungs. The distressed position tugged on Abraham's mind and his thoughts were senseless and his memories and emotions melded together…

No! Give him back, damn you! Abraham swam more desperately into the darkness, determination overwhelming any helplessness welling in him. GIVE HIM BACK!

Abraham almost gasped, letting a trickle of water seep into his mouth when he felt the unmistakable texture of cloth in his grip. He pulled the limp body in his arms and reversed his direction, turning for the surface. The light weight of the vampire was heavy underwater and the man struggled, seeming to remain in the same place as the moving waves above him made determining distance impossible. He continued to kick, propelling them upward as his vision spotted and his eyes burned with the fire of the salt and his starving lungs. Bubbles drifted from Hellsing's mouth as his arms began to slack and everything became darkness.

It was so cold…death. This was his last thought.

The men watched as they fancied that they could see an inky darkness swirling around the boat. The rocking ceased and the men held their breaths as the waves continued to beat at them but failed to move the boat. Suddenly, two bodies were pulled from the water, drawn onto the boat, and the men went, instantly, to their leader. They tossed away the pale hand that was attached to Abraham's shirt and someone sat the man up and beat on his back as he coughed and threw up water, shuddering with the strain of his lungs filling with air. He breathed in gasps, oblivious of the others until the sailor was before him, slapping his cheek sharply to return him to his senses.

"Sir? Can you hear me?"

Abraham nodded, his mind beginning to clear and he surveyed the faces in a dissipating daze. His eyes finally fell beside him. The vampire lay unconscious on the floor of the boat, his face touching the wood. Hellsing gasped with realization and looked at the waves and then the men around him.

"How?" he whispered hoarsely, but a hand was gripping his shoulder and many voices were speaking at once, adding to his confusion. His head snapped in the direction of the man who was detached from the others, looking at his pocket watch intently until he noticed Abraham.

"The vampire was unconscious upon leaving the sea. It has been over a minute now." The man went to the vampire and put his hand by Alucard's mouth and nose. "The vampire is not breathing as well." He began to scrawl on the damp paper he had shielded in his waterproof jacket. "Also…" his hand stopped moving and he was looking blankly at the paper. "…there was a darkness in the water…and if my observations are not mistaken…I think it was the vampire that pulled _you_ out onto the boat…he was holding onto you while your hands were by your sides…so he was not immobilized completely…or powerless underwater."

The boat fell deathly silent and the humans' eyes moved to the vampire, almost in unison.

When they readied the life boat to be lifted up with the pullies and ropes, the vampire's eyes opened and the observing hunter wrote the time on his paper before Abraham had leaned down to look at Alucard.

A fanged smile flashed making several eyes widen and then the vampire chuckled.

"That was fun."

Abraham sighed loudly at the twisted humor and sat up again, feeling the boat lurch. "You almost died." he growled in annoyance. "How in God's name are you amused by this?" Abraham was shivering from cold as he spoke. Alucard watched for a moment before he closed his eyes.

"You almost drowned." His eyes opened slightly and he got up and sat next to Abraham, startling the hunters while Hellsing was unresponsive. "What were you doing in the water?"

"You can't swim." Abraham hissed defensively and wrapped his dripping coat tighter around himself. Alucard smirked but said nothing as the boat was hoisted farther from the reaching hands of the waves that still wished to claim the monster.

"The voices are like gentle melodies, unlike the appearance of the sea right now."

The tone was quiet and Abraham was unable to hear the vampire.

But I still wouldn't mind having my coffin or some soil…something to secure my attachment to the Earth…with time the sea is becoming more welcoming. Alucard looked at the shivering human. "I guess you are as good as grave dirt for now."

All Abraham heard was 'you are…dirt' and he glared at the vampire. "What?"

Alucard was looking over the sea, but he responded to end the building anger. "Grave dirt. It is a complement." When he was questioned further the vampire didn't answer.

"_I don't suppose I can swim, Master."_

Abraham scowled at the memory after wincing at a sharp pain in his chest. That's how you planned to say farewell? His teeth found the inside of his mouth, chewing on it to incite the pain he hoped would distract his train of thought. Hellsing cursed under his breath, sitting in a chair in his finished library. The expansive rows of shelves that lined the walls and went to the ceiling had a pleasant shine as light reflected off of the polished, stained wood. The only thing Abraham missed was the relative isolation the library had once provided. Now his men sometimes joined him, but, at the moment, he was alone.

The results he was gathering from the experiments were relatively helpful. However, the keenest contribution was the construction of a defense against Alucard should he ever find it within his power to attack the organization. If they could kill their King, then any vampire would fall under their fist. Abraham closed his eyes. This was only half of his drive for continuing the experiments after the vampire's near death. He loathed the familiarity that was shared on one side between the vampire and himself. Hellsing knew he had grown attached to Alucard, this becoming even more evident after the boat incident. He had wanted to remove all of these feelings, afraid that they were invading a reserved part of his heart, but the guilt from hurting Alucard caused the man to remember them.

Hellsing's consciousness began to drift with memories.

_Abraham stared coldly at the Holy water as the crystal container hovered over Alucard, the glass becoming tinted in red from the vampire's gaze._

"_Pour it on a cloth, do not apply it directly." Abraham frowned and hoped his men would not notice his apprehension. "We will record the effects at different levels of exposure." This remark dispelled any doubt Abraham imagined in their eyes and a white cloth was drawn out, ironically appearing to be one a babe would be swaddled in after being submerged in baptizing waters. The liquid swished audibly when the bottle's contents were poured into a measuring instrument and then transferred to the cloth._

_Exposed skin on the vampire's constricted arm provided a strong contrast against the black of the straps, almost diverting Abraham's attention, but he observed the effect of the water. It was like pouring hydrogen peroxide over an infected wound. The bubbles spread over a small area and the skin was corroded away on contact. There was no blood for a moment, allowing the coin sized burn to be seen. When the blood did come, it merely seeped over the exposed area, reforming the pale skin._

_A more significant dose was applied, this time being exposed to a larger area of the skin. This led to the same affect. This continued for two more applications, then a single drop was purposely let onto the flesh, the other arm standing as the control for the experiment, having only normal water on the skin. The Holy water devoured the undead flesh hungrily, delving deeper and relentlessly into his skin and then forming a distinct hole into his muscle tissue. Time passed quickly as the depth of the wound was measured before it closed in the same manner as the other burns. This was repeated twice, giving the same results._

_The other men failed to see Abraham's dulled eyes during this time and he erased all evidence of his struggle after the third exposure. "Enough. Now record the healed skin."_

Another memory came to Abraham, almost appearing in the form of a dream.

"_What?" the vampire smirked, this expression becoming imprinted in Abraham's mind as it came so often. "Is Samuel holding back your smiting hand?"_

_Abraham blinked before his forehead wrinkled, finding the words to be gibberish. He could tell the vampire was speaking to him, though he was still prevented from looking at the man. Alucard was healing on the stone and one of the hunters was stepping away with the cross that was dusted in ash and scarce blood. "What do you mean?" Abraham knew that the man beside him was writing this down as a mental effect of the crucifix._

"_The angel thought to have held back Abraham's hand."_

_Hellsing's frown deepened, not understanding what the vampire was trying to imply. He decided to ignore him, enjoying the relish he felt in the stead of guilt at the moment. A silver cross glinted in the light, held in a steady hand that soon appeared over the vampire's chest. As the cross sizzled and bled disturbingly, Abraham began to order its removal, but a voice stopped his own._

**ט** וַיָּבֹאוּ, אֶל-הַמָּקוֹם אֲשֶׁר אָמַר-לוֹ הָאֱלֹהִים, וַיִּבֶן שָׁם אַבְרָהָם אֶת-הַמִּזְבֵּחַ, וַיַּעֲרֹךְ אֶת-הָעֵצִים; וַיַּעֲקֹד, אֶת-יִצְחָק בְּנוֹ, וַיָּשֶׂם אֹתוֹ עַל-הַמִּזְבֵּחַ, מִמַּעַל לָעֵצִים.

**י** וַיִּשְׁלַח אַבְרָהָם אֶת-יָדוֹ, וַיִּקַּח אֶת-הַמַּאֲכֶלֶת, לִשְׁחֹט, אֶת-בְּנוֹ.

**יא** וַיִּקְרָא אֵלָיו מַלְאַךְ יְהוָה, מִן-הַשָּׁמַיִם, וַיֹּאמֶר, אַבְרָהָם אַבְרָהָם; וַיֹּאמֶר, הִנֵּנִי.

_Abraham and the men stared at the vampire, blinking at the alien language. Then one of the men growled deeply, letting out a hissing breath._

"_It's Hebrew, I'm pretty sure…"_

_Alucard cut off the man._

"_And they came to the place which God had told him of; and Abraham built the altar there, and laid the wood in order, and bound Isaac his son, and laid him on the altar, upon the wood. _

_And Abraham stretched forth his hand, and took the knife to slay his son. _

_And the angel of the LORD called unto him out of heaven, and said…."_

"_SHUT UP!" There was an uncomfortable silence that came after the echoing order. Abraham's fists shook by his side and the men were gaping at the vampire's recital of the verses found in Genesis. He forced himself to remain where he was, glaring at the chuckling fangs. There was steam coming from his chest where the forgotten crucifix had managed to create a grueling scene of blood and ash. The man holding the cross ripped it away when he noticed, but this only damaged the area more._

_The sight took away Abraham's rage and the humans fell back into order, detailing the effects and checking the time for the endurance of the exposure. Guilt flitted through the back of their minds, seeing the gaping wound._

_Alucard saw Abraham wince when he came to inspect it. The blood had almost begun to boil, suggesting the insane temperature the flesh had endured. "Practically a portal to Hell." Abraham mumbled._

"_No." Abraham's eyes moved up from the vampire's chest to his face. "Hell will be much worse than simple flames. That is too unimaginative."_

"_The Bible has called on the immortal damnation as the flames of Hell…"_

"_And do you suppose the great God toured the prophets through Satan's domain?" Abraham's eyes narrowed at the sarcastic tone. "Physical pain can be dulled and ignored with practice and continuous experience. Hell should be personal, one's own damnation, not for the whole of Humanity and those of the undead. Each individual has unique nightmares and obtain suffering from different origins. I believe that Hell is isolation, pain, remembrance, and a loss of future and change…a state of helpless hopelessness that is immortal. Then again, that is only the thought of one damned. What should I know of Hell? Ask the prophets who were assured a place in Heaven, for they must know more of the matter than I."_

_Abraham realized the room had become lifeless, each man rigid, paralyzed in their position, and the vampire laughed, the cell magnifying the sound. Abraham walked over to the discarded cloth, attracting the eyes of the room, and returned to the cackling creature, stuffing it in its mouth. Alucard's humor paused and then he grinned when Abraham removed his belt and strapped it around his face, securing the gag. The quiet continued but for the soft hiss of the Holy water biting into the sensitive flesh in the vampire's mouth._

"_Record this." Abraham said softly to the man beside him at the side of the room, footsteps almost masked his voice when the men began to continue the session. "I want to see if I can find what triggers him to speak like this."_

"_Has it happened before?" the brown eyes of the man scribbling in the large, black journal where not looking at Abraham and did not see his eyes cloud for a moment._

"_It was a similar outburst, but of an entirely different subject, though it contained God."_

"_Is the vampire religious?" A few footsteps hesitated and Abraham's eyes widened at the wall._

"_Yes."_

_There was a sharp note as the silver cross hit the ground, the man putting it away having dropped it. He picked it up hastily, mortified by the accident._

"_What religion?" the man was still writing._

"_I think Greek Orthodox or Roman Catholic…probably the latter, he's from Romania."_

"_But he spoke Hebrew, not even Latin… I almost thought he was Jewish." The man spoke so only Abraham could hear._

"_He can speak a variety of languages."_

_There was a pause, filled by the moving hand._

"_We should still contact a priest to pray or read from the Bible. His saying the quote cannot conclude anything as he made the words unholy in his recital. And it is almost May, so we should perhaps attempt the hawthorn branch when it flowers."_

_Abraham nodded, not speaking as the wound on the vampire finally closed, making his ribcage and emaciated state more apparent. The red eyes were focused on the ceiling, his expression absent._

"_Should we design a gag for the vampire?"_

"_No." Abraham responded quickly. "This is part of the data, I would also like to include a psychoanalysis for the vampire during some of the experiments, and send a letter of the contents of the vampire's words to a psychologist."_

"_I shall contact…."_

"_John Seward. He is in charge of an asylum and has background with vampires, this one in particular. I believe he is the only doctor of his practice who can fit the criteria. A vampire's mind is probably like that of the mentally ill."_

Abraham opened his eyes when one of his butlers walked into the room.

"John Seward has arrived, Sir."

"Write whatever you think of. The mind is a singular thing to the extent of which you chose to isolate it. Introduce your own theories, theories you have heard, even impressions or feelings. They can be analyzed to different conclusions by yourself at different times and by others to find the closest completion of a compiled truth." Abraham was speaking to the two men as they stood, prepared to descend into the dungeon with the others. John glanced at the unfamiliar man beside him, having been informed that he was of keeping track of the qualitative data from the experiments. He also tracked time, but another formed analysis and reported numerical data. Hellsing now spoke to John.

"You can do your separate examination after the session."

John nodded, holding a few booklets for recording his impression of the vampire's mental health.

As soon as they entered the light in the cell, John opened a journal, stabling it with the others, and wrote something down before he looked at the vampire and wrote another short note. Abraham overlooked this for the moment, not dwelling on it as he anticipated an explanation later in John's results.

John had been particular in what he would observe in the session, insisting that he was present for the one involving the priest, the hawthorn, and then silver.

Father Harnett held a Bible in his hands but he was like a gargoyle, lifeless and dressed in black. He was hardened for his duel with the devil, or so he thought in his own mind. Abraham gestured to the priest to open the Bible to a random page. The musky scent washed over the vampire and he closed his eyes, waiting for the ink to be pulled from the yellowed pages, to be given substance and presence by the voice.

The priest's eyes widened and then narrowed and they went to the vampire before going to Abraham.

"Ezekiel 23. I will read part of verse 28…"

"I'm sorry, but please read only short passages and skip to another and read for longer. We test for different lengths of endurance." Abraham gave the priest an apologetic look and the man looked at the Bible once more.

"Behold, I will deliver you into hands of those whom you hate, into the hands of those from whom you are turned in disgust, and they shall deal with you in hatred, and take away all fruit of your labor, and leave you naked and bare, and…."

A cold had stolen over those in the room as they listened to the frighteningly appropriate words quoted by the Lord Himself. The priest gasped and stepped away from the creature who broke out in hysterical laughter, his voice ringing with the word of the Lord.

"You did this?" John was the first to speak and he ended the laughter.

"No, John Seward, it was chance." He was grinning hideously at the ceiling.

"Straight from God…" Abraham mused aloud and suppressed a shudder. "Continue now, but read a bit more." Hellsing looked at the time to make sure it had been recorded while John was writing in his own journal, frowning in concentration. The men who had been disturbed by the vampire saying the stranger's name kept it to themselves.

"The topic was adultery." The man who had recognized the Hebrew language spoke and the priest nodded after a moment.

"Therefore thus says the Lord God: Woe to the bloody city, to the pot whose rust is in it, and whose rust has not gone out of it! Take out of it piece after piece, without making any choice. For the blood she has shed is still in the midst of her; she put it on the bare rock, she did not pour it upon the ground to cover it with dust. To rouse my wrath, to take vengeance, I have set on the bare rock the blood she has shed, that it may not be covered. Therefore thus says the Lord God:…"

Alucard spoke in a low voice, his eyes closed and his mouth devoid of humor. "Woe to the Bloody city! I also will make the pile great. Heap on the logs, kindle the fire, boil well the flesh, and empty out the broth and let the bones be burned up." The priest was watching with horror and the rest of the men felt ill while John and Abraham were pale as death. There was something terrifying and agonizing in the vampire's voice and the quote the random God had given the priest to read. "Then set it empty upon the coals, that it may become hot, and its copper may burn, that its filthiness may be melted in it, its rust consumed. In vain I have wearied myself; its thick rust does not go out of it by fire."

The atmosphere was destroyed mercilessly by the vampire's mirth and he opened his eyes. "Woe to the bloody city, indeed. I the pot, consume the very soul, but I burn all and not the filth as the filth is in every element of Man. Innocence, love, cruelty, greed…made in God's image…" he chuckled, not paying attention to those who were shivering with emotion. The priest was shivering, and gritting his teeth in indignation.

"Blasphemous demon." He whispered and the chuckling faded, not bothering to linger.

"But that too was from the book of Ezekiel, stories of adultery and shame, it has nothing to do with me. The words are easily twisted."

Abraham glared at the vampire, but chose not to gag him. It took some coaxing to get the priest to carry on and he opened to another random page.

"Psalms 149, verses 4-9." Father Harnett inhaled and exhaled slowly and then looked at the Holy book once more. "For the Lord takes pleasure in his people; he adorns the humble with victory…" only the priest failed to see the vampire stiffen. The man recording the event hid his excitement as he believed the vampire was beginning to feel the effects of the passages. "Let the faithful exult in glory; let them sing for joy on their couches. Let the high praises of God be in their throats and two-edged swords in their hands, to wreak vengeance on the nations and chastisement on the peoples, to bind their kings with chains and their nobles with fetters of iron, to execute on them the judgment written! This is glory for all his faithful ones." The priest closed the book with finality and closed his eyes for the last verse. "Praise the Lord."

"Who damns his children with chains of lies and misguidance."

The priest gasped at the vampire's voice and he snarled as he looked down at the eyes as he stood behind the vampire's head. His breath hitched in his throat and his eyes were lost in his fear of the sea of blood that swirled in the vampire's gaze.

"Lies. The Lord chained us with lies. Kill with two-edged swords the children he had created. He sets his children to slaughter!"

The priest broke free when the vampire was quiet and he ran, clutching the Bible to his heart, and he left through the door. Abraham watched his men follow with more dignity and Hellsing told those who remained to go as well, holding John's arm to tell him to remain.

There was quiet for a moment and Alucard closed his eyes, counting the two heartbeats unintentionally as his mind was not with them.

"And he established them for ever and ever; he fixed their bounds which cannot be passed!" the vampire was whispering to himself, but the men heard. "Praise the Lord from the earth, you sea monsters and all deeps, fire and hail, snow and frost, stormy wind and fulfilling his command!" Alucard looked at Abraham when the man stood over him. "Another lie. I have passed the bounds." He smiled at Abraham's wide eyes. "He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds." A lie for the nightmares that plague you, Master, and the misery that resides in John's heart.

The men felt pangs echo in their chests and the vampire's smile grew and then he laughed. "God tells us lies and pushes away the reaching hands of his children. He calls to us, leads our lives, creates what we are, determining the good from the evil. But how can he tell the wicked from the broken hearted? What if the wickedness was brewed from their pain?" His voice had risen and now it fell again. "My Master is taken by his broken heart and now the wicked is strapped to the stone. John was possessed by his brokenness and struck the devil for the one he loved. Both in violence and telling pleasure of wickedness. Tell me which is the broken and which is the devil? A child who loses the love of the parent kills the sibling, is it not so that the child is now condemned? A…" Alucard caught himself as tears fell onto his face from Abraham and his lips parted at the sight. He glanced at John but the man was too far for his immobilized view to turn to. The red eyes went back to Abraham. "Why are you crying?"

"Because the words of the damned ring clearer than the ones from the exalted."

Alucard was quiet for a moment. "I remembered something." He spoke once John had returned to his view and Abraham's tears were gone. The two men blinked but said nothing. The vampire looked away from them and they realized he was not going to tell them more.

"What did you remember?" Abraham pushed, suddenly drawn to the knowledge. Alucard did not continue willingly, but was soon lost in his active thoughts.

"Nothing. It was only a feeling of remembrance…it came with the passages that were read. Blood, death, betrayal, anger, revenge, lies…at the heart of my death was a dark pit of lies. That is all I remembered…I died hating God and so he damned me, cast me from his children but kept me near to observe…so I killed them…but I do not know for sure….if this is what happened…"

Time passed and Abraham gave the vampire the vial of blood, but John pushed past him and handed a familiar journal to the vampire. Alucard looked at it without emotion as he fazed through the straps. He reached for it, making John flinch when both of their hands were touching the leather.

"That's the journal?" Alucard didn't need to look up to know of Abraham's surprise and the man began to speak to his friend, inquiring to how he had received it from the Queen. The voices faded away and the color of the leather reflected as a shadow in the vampire's eyes.

The men were still talking when Abraham felt something cold brush against his hand. He looked down and the vial was gone. Both of the men whipped around in time to see Alucard pass through the stone.

"This is enough for today." John murmured and Abraham was quiet, staring at the wall.

The vampire's crimson eyes glowed in the darkness of his cell and he looked at the journal. His eyes flicked to the blood and then to the leather bound pages. The cork fell to the floor and the vial was emptied.

_The windows showed a young man dressed in a bloody and torn shirt. He stood amongst several children and pulled a kitten from a box and then handed it to a sniffling little girl. She hugged him._

_There was a warmth that surged though the opening of the window. Darkness._

Alucard stared at the ground when his eyes refocused. They were wide…for he had seen himself instead of Abraham's son. He had felt an alien warmth, an emotion that was similar to the others in the previous dreams and visions taken forcefully from the man's blood, reading his passing thoughts and tied memories. The vampire glanced at the journal and bent to set it on the floor so that he could rest in his coffin, but something stopped him.

Moments passed without delivering change. Suddenly, Alucard's grip tightened and he went to the coffin, closing it with the hand that was not holding on to the somewhat worn booklet. The strength of the leather was giving…


	23. Chapter 23

John sat in a chair still admiring the library despite himself, while Abraham was already sitting across from him in an identical seat. The room felt large and spacious as it was empty of life, other than the beating hearts of the two men. The double doors had been locked to offer privacy for the topic of their discussion.

As the topic was one that had begun well before the existence of the other hunters within the estate, it did not include them, and so, they were purposely shut out.

With a heavy sigh, John looked at the man's face before him and then glanced at the booklets on his lap. "The jealous child who kills his siblings…" Abraham's eyes focused on the younger man. "…why would he describe himself like this if he feels apart from humanity? Now he claims to be of the same family."

Abraham shook his head, a little worn, and he exhaled slowly. "I don't know. He may have done it unconsciously. My thoughts are that he is still unstable despite the front." He closed his mouth and leaned forward so that his forearms rested on his legs and he was watching the wood floor. "But there was something that scared me when he spoke…I…" Abraham stopped for a moment before he strained his neck a little in order to look at his friend. "What about you? What did you feel?"

"I'm not sure." John admitted without looking at Hellsing. His eyes ran over the shelves on the side of the room absently. "Lies and betrayal, those are both related to God but he mentions them as his feelings about his death, which he has yet to recall. I don't know if he realizes that it is God's lies and betrayals he feels, but the significance of God currently, and at his death, seems important. I should research him, the man you suggested he was before. 'The Impaler', Vlad Tepes Dracula, or something along those lines."

"But if he himself has yet to recall…" Abraham murmured to the floor, lifting his laced fingers to his lips as his elbows remained on his knees. "He would most likely be against you knowing information that he himself is not aware of."

John observed Hellsing for a moment. "Why do you say that? Since when has this been sensitive to his opinion?" The older man's shoulder's stiffened and he failed to blink for several seconds as John continued. "This man, this vampire, is not the same as the one we knew. He is not concerned with others at all. Everything he does is in his own interest or based on whim, Abraham. He is not Alucard…"

"What do you mean he's not Alucard?" Hellsing sat up, alarming John whose eyes widened a little and he shifted uncomfortably at the harsh tone. "If he's not Alucard, who is?"

"Alucard was the state of Dracula that, for my study, I have named the 'human'- without memories phase, together with some of the 'human' – with memories phase." Abraham was staring, at a loss for what he should say about this. "His current state I have called vampire – without memories, implying that he does not have the 'human' influence that may have existed with the seal. Right now he is a partial form of the vampire we once hunted. He is a shadow of Count Dracula, not Alucard."

Abraham crossed his arms and leaned into the back of his seat with a frown. "The phases I can agree with, but he is still Alucard and I will not refer to him as anything else. I named him, I know what he is to be called." His expression warmed as he realized how uncomfortable John was. "I'm sorry if I'm being a little gruff, John. I don't mean to, you know that."

The young man gave a slight smile and he relaxed his tensing muscles. "I know, it's stress that's been building up." He nodded when he saw Abraham's eyes blink, showing awareness and recognition at the concept. "Why did you cry when he was speaking?"

"Oh." Hellsing looked away again, a little put off by the question. "I'm not sure of it myself, but I presume it was, as I said, how his words rung clearer than the prophets' at times. It was…unnerving." Abraham sighed. "He has mentioned it before, as you've read in the letter the organization sent you."

"It may just be that you are becoming a little unbalanced. You're straining yourself…" John sighed as well and let the topic go before he nodded once more. "His words do eerily make some sense, but they are rather unhealthy and I should caution how much of it you take to heart. He is a monster, damned as he has proclaimed, and his thoughts should not rival the scriptures."

"Yes." Abraham agreed faintly and he cleared his throat and repeated the agreement. "But what of the study you mentioned?"

John eagerly looked down at the booklets, drawing out the large journal. It creaked as he opened it to a page. "Yes, I've broken it up by the mentioned stages, using what I have experienced and observed, concerning the vampire."

Abraham flinched at the reference, but John did not notice.

"Here." John handed the journal to Abraham. "I'm afraid it is a little bit of a challenge to read effectively, how I've managed to exclude an apparent organization of my notes…to some extent." John's volume decreased as he spoke. "And it is rather short, though I hope to lengthen it."

Abraham had to agree that it was a little rough, even containing a web of branching thoughts from a single concept…'child-like'. There were several arrows that disrupted the comparative lists, but he decided to follow them in an order he saw through the disarray. John seemed to be a little embarrassed, but Abraham smiled and the man was comforted. Hellsing got up and turned on the lamp closest to himself before he settled to read what John had written.

'Human' – Without Memories:

_Intelligence – no evil nature; no knowledge of Abraham or others; did not know identity as a vampire_

_(interests) – stories, playful entertainment, knowing about vampires and self, Wonderland, natural curiosity, interaction, JOURNAL_

_Self (pride) – does not mind status, no reaction to being called a slave, never hesitant or unwilling to follow an order, no apparent sense of pride – seen in speech as well_

_(behavior) – docile, child-like: eyes and demeanor, not entirely confident, saving of the bird, childish interests and responses, random behavior, unselfish, empathetic, poems and desire to write down thoughts and details about his self, JOURNAL, calls self a monster after being told this, self value?, disgusted by blood, human-like, concern for others, need to be with others, fear of being alone - poem_

'Human' – With Memories:

_Intelligence – no evil nature; knowledge of what has happened; wisdom; knows identity as a vampire; magic; the seal and alchemy_

_(interests)- little in blood, innocence, state of Man, Abraham, Jonathon, stories, human interaction, some playfulness yet maturity, God, religion, parent – Jonathon, refusal of suicide and anger – God and preference – own beliefs, JOURNAL, self = damned and a monster and should die at human hands (Abraham's)_

_Self (pride) – no effect for being at the status of a slave, connection as once being human, having understanding of humans and emotions and other, follows orders, refusal to end own life with mention of cowardice for such an order, dignity – to an extent, no shame for changing shape and indulging in the absurd for interest_

_(behavior) – a little pessimistic, in touch with God, coaching Abraham in proper conduct and other, interaction with humans and shared interest, concern for others, need for connection and some attention? – no obvious evidence for this_

Vampire – Without Memories

_Intelligence – some evil nature, knowledge of being a vampire, not of being human, lack of emotions and cannot understand or handle them well, stress on mind, trouble coping, has the Bible memorized?_

_(interests)- blood, Abraham, God, religion, God and preference – own beliefs, JOURNAL?, self = damned and a monster, Hell, making others aware of damnation, lies and betrayal, himself and memories and death, no interest in humans – food/blood only_

_Self (pride) – dislikes status as slave - belief in being brought lower, looks down on humans as being lesser, self absorbed, only respect for Abraham to an extent, panic attack from role reversal - complete lack of understanding – trouble with human emotions - trauma from seal - vulnerability, predatory (dominant) nature_

_(behavior) – no sense of empathy, likes to draw out pain and fear from others, no concern – Abraham's tears, smiles during pain, some self-destructive characteristics, indulgence in pain for curiosity, little self value – life and continuation for it-boat and almost drowning, saved Abraham, overall numbness and lack of care, pessimistic, dangerous – threat to humans – Jonathon and myself – no threat towards Abraham(apparently/influence of seal?)_

Abraham's eyes lingered on the page without rereading any of the words, and he let out a sigh. Without closing the journal, his eyes went to John who was watching him with an arm on the side of the chair, his hand as a fist at his mouth. It was all true, yet it wasn't how Abraham would describe the vampire, and there was this pressure in the back of his mind that was coaxing him to inform John about this and about the vampire's mysterious knowledge of his family.

"These are the non scientific observations, as I have little confidence in any of my theories at the moment. But for these…do you not agree with them?" John spoke slowly, intimidated by Abraham's hard expression, though his anxiety was hidden from the man by his hand.

Abraham blinked, registering the words. "No, all of it is accurate. There just seems to be more depth to it…"

"I know, it's a work in progress." John smiled and moved his hands to the ends of the armrests. His fingers tapped a tuneless beat for a moment. "I want to leave this with you so that you can add your own opinions and observations to it. I would have to monitor the vampire in order to know enough to form an analysis I can be proud of, but I can't, as you know."

"Yes." Hellsing agreed, his attention being occupied by the journal.

"I think you need a distraction…to rest your mind or draw it away from this." Abraham still didn't look at his friend as John spoke. "Are you going to carry on these experiments forever?" Blue eyes focused and shifted to John. "I'm just wondering how long this will continue…I'm concerned for your health…"

Abraham didn't respond and John crossed his legs, trying not to frown as thoughts filled his mind. He changed tactics.

"What do you think of him? Alucard… You have some form of the seal between the two of you, so does a bond still exist?" Abraham looked away to the floor and then the wall as he reclined back. "Why doesn't he have the instinct to kill you, yet he has it for others? Then why do you insist on not referring to him as the monster he is?"

"Because I don't know what a monster is."

There was quiet and John's eyes narrowed a little. "We've always agreed that Count Dracula, even Alucard, was a monster, and he is more like one now than ever."

"I'll wait until he recalls everything, until his mind settles…before I start labeling what he is, though I too agree that he can be called a monster. I just don't know if that is exactly what he is, or if that is all he is."

"You are clinging to the memory of Alucard, Abraham." Hellsing looked at his friend's serious expression that was shaded with pity. "Alucard is gone."

"He is still Alucard."

"He's gone."

Abraham growled in exasperation. "It's not like he died, John. He…"

"The personality died, so the one you knew is gone. He is dead, Abraham."

"Like I said." Abraham struggled to control his temper. "We'll see, and I am not clinging to anything. I am not treating him like before. I am not pretending he is anything other than what he is, at the present." Hellsing exhaled. "Then about the seal…the bond…he has received some of my memories."

John's eyes were wide with concern, but minutes of deliberation about the seal led to the universal conclusion that John could not help Abraham, as he couldn't understand anything Hellsing tried to explain. Abraham wasn't disappointed. He didn't understand half of what he'd said himself.

It was late and both men agreed it was time to retire for the night. John would conduct his interview with Alucard in the morning, to further his analysis before he left.

Hellsing and John descended into the dungeon during the midmorning hours. The caretaker sent regular, anxious glances at the man, but John just smiled politely and told him not to worry as the keys slipped into the lock and turned. Abraham closed the door behind them when John entered with a lantern. There were wicks that were fixed to the stones of the walls, and Abraham instructed John to light them while he woke the vampire. John watched curiously over his shoulder as he went about the room, and Abraham tapped on the coffin. Both men were motionless when moments passed. Finally, a single tap followed by two quicker taps came in response. The men were quiet.

"Almost seems like he said, 'Go away.'" Some humor came into John's murmur as he continued, but Abraham was frowning.

"Wake up."

Silence.

Abraham growled. "Open the coffin and get out. John is going to ask you some questions." The lid creaked open and Alucard gave his Master a tired look before following the order.

"You won't kill him or hurt him in any way." Abraham's tone was flat as he spoke and the vampire straightened. "You will answer what he asks you truthfully and fully. Do not try to anger him on purpose and do not try to scare him away. Let him do his work and be done with it." The two looked at each other, Abraham's frown increasing before he turned sharply to John who had finished with the candles. He bade him good-luck and left.

John hummed, viewing the cell, and he went to the door to bring in an idle chair he had seen just outside it. He dragged the chair across the floor, still holding on to his booklets, including the one he planned to leave with Abraham. Red eyes followed the progress and rested on the man when he sat in the chair to the side of the coffin. The vampire took a step back and sat on the casket, expressionless.

"Good-morning." Alucard stared at John in response, making the man's lips curve into an awkward smile. "Alright." He looked at the journal and opened it, pausing afterwards. His eyes went up to Alucard. "Where is the journal I gave you? You know what it is right?"

Fingers rapped on the lid of the casket. John's face began to fall to a frown. "Those were questions."

"It's in my coffin."

John shook his head to rid himself of building annoyance, and he focused on the journal in his lap, holding a fountain pen ready in his hand. "Have you begun to recall your memories?"

"Yes."

"Are they more recent ones, or are they older memories?" John wrote what Alucard said beside the question he had written beforehand.

"Both."

"Were they in chronological order?"

"No. Not if you mean following the progression of my existence. The more recent memories are returning more quickly than older ones."

John smiled at the lengthy answer and he glanced up, dissatisfied with the stolid figure he saw. He looked down at the journal again, moving his eyes back to the vampire after reading the questions. "What have you recalled? What specific, seemingly prominent events? Do you remember coming to England and what followed?"

"I do recall what transpired during my time in England and the events that led to my capture, but not the actual event. I do not remember what happened after that. I have most of the memories from the brief period I spent without them in your and the other humans' company. I do not remember the time I spent with you following this. Then I have some memories of Romania as the Count. I recall no other memories, but the mentioned feelings or premonitions that I have already told you."

"What about now? No trouble recollecting recent events, such as remembering what happened yesterday or last week?"

"None."

The human shifted in the seat to find a more comfortable position while he read over what he had written. John went to the next question. "Why did you save Abraham if he is just a human?"

"He is my Master." John's hand hesitated for a moment. "And he is the only thing I found familiar when I woke."

"Do you want to know more about him?"

"No."

John blinked, not suspecting the answer when the previous one had hinted at interest in the man. He drew an arrow to the side. "Why not?"

"Because I have no desire to."

Gritting his teeth as the distaste he felt for the vampire surfaced, John didn't comment. "You have some memories that are not your own?"

Alucard was quiet and John watched as he stared at the wall. "Yes." He paused again and John's brow creased. John blinked when he realized the vampire was trying not to continue, but the order was pressuring him to. "I have some of Abraham van Hellsing's memories."

"What are they of? And, do you know why you have them?"

"His family." The man jolted but Alucard ignored the reaction. "His son and his wife. His son's death, birthday, and other random events. Then one memory containing myself that I had not known of before." Alucard's jaw tightened and he continued while his eyes were unchanged. "I have seen the memories as dreams, ever since my waking. Then, I also stole some of them from the few vials of blood Abraham has since given me."

John's mouth twitched at the confession, but his mind was preoccupied. "His family?"

Red gazed at the man. "Yes."

"Is he aware?" John's eyes were a glare, but the vampire didn't seem to notice.

"I asked him where his son was at one point, along with his wife, after I had a dream and realized it was his memories I was seeing."

John drew a breath of disbelief and felt compassion for the poor man, coupled with more dislike for the vampire. "What did he do?"

"He yelled at me." Alucard's eyes unfocused in thought. "Then he gave me a vial of blood for the first time and I took the memory of the boy's funeral…and heard a piano, which led me to remember when I had heard him play the song before. I commented aloud and he struck me." John's eyes were vacant while Alucard paused in thought. He smiled, making John's shoulders quiver. "He said it was, _'Because a monster should not dirty such a thing with its presence'._" The vampire chuckled. "I told him to leave because he was angry and refused to be reasonable." Red eyes gleamed at John and the man frowned. "Then the experiments began. He's doing it to separate me from them. I've said this to him on multiple occasions and he has never denied it."

John tried to speak but the vampire cut him off, purposely. "He's amusing, always telling me to 'stay away from them'."

"He loves them." John scowled, and spoke dourly. Light brightened the vampire's eyes. "He doesn't want you to ruin his memories. They're precious to him."

Fangs glistened in the candlelight within a cruel smile. "What of the one about me?" John paled somewhat and lost his expression. "The one of the little girl who cried as children, all boys, laughed…about to murder what she loved…what she held precious, so to say."

"What are you tal…?" the question died with the strengthening of the creature's grin.

"Boys, all too young to be recognized as sinners by the Church, being younger than the age that allows sin to attach to the soul…they were going to hang a kitten. I remember the rope, the smiles…" Alucard chuckled and his look became distant. "Yet I didn't tell my Master the extra details because I felt like protecting him." He scoffed. "Ridiculous."

"Why is that ridiculous, vampire?" Alucard stared at the outrage in the man's face. "Why? You've protected Abraham as well! You didn't let him…!"

"What was there to protect the human from?" Alucard said coolly and John's anger froze over. "From knowledge about his race? That children are, or can be, evil? He doesn't need sheltered ignorance. He should know what it is he exists as…as a Man."

"Innocence is dead?"

Alucard tilted his head to the side as he heard the whisper, his expression easing back into nothing. "In some sense." The vampire looked at John. "Why did you say that?"

"You said this to Abraham before, and he mentioned it to Jonathon Harker and myself. It is also in the journal."

Alucard's gaze was blank. "I don't remember."

"It was after you had recovered your memories. You also stated some details of your death, as you recorded in the journal which I've read along with the Q…" John stopped, shaking his head. "That'll come later." He watched with satisfaction as he had the vampire's undivided attention. "You died for God, leading an army…your men fell before you and you yourself were beheaded. But you drank the blood of your own soldiers, in defiance, and became a monster."

John watched the silence and lack of response from the vampire, other than a distant stare directed at the floor.

"Don't tell me anything else."

"What?" The John spoke softly and his forehead creased in confusion. "You've been so fixated on finding out who you are and your interest in Abraham is based mostly on…"

"It feels like a story about someone else. I experience no recognition." The creature's eyes narrowed, then went to the human. "Do not tell me more. I wish to remember on my own."

"Why?"

"Because that is my right."

"Your right?" John frowned, his opinion of the vampire making him continue quietly. "You don't…"

"Don't say it, human." John's eyes widened at the hiss and his heart fluttered with a whisper of fear. "I'm fully aware of what I am." The words drew out John's attempt at composure and he straightened in his chair.

"Why don't you want me to tell you anything?"

"I have the right to remember it however I want. They are my memories."

John was silent, observing the instant calm that the vampire adopted.

"I wish to remember them on my own."

"Hm." John looked down at the journal and he shut the cover gradually. "You said other things." Alucard gave him a look of warning, but John ignored him. "You had two sons and a wife that…"

"Silence." The vampire's voice was low. He stood with eyes burning down at the unresponsive man when John ignored him.

"…committed suicide because of the Tur…"

"I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP!"

The roar rung and rebounded, building on the walls until it became deafening and John winced. He covered his ears for a moment as the echoes continued unnaturally. The door swung open and the two pairs of eyes found the caretaker holding an old pistol shakily. While the echo escaped through the door, John blinked in surprise at the gun while the vampire appeared to be unconcerned.

"What's going on?" the man demanded timidly, glancing at the still cell. "I thought…I…well…" he stammered, putting the pistol away at his belt. "Excuse me." The caretaker closed the door hastily, making the sound reverberate off the stones for a while.

"Ask me questions, don't tell me anything." Alucard stated dispassionately after the sound dissipated, and he sat on his coffin.

"Have you read the journal yet?"

"No. I was sleeping."

Doubt came to John with a frown. "Last night?"

"I had nothing else to do, so I slept."

There was quiet. "Why not read the journal?"

"I didn't feel inclined to at the moment."

"Why not?"

"No reason."

John's face grew harsher and then eased as he looked over the memories of the panic attack and the vampire's current situation. He scarcely had interest in anything, seemed to like being isolated, he didn't invest time or much effort into something that would occupy him, and he was alone, living off of one or two vials of blood a week… It was pitiable, suddenly, in John's mind. Saddening… "Are you unhappy?"

Alucard didn't seem to understand the question and he stared at John. "What do you mean?"

"Well," the man sat up and moved the journals to his thigh as he crossed his legs. "…are you happy?"

The vampire gave him the same blank expression. "Why would I be?"

John watched the vampire's feature's closely. "So you're unhappy?"

"I don't know."

"Are you?"

"I dislike my position, if that is what you are asking." The hostile tone was accompanied by a mild glare.

"Does that bother you?"

"What?"

"Being unhappy."

"I don't feel anything." The vampire frowned at the floor, clearly annoyed. "It isn't being unhappy or happy. There isn't a perfect state that can use those words. I'm not happy or unhappy. I just don't care."

"Would you like to be happy? Or do you prefer being unhappy." John was leaning forward in his seat, realizing this he sat back.

"I don't care either way."

"Would you like to be free?"

There was a pause and Alucard mulled over the notion. "Yes."

"Why did you hesitate?"

"I don't know what I would do with freedom. I don't remember if I had a purpose, goals…anything. My castle is gone, my fledglings, dead…I don't have anything to return to if I were to be granted freedom. I suppose I would be able to rid myself of this nagging hunger, but there is nothing else." He paused again. "I can't have freedom until my memories return, until I remember who I am."

"But no one else can tell you this? Who you are?"

"No."

John was ashamed as his lips twitched, almost forming a smile at the cooperation Abraham's order had provided. "What are your interests?" He suddenly opened the journal again, having forgotten its intended purpose.

The vampire hesitated and growled at the question, forced to answer. "I don't know. I have interest in feeding, then my memories, and some in this man who has been said to have defeated me and has reduced me to this state."

"Anything else?"

"What else is there?" The mask of indifference had fallen before the vampire's face again. John wore an identical one with effort.

"You used to like literature, writing in the journal, tracking thoughts, observing humans…"

"That was when I didn't have memories, before."

"You still showed interest in these when you recovered your memories."

"Then that was the seal's influence, it made me that way, or so I'm told. But that doesn't matter if I have no interest in it now. Past feelings are useless, dead to me, if they are no longer present."

John said nothing for a while. "Why do you smile during the experiments?"

Alucard looked at him for a moment.

"Do you enjoy pain? Or do you not feel it?"

"I feel it. I just don't care. There's a thrill, I suppose, and then the thought of knowing more about what my body is capable of, or what my limits are. That interests me."

"But that falls with your memories, about you, you are interested in yourself and knowing yourself." John crossed his arms after gesturing towards the vampire.

"Yes."

"Do you enjoy them? Would you care if they stopped?"

"It means nothing to me whether they continue or end tomorrow." John wrote a note.

"On that ship, did you feel any fear?" The human rarely blinked, all of his senses were focused on the monster as he spoke.

"No."

"You could have died. You were in a dangerous position, so why not be afraid?" Alucard was silent. "Do you care if you die?"

"No."

John's lips became a line and he bit the inside of his mouth. "Why not?"

The vampire finally realized what he had said and he laughed. The human watched as a chill ran down his spine, branching through the marrow of his bones to infect his limbs. "Because I have no purpose, John Seward." The man flinched at his name and the cackle that followed. "I have no reason to continue, in all reality. I have no reason to live or a desire to."

"Why not kill yourself?"

The laughter was cut off abruptly and Alucard gave John a icy glower and then sneered. "I don't think you usually say that to patients or others in my position." John was unfazed and he waited for an answer. "Because I feel only disgust for the thought, and I do not have a specific desire to die at the moment, though if I did…it would mean nothing."

"That was the same opinion you had before. You despise suicide." John's eyes were unfocused. Then they returned to the dark outline that was the vampire. "What if Abraham died? Would you care?"

"He is my Master. I wouldn't allow him to die."

John's eyes sparked and he pushed a little more. "But he's mortal. What if he fell ill and died? What would you do? How would you feel about that?"

"I wouldn't let that happen." Alucard's face was unreadable and his voice was monotone. "I would recognize that he was ill. I'm neither negligent nor stupid enough not to notice."

"Why would you do that?"

"Because it is my position, and I can at least do that."

"So you take care of Abraham, that's your purpose as a slave?" John looked for agreement, but all he found was a shadow that settled over the vampire's features.

Alucard smiled grimly and looked passed the man. "No."

John flinched in his seat, but held his tongue because of the heavy atmosphere that seemed to descend upon the cell.

"He is mortal, while I will likely outlive him by centuries." Alucard paused and the human could not remove his eyes from the vampire. "Humans have an illusion of wasting away, that life is escaping through their fingers too quickly. They struggle to use every grain of sand that the hourglass of their fragile, mortal lives contains. What I feel is far different. I have all of forever to look forward to, until I am killed. I have this expansive nothingness that is slowly swallowing me." Red orbs flashed as they left the stones and refocused on John, holding the man's eyes. "Protecting a single human is such a fleeting purpose that I can hardly feel its weight on my shoulders, but that is the only thing anchoring me. It is the only thing preventing me from drifting away and losing myself in this figurative vacuum of nothingness that stands as my future. After that, there is only the scene of my place in Hell." Alucard smirked at the pale face his eyes reflected for an instant. "Does this do anything to answer your question, John Seward? Or does it create a larger number of questions from the ashes of the previous one?"

Only quiet followed. John excused himself and left the cell. He went to Abraham's office while Alucard remained on the coffin, watching the darkness and the lingering smoke from extinguished candles hang in the unmoving air. He glanced down at the casket beneath him, standing slowly. The lid was removed and Alucard stared at the journal that rested at the bottom of the coffin lining, while the silence persisted, unbroken.

John's presence faded from the estate and Abraham mulled over what the man had told him before leaving, his hand secured to the surface of the large, yet relatively unused journal.

"_His only purpose for existence, is you. He has nothing he cares for, no value for himself. He has only you because of the seal and his servitude. The vampire's responses and my questions are recorded in these pages…" John handed Abraham the journal as Hellsing's eyes were still wide with the younger man's words. "…I would say, if he was human, that he was in a state of depression, but there's something that makes that impossible to apply to him. I'll research the man he was, in hopes of understanding all of this, but read what I wrote and comment on it for the time being. I'll return soon. Goodbye, Abraham, and please do not strain yourself further."_

Abraham scowled without feeling any reason to. He didn't know how to react or what to feel at the moment, so he felt a sea of colliding emotions that cancelled one another to be registered as nothing in his mind. This built up an emptiness in the man, and Abraham removed his hand from the book to return it to his documents. Blue eyes skimmed over a letter from the Queen.

"If he exists for me, then he would serve me and dedicate himself to me…" Hellsing murmured, lifting the letter from his desk. "He could be used…if he were to lose the attachment he has for his race…" The paper lowered as Abraham's turned to the window beside him, holding the grey clouds that softened the man's face.


	24. Chapter 24

Alucard's eyes opened to the darkness of his coffin, and he watched it as his consciousness stretched away from his body. No expression clung to his features, and the vampire remained this way for several minutes before he fazed out of the casket and melted into the beckoning darkness.

He stepped forward and deliberately allowed a twig to snap in order to alarm the two figures that were slinking along the perimeter of the grounds. Two pairs of eyes glimmered in the shadows, widening when they saw the vampire. A moment passed and they came into the moonlight, leaving their faces obscured by the night. One of the women walked towards Alucard, in front of her companion, while both analyzed him with curiosity.

"Are you here for the hunter as well?" one spoke in a low voice, a chestnut mane falling before one of her eyes while the other peered at Alucard's face. Soft pink lips covered her fangs, but a red tint in her grey eyes told of her identity. "I didn't know there were others of our kind so near here, or so willing to go against our enemies."

"Is your target Abraham van Hellsing?" The stoic face unnerved the female vampires, but they felt a wave of relief at the name.

"Yes." The other woman came forward, revealing features that were identical to the vampire she stood next to. They were twins.

"You are here to kill him?"

"As a warning to all humans." One hissed, baring her fangs in a snarl. "They have forgotten the dread that comes with our name and they were foolish enough to kill our companion." She paused and the women blinked in unison. "If we share the same goal…help us."

The vampires watched one another in quiet, then Alucard turned towards the estate. "Come, then." He gave a disturbing smile over his shoulder, and the expression was returned by the other vampires as they went to him. With one on his right and another on his left, his hands shot out suddenly, gripping their upper arms and he melted into shadow as their gasps were left behind.

Their gasps finished abruptly when they jerked in Alucard's grip, and Abraham looked up from his desk with widened eyes. He stood, gazing at the women, and then his slave.

"What is the meaning of this?" he demanded, glaring at Alucard, and confusing the female vampires slightly. They recovered and sneered at Hellsing, grinning hideously, but they were immobilized by Alucard's grip and both hissed at the vampire.

"Let us kill him! NOW!" one yelled as the other struggled.

"LET GO!"

"Alucard!"

The room fell into silence as the twins glowered at Hellsing and then realized what he had said.

"I order you to explain this! Why have you brought two vampires into my house?" blue eyes were blazing with outrage, but there was no fear or doubt in them. Abraham knew his vampire wasn't planning on letting the women kill him.

The twins were staring up at the creature that was holding them back with only one hand, each. Fear flashed through their eyes and they recoiled from the contact.

"What…is this?" one whispered, but was ignored as Alucard refused to look away from his master.

"They wanted to kill you." Abraham waited for his slave to continue while Alucard's lips twitched, but this was enough to incite an outburst of desperate rage from the female vampires.

"TRAITOR!"

"LIAR! YOU TRICKED US!" they howled and tore at Alucard for a moment.

Eyes suddenly appeared at the bloody gashes on the nosferatu's arms and their gazes pierced the women, paralyzing them with fear. They began to shiver while they felt their strength ebb away, shock snuffing out the fires of their spirits, leaving them to drown in cold dread.

"Can I eat them?"

Abraham looked at the pitiful creatures that were being held up by Alucard, now that they could no longer stand. The twins were shivering violently and let out whimpers at the question. "I suppose, but…"

The contortion of the vampire's face into frightful glee stole Abraham's breath, and the monster smiled with rows of daggered fangs. The vampires could no longer shiver, gazing up at Alucard with wide, lifeless eyes.

"Thank you, Master." There was wild hunger in the low purr that passed as the demon's voice, twisted with an unknown humor.

Abraham stood in a daze when the vampires faded into the floor, staggered by what had just happened. He gasped, coming to reality, and called after Alucard without receiving an answer. He dove away from the desk, his hand slipping and upsetting a few papers so that they floated to the ground as the door stood gaping behind the man. He ran through the estate and down into the dungeons, thankful that he didn't meet anyone who would take the initiative to find out what his urgency was based on.

What will he do? Hellsing's mind raced, flying through blood bathed images that made him dizzy. Torn limbs strewn about, an arm piercing a heart as fangs plunged into a neck, blood streaming, wide whitened eyes… Those women…what if he raped them? What if he tortured them for pleasure? What would the demon do with freedom to fulfill his whimsical desires?

When Abraham descended the steps, he almost fell at the sound of the screams and pleadings that began. He dashed down a corridor lined with doors, finding the vampire's cell as the shaking caretaker managed to unlock it. Wide eyes went to Abraham and the man froze, his keys still rattling against one another in his hand. They fell to the stones as he tried to speak.

"S..sir…these…"

"They're vampires, not humans." Hellsing snapped back, quickly going to the door. The screaming had decreased to one voice, and it was broken by sobs. The metal door flew open, revealing a sight that caused Abraham's body to grow cold and stiff.

Shadows and black fire obscured the cell, the darkness teeming with a multitude of red, burning eyes that swam with madness and bloodlust. Hellsing flinched when he couldn't hear the screams anymore, only whimpering and gasps coming from a figure dangling from Alucard's mouth. The vampire didn't look at his Master, his face hidden by the brown locks of hair as he drank. Blood that dripped from the woman's shoes, hit the floor and then slithered to Alucard, absorbed by his immediate shadow. The flames were creeping closer, slowly engulfing the woman, and they entered the hole that ran through her chest.

The men watched in horror as the female vampire was swallowed by the fire and all that remained was Alucard's lone figure. His eyes were closed as the darkness went back into his body.

"I was too hungry to play with my food, Master. There wasn't a reason for you to supervise." He spoke slowly.

"What…did you just…do?" Abraham gasped, realizing he had stopped breathing. The caretaker was trembling behind him.

"I ate them." Red eyes went to the blue.

"But…those flames…the…"

"I ate them, entirely, Master. As I told you, I was too hungry…even to care that they were trash." There was a pause and the vampire smiled cruelly. "They had all sorts of things planned for you. You should be happy that I ate them rather than allowing them to tear you apart and consume your still beating heart."

Abraham recoiled, almost bumping into the caretaker. He slowly backed up, giving the older man time to get out of the way as Hellsing closed the door.

"Goodnight, Master."

The door shut and the men didn't move for several moments, but, eventually, Abraham ordered the man to lock it. When the caretaker continued to shiver, Hellsing offered to share a cup of coffee with him, and the two ascended the stairs in silence, looking forward to having company and comfort rather than the hot drink itself.

_To My Dear Friend John Seward,_

_I have read what you wrote in the journal you left with me, and have it positioned next to me as I write to you at present. The vampire has proven himself to be wholly of his darker nature, while I have come to something dreadful. I feared him. For an instant, I feared my Slave, as should never be the case. I thought, optimistically I suppose, that I should be able to use Alucard as I had planned before, to hunt and kill his kind. I thought that, for his pride and (superiority complex?), that the only obstacle should be his attachment to his kind, but that is not true. He captured two vampires, both women, and ate them. He ate them in a way even more disturbing than how he had once consumed the child vampire. The fear I mentioned, diluted with realization. They were vampires. The women were vampires, and Alucard killed them readily, though he still came to me for permission I hesitantly gave. There may be a 'noble' use that is compatible with his monstrous nature, for its lust for blood. I don't suppose he can survive off of his own, existing as a cannibal of sorts. It is too repulsive. I need to find a way to supply him with blood, as I have realized some of the savagery came forth from hunger, though Alucard mentioned that he had not played with his food… This worries me._

_As long as his prey consists of vampires, might it be possible to allow him to indulge in this aspect? To purge himself of these pent up desires? I inquire to you your thoughts on whether this should be helpful at all to his state. What if I gave him the hunt to invest his potential towards, killing the undead plague that assaults humanity, and, maybe, making up for his past deeds, to a rational extent. Might I alter his existence, what it means? Could I change dread into something resembling hope?_

_I look to your response before I permit any of this to become reality._

_Sincerely Yours,_

_Abraham van Hellsing_

Abraham set his pen down with a sigh, his eyes roaming over his office before they rested on a dark window that appeared to be an empty hole in the wall. It was late and Hellsing could almost feel rings forming under his eyes from exhaustion, and he rubbed them for a moment. He left his hands covering his eyes and put his elbows on the edge of his desk, resting on them. His senses cleared and the man listened to the ticking of the grandfather clock that stood beside the empty window.

Everything was quiet for the minutes that Abraham remained like this. Then the man stood and pushed in his chair, walking to the door to go to his bedroom. His eyes saw nothing of the hallway as his mind was brimming with incoherent thoughts that began to become sensible.

Why did I lock him away?

Abraham's eyes narrowed as he walked.

When he showed himself to be a monster before, why was I so disturbed? Why did I lock him away for this? Did I really consider him as a human back then? I knew what he was, and when he killed those vampires and the child…it was in his nature. He enjoyed it because his mind is wired to. If I had not reacted so…what would have happened?

Abraham scowled to himself.

It really feels like I've killed two people. The states…the 'human' Alucards…it feels as if they were individuals that have disappeared. What if John is right? The demon in that cell is not Alucard… No.

Abraham shook his head, rounding a corner.

He is Alucard. No one else.

Abraham's mind drew out the last memories he had before the removal of the seal. Then there was the question of what binds the vampire to the man, now.

I will have to ask him about it when more of his memories return….

Abraham continued towards his room with these thoughts in mind. He had not been that disturbed by Alucard's action of stealing memories from the vials of blood. It irritated Hellsing a little, but did nothing else. He punished Alucard by not giving him the vials as often. Meanwhile, his relationship with the vampire barely existed. He was the master and Alucard was the slave, that's all. The two rarely spoke to one another and tonight was the first time Alucard had come into his office, and it had been the first time since the bedroom incident that the vampire had come out of the cell on his own.

Maybe it was better like this. The slave resting beneath his master's feet, serving whatever purpose the man needed him for. But there was emptiness left from this vision, and Abraham straightened his collar absently. He needed to be more involved with Alucard…or, at least, Abraham felt that he should.


	25. Chapter 25

_It's difficult. Life, in every aspect…most likely it is a trial, as most in the past and present claim, but what is this trial for? Who is the judge? God? If all of this is just to enter Heaven, then why don't we all become priests or nuns? _

_To use the gifts God has bestowed upon you….we use these gifts…for whom? And, about the nature of these gifts and the relation between an individual and God… He is all knowing, all powerful, almighty… So He knows what we will do every second of every day…so why the trial? Is everything planned? Is everything designed? What is the individual's purpose? What is there to prove if we are simply acting out a script that has already been written? Then, what are we? Puppets? Toys? If we are designed and set to function in a specific manner, there is no choice…there are no thoughts and actions or accomplishments that belong to the individual. They all belong…to Him._

_Then what of war? Ha. The humor of it. A…'child' if you will, setting up his toy soldiers, putting life and momentum to their step…pushing them to kill one another…pushing one to the ground, dead, but left there…to accumulate with the others…to admire the slaughter…the field of bodies when the game has come to a temporary end. Then if the child tires and decides to leave the mess and chaos He has created…they are abandoned…a mess….inanimate toys which cannot right themselves on their own. They may wish for order, but they are unable to stand, themselves, let alone hold up the rest of their…collection._

_Then the idea of the 'Chosen People'…that in itself is hilarious. If the Almighty Lord created Humanity, and we are all his children…then there are those he loves more than others…the preferred siblings… Callous parent. He gives death so that we may die and return to him after going through with his little play labeled 'Life'? Why would one want to? Why would a child dream of frigid, uncaring hands as they cry from loneliness in the middle of the night? Without the parent, without friends…only puppets…what can they dream of for comfort? An endless, dreamless sleep? But the dreams, the thoughts, the tears, pain, misery, happiness, anger…the loneliness…is all a part of the great design…the script…then it is dust to dust. We are swept aside, thrown into oblivion…the body rots…the mind ceases to function as the blood stops flowing….we are only dust….blown away by the breath that might carry our Father's words….all is hopeless._

_Then…if there are no manipulating strings…we are still alone…without attachment…lies for faces surrounding oneself...lies in words… Prayers? The Scriptures? They are words too… God leaves us to our own devices. We create His words…his teachings. We are left to chance and whim. We are ourselves by our own creation…our choices mold us, though not our physical image…who we are. I am human…one of many, you can say. But I am different. I like this and hate that. I fear this and cherish that. I see different colors, a separate world with my eyes which are not attached to anyone but myself. I think and feel that of which no one else may ever experience… There are commonalities…based on circumstances and situations…from our beings which are human and have similar needs and functions. Imperfect, unique, individual, free…but alone, in all regards, alone._

_Interests will differ, else two are not separate and being one and the same has no meaning, no discovery…it is a simple reflection…cold to the touch…useless but to see one's self more clearly…or what the world sees one to be. But in a mirror…there is no beating heart…that a person of the same mind and face would have…but it is all you, and you know every aspect of the being…so there is no change…no surprise…..useless. An animal has a heart…it may love…touch…but it cannot speak…it cannot tell you things that it ponders…its mind is limited…and…in the end….by God's word….it has no soul. Then what is it? It will be left behind while you go on to Heaven….dust to dust? Then why are we different? Chosen? Preferred? Only by our claim alone…we reach for Him the farthest…and in our strain, cannot see the one beside you reaching…reaching…the mass behind you that wants to keep up… All is a mess of ponderings…nothing is clear…murkiness…smoke…deludes the minds, wrapping it into a tangle of empty riddles that are useless as one does not hold the answers which sparks the appreciation and illuminates the extent of the craftiness of the problems. No sense comes from it…but perhaps frustration…patience…but all are unanswered. Answer. No one will speak if you demand, ask, cry, beg, plead, laugh, sing… are silent…or if you are leaving, fading…dying. No answers will come…._

_That is my…_

_Hell? _

_Ponderings, more ponderings, all are nothing…_

_Then, if there is no God, no Heaven, no Hell, no 'Chosen', no unchosen, no ultimate place which has been set aside for us after death. What if there is no God? No love but what we find here, not knowing if it is real. Pain in this life, will lead to nothing. Nothing is nothing and dust is dust. Dead is dead…and all is for naught that we seek to alter fate._

_An individual dies multiple times over the course of their lifetime. They change…meaning their personalities. They become different people…even come to look differently…and like, dislike, fear, cherish…different things. When all of this changes…the past personality is erased…forgotten as the new person stands in their place. They have the same name…sometimes the same face…but you know they are different and the other is lost…leaving a stranger…in your home, bed, place of work…in your life…in every aspect in which the other existed. A child dies….wilting away to leave an adult… But individuals are dying…constantly. New experiences…smells…thoughts…ideas…passions…change one's self…make one different from day to day. The one who wrote the pages before this one…or even started this page…was someone different than who is writing now… They die completely when one forgets the other…coming to recognize what has been left by the course of change…from the previous individual. We do not see kings or tyrants as children they once were…because they are not those individuals any more. They are dead and gone. Like the flame on a candle that passes away and is lit by a different one the next day… a person is not constant…in their existence. Their path is random, turning, twisting, changing…with their heart…with who they are. You live for a purpose…but purpose changes face and you live for something else…._

_Still, there is no sense that is drawn from these wanderings in the abstract world of thought. They do nothing…they carry no shadow in the world and reality outside one's mind. When one forgets them…they are dead and gone…so write them down…so that they might escape this…so that they may not be forgotten…and die. Record 'Innocence' so it may flow through you once more when your eyes cross the page before you. Let the mind…the individual…live again….by keeping their soul in words…words which will be read and understood by another…integrating the message of your existence into words to the best of your ability…preserve what you may…and do not forget. Remember. Remember. Remember, forever…to hold and keep all that you are…to exist… Immortality is birthed on the concept of lasting forever…that is impossible. But if there are minds that can hold you and pass you along…millions of years into the future through the branches of generations…you still exist. And this is immortality…if you manage to manifest all that you are into words…you can still speak and feel with the emotions captured in the ink and language. It is beautiful…compared to the emptiness of nothing…and depending on the emotions those with you in mind have, when they bring you to life for a moment of pondering…or silence…giving you their mind and body to live and possess as they stop thinking and feeling and only echo your words and emotions…even crying for you as you write of sadness…laughing at your humor…their heart may beat faster at the force of your passions or anger. So that is why I wonder and write this…for I feel…that I will die soon…with the rising of the sun and the dawn of the next day._

_To make this more specific, and closer to myself as it has so far been general….I have nothing to say….for I do not know myself…and whoever you see through the words I have written…these thoughts and beliefs…will be seen differently and understood…differently…for each reader… I suppose there is no immortality…but perhaps there is a little… I don't know the answer…and now the individual fades into Hell or nothingness…regardless…without the answer which may be unsought in the days to come…by the one who possesses the body at the present time…the future… All is a riddle…that is life…a riddle…and one is to find the answer before the candle becomes smoke…and there is no more light left to see by… Life is precious and fleeting…as is passion and opinion…innocence and the individual…and anything else one may think of…as long as it is subject to change…..and in my perspective…that is everything…_

_Ah, that makes us all such desperate, rushing creatures…does it not? And all murderers…of the children we once were…of who we were yesterday… That would be how God could be killed…He is immortal as he is worshipped and remembered…if He was forgotten…he would cease to exist…and die._

_Grim, delicate, beautiful, cursed…these are the shades in which I see life… New eyes will give different shades under a new sun tomorrow. Goodbye. I recede into the darkness of nothing now. Be what may, I have died many times as I wrote this…now another will replace me tomorrow…fear in not knowing…the change in emotion itself kills a person…so remain unchanged…without emotion, killing and creating a new existence, for as long as nothing changes as the dust settles…and no wind picks it up…one will not die…but one will not live either. One must breathe, and breath with disturb the dust…uncovering a new self…and a tomorrow… Hopeless is life. Humanity. But beautiful, cherished, dear to a God that rests above… I would choose to breathe….if I were not dead._

*~~:*.*:~~*

"Which did you prefer?"

Abraham gave in to a pause at the unexpected voice, let alone the question itself, and he glanced down at the creature which was unable to look at him, Abraham having already secured his head in the bindings.

"The…me from before the seal was removed…or altered…versus the one that existed before you locked me away?"

The human's hands jolted, but Hellsing swallowed his gasp and watched Alucard in silence. He kept his expression neutral and slowly gave animation to his limbs to finish the task of binding Alucard for the experiments. He tried not to think, but the question coursed through his veins in the form of emotion, not words, and his temper flared, showing itself as a twitch in his brow and a crease beside his lips. Then reason arrived, crashing into him violently and he started, his head whipping around, regardless of pain at the impulsive movement, to stare at the vampire.

"You've been reading the Journal?"

Long, black lashes blinked in response, while red eyes remained directed at the ceiling of the chamber. Alucard spoke after the silence persisted and Abraham did not resume his current task. "A little at a time."

"Why?"

"Too much…would be overwhelming…everything would meld together…not giving each voice its own individual existence." The demon's tone and expression seemed distant and thoughtful, as if he were speaking and seeing another that was not in the cell. Hellsing found the feeling and wording faintly familiar, but he ignored it.

"What do you mean by that?" Abraham's shoulder refused to move for a moment, leaving him frozen in the action of tightening a strap. He frowned and continued his work with a push of effort.

"Never mind." The vampire spoke suddenly, adopting monotone into his voice and adding momentum to his words with a disappointed sigh. "You haven't read it, have you?"

Abraham showed his guilt by being quiet and strapping the bindings.

"We have noticed that with repetition, your body slowly becomes immune to certain banes…such as the crucifixes and even Holy water to an extent." Abraham said slowly, stepping back as the last strap was secured. Alucard didn't respond, not even blinking. "We will continue the exposure to see if we can improve you… We will make you stronger…"

"No."

Abraham and a few men that had gone unnoticed in the room paused. "Why?" The protest didn't make sense in Abraham's mind.

"I don't need to be stronger. Leave me as I am."

"But we can do so much and…"

"Leave me as I am. I have no desire to become immune to your weapons." Abraham tried to speak but the demon's eyes flashed dangerously. "Then how would you kill me if I ever turned on you?" Alucard suddenly barked, his abrupt anger flickering the source of light in the chamber of stone, adding to the fragrance of fear that touched the air and began to smother the creature. Alucard scowled and bit his tongue to collect his emotions, frustrated with himself at the outburst and unsettled confusion from the ripples the Journal had set off in his mind. _How would I die? If I became immune…how would Man manage to kill me? _Alucard decided to divert attention away from what had just happened. A dark chuckle came from parted fangs while the creature's face contorted into ugly humor for a moment. "Would you like to know something about the me that surfaced after being locked away?"

Abraham had retreated to the side of the room, following the example his men had set at the sound of the disturbing humor, and he leaned backwards, hoping to feel the comfort of the wall as his support. His back only met air and he glanced behind him, finding himself several feet from the wall. He blinked and frowned at his uneasiness, choosing to glare at Alucard as he felt thankful that the wall had not been there, wanting to mask his uneasiness. "What?"

"He found a way to kill God." There were gasps and a heavy silence that made the vampire's eyes flare, widening as he laughed at their fear. "To forget Him would be the way…" confusion and disbelief replaced the fear and Alucard's humor lessened until it became nonexistent. "That Journal is very…thought provoking…and unsettling…some of it doesn't make sense while other parts…seem true, but debatable."

Alucard didn't speak as the experiments began.

"Sir." One of the men spoke nervously without looking at Abraham. Other men were also eying the vampire with distrust and Abraham walked over to the group after taking a final look at the observations from the last experiment, handing the log back to the man in the corner of the cell. Hellsing didn't need to speak before the man continued. "Why does the vampire seem so much…healthier? He was thin, emaciated before…and now…"

Blue eyes traveled over the smooth muscular build, widening as the journey came to an end at the creature's abdomen. Alucard was still rather thin, but he was…much improved in his physical appearance. Surprise gave hesitation to Abraham's response and a moment passed before he admitted to the incident with the two vampires that had been captured. The men were shocked by the information, dismayed that they had not been told and had not been the one's to notice and capture the monsters. Abraham advised for them to forget their feelings for the moment and to carry on with the experiment. Different chemicals were tested on the undead flesh, to see how the reaction compared to a human's response, but this only lasted for a short while before the experiment of interest was started. A large slab of iron was placed in Alucard's mouth and he was instructed to bite down with as much force as was possible.

The men paled when two halves of iron clattered beside the vampire's face and Alucard spat out a piece that was a perfect contour of his mouth. The creature worked his jaw for a moment, frowning at the aftertaste. "Blood may taste like iron, but it is not quite the same the other way around."

The remark went unnoticed in the face of the revelation and connection the men made between a human victim and the iron slab. The monster's jaws could easily crush bone, let alone the fragile trachea in the throat. Being caught between jaws like those…meant a sure death.

A thicker slab was presented and inserted into the unwilling vampire's mouth, ending with the same result. Steel was tried next, all coming to the same conclusion while several humans tugged at the collars of their shirts unconsciously.

"We should extract one for study." The man who was writing the observations spoke quietly to Abraham without warning, making the hair on the back of his neck stand on end. Hellsing shook his head, disturbed by the suggestion, but the man persisted and gained the support of the other hunters conducting the experiment. "It might grow back." The man added with an unreadable smile. However, he flinched when the vampire joined the conversation.

"I'm keeping my fangs inside my mouth."

"Not according to the agenda." The man retorted, something dark within his character causing him to narrow his eyes.

"If my Master does not agree with it, then I have no reason to allow you to touch me." A growl rumbled in Alucard's chest, intimidating a few while deadening the glare that was still being directing at the creature.

"Hellsing!" the man hissed at Abraham, making Hellsing's brow furrow as he considered the tone. "Do something!"

"I don't give my permission. There's nothing more to it." Abraham sighed, while his detached gaze startled the frustrated man who clutched at the journal in his arms. "Let us continue with the original schedule…"

"This is foolish, Hellsing." The man broke in and the hunters went rigid, edging away from the conflict when the man added a sneer to his words. "You're damaging our research as you stubbornly limit it with your desire to protect your pet."

"He is not my pet." Abraham snapped, growing impatient and bothered by the man's insubordination. "_I_ am overseeing the research. _I_ am in charge here. When I say no, that means _no_. End of discussion."

"If you aren't protecting him…then why not let us study him as the test subject he is. There are many vampires, though, most do not possess his superior regeneration…this one can be replaced."

"He isn't like other vampires. He's a superior example of his race, and you know this." Abraham narrowed the distance between the two men and glared down at his assistant coldly. "He is one of a kind. _The_ Nosferatu."

"What do you mean by that?" the man retorted insensitively.

"He means…I was the proclaimed vampire king…the _No-Life-King_, as I remember it."

There was silence as the humans gazed, wide eyed, at the vampire.

"Vampires don't have kings." The man spat back. "They have don't have a form representation. They are singular…detached…a body of anarchy."

"True. So my title only came from my level of power, which was unrivaled." Alucard replied curtly and cut off the topic by ignoring the questions or ranting that spewed from the irritated man. Abraham didn't speak, watching his slave carefully.

"Why haven't you told us this?"

Abraham jerked, coming back to the present situation with the hard voice and he moved his attention to the man who was still clinging to the journal in his arms, his knuckles turning white. Hellsing's gaze lingered on the knuckles as he spoke. "It doesn't mean anything. I told you that he was a vampire that was stronger than the others we have seen."

"Why did you kept this vampire alive in the first place?" the man suddenly demanded, showing his teeth within a scowl.

Abraham blinked, softening his expression as he was stunned by the sudden turn the conversation had taken. Then his face contorted with anger, though he kept his voice level. "That was _my_ choice."

"But _why_?"

"Because!" Abraham's voice was loud enough that the assistant cringed, so Hellsing dropped his volume and continued. "He had use. The vampire is unique in regards to his race and abilities. Killing him would be…wasteful…when there was much more potential within the option of harnessing his power and controlling him."

"Harnessing his power?" the man shrieked, quite beside himself, and he frightened his companions as they started, shocked by his tone and wild expression. "You're a right old fool! A beast like this should have been killed!"

"Why are you saying this?" Abraham's brow creased in confusion and concern for the man.

"From the results of the experiments, he's shown himself as a _demon_ among demons. A real devil, Hellsing. I don't know how you managed to capture him before…but if he does escape, that would mean the death of all of Great Britain!"

"I captured him to prevent this…and he is bound to me, so the possibility is…"

"Hellsing!" the man dropped the journal and grasped the older man's coat, shaking him slightly. "That's just it! You! Only you stand between us and total annihilation! SEE REASON!" Abraham stumbled to keep his footing as the other men stepped into action to calm their comrade, but the mortals were much slower than the vampire…and there was a shuddering gasp following a dull thud as the aggravated man was pressed against the stones of the wall, a pale hand acting as a vice about his throat.

"You won't speak to him that way and live, you insignificant wretch." Alucard hissed as the man shivered and twitched, gurgling as he struggled for a breath. The men were frozen in disbelief and horror, their eyes dull against the brightness that sparked in Abraham's. The vampire's face came closer to the man's neck, descending slowly.

"DROP HIM THIS INSTANT!" Hellsing's roar echoed, the words rolling into one another after the man had fallen to the stone floor, slumped and choking on the raw air. He fell to the side, passing out with the entrance of silence that enveloped the cell for moments before Abraham tore at Alucard's shirt, pulling the nosferatu to himself so that he could glare down at the undaunted crimson orbs. "You are NEVER to touch ANY of my men! EVER! SLAVE!" Abraham yelled and gritted his teeth, watching the emotionless features.

"He disregarded you…" Alucard began, his voice appearing to be a whisper when compared to Abraham's fury. Hellsing's grip tightened, and he hissed at the creature.

"Just as you are doing now! You _know_ not to touch them!"

Their eyes were locked on one another's, neither blinking, for several seconds before Alucard nodded his head without breaking eye contact or changing his blank expression. "Yes, Master."

The title took away the man's anger and Hellsing sighed, letting go of his slave to run his hand through his blond hair, exhausted by the events of the night. "Return to the cell, but I shall call on you before the night is over." Abraham turned away from Alucard to see to his men, but he stopped, pausing in thought. Hellsing looked at the vampire over his shoulder. "I want you to continue reading the Journal."

Alucard didn't say anything as he melted into the stones of the wall, disturbing the men who were still puzzled by how he had managed to escape the bindings. Abraham sighed again and set to work, giving order to the chaos, he struggled to pacify his men. Hellsing grimaced as he realized he would have to report and explain what had transpired…to the Queen.

*~~:*.*:~~*

"Do you know…" Abraham paused as a scowl interrupted him and he glared at Alucard, standing behind his desk. "…what kind of mess I had to clean up after tonight's events?"

"No." Alucard stated bluntly, making Abraham glower. "You should be more strict."

"With you, yes." The man growled.

"With your men. They should never even consider questioning you."

"What do you take me for?" Abraham tried not to find humor in his words, obscuring it with a frown. "An evil dictator?"

"Just a dictator, you don't have to be evil."

Hellsing scoffed. "No thank you." Then he growled once more, remembering that the vampire was in trouble. "Why did you do that?"

"You are my Master. I will not stand for anyone to disrespect you."

As his lips became a tight line, Abraham's eyes noted the vampire's seriousness, taking the statement into consideration. He sighed. "Don't kill people just for that. He was confused…unbalanced…"

"He was much more than that." Alucard commented, making Abraham groan with exasperation.

"I don't know _what_ was wrong with him. Perhaps he's scared of you and he doubts me, but your attacking him did nothing to rectify any of this."

"I threatened him. I did not attack him."

"You choked him and he was out cold for over ten minutes." Hellsing gave his slave an unamused look, his mouth twitching when the beast smiled. "I don't like this... I never want it to happen again." Alucard continued to smile and Abraham frowned sharply. "I'm expected to punish you."

"Oh really?" the vampire chuckled while Abraham's features formed disgust. "And how will you go about doing this?" Interest lightened the red eyes.

"I'm allowing one of the experiments that I had previously disallowed…to be performed on you."

The vampire's face fell a little, revealing anger. "I want to keep _all_ of my fangs…intact."

"You will." Alucard calmed while Abraham sighed, weighted by the knowledge of what the punishment was. "I'll still be there tonight, to supervise."

"Can I go to sleep now?"

Abraham flinched inwardly, but nodded and the creature faded into the floor and disappeared.

*~~:*.*:~~*

Abraham sent telegrams to John throughout the day, asking him for advice on how to handle the situation without going back on his promise to allow the experiment. He couldn't just not attend the session, he was too fearful of what the hunters might do in his absence. John, however, failed to reply as the dusk came…and slowly went.

The man held his pen to the journal with a smile and he nodded to the hunter that was holding the syringe over the vampire's neck. The needle lowered to the jugular and Alucard's shoulders twitched uncomfortably, but he could not look to his Master as the bindings held him heartlessly. The creature's eyes closed while the tip entered his flesh. As soon as pressure was exerted on the syringe, Alucard's eyes flew open with his mouth and a piercing scream masked the sound of shattering glass as the hunter dropped the syringe and it cracked on the table and broke on the floor. Though only millimeters of the chemical was injected into the beast, the whites of his eyes showed while his body was twisted in a spasm of agony. Alucard's neck became spotted with blue veins that blurred to purple, bleeding into the surrounding tissues.

The pen moved steadily as the assistant didn't bother to hide his content smile. "We have to redo it….since the full amount was not injected and it is impossible to measure how much made it into the vampire since most of it is on the floor…"

"Are you trying to kill him?" Abraham demanded weakly, stepping up to his assistant, flinching at the cries of pain that continued in the background.

"No. We're testing what substances are…harmful against the undead." The smile widened and the pen marked a quick note. "Silver mercury is _very_ effective." The man chuckled to himself, oblivious to his superior's disgust.

"So you _do_ know it's effective, even if it's only a small dosage." Abraham scowled and his head jerked to look at the vampire, but it refused to do more than that. The screams were becoming groans, twisting into an animal like whine as the creature's body writhed, fighting the bindings. "Let him recover and move on to the next…"

"But you said…" the man cut in arrogantly, not hiding his humor.

"I SAID MOVE ON!" Hellsing suddenly roared, frightening the men into silence. Alucard was quiet as well, shaking slightly, but perfectly quiet. "There is nothing to gain from injecting him again. The quantity means nothing. If a millimeter or so puts him in this much pain, it would probably reduce an average vampire to dust. Move on." The calm tone sounded eerily against the quiet of the chamber, leading the men to continue the experiment without protest. The assistant gave an indignant frown and jabbed his pen into the journal.

Alucard did not scream again through the endurance of the night, but he was seized with uncontrollable shaking at times, though any pain broke out as a fanged grin on his face. Blood ran from the corners of his mouth and his 'healthy' state deteriorated. His hair was a deep gray when the hunters collected their equipment and left the cell, Abraham being the only mortal that remained. The man looked his slave over, drowning with guilt as he gave the vampire permission to get off the stone slab.

"I can give you some blood if…" Hellsing spoke, looking at the table as his peripheral vision told him Alucard was now sitting on the edge of it. The vampire stood, showing no signs of pain or weakness.

"I'm fine."

Muscles in Abraham's jaw tightened and he fought to look at the creature. When he managed the feat, Alucard was gone, leaving the man alone in his sufferings. Time passed, providing no changes for Hellsing as he stood idly in the empty room, accompanied only by his recent and past memories of the demon. Slowly, Abraham closed his eyes as he sighed to erase his thoughts. He failed, opening his eyes to escape the flashing images in his mind, along with the screams he heard, feeling the rawness the sound had left in his ears and heart keenly. The man did not recall leaving the chamber, but he soon found himself opening the reinforced door to Alucard's cell. He entered, looking up from the floor, noting each stone as his gaze traveled to the beast. Alucard was sitting calmly on the lid of his coffin, his hands resting by his sides. Under his fingertips, Abraham observed the journal, and his eye twitched at the long split that ran up the seams of the binding. The divide branched in snaking cracks along the back of the leather cover, somehow managing to depress Hellsing further. His eyes finally met crimson and Alucard stood casually from his seat.

Abraham stepped forward, speaking as he came closer to the being. "Alucard."

The creature blinked, his face unreadable while his hand was weighted by the Journal he kept in his grasp. "You don't call me by that name often."

Hellsing didn't respond to the comment. Black boots melded into the dark stone, erasing the steps the man made. "I am not going to allow any more experiments of that kind…to be preformed again."

Alucard didn't say anything for a moment, red eyes following his master. "If you need the research, it doesn't matter what it is, I am yours to do what you wish, Master. I'm here to serve you."

"But it was cruel and painful."

The vampire's mouth curled into a fleeting smirk, then he erased all expression from his features. "Pain means nothing to me. I heal quickly…so there is no damage left behind. Do not hesitate for my wellbeing. I am dead, remember? Master…you are dwelling on this…more than you need to." Alucard lowered himself to the coffin, looking up at his master.

Abraham was standing before his slave now and he sighed, closing his eyes for a few seconds. Alucard observed this with indifference, but his eyes grew wide and he stopped himself from flinching when a hand met his hair, ruffling it absently. Abraham's eyes were still closed at this point and he opened them to Alucard's blank face. "I _am_ your Master." Hellsing's hand moved slowly through the nosferatu's hair. "I am responsible for your 'wellbeing'. I should protect and maintain what is mine…you are unable to protect yourself at times because I limit you so severely. It is my responsibility."

"I protect you….you needn't worry about me." Alucard spoke quietly, remaining where he was though he disapproved of the contact. His eyes unfocused as time progressed and Abraham did not remove his hand, petting the vampire as he thought.

"I just need to be more conscious of what my men are capable of doing to you, given the freedom. Most of what was done was for the purpose of releasing their spite and hate towards you and your kind. You did not deserve such a punishment for protecting me."

Dimmed crimson eyes reflected the floor while Abraham's hand trailed through a few lengthy strands of the monster's hair. The strands slowly descended and settled back into their positions as the hand returned to the man's side. "You told me once never to apologize to you…so I won't…outright. But I'll give you this promise to protect the vulnerabilities I hinder you with." There was quiet in the cell and Hellsing's expression took on a small smile. "Goodnight."

Alucard waited for Abraham to turn and begin to leave before he answered. "Goodnight, Master."

Abraham opened the door and paused to look at the vampire. The door closed gently, setting an allusion of tranquility for the endurance of the night. Alucard frowned to himself as he stood without letting go of the Journal, and he opened his coffin, closing himself inside. He whispered to the darkness before committing to falling asleep.

"I'm not you son… Master… or your pet."


	26. Chapter 26

"John." Abraham smiled amiably, brushing his documents to the side of his desk when his long awaited friend entered the library, which lacked the other hunters at the moment. "Come in." Hellsing stood and went to one of two chairs situated around a low table weighted with a tray of tea and seasonal, spring fruits. The younger man smiled at the familiar warm welcome and claimed a seat for himself, allowing Abraham to mix honey and milk into his tea, Hellsing already aware of John's preference. Abraham fixed his own tea and took a sip in unison with John. Idle chatter started and persisted for a few light minutes, until the tea cups were empty. The fruit went untouched as the men addressed the vampire, the reason for John's presence. "I briefed the matter concerning the female vampires and then the later…conflict with my assistant in the letters I sent you…" Cobalt eyes went to John's face, watching it nod placidly. "…and have you considered my idea of utilizing the vampire's more…violent nature…his hunting instincts…to our advantage?"

John nodded his head again while he also spoke aloud. "Yes, I have." His lips pursed for a moment, gathering his thoughts. "It would prove a risk…but it could also be just what the vampire needs…there is a possibility of it helping his behavior, a little. Then if you look at it strictly from…well…your view or the point of view of others who also hunt these demons…he, ignoring his identity, would be an effective weapon, considering his…abilities." John paused, looking over Abraham's amused expression. A smile also lifted the corners of his mouth. "Am I hopelessly lost in my attempt to understand a hunter's point of view, or am I correct?"

Abraham shook his head, teeth coming into view as his grin widened a little. "No, if you were to overlook his identity as a vampire…he would not be considered a weapon, but as a vampire, and only then, is he seen as such." Abraham chuckled at the curious look he received from his friend. "But overall you were quite accurate."

John made a mental note of what Hellsing had said, then expressed his thanks for the compliment. Abraham described the incident involving his assistant and the vampire in more detail, then began to recount the experiment that followed as the creature's punishment. "My assistant…was almost demonic, cruel, and I'm sure he was trying to torture or kill Alucard. I'd swear by it.."

"Would you like me to talk to him?" John questioned, looking Abraham in the eye though the man was focusing his own gaze on the armrest of John's chair. "Do you think it would help?"

"No." Abraham's eyes flicked to John's and he waved his hand. "There's nothing wrong with him, mentally. He's quite sane. One _should_ be frightened by the vampire's abilities. I am the one who should really be evaluated if you think about it."

John's gaze hardened a little, then eased with a blink. "I don't think you need to be concerned about that, Abraham." Hellsing flinched, his face blank with surprise, and then he brightened and chuckled to himself.

"No. I'd hope not."

There was a pause in which the two exchanged good humored smiles. John ended the pause, interest sparking in his eyes. "Has Alucard been reading the Journal?"

Abraham caught the rare use of the vampire's name, but he chose not to comment as he nodded. "Yes. A bit at a time, he says."

"Has he spoken about any of it?"

Abraham's eyes narrowed, looking back. "A little…but I think he was talking more to himself than anyone else."

"And he called your assistant a 'wretch'?"

"Hm?" Hellsing blinked at the change in topic. "Ah, yes . Yes he did."

"So he looks down on other humans still? Only looking up to you?"

"I'm not sure." Abraham confessed with a small frown. His eyes lowered, unfocusing. "I don't speak to him in length…as often…as I used to."

John watched the man's expression and kept a mental log of Hellsing's responses. "You miss having conversations with him?"

Abraham stiffened. "Yes, a bit."

John blinked. His eyes ran over Abraham's figure, stopping on an ungloved hand that gripped the carved armrest. "Let's backtrack." John murmured to himself, catching Abraham's attention, and the older man sat up and looked at his friend's face. John inhaled before speaking. "What are your thoughts on the vampire?"

Hellsing gave a knowing smile, but showed that he would comply. "So this becomes a questioning session?" John didn't answer so Abraham chuckled, then quieted, heaviness coming into his features. "Well…he's a monster….much different from before…almost nothing human can be found within the beast." John nodded absently, though Abraham failed to notice, his eyes unfocused and directed at the table. "He's darker…difficult to comprehend…a stranger, really."

"His personality has changed." John titled his head curiously as he watched Hellsing. "But we already knew that."

Hellsing sighed. "I know, but he is also changing…becoming more thoughtful…versus the way he was before…"

"Yes." The younger man recalled the session with the priest. He had yet to find time to research the vampire's past….his mind was wandering and he brought it back to the moment.

"But he could still revert, a little, to how he was before." John was quiet, but one of his hands curled into a fist. "By reading the Journal….he could adopt some of his past thoughts and behaviors."

There was silence for a long time, and then John frowned, pity and concern in his expression. "You can't bring back the dead."

The gentle voice struck Abraham and he started and stared at John, his lips parted. Then he bit his bottom lip, still looking at John's eyes. "He's not dead, John. As I've said before. This is different than death. He is still there and his personality is not fully settled. Anything is still possible…"

John cut Abraham off. "What did you see the two 'human' states as?"

Hellsing didn't move, completely rigid as he fought against searching for the answer. He began to give in as he watched John's face, then changed his mind and frowned in annoyance. "What do you mean?"

"The first one was rather childish, right?" The younger man spoke slowly, hesitant about pursuing the subject. "You could have developed…fatherly feelings about…."

"**No**."

John leaned back into his chair, intimidated by the dark tone and the cold look he received from Abraham. "It is possible…even likely…" John continued in a smaller voice. He kept both of his hands as fists on his armrests.

"No, John. I don't think of him as my son."

"Thought…" John interjected, and Abraham almost growled.

"Don't go there, John." The man warned, and John swallowed, taking a breath that moved his chest.

"The next 'human' state…Alucard acted as…a friend. You two were…not as close…but also closer in a different way…peers maybe."

Abraham calmed, while his face became more solemn. "I can agree with that to an extent."

"But you felt…protective of both, right?" John was gradually relaxing. He didn't give Abraham time to answer. "What about now?"

His lips twitching, Abraham refused to let himself find any irony in the question. "It's my responsibility to keep track of him and protect him. I make him vulnerable…at times…for example, with the recent experiment I allowed my assistant to run."

John didn't speak for some time. "Why are you protective of the monster?"

The muscles on Abraham's face jerked but did not alter his universal expression. "It's my responsibility." Abraham murmured.

"But he's a monster. A beast…"

"He's Alucard." Hellsing broke in sharply. He couldn't bring himself to look John in the eye as he went on. "He's still Alucard, John. Nothing will change that."

A revelation cascaded over John's features and he gave a small gasp. "You really think that he can revert to how he was before?"

"Well, yes." Abraham stated bitterly, narrowing his eyes.

John gawked at his friend, then covered the expression with a mask. "You can't bring back the dead, Abraham." He enforced in a strong voice, making Abraham scowl.

"He's not dead." Hellsing protested just as strongly. Their conversation adopted the heat of an argument. "He is not dead. I can still bring him back."

"Bring him back?" John breathed, his eyes wide. "Bring back whom? Who are you trying to bring back from that monster's soul, Hellsing?"

Abraham flinched at the use of his last name, but his eyes bore into John. "Who he really is, with the memories, John. He's not dead." Hellsing repeated. "It's not a hopeless case."

"But it _is_!" John was leaning forward in his seat, and now he stood, looking down at the man who wouldn't meet his gaze. "They're gone! What you have now, _is_ Alucard. A heartless vampire! He's not going to find a heart with his memories or within the Journal!"

Abraham was quiet, and the flame left the conversation. "Thank you John, but I will stand by my belief. What happens will happen." There was an interval of silence. "I can at least try to bring back the dead." Abraham whispered.

John left shortly afterwards, exchanging a brief farewell and taking his jacket at the front door.

*~*~: . + . :~*~*

"Read the Journal." Hellsing insisted, not looking directly at the beast. His hands were occupied with paperwork he shuffled through while the vampire stood in the center of the room.

Alucard was quiet, his crimson eyes following his master's hands. His face was without expression and it didn't change as his lips parted. "Why?"

The hands froze, glued to the papers held in them. Cobalt blue orbs were motionless, staring wide and empty at the desk. Then Abraham flicked his eyes upwards, finding the monster just as expressionless as when his eyes had first left the creature. Hellsing spoke with a frown. "Because I order you to."

Alucard didn't allow a breath of a pause to interrupt their conversation. "But why? What is your reasoning for this? Does it serve some purpose to read the thoughts of someone else?"

Abraham's hands had been gradually lowering the documents to his desk, and with the nosferatu's last question, the knuckles struck the wood. The hands lost their strength and the papers slowly slipped from the gloved fingers while Abraham stared at his slave without a frown. "Someone else?" Abraham voiced softly, not allowing himself to blink though his eyes began to burn. Alucard observed the man before responding.

"I am not them. I am not the childish one with questions. I am not the wise one with the warmth of a human nature." Abraham swallowed as Alucard continued, and strained eyes finally gave in to a blink. "I read parts of the Journal, not paying attention to chronological order, for both persons are just as divided from myself as a common stranger. If not for a few memories and your words, I would never have thought what that booklet contains could have been written by these hands." Red eyes had absently looked down at the pale hands that rose before him as he spoke. He let go of the gaze and dropped his hands, instead, looking at his master's displeased face. The two stared at one another while the grandfather clock ticked and its pendulum moved the minute hand. There came a loud click as the minute moved.

Suddenly, Alucard spoke in a voice just above a whisper. "What do you want from me?"

Abraham started, jerking back in his seat, his arms retreating from the desk to hide in his lap. He blinked at the creature, living lips moving as he tried to speak even though he had nothing in his mind to say. Hellsing snapped his mouth closed, wincing when he accidentally bit into the side of his mouth. He suckled the tiny wound in thought, tasting the blood without pleasure. Alucard was still unchanged, though his eyes watched the man's cheek with a hint of obsession. He could smell the scent of blood, almost able to visualize it as the aroma wafted towards him. The demon blinked sharply to rid himself of these thoughts, and he steadied himself as he felt that he was leaning towards the man on the balls of his feet. All of this passed unnoticed by Hellsing who snapped his tongue before he spoke, looking at the hands that re-emerged and folded together on his desk. He laced his fingers. "Of course, I want your obedience…your servitude." His fingers moved towards himself and then fell back against the surface of the desk. "Which you will promise me." Blue glanced at Alucard and the vampire nodded slowly. Abraham's lips twitched and his gaze dropped to his hands. "What I want from you…is…" his teeth chewed on the side of his mouth, stopping when more blood was drawn. Abraham took a deep breath and exhaled, without opening his mouth. "I want…" Hellsing's fingers throbbed lightly and he moved them to stop this. "That is all I want." Abraham finished abruptly and looked at Alucard.

Discontent or disappointment flashed through the crimson eyes, but the face was still a steady mask. "There is more to it." Alucard insisted, watching the carpet that stuck out from the bottom of the man's desk. "Why? I wanted to know why you want me to read that journal." Abraham was frowning now. He didn't want to discuss this with the creature. Alucard appeared to notice this and he pressed on, looking into the cobalt eyes that did not meet his gaze. "Why can't you tell me the reason, Master?"

Abraham had never heard Alucard take this kind of imploring tone before, but it reminded him, faintly, of the vampire that had once followed him around the mansion, sleeping by the foot of his chair as he worked in the library.

"Why won't you tell me?"

Hellsing snapped out of his memories, picking up the aggression in the voice that almost made the question a demand. No…it was very much like a demand, Abraham thought with a frown. His eyes narrowed at his slave and the laced fingers were brought to the man's mouth. Something dark descended upon Abraham's mind and his jaw clenched. He felt disgust and dislike for the creature before him, and his mouth wrinkled with a deep set scowl. "Why couldn't you be as you were before?" A low voice spoke into the hands.

The office grew colder and the pupils in the demon's eyes shifted into and out of focus. "You prefer either of them to me…don't you?" Alucard said quietly.

Abraham didn't even hesitate. "Yes."

The beast knitted his brow and then his features became blank, eyes scrutinizing the man behind the desk. "So that's it?" The vampire snorted, making Hellsing raise his eyebrows, considering the tone.

"What?" he said numbly, taking note of the scornful smirk that slipped into his slave's features.

"You don't want me at all. You want nothing from me." Alucard snickered with a crooked smile. "You want them. You want one of _them_ to return. You want me to disappear, for those _other_ personalities to take my place." Abraham was quiet as the demon cackled. "That's why you want me to read the Journal!" Alucard laughed before Abraham answered.

"Yes." Hellsing pressed his lips to his folded hands. Blank eyes watched the crazed beast without affection. "I want you to remember yourself."

Alucard had quieted, but now he sneered at the statement. "Remember myself?" He gave a short laugh and shook his head slowly. "Are you saying that I am not me?" His eyes ran over Hellsing's face, then they stopped on his mouth and the demon chuckled, his eyes unfocusing. He closed them and when they opened they pieced straight into Abraham's gaze. "Then who is 'me', if I am not?"

"Yes." Blue eyes flashed with the quiet voice that did not address the vampire's question. Abraham was speaking more to himself now. "You are simply a temporary phase."

Alucard's face froze with a rigid, wild smile. "Just a phase?" He laughed without changing his expression when Abraham nodded. "So you want to kill me faster by making me read the Journal?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure you want me to read the Journal so quickly?" Alucard mocked Hellsing with a deriding tone. "If it fails to draw out one of those _precious_ personalities, then you would have no hope left! What would you do then?"

"I have other means of bringing them back." Abraham said quietly, and Alucard misplaced his expression for a moment. His lips were lost somewhere between a frown and a smile.

Alucard's features twitched back to life. "You would use the seal?" he questioned in grim awe.

"Yes." Abraham stated flatly.

The beast let out a roar of laughter, looking at the ceiling. "I would die for you! And you don't give a _shit_ about me!"

Hellsing flinched at the words, but his face darkened as he nodded.

"Fine!" the vampire suddenly snapped, turning away from Abraham. He walked towards the wall with deliberate steps, looking over his shoulder when he met the wall. "I'll be sure to die soon Master. Just as you wish."

"Good." Hellsing replied. A flicker entered the vampire's eyes and he smirked, disappearing from the room.

*~*~: . + . :~*~*

Out in the hall, Alucard continued forward, moving through the wall into the room adjacent to Abraham's office. Flickering scarlet eyes ran down the length of the long, empty table, and a daggered grin corrupted the beast's perfect features with quiet humor. Suddenly, his outline wavered as he lunged forward, his hands almost grazing the floor when he swung them down and up into the bottom of the end of the table, flinging it through the air. The piece of furniture jerked, the lithe wood bending in the center before the force spread out and the table straightened to its usual shape, wobbling and rotating rapidly as it moved across the room. On its second rotation, the end smacked into the ceiling, throwing the table straight into the hard floor where it buckled and cracked, but went on to rebound and soar haphazardly, twisting in an unpredictable way, flinging chips of wood and even one of the two massive legs away from it. The table struck the side wall, rolling across its face, skimming the perimeter of the room. Its momentum slowed abruptly, and it toppled on its side, hitting the ground, and it teetered before falling to settle upside down.

The whole event produced a tremendous amount of noise, which drew Abraham out of his seat and immobilized his legs for the endurance of the thundering commotion. He used the edge of his desk to pull himself around it, and then sprinted out of the room, throwing the door open. He skidded to a halt in the hallway, looking up and down it, ignoring the servants and the two hunters who were coming to investigate, before he looked straight ahead of himself. He entered the conference room, and froze, his hand still on the door handle. The table lay in ruin while deep gashes marred the walls along with chunks of paint that had been scrapped away. This trail of white, paintless wall, carved out a scar, accompanied with other scratches, that illustrated the path the table had taken. Trickling dust alerted Hellsing to the hole in the ceiling, and his eyes traced the fall of the particles to the indents on the wood floor.

Though the vampire was nowhere in sight, Abraham knew Alucard was the one responsible for the destruction and a growl rumbled in the man's chest as he almost threw the servant who arrived behind him, to the side as he exited the room and stalked down the hallway, heading for the dungeon while gasps sounded in the air behind him.

*~*~: . + . :~*~*

Abraham skipped steps as he descended into the dungeon, and then jumped from the second to last step. He strode down the corridor, his boots clashing harshly on the stones. Then, one of his steps made a moist sound, and his foot crushed something relatively soft, yet bumpy. Abraham gasped and jumped to the side, trampling another squishy object. He peered down in the gloom, squinting as his eyes adjusted to the poor lighting. The man went rigid, and his feet shuffled backwards in shock when his vision produced the form of a dead, mangled…mouse. Hellsing's head whipped around, orbs flashing at the countless little corpses that varied in size. Some were large, grey rats, while some even appeared to be brown field mice that should have been living outside the mansion. Most of the bodies were closer to the walls, as if they had been kicked there. The dots of blood on the stones of the wall, supported this. Hellsing felt sick and he snarled as he remembered how attached Alucard used to be to the little mice, petting and even pampering the creatures with bouts of cuddling. Now the descendants of these rodents were strewn about at Abraham's feet. The man went forward, seeing a dark shadow of a figure arise in the gloom.

The care taker was beside himself, babbling about a sea of rodents followed by a cruel, blood drenched slaughter. Hellsing bade the man to return to the upper levels of the mansion, and he carried on after the care taker was well on his way. Abraham's boots clicked together as the man stood, tall with blue eyes of fury, before the cell door. He didn't have the keys, but that didn't matter as a lock clicked and the door creaked open on its own accord. Hellsing glared at the door before he thrust it open with a single hand.

The beast's serrated smile flashed at Abraham, a lantern obtained from the care taker dangling, parallel with the man's face. Abraham's features were cast in red, making them glow and flicker with the flame in the lantern.

"What do you think you are doing?" Abraham asked in a hushed, emotionless voice.

Alucard cocked his head, moving his hand slowly over the surface of the casket he was sitting on. He chuckled behind the fangs, but did not answer.

"What…" Abraham repeated coldly, his voice louder now. "…do you think you are doing?"

"I'm sitting, Master." A calm, but humored voice returned. Abraham's body jerked, causing the lantern to swing slightly on the triangular handle that ended in the man's hand. The lantern lowered, making Abraham's face darken.

"You devastated one of my rooms and you killed all of those creatures…littering the dungeon floor with their bodies…" Abraham's voice shook and soon fell to a deadly whisper. "…just to get back at me?"

The beast chuckled again, the sound building off of the stones. "I suppose…Master." The vampire sneered.

"You." Abraham breathed, his knuckles straining in firsts by his sides. "You have no right to seek revenge against me, Slave! You shall never damage my house or my possessions ever again! And you shall never kill animals like this, or ever!"

Alucard tilted his head to the other side, his hair whispering and shifting with the movement as he smiled with bright, blood red eyes. "You miss the pathetic vermin? Master?"

Abraham growled, seething with indignation. "Never again, Slave!" He ordered, glowering into the red eyes. The monster only held his smile. "Why?" Hellsing burst out with a roar. "Why did you kill them?"

"So their deaths bothered you the most?" the vampire scoffed, and leaned back, spreading his hands behind himself casually.

"I know what you meant by drawing them out, specifically, and killing them!"

"Ah, yes. The adoration the _other_ had for the pests." Alucard scowled, his lips rippling over his fangs. "But I've killed them all, Master. All of them are burning in Hell."

Abraham gasped a breath, welling with hatred. "Hell?" he hissed. "You are the only demon within these walls that will be driven to that domain!"

"Even if 'I' suddenly adopted those _other_ personalities?" the vampire laughed at the repulsion in his Master's expression. "No, they would go to Heaven…in your eyes…."

"JUST ROT IN HERE!" Abraham bellowed, hearing his own words thrown back at him as they reverberated off the stones. He slammed the cell door so that his voice would be eaten by the much more violent sound, but both rung in his ears as he marched up the stairs and out of the dungeon.


	27. Chapter 27

Weeks went by without the master and slave speaking to one another. Abraham shifted through a stack of letters, searching for the one that contained the queen's response to a letter he had sent before the fight. Suddenly the man paused, the sunlight from his window combusting particles of dust that lingered in the air, and some of these dust particles, shining like miniature suns, came to rest on the letter Hellsing stared at lifelessly. His hand dropped the remaining letters onto the desk, and they spilled like a wave, forming the image of an angel's wing as the man grasped his metal letter opener and slit the top of the letter. He threw the empty envelope away from himself, not bothering to look where it fell, and his blunt fingers crinkled the soft white of the paper in his hands. The delicate ink words began to melt down the face of the page….

Alucard started from his sleep, opening his coffin as he sat up in one fluid, though hurried, motion. Soundless steps brought him through the metal door of his cell, surprising the care taker who was leaving the dungeon. The old man cried out, swinging his keys and lantern through the air as he jumped back from the figure that appeared before him without warning. His eyes bulged and then blinked at the vampire, and the care taker moved the lantern before himself as if to scare the demon away with the light.

"W…what…." The man stammered, choking on his words, unable to breathe through his building anxiety. "What are you…doing?" The man looked around stupidly as if he would find a window. "Isn't…isn't it daylight outside?" The man returned his eyes to the monster timidly, and he waved the lantern back and forth, watching to see if it had any effect. Gradually, the man realized that Alucard was staring blankly at the ceiling. Some form of daunting dread washed over the aged man and he whispered to the shadows that included the beast. "What is it?"

"Abraham…" The man retreated at the sound of the demon's voice, his keys clanking against one another, shocked by the response he had received. The vampire was quiet for a moment, and then demon blinked, never looking at the old man. "…he's crying."

*~*~: . + . :~*~*

The tear streaked letter was shut away in Hellsing's office the day of the funeral, and he met Jonathon, Mina, and Quincy Harker, John Seward, and even Arthur Holmwood at the designated church that would be holding his beloved wife's funeral mass. She was buried under a bright, spring sun, green trees playing notes in the breeze as dirt fell upon her ivory and gold trimmed coffin. Abraham didn't see the sun, though it rained upon the black top hat he wore in mourning that day. Hundreds of scarlet roses were stacked on the fresh earth all around the shadow cast from her tombstone. The endurance of the event passed as a dream for Abraham, and his stunned senses did not bring tears to his eyes the days following the morning he had discovered the letter. Only on the night she was buried, did Abraham loose his protective numbness.

"Stop crying."

The deep growl tore Abraham's face from his pillow, and he hiccupped, trying to stifle a sob. He was trembling, but his eyes still darkened into a malevolent glare. "What?" he snapped, running a sleeve over his face and grimacing as hot tears were streaming down his cheeks against his will.

Alucard stepped away from the wall, able to see perfectly in the moon lit bedroom. "I told you to stop crying." He growled again with a scowl. "I can hear you. Stop it."

Abraham hiccupped again as his face twisted with rage and grief. "Go to bloody Hell!" He exclaimed with a tear dampened voice. "Get out!"

"Only if you will stop crying." Red eyes remained on the blotchy, pale face of his master and the vampire stood in the middle of the room.

"Get out I said!" Hellsing sobbed, grasping a pillow and hurling it towards Alucard. It deflated and fell from the vampire's knees, covering his boots. "Get out demon! Let me grieve my loss in peace!"

"Then stop crying."

Abraham moaned and turned his face from his slave, covering it with his hands as he broke into another sob, sitting cross-legged in the nest of blankets. "Damn you….just go away." He begged in a whisper, not caring that he was speaking to his slave. "Please." He coughed and a whine escaped his throat, breaking off when he sniffled and wiped his face with his sleeve again. His fists clenched and he shut his eyes as he hunched his shoulders. "GO AWAY!"

Abraham gave a weak gasp and he recoiled inwardly when gentle, chilled arms enveloped him. The bed gave a postponed creak from the added weight of the vampire who held his master against his chest with an unemotional appearance. Bewildered, Abraham forgot to breathe as he remained rigidly in the embrace. He gave another gasp when spots danced before his eyes and he shivered in confusion and disbelief, wide eyes unable to move from the shirt that covered the thin chest before him. Everything about the vampire was frail and cold, but there was a warmth that started in the core of Abraham's heart, becoming the furnace that heated the salt water for his tears. Forgetting everything else, Abraham wept with shuddering sobs while the beast remained as unchanged as stone. Hellsing was forced to breathe in gasps from his mouth when a sob or whimper didn't block his throat, and his hands instinctively gripped the black cloth. Nothing but sorrow would occupy his mind, raw emotion or painful, beautiful memories that played in his head and would rack his body with another sob. He soon forgot entirely about the vampire.

Inhaling with a harsh shudder, Abraham peeled his face from the soiled black garment, cringing. He cleared his throat without letting go of the vampire and spoke in a raspy voice. "You're a mess." Alucard didn't speak, and Hellsing didn't look up to see the creature's expression. Exhausted and his face burning, the man's cheek came to rest on the demon's shoulder as he continued to settle his emotions. Blue eyes inattentively watched the pale neck for a few minutes of complete silence containing only his deep, healing breaths. "Why are you doing this?" he whispered, against speaking normally with the tranquility that was seeping into the room, afraid he would lose the moment.

"You wouldn't have stopped if I had left." Alucard replied in a low voice, unfocused eyes directed at the crumpled comforter. His mind and body had been completely numb until then, but now heat from the human soaked into his clothes and he blinked, not caring when he felt the wet mess his shirt had become.

Abraham stared at the exposed neck, blinking naturally as seconds went on. He took a deep breath and exhaled, slowly withdrawing from the vampire. The man ran his sleeve over his face again, sniffing with his blocked nose. His eyes felt heavy and swollen as one of his fingers fanned out his damp eyelashes before his hand went to his lap, looking at the shoulder he had been leaning on. After a moment, Abraham sighed to himself, his mind blank, but peaceful.

"I'll be going, then." Hellsing snapped back to life like a puppet animated by its marionette strings, lifting his head to stare at the vampire's face. Alucard wasn't looking at his master as he moved away to slip off the side of the bed, but a hand caught his upper arm and he paused, gazing at the darkness between himself and the wall.

"Stay."

Alucard felt the grip tighten and he blinked impassively.

"It's an order." Abraham followed, staring at the back of the creature's head. The locks flowed slightly when he carefully pulled Alucard back to the center of the bed. Red eyes were looking down at the blankets when the two were side by side again. Steadily, the undead gaze went to the man's face, as emotionless as if the features had been carved from granite, and the blue and crimson eyes met. The red orbs lowered and became unfocused when Abraham's arms wove around the undead being and quietly drew him down into the mattress. They were facing one another, though Alucard's face was below Hellsing's, and the vampire wasn't looking at anything while the warm arms held him close and a face came to his hair where a steady breath moved the midnight strands. Alucard blinked when Abraham fell asleep and as time went on, the vampire closed his own eyes and dozed while the moon and stars circled overhead.

*~*~: . + . :~*~*

Blue eyes opened with a soft flutter from the influence the sun had on the man, and Abraham blinked at the soft, silky strands his chin rested on. He pulled away as he recognized how cool he was at the moment, and how his arms were around the form of a person. Hellsing was quiet, watching his slave sleep.

No matter the phase…the state…'human'…vampire…with or without memories…Alucard always looked the same when he was sleeping…the man mused, pulling free his arm so that he could prop his head up on his hand. The vampire was breathing, though he didn't need to, and his serene face was comforting to Hellsing. The man allowed himself to watch the beast until a faint knock came at the door. Abraham flinched, looking worriedly from the sleeping monster to the sound, but it was only a servant asking Hellsing if he would like to have breakfast in bed, in the dining room, the study, or outside. Abraham responded that the dining room would be preferable, and the presence left. Giving a sigh of relief, the eyes traveled back to the sleeping vampire and Hellsing's lips twitched into a small smile before he pulled himself out of bed and went to his closet to get dressed. On his way to breakfast, Abraham made sure to lock the door so no one would walk in on the creature.


	28. Chapter 28

My computer is still...broken for the most part, so I'm using a different computer at the moment. I'm sorry if this seems rough at all, I'm busy and only read it over once or twice but I don't like spacing updates too far apart...for the sake of the story...

I was able to translate the review that was in Spanish, thank you for the review ^^. I'll consider writing happy endings for this story and for Take My Sanity.

Thank you for following the story so far.

~ death-in-the-orchard

* * *

John sighed, feebly attempting to insert precious seconds into the space before his future task. He stood, tracing the lines that constructed the rings of age tattooed into the dead wood of the door, his hand giving warmth to the cold barrier that would never understand the comfort its simple existence provided. His eyes descended to the shinning bronze handle that would remove the barrier and expose him to the situation. His hand skimmed the wood and then gingerly grasped the handle, squeezing it with tight nervousness before turning the metal object.

John's eyes were on the floor, almost finding the beauty of the glossy sheen in the wood before they unfocused, feeling a pair of eyes come to his person and a few papers rustle against one another. The young man imagined the journey the parchments made to the other man's lap and he blinked when his mental image ended, and a faceless Hellsing was looking at him. His heart jumped as his head jerked abruptly to face Abraham. The air in his strained lungs escaped when a calm image was presented in the stead of the faceless vision.

Abraham did not conceal his surprise at the sudden appearance of his friend, and it took him a moment to smile slightly, knowing well the reason for the unannounced visit. Though, it bothered the man remotely that his servants had thought it necessary to allow John to enter the estate without making his presence known. He glanced at his half finished plate and then shifted in his seat, adjusting his position so that he was facing John directly as the younger man chose the seat beside Hellsing. Abraham smiled gently and folded his hands over a knee, his legs crossed.

"Hello John."

"Abraham." John managed in a quiet voice, looking anxiously into his lap with both of his hands clasping his knees. He took a deep breath, masking a sudden shudder and his eyes flicked up for a fleeting moment. "I didn't get to…well…say this…" John cringed and his knuckles turned white. "…earlier…but I'm…I'm sorry for your loss."

Abraham watched his friend for a few passing moments and then nodded in acceptance. An arrow of guilt nicked his heart, but he brushed off the pain as he realized John was grieving more than he, himself, was. He's remembering Lucy's death…Hellsing grimaced and looked at John again. "I know…all I can hope for is that she's…finally at peace…" Abraham diverted his eyes as the morning sun seemed to dim and the shadows drifted over his features. "…with Arthur…"

John realized what had just happened, what he had just managed to take from the room and his spine went rigid, straightening his posture and lifting his head to look at Abraham. His mind had to catch up with his emotions before he could speak. "Yes, they are both…in a better…at peace." There is no better place for a family than in their home…together…John bit his lip at the thought and his eyes meet Abraham's, revealing that the man had just processed the same thought. The man sighed and reclined in his chair, thrumming the armrest thoughtfully. "How…are you managing? I know…the funeral was…taxing for you…burying someone you love…is a…marking experience." You'll never be able to see them again…feeling as if your hand is the one that finalizes and completes the separation and death…burying them in the common earth when you would rather have them…warm…alive…in your arms… John's eyes widened and he hastily blinked the thoughts away. Lucy had never loved him that way…and she had been engaged to Arthur Holmwood… Oh God, this is about new wounds not my festering old…scratches…his whole family is gone now. John looked at Abraham's sullen face and found optimism in the sight. "I see that you at least managed to get some sleep. It's important and the first step for your…recovery. It keeps your mind clear and reasonable."

The memories from the night before flashed before Hellsing's eyes and he had to look away, settling his gaze on his half finished breakfast. The food made his stomach churn and he was struck by guilt once more. "I…suppose I did…get some sleep…" the man murmured, tearing away John's optimism with his pale and drawn visage, etched with remorse.

"I'm sorry…I mean…" the younger man fumbled with his words clumsily, biting his tongue in frustration as he realized he was a professional and should be able to handle the situation with more ease. "There's nothing wrong with resuming your everyday life, Abraham. It's a good thing, nothing to be ashamed of."

But Alucard. Abraham instinctively hid his face in his hands, on the brink of collapsing. Good Lord…what am I thinking? What have I done? I bury my wife and force another man, one who cannot disobey me, to sleep in my bed? I take, not only a man, but a murderous monster…and welcome him into her place beside me? Disgusting. Revolting in all aspects…. And he's still there…

Abraham's knuckles cracked as his open hands became hostile fists against his face.

"Abraham?"

The abrupt intrusion into his desolation snapped the man back into reality with a soft gasp of surprise and he looked at John who was about to touch his shoulder, his arm extended to do so. John stopped when Hellsing responded and he set his hand on the table instead, purposely making a sound so as to keep Abraham's attention. "There is nothing wrong with moving on. You show more strength and respect to the dead by doing so. Your wife doesn't want to watch you waste away, clinging to the tombstone of her memory."

"It's…" It's not that. I wish it was…oh how I desperately wish that was the case.

"It's hard. I know it is, but you have to, Abraham. For her sake and your own…and really for all of Great Britain. You stand for something much larger than yourself…with the Hellsing organization…" Abraham was staring at his lap while John observed him, one hand sometimes coming to life with the sincerity of his words, thrumming the surface of the table with his fingers. Hellsing stole the life from them as he shook his head slowly, the muscles in his neck twitching as if straining to lift his head. He remained looking down into his lap as he spoke.

"I made Alucard sleep with me last night."

There was silence. It was as if the world had ceased it's constant revolution around the sun, as if it had stopped turning completely in order to hold onto the moment for as long as eternity. But this was not possible, and the moment was carried off by seconds of moving time and John stood from his seat violently, knocking it back so that it tumbled over. He stared at Hellsing with wide, piercingly focused eyes that delved into Abraham's soul. "You did….WHAT?" John's mind was brimming with horrendous memories of what the human being is capable of in the midst of grief and desperate loneliness.

Abraham jolted as well, filling with horror at the contempt that was filling John's eyes. He would have stood, but his legs suddenly went numb and could not support his weight. "I…"

"You did WHAT? Made him…?" John was aghast, but his eyes wouldn't leave Abraham's form.

Hellsing jerked and his eyes widened as he froze, going over what he had just said. His neck twisted painfully towards John and he found his strength to stand immediately. "No….no! Not that John. Christ, no! Never! I….made him sleep in the room…in the chair like he used to." Hellsing's voice died down steadily, but the overwhelming relief made John dizzy and he slowly picked up his chair and collapsed into it as Abraham went back to his own chair.

"I'm….I'm sorry. That was…awful of me. I'm sorry. I didn't mean… That…that was okay. Just in the room…you needed someone…" John blinked and frowned, pulling his thoughts together again. "He actually helped? The vampire…you know he's not the same…" Starting, John cringed when he realized the dangerous waters he was wading into.

"I know, and I've given up on changing him. He's still Alucard, right now, even though he's…changed."

John was quiet and didn't attempt to draw out the topic. But it nagged him, remaining in the back of his mind and he gave in as he didn't see the same despair that had seized the man moments before. Alucard…seemed to be a good distraction. "Needing company during…trying times like these is completely natural as well."

Abraham sighed, feeling somewhat better about the situation as he digested John's words, but the lie weighed heavily on his shoulders, drawing a frown from his lips. "But….no. I guess you're…right. It was…bothering me…"

John closed his eyes, feeling them sting and he realized that the pain was from a film of developing tears. He blinked them away and gave a weak smile. "I'm glad you weren't alone…then."

Hellsing simply nodded in reply and his eyes slowly made their way to the table.

"So you ordered him from the dungeons to come…"

Blinking, Abraham looked at John. "No, he came on his own accord."

John didn't hide his amazement, but he was free of doubt as his eyebrows rose and his hand attached to his armrest. "But you said…"

"I made him stay…but he came on his own."

"…Why would…he…?" John seemed to be talking to himself, but Abraham replied anyway.

"He…" a smile played at Hellsing's lips as a sense of awkwardness swept over him. "He must have impeccable hearing…" John focused on Abraham at this point, taking interest in the sudden statement. "…because he…he came into my room because….well…" Abraham shifted uncomfortably in his seat and he carried on in a lower voice. "I had been crying…and he said it…he wanted me to stop because he could hear me…" John showed disgust at this and Abraham urgently wanted to erase the misconception. "I know. At first I thought the same as you and I was angry, but he was…genuinely disturbed or concerned by my crying….and I didn't imagine this John." Abraham's tone became more stern when he caught John's compassionate expression. "He tried to comfort me even though I was yelling at him to go away."

The younger man appeared to be blown away by the information and his mouth hung open, unattended for some odd moments. "Really? What did he do? How are you sure he was trying to help you?"

Abraham caught his hands and watched as he wrung them out nervously. He remembered John's occupation and hid the emotion instantaneously. "He sat on the side of the bed and waited for me to stop crying….You know…just being there…and I asked him why, because I was as surprised as you are now, and he said that I wouldn't have stopped if he had left…"

John's hands met and his fingers knitted together as his elbows remained on the armrests. "And so…you asked him to stay…or, actually, you ordered him to and he remained in the room with you all night? And that was…comforting? Having _him_ there?"

It bothered Abraham a little that he felt like a patient at the moment, but he nodded with an unobvious frown. "Yes." He lied. Having him in my arms…was the comfort. Abraham held back as his body wanted to cringe in self loathing.

John caught the tension and he waved his hand before himself as if to clear it away and he smiled. "I was just interested, sorry…again. I've had to apologize a lot to you tonight, haven't I?" He attempted to bring light humor into the moment, opening it to make the atmosphere friendlier. Abraham accepted the attempt and he let a slight smile come to his face.

"It's okay, John. I'm actually happy you came to visit me. Thank you."

The two continued to smile at one another as the sun rose higher in the sky.


	29. Chapter 29

There was a dark consistency in the gloom that thickened the dungeon air, heavy with the chains restricting the inhabitant's freedom. The air was stifling even to the undead lungs that drank the atmosphere with the encouragement of a long standing habit. The stone walls added their dank scent, affecting the monster who stared at the grey with setting monotonous indifference. The air, he hated it with a cold passion, the taste of a distant memory worsening the creeping gloom. Alucard frowned, his legs spread casually before himself while his hands held one another captive in his lap. Crimson eyes dulled, counting the unchanging details in the cell; how the darkness played with his sight, becoming blacker at the opposite side of the cell, or the simple number of stones that paved the floor and built the walls confining the ancient creature. The frown deepened, made sharper with either frustration or annoyance, and only moments passed before the cell was empty of its single prisoner.

Alucard felt a flooding white clarity enter his mind as expansive windows lining a corridor let in the light and showed the face of a fully engorged moon that greedily swallowed stolen rays from the absent sun. His eyes followed the minimal movement his shadows made as he walked or stood still, watching them without a word. The shifting darkness seemed to be dancing, compared to the dead stillness that had existed in the cell. The vampire's gaze lingered on the shadows as well as the white deity of the night that traveled beside him as steps brought him past the row of windows. When they ended, the demon's rhythm picked up, motivated by purpose and he set his eyes on a specific door farther down the hall. He suddenly veered from his path and slipped through the wall, prompted by something resembling impatience.

In the darkness of the room, the monster's sight pierced through the obstruction mercilessly and found a shape buried under a blanket draped over a bed. Abraham was sleeping. Knowing this, the question of whether or not it was his place to wake the man flitted through Alucard's mind, but burned away before he carelessly considered how easily the mortal would be able to fall asleep again, even noting the increased chance of having his objective become reality because of the circumstances of his visit.

A hand touched the warm, living shoulder and then clasped it while the vampire spoke as softly as the nightly breeze that slipped through a window that was cracked open across the room.

"Master."

Caution almost touched Alucard's mind, but it was rejected, labeled ridiculous by the being, and he watched as his master jolted from sleep with wide eyes that lowered, becoming lidded. A generous brow knitted with confusion and the stupor of sleep that persisted.

"Alucard?" Hellsing mumbled a bit awkwardly. He felt this and opened his eyes as they adjusted to the vampire's form. Something hot shot through the mortal's veins, hope mixing with happiness drunk with sleep. Abraham almost smiled, but the sensation of his muscles pulling on his flesh sent a spike of reason that broke down the man's previously irrational feelings. He frowned instead, analyzing Alucard with narrowed eyes that held no ill intent, only meant to improve the man's sight in the nearly lightless room. "What are you doing?" He asked in a low voice.

The vampire removed his hand from the shoulder and he withdrew a little from the bed, cloaking himself with the compiling shadows. "I ask for permission to leave the mansion while remaining on the Hellsing grounds, tonight and for future nights."

Abraham's heart deadened for a moment, numbing the chill that he had experienced from his shoulder when the monster's hand had left it. His lips resisted animation, but obediently followed the man's intent. "What for?"

Thoughts exploded in Abraham's mind, screaming and deafening his senses.

He wants to escape…to hunt…he's going to kill people…the image of the vampire child and the female vampires…then the assistant….the mice...he's going to plot… some scheme that will create more victims like Lucy…victims like John…

Then the nature of his thoughts changed.

He's unhappy here…he wants to leave …to get away from me…

The few seconds holding the raging thoughts gave in and Alucard made the human mind quiet abruptly.

"To walk, guided by whim. I want fresh air… and difference. The cell is the same, day to day. With time it has become… trying….even a nuisance."

Nuisance? The unexpected word caught the man's interest, but all warmth seemed to clot in his veins as he registered the significance of the vampire's response. Abraham felt as if Alucard had asked him for a chance to taste freedom again. Whim…something light and liberating from his position as a condemned slave. Guilt weighed on the man's shoulders as the screaming thoughts echoed as reasons to deny the request. Hellsing's chest tightened and his jaw set for a moment as he looked at his vampire's empty features. Trust. I need to be able to trust Alucard… The man swallowed, and then spoke. "Just don't leave my property, and stay in view of the mansion."

The vampire's lips twitched, lacking negativity, and Alucard inclined his head before melting into the wall. Anxiety sparked in the man once more and he bit his lip with growing nervousness. Minutes slivered away slowly and finally the man groaned in frustration, throwing his blankets back and standing. Abraham left the room after glancing at his window, preferring the ones down the corridor. Blue slid over the transparent glass before Hellsing looked beyond the window at the grass that spread to the edge of the meager forest isolating the estate. Edging closer to the window so he could peer down the side of his house, Abraham's gaze locked onto the passing figure that slowly traveled along the obscure, cobbled path, forming a strip of land within the sea of grass. There was a tree that rustled softly, the shadows of leaves stroking the creature that passed through them. Still within the reach of the tree's silhouette, Alucard slowed to a stop and took his eyes from the scenery to look up at his Master with short-lived curiosity.

Without thinking, Hellsing nodded in approval and pivoted to return to his room as the nosferatu looked at the gluttonous moon and walked on.

*~*~: . + . :~*~*

For the following days, the vampire was true to his word and he haunted the grounds after enduring the night's scheduled experiments, keeping track of the days by following the faces of the moon. Abraham would, on occasion, glance at random windows when he retired from his office, in the hopes of catching a glimpse of the demon. On the sparse occasions that he did find Alucard in the window, the vampire would always return the glance. But Hellsing's life was more complicated than the peaceful midnight walks the nosferatu indulged in. Before the new moon, an awaited, yet nearly forgotten, letter appeared on Abraham's desk.

The man stared at it with deadened eyes and fancied waiting for the clouds to cover the sun before opening it, but he picked up the envelope despite the state of the sky and soon held a few unfolded parchments above the surface of his desk. The power of the Queen's own handwriting lowered the papers to the wood as Abraham read, his eyes flowing over the lines.

The letter contained the response to the incident involving his assistant and the one relating to his persistent request to use the vampire in the field of his work, instead of strictly for experiments. There was apparent interest relating to Alucard defending Abraham, and Hellsing sighed when the Queen did not suggest that a harsher punishment be in order. But Abraham dropped the letter completely from his hands, in utter disbelief when he read on.

"…I trust your wisdom, granted with years of weathering experience, and shall hold you wholly accountable for any evils that originate from the demon in result of your decision on the matter. You risk much, so I give you this as a warning. You will be responsible for any form of murder your monster commits. His victims' blood will stain your hands, Van Hellsing.'

He read on.

'…For future reference, I ask that you deliver such things personally, or through some means not involving the general post. It is procedure that packages sent by the common citizens are inspected thoroughly before reaching my hands. Though, it did produce an interesting result. I was informed, when I received the journal, that it contained the ramblings of a lunatic, the ponderings of a child, and the thoughts of a scholar or some unknown, most likely foreign, philosopher. It saddens me somewhat that circumstances regarding the seal unfortunately erased the man who wrote the journal's contents, leaving a monster in his place…'

And finally…

'…Send your demon to eradicate his brethren, but first check his leash to ensure that it leads only to your hand and no other. Never let go of it, this leash that has been conjured for the moment. He is to be compared to a dog in your possession. Keep him in check, if not tamed, and muzzle him if the need arises, in the case of the vampire posing as a threat to society. I would like you to appear before me in a few months time, so that I may observe that this is indeed the case. I will also prepare a test that will influence my final decision. My judgment will determine his fate on that day, but until then you may use him as you see fit…"

Relief and dread. Abraham's head was swimming with the unnatural concoction of emotion and he had to rest his head in his hands, his elbows on either side of the letter. These emotions prevented thought for some time, but they became diluted and thought was able to return to the man, his first coming in the form of an audible whisper.

"Will I have to kill him?" At some point in time, will I be forced to kill Alucard? While he is defenseless against me? He's so restricted…that it would be like dropping a live wire into a fishbowl…or shooting a dog tied to a post…he can't attack, defend, or even escape…

Nausea churned Abraham's stomach, but instead of resting his head in his arms, he straightened his posture and put on a grim smile that brightened as minutes carried on. "And what makes me think that it would come to that? Do I not trust him at all? And this is great news. I can put Alucard to a better use, and even end the experiments…" Hellsing shook his head, the nausea gone, but uneasiness settled in the pit of his stomach and refused to go away. "He's…not a threat now, is he?"

*~*~: . + . :~*~*

Though Abraham was no stranger to loneliness and was plagued by it regularly in the company of threatening depression since the death of his wife, the additional stress caused by the possibility of being forced by loyalty and duty to kill Alucard made his appetite for company become a state of starvation. So, that night, the man approached his servant minutes before the clock was to strike twelve. Alucard was outside, near the tree whose silhouette coveted his presence, the sliver of a moon gifting it with enough shadow that it could touch his pale skin. It was in the presence of this tree that Abraham came to him. The man didn't hesitate before speaking.

"Can I join you tonight?"

The demon's eyes grew a little and stared at Hellsing without blinking, making the mortal want to fidget with discomfort.

"You…" Alucard paused for a breath of a moment, finally blinking. "…don't have to ask me, Master. If you want to have my company, then put yourself in a position to do so without consulting me for my opinion on the matter. It would be meaningless in any case."

It was Abraham's turn to blink, but he did so in surprise, caught off guard by the shift in character he was now beginning to notice. It was a shift that reminded him of the previous 'Alucards' that he still regretted losing, and a smile thinned the human's lips despite his attempt to hide it. "And if I demand for that opinion?"

Alucard's eyes scanned his master's face before he responded to the playful tone with a small, crooked smile. "Then I would have no other choice but to surrender it to you."

A hint of a chuckle rode on Hellsing's next breath and he began to follow the path at what he hoped was the vampire's accustomed pace. Alucard followed wordlessly, lost for the reason behind the man's strange mood and his own temporarily easy disposition. As the mortal's footsteps were the only ones with a voice on the cobblestones, Abraham's eyes darted to the side so his peripheral vision would find the vampire's figure. The demon was walking two paces behind Abraham. The breeze picked up for an instant, cutting into the man, though his red trench coat protected him from the cool air. The loneliness sparked again and he almost blurted out a command, but gained control of himself. He calmly moved his hand to indicate the space beside him on the path. "Walk with me. All you are doing is following."

Alucard went to the space, never looking at the man. "I don't see the difference of a few feet."

"I do, and that's what matters."

Somehow, Abraham could tell Alucard was pleased by the response without the vampire having to speak or change his facial expression. Hellsing's mouth twitched in mild amusement, still beset with his stubborn emptiness.

Shaking his head slightly, Abraham attempted to distract himself by diverting his eyes from the trees they had been facing blindly, to the vampire's features. Pacified by the presence that dispelled the lingering fear of the creature suddenly disappearing, the blue eyes went skyward, finding the moon. A fleeting second held the guilt of having his dead wife watching him take comfort in the demon, seemingly indifferent to her absence. That wasn't the case at all. He missed her dearly, so much so that the thought of her brought a film of tears to his eyes and he had to force them away with a few rapid blinks.

"You miss your wife?"

The unexpected voice made the man start and look at the monster who had spoken.

"What?"

"You miss her." Alucard's eyes were directed to the approaching darkness in front of them.

Abraham gazed at the ground, at the grass to his left, and then in the direction he was walking. "Yes." He took a moment to continue. "She was my wife…a good woman, and I loved her." No comment came, making Abraham's hand twitch uncomfortably. "Is that something hard to believe…?"

"No. I just don't have any words that would be of much help to you."

"Oh." Hellsing breathed, almost unable to hear his own voice. He walked a few steps in silence. "It's rare for you to start a conversation."

"Everything about tonight is rare, or even a first. Not many humans take walks in the middle of the night with a vampire…or at least…there aren't many who live long enough to see the sun rise."

The man was silent as the two followed the path. Suddenly, Alucard broke away, but Abraham, not expecting the change in direction, hesitated. The vampire stopped and turned to his Master questioningly. "I don't circle the mansion all night, Master. I tend to walk along the border near the forest as well."

Hellsing flinched and then nodded his head and followed, wondering why he was so surprised by the information. Alucard noticed and frowned. "Does this bother you? I thought…"

"No." Hellsing replied quickly, giving an apologetic look to his slave. "It's fine. I'm tired so my mind's…slow at the moment."

Alucard's lips parted and he watched his master's steps. "If that's the case, you should retire for the night. It's late."

Abraham's small smile returned from before and he directed his eyes to the vampire for a few seconds. "This is a form of rest, in and of itself. Taking in the refreshing night air is good for me, and I feel like spoiling myself and doing what I want for a while."

The smile slowly melted away, but was retained in the man's eyes, giving Alucard something to look at on Abraham's face before the mortal looked away. "You feel like walking with me, of all things?" Light humor was in the tone, distracting Abraham who returned his eyes to the beast. "You're a man with odd taste, Master."

Frowning indignantly, Hellsing mumbled and crossed his arms gracelessly, then dropped them by his sides, a little perturbed by the remark. They continued to walk without the need to speak.

Abraham suddenly stepped to the side and waved his hand at the darkness, warding something away. Alucard took notice and stopped, persuading Abraham to take a break from their walk. The demon's expression seemed to ask the question, so Abraham answered, his hand raised and ready to defend himself once more.

"A bug, that's all. Maybe a mosquito." He waved his hand as he thought he saw the perpetrator returning from the same direction to linger before him. "Let's move on, they can't be helped out here."

Alucard held his silence for a moment, watching as his master's hand almost made contact with his assaulter. "Master…" Abraham looked at the vampire, leaving his hand suspended. "…I believe that's a spider."

The man twisted his body away and retreated closer to Alucard, farther from the area, his eyes wide as his mind continued to process what had been said. Abraham straightened, finding his dignity in a forced cough as he fixed the collar of his shirt. "Oh. But…" The man murmured to himself quietly.

A smile twitched on the demon's lips and he looked at Abraham's ruffled appearance before his eyes moved to the fragile wire that was glistening in the meager moonlight. He could clearly see the web that was floating on the night breeze, and the arachnid that was bouncing with its fluctuating force. "You don't like spiders?" He smirked at the man who was picking up a stick and returned the expression with a frown.

Abraham couldn't help but read the hint of arrogance in his slave's features, but he ignored it and returned his attention to the question and his stick. "No. I don't." His eyes squinted into the darkness, slowly finding the faint glimmer of the spider's thread. He stepped forward cautiously, while the vampire watched his Master's careful, lethally silent steps.

"Are you going to kill it?"

Abraham jerked at the distraction and shook his head once. "No, I'm not going to kill the poor thing. I'm going to move it so it'll go back into the forest." With this, Abraham snagged the line of web as he moved the stick through it and he quickly tossed the stick towards the base of the trees. Alucard watched placidly as the man brushed dirt from his palms.

"So you don't like spiders and you don't like vampires…"

The hands twitched spastically and then were shoved into Hellsing's pockets as his gaze dropped to the ground by the demon's feet. "What does that have to do with this?"

The mild hiss told the monster that he was on the verge of upsetting Abraham, but he pressed on despite this and his eyes burned shamelessly into his Master's face. "You kill vampires but you don't kill spiders."

All of the man's muscles and joints went rigid. A moment died away before a glare flashed in the darkness, piercing into the vampire. "Those are completely unrelated. Incomparable. Vampires kill people…"

Fangs shone in a grin. "Well, so do spiders."

"Vampires are monsters! They're unnatural, while insects and other creatures that kill for sustenance or defense _are natural_!" Abraham had drawn his hands out of his pockets and they were now fists by his sides, trying to suppress his unsteady temper, but his words were twisted with a faint snarl. He shook his head and looked defiantly into the forest, taking a deep breath. "This is ludicrous. There is no comparison between the two…and this conversation is unnecessary…"

The demon held onto the ebbing argument and he smiled to himself. "Unnatural? What was created by God and evolution is natural, but vampires are not?" He chuckled darkly at the pale expression he received from his master, wide lost eyes staring at him blankly. "So then, who created vampires?" The chuckle returned as a cackle, but Abraham interrupted with a growl.

"Vampires serve no purpose."

The vampire was put off by the remark for less than a moment before he countered it with apparent rapture. "They kill _humans_, curbing their explosive population growth, and they exterminate weak vampires as well as other demons, at times." He gave a laugh that resembled a purr, his humor remaining to warm the undead throat as crimson eyes flashed at the dawning desolation in the man's features. He continued as if he had not been interrupted. "No one but God has the power of creation." Abraham's eyes widened a little, fused to the being before him. "So now you are saying that God made a mistake? That your God, might I say, 'blinked' when he created monsters that fed off of humans? But he was in the right when he created other animals that are predators and those that are prey?"

"Alucard." The voice was surprisingly steady and crisp, though it was without emotion. "Vampires are _dead_. How can the _living_ _dead_ be natural?"

"Even in that case, you are still challenging God…"

The warped smile was twisting into the man's raw heart, struck by the reminder that Alucard was a monster…that at his core, he was a demon… Pain and confusion widened his emptiness and Abraham sighed, his eyes filling with developing resentment as he was weighed down with the need to tear out his hair in self mortification or cry …and then the beast laughed at his misery with a flashing, daggered smile.

"How blind I've been…."

Whether or not Hellsing meant to whisper this aloud, even the man himself did not know, but he turned and began walking, disregarding the vampire who stood silently where he had left it. "To think I was talking to a vampire of all things…" the man murmured to himself with a grimace, at a distance that would not have allowed mortal ears to hear the words. But Abraham knew that the vampire could hear them…that he _had_ heard the remark, because Alucard remained in the darkness, never resuming his walk as the night wore on and a soft mist thickened around him. When dawn made the night bleed and the crimson seeped into the horizon, the monster faded into the shadows and soon shut himself in his coffin and stared at the darkness, feeling the gloom settle on his mind once more.

"Master…" He closed his eyes, unable to form an expression on his face or words in his mind. Alucard opened them again, but only for a moment. When they were shut, the demon willed himself to sleep as the sun broke into the night, destroying it instantly.


	30. Chapter 30

It was the insensitivity of the creature that had reopened the meager stitches that were keeping Abraham's heart from corroding away... as life beat at it, demanding it of more strength than it possessed. Hellsing stumbled, tripping over his own feet as he walked down the hall. His eyes caught the shadow of the tree in the window and he scowled to himself, stood, and moved on. The emptiness of his bedroom did nothing to comfort him, but what more could he expect?

There was nothing for him. He had lost the person he loved… His eyes widened at the wording as his hand moved to remove his shirt. He had lost the _woman_ he had loved, his wife…a piece of his heart. True, he thought while slipping on a clean nightshirt, smoothing out the imaginary wrinkles, he had been close to Alucard. John was right about that much.

He sighed and stepped out of his closet. "It was the original…" His steps faltered at the audible thought. It was the original that he missed most, but it was the second that he felt guiltiest about…because what he had done had turned that being into a monster. Though, in all practicality it wasn't the man's fault. It was inevitable…the change. Alucard wouldn't have wanted him to die and he would have regressed to the vampire eventually…perhaps.

Blue eyes, dulled by thought and shadow, roamed over his vacant bed. The phantoms of his wife and child sat with the golden sun streaming through the window. They were laughing and they were happy. They should be, the man thought, his heart shivering with a chill. They're together now… There was a touch of envy that wasn't directed towards anything particular, but Hellsing was jealous, for a moment, of the dead. He instantly wiped the thoughts from his mind and peeled back his sheets.

How dare he? Anger flared in Abraham as the demon trespassed into his mind. How dare he say such things when he knew how injured Abraham was at the moment? He knew that he was hurting the human. He knew by returning to his past obsession with God that he was showing Hellsing his true face, not allowing the man to even pretend that the vampire had changed…that he had reverted back to how he was before. But, Abraham could not say he had no part in this. He had blindly latched on to the night he had spent with the beast, draining the memory of every wispy comfort it held.

How blind…how blind indeed. The man stared at the ceiling, his face creased with age and sorrow. He felt old, suddenly. So very, very old…and tired. But that was irrelevant. It was not his time to die, and he was really not that old. He had decades to look forward to…he had John and Jonathon and his organization. He had a purpose, a place no one else could fill.

A sudden calm settled over the man and the lines in his face eased. His eyes brightened a little. Then they were closed.

Tomorrow he would telegram John and Jonathon to tell them of the queen's letter. Maybe they would visit. It had been months since he had last seen Jonathon.

That sounded pleasant. So the man slowly slipped into sleep, leaving nightmares for the warmth of good memories.

*~*~::..+..::~*~*

The demon in the dungeons did not have such memories to indulge in.

_A horse screamed into the darkness as the light of distant torches brought color to the trees, against the will of the night. There were faint, familiar cries. The sound of death, its wings beating softly… like a moth, constantly seeking out the fire of life…_

_His chest ached as he struggled to find strength to tame the creature that had reared on its legs. It heard the death as well. His eyes closed and opened, unaffected by pity. He shoved the beast's neck, just to vent his aggression, but the horse returned to the ground and then bolted to catch up with the others that had passed._

_There was a sharp sound._

_Twigs breaking? The voice of the enemy?_

_Dark eyes shifted in the night, riding faster as his small band followed. Then, with a crashing realization, his vision whitening for a moment of horror, he realized that the sound had been a cry. His mind went back to his recent memories… only an hour or less ago… his proud, brave, and foolish mate had thrown herself from their bedroom window. He had not followed, not even tempted to, and he had not mourned for her loss yet. Suicide was not an option. Vlad Tepes Dracula III would not be defeated. He left his castle to burn, escaping to the mountains to seek shelter with his allies…but with the sound of the cry, warmth drained from his body._

_Slowly, he turned in the suddenly chilly night air and peered at the saddle. It was empty. War had always distracted his mind, but how could he have been ignorant of the missing presence? He gritted his teeth and carried on in silence, coaxing the beast to go faster._

_Life was cheap. He had killed so many sons in battle that it mattered not if his own infant were to die for him. The child was dying for a reason. He was a martyr…just another martyr in this bloody land._

Red eyes opened and stared at the black abyss before him. It was the lid of his coffin. Alucard blinked as his chest moved, swallowing air he did not need.

He remembered now. A sheppard had returned his son to him, years later, and he had gifted the fortunate bastard with a large tract of land. His first born had grown into the image of his grandfather, but that didn't matter. It was only a face, nothing more… nothing less.

Alucard blinked again, his features empty as he realized he felt actual aversion towards the memories…they didn't matter. They had occurred so long ago…they had become irrelevant. He didn't care if they came back or not…they were one human life. A single, unfulfilled human life.

The vampire was quiet, waiting in his coffin for his master to fetch him for some experiments. After, he would walk…

Fangs grated together slowly as the night before resurfaced. No. His master was meaningless as well. Only one human life. Only one human life that meant nothing and would soon be extinguished and disappear…to be cast aside as a useless stump of wax and buried beneath the earth to become bones…bones… the body of the dead, the one in the casket, did not matter. His own sarcophagus was filled with animal bones…his body in the one he slept and awoke in. Alucard felt the thin layer of dirt he lay on, and he moved his arm, stretching his fingers while turning his hand to hold some of it. He let it trickle between his fingers, still gazing at the unending black above him.

It was just dirt. Just simple dirt…dirt that covered the whole Earth and gave a place for plants to take root and a place for animals to shit. There was nothing special about it…not really, if he thought about it. What made this dirt different than the rest of dirt in this world? Why would it allow him to cross the ocean while other dirt could not?

"Why did I not die?"The demon tilted his head, feeling his hair shift and strands fall to the side, brushing over his brow and tickling his cheek. He could feel. He wasn't a corpse. But why? With so much death, why would he be kept in such a state? Was it all without meaning? Like the face his son was given? Or the unknowing dirt that was suddenly granted with magical abilities? Was it all just a random act of God? Why had the Lord been so particular with this dirt and his death? Was it whim? Or had He done it blindly?

No. None of it mattered. Crimson orbs lost their luster, dimming in the lightless space. God is in his Kingdom. He might intervene once in a while, He might punish us at times…but we are simply a distraction…something He can amuse himself with…something he can love and pamper like a toy or a pet and then cast aside and ignore. We mean nothing to him.

The moving hand bumped into a hard object and the beast's thoughts paused. Pale fingers touched the surface of the Journal, feeling its cover and fanning out the pages to hear them whisper against each other. Alucard stopped and blinked at the lid again.

The coffin opened soundlessly and the dead hand held on to the Journal as Alucard sat up, getting out of the black casket. He stood in the empty chamber, looking down at the Journal he opened, flipping the pages until he found one that was blank.

He didn't know why he wanted to write down his thoughts, along with the thoughts he had not yet had, but he felt it instinctively, recalling centuries of memories that told him he had always done this, regardless of the state of his heart, beating or not.

The hand stroked the page then fell to the being's side as he stood, stilled by disappointment. He had been given the Journal, but nothing to write with. And so, Alucard stared at the blank page, his hand twitching impatiently by his side.

It bothered him, and made him feel his bondage to the human and his servitude too keenly, but the vampire considered going to the man and asking for a pen.

*~*~::..+..::~*~*

There was a smile on his master's face. This he had not expected, and the demon stood by the wall watching as Abraham, John, and Jonathon conversed in the study. They seemed to be oblivious of the time while Abraham, in particular, did not show the faintest intent of leaving the room any time soon. A little puzzled, Alucard didn't speak for some time, observing the men in silence. His hand twitched again and he entered their world.

"You seem to be in better spirits, Master."

It was as if he had twisted off the head of a child. The men glowered at him with such a heated hostility, Alucard wondered if he had killed someone in his sleep. Abraham looked at his lap and sighed, then reached out for his coffee that sat on the low table before him. He didn't drink it, but only held it cupped in his hands.

"Why are you up here?"

Alucard paused, waiting for the man to look at him. Eventually Abraham realized why Alucard wasn't answering and his eyes moved to the being. "Answer." He commanded.

Alucard's lips twitched. "I…" It's like I have to beg for the simplest things…and I don't know how to ask… The vampire continued. "…came to ask you if I could have something to write with."

An explosion of anger could be seen in the men's eyes. Fingers shook with fury, almost upsetting the coffee Abraham held. The cup crashed into the glass surface of the table, resting on its neat mat that prevented rings from forming under it. Abraham stood, or almost stood, then returned to his chair and growled at his slave whose eyes had widened a little. Alucard watched the episode in silence.

"Get out!" spat the man who clenched his hand on the armrest of his chair. Abraham voiced the command again, throwing his hand towards the vampire and the wall viciously. "Get out! How dare you say such a thing now? How dare you, Slave?"

Taken aback by the anger, Alucard realized what had happened and he almost stepped forward earnestly, but couldn't find the motivation to do so. "It is not my intent to refer to them, Master. I wish for a pen, for I wish to write…"

"Shut up! I don't want your lies! Out! Now!"

John and Jonathon did nothing to calm Abraham, in this way supporting the man's rage…for they shared some of it as well… Jonathon was disgusted with what Hellsing had told him about the night before. Abraham had confessed everything and it had been deduced immediately that the demon had influenced the man, seducing him into feeling like he needed the creature that night. Vampires were seductive by nature, exploiting any form of vulnerability that they could in order to torment their prey.

"I told you…!" Abraham continued, but he choked when Alucard interrupted him.

"I just want something to write with."

"Do you think I'm a fool?" Abraham countered.

Alucard was quiet, making the man hiss. "I just want…"

"No!" Hellsing pointed at the wall as he stood. John was also on his feet. "Leave!"

Alucard's hands clenched at his sides as his indignation boiled, sparking in his eyes. "Is it really so much to ask! I have no other motives! I just want a pen! Charcoal! Anything, damn it! Really? Why must you make this so difficult!"

"SILENCE!" Abraham had left his chair and he strode over to his slave and then grabbed the demon's shirt, bringing their faces inches apart. Repulsion welled in the man's gut at the site of the familiar features, and he snarled. "Slave! You will obey me! Return to the dungeons! I do not need to supply you with anything!" His eyes sparked, fighting against the light in the red orbs. His mouth frowned. "Actually, bring me the Journal as well. It is no longer yours to keep, Slave. Bring it here before you go back to sleep."

Alucard stared at his master, stunned, and his lips parted as his eyes saw the determination in the blue above him. "Master…"

"I told you your order. Now do it." Abraham shoved the creature towards the wall and backed away, brushing his hands off with distaste.

Alucard didn't move, his features still exposed with disbelief. He took a step away from the wall, looking at his master's face. "Master…please. May I keep the Journal and have something to write with…"

Abraham's face blushed with rage, but John stepped in and touched his friend's shoulder to quiet his temper. Hellsing's face became cold. "Go get the Journal and give it to me, now."

Alucard stepped backwards slowly, without looking away from Abraham's eyes. He melted into the wall.

In the dungeon, his hands shook as he bent down and opened his casket, and his eyes fell upon the booklet. He touched it as he hesitated, but his hand soon lifted the Journal from the dirt and he held it tightly by his side and stood. With creaking steps, he walked into the wall and returned to his master. Fetching the object like a good dog.

Alarm rose in Jonathon and he leaned back in his chair as he saw John stiffen out of the corner of his eye. Alucard was standing by the wall now, his hair moving without the influence of a breeze. His eyes were wide and bright, flickering as he walked towards his master with the book by his side. Fangs glinted in the lamplight, shining from his threatening scowl. Abraham's features darkened and he frowned at the display of hostility he had never before witnessed in the creature…at least, not in his immediate memory.

"Master." Alucard stopped before Hellsing, his eyes burning up at the man. His fangs flashed with each word he spoke. "Do not take this from me."

Abraham narrowed his eyes and lifted his hand. "Give it to me."

With a low rumble sounding in his chest, the vampire lifted the Journal to the expectant hand. "Master." Abraham's fingers flinched at the whisper. "Don't do this."

"Give it to me, now Slave." Hellsing responded calmly and he moved his fingers to show his impatience.

"Why must you do this?" This question was louder than the previous one and John moved closer to Abraham.

"Give me the Journal!" Abraham snarled.

The Journal went to his hand and he tore it from the lingering grasp Alucard had on it, and turned his back on the creature, walking to his bookshelf. "Go now." He parted a space to slide the Journal in while Alucard watched his every movement, his body rigid.

"Give it back to me, Master."

There was quiet for a moment and Abraham turned to his slave, his eyes in a glare with a single eyebrow raised. He chuckled without humor. "Excuse me?"

"I told you to give it back to me."

Abraham eyed the monster's stolid face and then watched his eyes spark at intervals. "No. I'm not going to. You have no basis to make demands, Slave. Go back to your coffin and sleep. There will be no experiments tonight…and you may not walk on the grounds."

Alucard flinched at each command and he bared his fangs. "You gave that to me. I want to keep it. _It is mine._"

"I didn't give this to you." Abraham frowned, lifting a hand so that he could rest it on the shelf by the Journal. "I gave it to one of the other Alucards. A demon like yourself has no use for it."

Alucard's eyes emptied and his jaw fell slack as he gazed at Abraham. Hellsing's mouth quivered as it smiled. He spoke almost kindly. "Now go back to your coffin, there is no service you can fulfill for me tonight. Just go to sleep and I will tell you what I have planned for you tomorrow night."

It was quiet for a moment longer and the vampire closed his mouth, biting the side of his mouth. Blood touched his tongue, reminding him painfully of his hunger. This man…was torturing him…using him like a pet. This man…was not his God.

"No." Alucard breathed as the shadows in the room wavered. Abraham stiffened, staring at the vampire while the other mortals glanced at the shadows. "Give me the Journal."

"Excuse…?" Abraham began, taking his hand from the shelf.

"Give it to me!" There was a gasp from Jonathon as the glass table top fractured and then shattered, shards falling to the floor and scattering.

Wide blue eyes reflected the table and fury revisited Abraham as he whipped around and marched towards Alucard. "You..! I told you never to break my property again!"

Alucard glared at the approaching man, aware of the fact that he could not harm him…red eyes swiveled to the side. A hand shot out and ripped the man's shirt as the human was brought into a deathly embrace, pale lips at his neck, hanging over the pulse of his jugular.

Abraham and Jonathon's eyes were wide with horror as John was held captive by the beast. Long fangs were revealed and were brought around the man's neck, grazing it.

"No…" Abraham watched as glee twisted his slave's features and John stared blankly at the room, in shock. A fire roared to life in Hellsing. "YOU WILL NOT TOUCH HIM, YOU MONSTER!"

Alucard's eyes shot open and there was a choking gurgle in his throat before he fell flat on his back against the floor. The agony of fire boiled his blood as ice froze his flesh, making it seem like he would shatter if he moved. The pain made him shudder and jerk as his eyes gazed up at the ceiling. He closed his eyes as the pain escalated, biting back a cry.

Abraham was standing over him, he could sense it, and the pain pulsed again.

"YOU WILL NEVER TOUCH ANOTHER HUMAN SO LONG AS I LIVE!"

The influence doubled and red eyes flew open, blinded by the pain…and the creature let out an anguished scream. It was the most piercing and scarring sound the men had ever heard, and their hands covered their ears, Jonathon hitting his head against his knees while John tripped as he tried to get away and fell on the rug covering the floor. The volume dismayed Abraham and he shouted for the pain to stop. Then the room was silent.

There was the sound of running feet in the hall and the door opened as one and then another head appeared, panting as they looked around the room and then found the vampire lying on the floor. Other hunters and servants arrived, but Abraham waved them away while his companions shivered behind him. Jonathon's head raised when John ungraciously collapsed into a chair, not caring that it was the one Abraham had been sitting in before. Then both of the mortals looked at the blank expression on the demon who remained on the floor with dull, open eyes. His body was trembling slightly from the lingering pain.

Boots sounded against the exposed wood floor, muffled when they stepped on the rug, and then became sharper as they came to the demon's ear. Alucard wouldn't look at the man as he gazed down with blazing eyes at his slave.

"You're a monster."

There was quiet as the humans gradually calmed while Abraham's anger remained, untouched.

"A monster." He hissed.

"I know, Master." Alucard responded emotionlessly. "But I want my Journal."

Abraham gasped and reflexively put his boot on the creature's brow, moving his head so that the red eyes were directed towards his own. "I said no! I didn't give it to you, demon!"

"Then…" The dimmed red made Abraham sick, but he refused to look away and instead growled. "…who did you give it to?"

"You demon!" Abraham pushed the head away with his foot and would have done more if John had not held him back. "Go back to the dungeon!" Hellsing yelled with John hanging on to his arm, telling him to calm down. "GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!"

"I'm not going anywhere, Master." Alucard lifted his head from the floor and moved to sit, touching his back against the wall. "I will always be here…you've seen to that, haven't you?" Abraham jolted and his eyes twitched with the other mortals'. Alucard was looking at the boot that had dirtied his face. He touched the specks of earth, feeling the dirt from his coffin. "I can never go back to my homeland… I will never hear the wolves sing to the night. I will never taste the pure air, untainted by factories and fireplaces full of burning coal. I will never walk the cobbled paths of my castle…touch the ancient trees in the forests…nor will I ever hunt or feel freedom for the rest of eternity… I cannot leave your sight, Master, even if I wanted to." The dim red eyes flicked up to Abraham who was gazing emptily at the creature. "Remember? I am your slave. All I can do is beg and plead for the smallest of privileges and then return to my coffin and sleep? Yes? Do you want me to go back to sleep, Master? As you ordered before?"

Abraham was a bit pale, but he nodded his head. "Yes." He whispered.

The dead being's lips twitched and light returned to his gaze. He smiled with daggered teeth filing his mouth hideously. "I refuse."

Abraham started and took a step back at the broken cackles that shook the vampire. Alucard's hand closed around his knee as he crossed his legs, still laughing to himself. "I refuse! I refuse! I will not do it, Master! I will not beg for mercy! I will never trust a man to give me anything, for he will not! I will take it for myself and control everything within my power to make the world as I like it! No one else will do so! There are too many conflicting desires for anyone to reach happiness! I will not leave you until you give me the Journal…. Whether you give me a pen or not, I do not care. I will write with my own blood if I have to! Abraham Van Hellsing! I will have the Journal!"

"No." Abraham growled, moving towards the demon who flashed a smile at him. Loathing passed through the man. "You. Will. Not."

"No." The beast laughed again. He closed his eyes and nodded his head. "I will. I will. You see? One day you shall die and I will take it back. One day you shall look the other way and I will steal it. It is a simple matter of who will last the longest, Master."

Abraham snarled, but he stopped and looked back at John who had touched him. John's eyes were wide, staring at Alucard's smile anxiously. "I don't like this. It would be best to put him away…I don't think he should be used…"

"Use me?" John jolted at the chuckle and he tightened his hold on Abraham's coat. "Use me. Use me, Master. Let me be of service! Eh? That's what I'm here for, isn't it? To serve you…to serve you as you see fit. You can do whatever you like to me Master. You will not be judged." Abraham flinched at the grin before him and the familiar words. "No one cares for a monster. They never have and never will…just a forever of nevers…isn't it?" The demon howled with laughter with his hands in his lap. His head suddenly fell forward and he gazed at his hands quietly.

"Slave." Abraham spat out abruptly, surprising John. "Go to your coffin."

"If I leave…I will do so with my Journal in my hand."

"No, you won't Slave."

Alucard didn't say anything. He closed his eyes with his chin touching his chest.

"Now."

Jonathon had risen from his chair when Abraham spoke and he went to the shelf, unseen. He made the others jolt when he appeared before them and then crouched in front of the demon who didn't react. The Journal hovered before the colorless features.

"This is what you want?"

"Jo…" John stared, but Abraham squeezed his arm and the man was quiet, looking worriedly from the demon to Jonathon.

"Is it?" Jonathon stared at the lifeless face, almost forgetting it wasn't made from stone. "You can't take it, can you? That's the problem, right vampire? You can't do anything except throw tantrums like a constricted child, desperately hoping to get what you want." His lips turned up into a crooked smile. "That's it. All this time I've heard Abraham say we are but children when compared to you, and look…look at who the real child is." There was a pause in which no one but the vampire dared to breathe. Curiosity came to Jonathon and he looked at the Journal and then the face again. "What were you going to write in it anyway?"

There was another pause, but eventually red eyes opened without looking at John. They saw nothing as the room waited.

"I've forgotten, now…it was something important too." He looked Jonathon directly in the eye, making the man's body freeze up, unable to move. The crimson eyes glinted and a smirk came to Alucard's mouth. "What a shame….and to think I let an imbecile call me a child. You would have benefitted more by giving me what I asked for…I rarely request anything of you, Master…even though you have neglected to feed me for close to a month…I don't know how long it has been."

Abraham stood, dumbfounded by the statement, and he realized, rubbing his hair to hide his embarrassment, that the vampire's words were true. But he coughed, bringing back his anger.

"Go to the cell."

"Yes Master." The humans were quiet until Jonathon stammered something and reached out for the vampire who faded into the wall. He turned around and bit his lip as the others looked at him questioningly.

"I'm sorry Abraham…he took the Journal."

Hellsing's face fell and he gazed at Jonathon blankly until the unnerved man turned away and stood. "I…sorry. I really shouldn't have gone ahead and…"

"It's fine, Jonathon." Abraham murmured and wandered back to his chair. His friends joined him when he collapsed into it, his face hidden in his hand that was propped up on the armrest. "I'll…let him keep it…a while longer."


	31. Chapter 31

_To struggle and degrade one's self to obtain something just to forget, during the process, what that something was…is the bitter irony of life. One will struggle and fight and then change their mind or forget their purpose during the course of this and all will amount to nothing. I suppose it is during our journey that we learn what it is we are striving towards…._

_I stole the ability to write and fought to maintain the possibility of keeping thoughts within this. With the excitement from earlier, the seam has split further, but none care…though I do, remotely. I own this journal. The thoughts within it belong only to me. It doesn't matter which 'Alucard' scrawled onto these pages, all of it came from one mind, and one being. Me. I accept that all of this has originated from my thoughts, like many other things that shape my existence and touch the lives of others…as the first vampire, the reason for the existence of the undead race. How many deaths am I responsible for? Millions upon millions, I am sure. But what has that amounted to? How has it touched those lives, if it really has? All that death? It has done nothing that I can see. Yes, families are left in ruin, but there are others that remain untouched and it is those fortunate families that live on to populate the earth. They are the future and the result. As if death had never touched the earth at all. There are those who write and tell of their misery, leading to the development of philosophical thought that molds some malleable minds. But I really cannot recognize the impact I have had on humanity. It is probably because there is no visible impact, if you looked at the face of Mankind. Even the Hellsing organization is masked, something hidden...if it disappeared many would be ignorant of its passing. Humanity is too large for one being to affect…that may not prove true in the future, but so far…it has been the law. Jesus Christ was not known to the heathen peoples in the New World, nor others in the Old who had not seen him. Those who learned of his sacrifice might have changed their ways, worshipping him as the son of God. But even this 'God' could not impact all of humanity. The only time the Lord has ever done such a thing was in the creation of life, and even with the knowledge of evolution, it may have been chance that the human ancestor ever stood up at all._

_God does not play with dice, many say. So, instead He laid out His, to put it into childish terms, dominos, all in a great design and simply knocked one over that knocked into the next and so on and so forth, leading to the present. He prepared everything so that today would come and that today is now and not a hundred years into the future or past. Maybe we are not puppets, but part of a design he is waiting to watch flare up and then distinguish, like a pretty flame…or…._

_We, if I may include myself since I cannot identify any other Creator, were made by His hand for His amusement. Toys…or even children or pets or slaves. We serve our purpose, if there was ever one for us, and then pass out of the world…to ascend to Heaven or to descend to Hell. "Thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created."_

…_I suppose Abraham was right. I am obsessed with Hell and God, but who in my position, one that is certain of God's existence, could possibly not be…fascinated…drawn to pondering why He has done some things. Scientists of today are simply doing the same thing, except asking how He has created the universe. I only ask why, though the how interests me as well…even if there is no reason for why it should interest me…or anyone. It is curiosity that drives all thought…curiosity that drives a child to mimic and learn speech. If not for the curiosity of consuming another organism in order to sustain the furnace that drives us, there would be no life. That has no basis, but that does not matter. That is the beauty of a blank page. It can spew the filthiest, most twisted lies, such would be the case if one were to read this, out of curiosity, and conclude that I am something like a human. That would be a hideous lie that I have no wish to create. I have thought. A human has thought. That is the only commonality that is being seen here._

_I am addressing this to my Master, or to John Seward, or Jonathon Harker, or the Queen of England, or any of the human scents I can smell on this journal. I damn you all and may laugh at the absurdity of the statement. There are no rules about a blank page. I, and any creature that comes across a pen and a thought, may do whatever I like with it. It has no boundaries. Not even death or age. What you write, the words will never change, unless they are erased and written over. But they, otherwise, would last forever, just as you have left them._

_I could pretend to be a human. I could pretend to be a prophet, even God, and slip these pages into the binding of a Holy Bible. But just as I may do anything I like with it, it is, in the end, a paper with ink scrawled upon its surface. There is no greater power in it other than the word or thought another adopts from it. So it is powerless, in one sense, and the most powerful ability a creature possesses, in another._

_So, to Abraham Van Hellsing, who might one day take this from me. There is nothing to deem from reading this. You will be conflicted with the possibility of truth or falsehood, making the simplest sentence into an impossible conundrum._

_Might I make a confession to this unprejudiced paper?_

_Why not begin with the dear girl, Lucy. I turned her and found her not to be an appropriate companion, so I left her to her own devices, aware that someone knew of my presence and of her change. I abandoned her to the mercy of her friends and lovers. And they killed her. What an amusing tale. I might actually laugh, but not at the characters in this tragedy, only the tragedy itself._

_I killed one woman, and in turn, these humans killed three that belonged to me. Three I sired and kept by my side as my children. The fledglings I had kept for decades, lost for the revenge of one woman. I don't see the equivalence, but regarding that my fledglings killed to live and were evil entities without life inside of them, number and love does not make a difference. They are all dead. That is the only conclusion._

_I kill because I kill. I am compelled to at times, with or without a reason._

_I am here because I did not die. I did not know that lapping up the blood that wetted the Earth would turn me into a vampire. I was accustomed to such random acts. I did this in defiance, in aggravation, against God and those who were about to kill me. I did not do it in the hopes of becoming a monster….I think I was always a monster…my death only killed off the humanity, the mask that was covering this. But none of this means anything. It is all irrelevant…including the act of writing any of these words. But I do it because I want to. I enjoy the thrill of freedom in doing this. It is pathetic, but it is also my rejection of defeat. I will find an outlet for freedom and will. Of that you should be warned, Master. But I am not spiteful, mostly, I threatened to kill Seward in a moment of passion. I do not particularly wish for the man's death. He interests me to an extent because he was part of the band of humans that brought about my fall into servitude. I will not kill them and I do not know if I was going to follow through and bite Seward before. I do not rampage and kill hundreds of innocents…not since my human days, which is laughable. I do not wish for the death of Mankind, because that would be subjecting myself to starvation and hellish boredom. I enjoy Humanity, in all its hideous glory._

_The recollection of the child vampire I killed brings to mind the fact that I can eerily remember thoughts and feelings from the other 'Alucards' of which you speak, Master. There is no separation except for a change of thought process and level of ignorance. I loved you before, at the time almost two years ago when I loved nothing more than to be in your presence, to hear you speak or your heart beat, and I loved you when I offered to die or lose my mind so that you might live. It was the love of affection, friendship, admiration…companionship. Now? I know nothing of love and cannot comprehend it like any human is unable to find a truth I can agree whole heartedly with. I love nothing. I have nothing that I can find, in my emotions that can resemble the feeling of love. But I do not need it. I have never had it and I am still here to write this. I do not need love, for it is like air to me. I breathe and I know that my blood is already colored red with the amount of oxygen it contains, passing though my veins and capillaries to fill out my form and allow movement… If you could see the veins of my wrist, they would be red, not blue. None of this relates to my indifference to love, but only shows that I cannot explain everything I write, or say, let alone something I have already claimed to have no understanding of. What I was trying to say was…I am dead and it is far too late for me to be breathing air as if I were alive._

_Why was I compelled to write about such a subject anyway?_

_I cannot follow the direction my thoughts are taking me, but…I can see where they revisit most often. Back to the man, my Master, Abraham. Is this still a part of my confessions? Ha. What confessions were they in the first place? I know my sins. God knows my sins. I have not, and cannot, lie about any of my sins. There is nothing to confess as nothing is obscured by my will._

_It comes to me now, that the dream about my son was the first from my own eyes and memory I have had during recent times. Before they have all belonged to my Master. I cannot deduce why. Perhaps the fool did something wrong, maybe he did not remove the seal completely. That is more likely to be the case. He controls me with the pain, the fire and ice…I have never felt such pain before in my existence._

_And now, I believe someone has come to my door to pay me a visit… I wonder when I will be able to write again, but then if I think of the subject for another moment, I realize that I have all the time in the world to look forward to. My mind is worn now anyway. I shall stop for the moment, then._

The creature stood from his coffin, taking the Journal from his knee, and slipped the booklet, along with the pen he had stolen, inside. Moments passed, and the sound of keys rattled at the door.

Hellsing stood and stared at the black clad beast, recalling what had occurred earlier that night. "What are you doing?" He spoke through a hardened voice he barely recognized. The man bit the side of his mouth as he watched the vampire respond.

"Trying to write. I went though much to obtain the choice, I might as well exploit it while I am still able to." There was some bitterness in the words, but it wasn't obvious enough to provoke the man.

Abraham was quiet and his eyes went to the coffin, assuming that the Journal was hidden inside as there appeared to be no other likely hiding places. His eyes narrowed in disgust. The beast had tainted it already. The man cursed in his mind, but did nothing. It was too late, he thought. But would it be better if he were to take the Journal now, before he dirtied it further? And where had he gotten the pen from?

"Why are you here, Master?" Abraham flinched out of his thoughts and looked away from the coffin. Alucard smirked, turning the man's lips into a frown. The being waved a hand, gesturing towards Hellsing. "You have a reason to be upset with me, then? I have more reason to be upset with you. But which of us will win the final word? I believe I won round one."

"Shut up. You were permitted to leave and keep the Journal because I allowed you to. I might not take it from you now, but I'm still considering the option." He narrowed his eyes for a moment of thought. "It isn't yours to keep. You own nothing now, as I see it."

The beast's mouth moved into a scowl then rested as a line. "Why does it bother you that I write in the Journal? You told me to read it, and I have read more than half of it. Why can I not write in it?"

"Because your tainted thoughts corrupt the pure ones that are already occupying it…and you tried to _kill_ John…I have to do something to discourage that from happening in the future." Abraham shot back, feeling the heat of his own temper in his veins.

Alucard's face did not change as his master spoke, the man's lantern hanging by his side so that their features were shadowed. He cocked his head as he watched Hellsing. "Then order me. Order me not to. Then again, you already have…" The demon sighed, tempted to pinch the bridge of his nose in an attempt to clear his mind. "I have no need to kill Seward or Harker…or anyone else at the moment. I was angry before, but now I am content with the Journal. Are you still bent on taking it from me?" The inquiring eyes brightened.

"Is that a threat?" Abraham bristled and his eyes followed the head that tilted to the beast's other shoulder as Alucard stepped back to sit on the coffin.

"No." He said calmly, quieting his master's anger. "It is not…." He paused again, the steady stare making Abraham want to turn the pale face away with his hand. "Why am I tainting the Journal? You honestly believe that there is more than one…'Alucard…? I am the only one, Master. You can do nothing to change that."

"Silence!" Abraham clenched his jaw along with his fist, but he stood his ground. "I regret their loss…you know this."

"And I think it is foolish."

Hellsing's teeth grated together. "Why do you torment me, beast?" He hissed as his eyes flared. As Alucard continued the stare, he stepped forward, going to the demon. "Why? Why!" Alucard's eyes tracked his master's progress. Hellsing towered over him.

"Are you still speaking to me, Master?"

Abraham's eyes went wide when the demon spoke, filled with fury. The man gave in and struck the pale face to break the stare. Alucard gradually returned his gaze to his master only to have the man grab his face and force it away. The vampire moved his head to look at Abraham, but Hellsing pushed the face again. A slight struggle lasted for a few moments, until the vampire tired of the exchange and remained as he was, his master's hand forcing him to look at the wall.

"I _was_ speaking to you, Slave. I won't stand for this impudence!"

"Such strictness you are trying to enforce now, my Master."

"Be quiet!" Abraham barked, tightening his hold on the beast's face. "The punishment will be the same as before, except I will not bother myself by attending. I have other plans for tonight, so you will comply with whatever my men decide on for tonight's experiment." He growled and gave a final push to the head before releasing it. "If you hadn't…done what you did tonight…!" He gritted his teeth and gave a glare to the eyes that turned to him. "There wouldn't have been any more experiments for you! I had decided to end them, but now I'm not sure if I should!"

"Why would you end them?"

Abraham inhaled and snapped his teeth together. "I finally had permission to use you in the field. You could have begun hunting vampires instead of being strapped to a table like a lab rat!" The man turned, running his hand through his hair with an aggravated sigh.

Alucard was quiet at this and his eyes dimmed a little. "What kind of experiment will it be?"

"I don't know," Hellsing snapped back, spinning to glower at the vampire. "And I don't bloody care!"

The outburst lingered in the air, then left perfect silence behind it. Abraham heaved another sigh at the empty features before him and dropped his eyes to the floor, distantly remembering a time when things had been pleasanter for the two…when Alucard had been a light in his life instead of an encroaching shadow that was swallowing it up. He was mildly surprised when the vampire didn't respond, but when he looked at it, it was emotionless…as if he were not there. The human scowled in revulsion, leaving his glare on the demon. "But you like the experiments, don't you? Damn your twisted sense of pleasure."

Alucard countered with a perverse smile. "You like hurting me, so may I call you a sadistic man, Master?"

Abraham gasped in rage and stepped closer to the vampire. "I do NOT enjoy hurting you!"

"Then why do you do it so often?"

The man's face went blank and he stared at the smiling creature. He bit his lip and looked at the coffin Alucard was sitting on. "I'm going to secure you myself, then return to my company, Slave. Come."

Alucard gave a small smirk before standing to follow the command. Abraham closed the door and led the beast to the chamber containing the slab of stone.

"Don't do anything to compromise or end the experiments. Remain in the straps until I come for you, and do not harm any of my men, now or ever." Abraham ordered as he strapped the demon down, never looking him in the eye. He left after this and his men replaced him half an hour later.

The assistant sneered at the closed eyes of the beast, directing the others on what they should be doing.

*~*~::..+..::~*~*

Abraham sat with his company, waiting for one of them to speak about the vampire, as he knew Alucard was on their minds. John did not disappoint him, nervous fingers knitted together on his knee. The man hesitated before diving into the topic. "I'm not sure if he should be used…at this time."

Abraham looked at the younger man, suddenly tired. "Why?" He shook his head at the incredulous looks he received. "I know there are obvious reasons…but what are the ones you are thinking of?"

"He almost killed John." Jonathon growled, crossing his arms. He uncrossed them and took a stubborn sip from his tea before crossing them again. "He needs to be locked up, not given chance to kill, Abraham."

Abraham's deep blue eyes flowed to John and he waited patiently while Jonathon mumbled and grit his teeth. "Other than his obvious attempt to bite me…" John cleared his throat, eyes on the broken table. The glass had been cleared away since Alucard's visit. Now it was an empty frame that would either be thrown away or refitted with another glass surface. "The vampire's defiance…and erratic behavior." He shook his head at the memory. "I don't like it."

Abraham moved his hand over his armrest, humming in thought. He was forcing himself to see more than one side of what had occurred that night. "He was driven into a corner…" The other men looked at Abraham. "He practically begged me not to take the Journal. Why would he want it?" Abraham's eyes glanced over John, and then stopped on the empty wall. "He said he had been writing when I went to him just now."

"Do you believe him? Or is he just toying with you? Or is he writing…but for a..wicked reason?" Jonathon was the one to say this, but Abraham's eyes were on John.

"He doesn't tell lies…" John murmured thoughtfully, making Jonathon quiet as he was about to speak. "So, let's assume he did write in the Journal. Having an honest reason does not justify his conduct." The skin on the man's throat prickled at the memory and he had to adjust his collar. "Though, his rebellion makes sense. He's not adapt to subservient behavior…he was fighting to get his own way." John looked at Jonathon. "That's why it was like a child's tantrum. He has no power to do anything against us…so he tried to threaten you by biting me, but failed."

"What are we trying to figure out here, Abraham? It's obvious that we think he should not be used. Now what are we doing? Reasoning why he acted the way he did? He's a monster…and he's barking mad as well."

"Barking mad?" Abraham's lips twitched at Jonathon.

"Do you know what he has remembered so far of his past?" John asked Abraham but received a no in response. John looked at the table again. "I found…a few excerpts from a book…about Vlad Tepes Dracula III…but it's not much. Most of it relates to Germanic horror stories…that are probably dramatized to be more entertaining." The man winced. "Impaling was just one thing he did, or might have done." He waited for Abraham to say something, but when the man was quiet, John carried on. "I found a few facts. Such as, he was born on December 17…1431, and died in 1476 at age 45." Jonathon was the only one who was surprised by this, so he said nothing of it. "And he was never seen as being the king of Wallachia…he was a prince…only one of many who wanted the throne. Random facts…nothing actually narrating his life."

"Could you send me these excerpts when you're finished?" Abraham asked after a pause.

John said he would. "They're in German and Russian, so I'm having them translated at the moment. But I can send you what has already been rewritten in English. I have copies."

Abraham nodded and there was silence.

"Are you still going to use him to kill vampires?" Jonathon questioned. "You haven't said you changed your mind."

"I'm debating the idea." Blue eyes ran over Jonathon's disapproval. "Would you be attending, like before?"

Jonathon shook his head quickly, but John broke in. "I would go…to watch him."

Jonathon looked away while the others conversed, focusing on his tea as they were reviewing John's knowledge of vampires' banes, finding it to be above satisfactory. Abraham already knew John was an excellent shot, and he soon agreed that it would be alright for him to do so. "If I test him, which is becoming more probable, you will come…so that's settled."

"Don't we have anything cheerier to talk about?" Jonathon looked at the two men and they smiled.

Abraham laughed, something that was rarer as of late. "How is little Quincy Harker doing?"

*~*~::..+..::~*~*

"I am sure of God's existence because everything that bears His Holy blessing burns me. It's funny, that vampires prove God's existence." Alucard gave a hard cackle that made his body tremor with the twinges his nerves still had from the experiment. The vampire had shut them out, so he wasn't sure of what the men had done to him. But now he ached, alone in the dark chamber, tied to the hostile slab. It had been over an hour since the hunters had left, but Abraham was nowhere to be found. Alucard was talking to himself, or the stones, to pass the time. He laughed again, his voice obscuring the sound of steps in the dungeon. Pausing, the demon listened to see if they belonged to his master or another human.

It was Abraham.

Fangs went unseen in his smile as the beast mused to himself. Should he repeat what he had just said, to the man? No. Abraham would only become cross with him and possibly leave him on the stone. He wanted to sleep in his coffin to ease his aches, so when the man came in the vampire kept his thoughts to himself, saying nothing. Alucard was released and ordered to go to the cell containing his coffin. Nothing more happened after that, and Abraham did not see the twitches that moved the beast's starved limbs.

Abraham went up to his bed and Alucard went to his coffin, each going to their separate resting place.


	32. Chapter 32

Gentle, caressing…like the touch of a lover…then burning, aching…like what one feels when something is broken. The contrasts were the agony of a lost one. Abraham was awakened from his sleep by the reminder his heart bled into his mind, merciless at the darkest hours of the night. A night of memory and loneliness that could break the hardest diamond, dashing it like a mere droplet of water, shattering spray cutting its way out of the chest, to the surface…to the mirror of one's soul…the eyes. These shards of water matched the pitter patter of rain dancing morosely on the roof, a steady white noise in the background that bespoke isolation and the crying man's torment. Hellsing was sitting upright on his bed, though he didn't remember doing so, waiting…waiting for sound to come from the room. He reserved no ear for the rain. He was waiting for something else, his mind never forming this feeling into a worded thought. Then a gale rose, pounding the rain into the man's head, brooding clouds that sparked, giving light to his gloomy shadow. He was waiting for the vampire…to come, just as he had before. He wanted to relive that night, holding a presence…anything, to fill the gaping void of his solitude.

_He has poisoned you._ Spoke a voice without sound.

No.

_He has, do you see it? Your hands tremble with your aches…he draws your eyes…_

That is absurd.

_Absurd, say you? Oh, you are a blind and foolish man…who cannot see where a snake has slithered into your chest and bitten your heart, so that it bleeds now. Your soul is screaming._

What kind of preacher's thoughts are these?

_Preacher? These are Holy…deliverance from the brink of oblivion…from the Devil's snares. You know, as a religious, God loving man…that the Devil travels in many forms, and seduces many to sin._

With a rebellious flare of rage, Abraham threw back his blankets and set to pacing the room, his hands patting his face, then covering his ears. He felt cold, his skin was rough with goosebumps, and he shivered, taking long strides as he paced in the dark. Missing a step, he caught his foot on something and stumbled, but did not fall. All of this took place in silence.

A lamp was beckoned into sharing its light, as the man went to his bed to turn one on. He twisted around to see what he had tripped him and froze. A phantom stood before him, haunting his room and mind…his eyes widening to show their whites. It was the chair. Alucard's chair. That damned, tainted thing! It would have to go!

The man was glaring at the furniture, then his expression fell as a sheet of water, dissolving into the floor to become lost. He turned away shakily, gripping the headboard of his bed as he took deep, irregular breaths. It was an intrusive, disruptive, alien feeling to the great hunter.

He found himself terrified… Of what? He knew not. But it was madness in his head, whispering of poison…_it_ was the poison. He needed sound. A voice. Something to draw him from the damning confines of his own mind. It had been days since he had last seen John and Jonathon.

The feeling became thrashing and violent, throwing his mind about the room, loud, deafening, blasts worse than gunfire. He left the room, thinking he was walking quickly when his steps were slow, thinking a storm was screaming at his window when the rain was falling as a whispering drizzle. Abraham found himself in the empty dungeon. He could feel from the echoes his beating heart made, that it was empty. The caretaker must have retired to bed. None of this mattered. He didn't care about the key, a lantern, anything! Nothing would help him more than to hear his knuckles rap on the hard door before him.

The sound echoed, a roar that overcame his heart, quieting it for a time. Then his heart beat like a drum between his ears, louder, and louder, until the sound of the click of a lock and the opening of the door drowned it out. Immediately the world fell into silence and darkness, for the man could not see. But he knew who was at the door. He knew that there were criticizing and questioning thoughts in the mind in front of him…but he did not care.

He stepped past the vampire, trespassing into the cell without a word. Abraham's mind had already expected that the vampire would close and lock the door, follow him, and somehow light the cell. There were fires, like from a chandelier of candles, coming from the space above them. The man thought Alucard had produced a chair the same way, but he distantly recalled the one the caretaker had set outside the cell. The grey-green paint on the simple, yet comfortable wooden chair…blue eyes observed it as the chair was situated across from the coffin, though, it was at an angle so that the one seated would not be forced to look at the vampire who now sat on the casket. Abraham sat down, his back without its rigid posture, and he held his hands together, arms resting on his knees. His face was towards the direction that vampire had set the chair in, and the man's eyes were unfocused, troubled.

Alucard sat and waited for nothing to happen. His eyes roamed freely over the human features. The blond hair, the man's prominent, thick eyebrows, his perfectly blue eyes that caught the light like a polished marble would, the sun touched skin, and the set mouth. There was a beating heart and a living scent coming from the man like a light would from a flame. He was human. Perfectly and utterly human. Alucard watched the man, took in his scent, and could have continued this forever. Human, his mind spoke. Human, it pulsed again and again. He is human.

The vampire did not feel his thirst. He had forgotten it. He felt a need to watch this life, to test it, strain it, make this flame sputter, and then ease it back into calm, nurturing the flame so that it could burn brighter and warmer than any other…and only rest in his hand, and that hand alone. It was a feeling of awe and greed, gluttonous greed to horde this life, to imprison it as his own…to absorb all of its light, all of its warmth, all of its life… It was fascination one feels when they see something so soul strikingly beautiful, that they believe that no one else in the world would be able to see the same beauty in this thing…that they would only waste it while you would be its savior, its protector…its one and only tie to existence…one that would exist for you.

Then the beast blinked for the first time since Abraham had come into the cell. This feeling was broader and more focused at the same time. It included, suddenly, all of Humanity, and then only this man. It was a distracting, shifting, storming sea of emotion…voices calling the demon into the depths…he was drowning. Then Alucard blinked again, in surprise, when his eyes found the blue orbs gazing into them, aware and thoughtful, no touch of worry whatsoever. Abraham blinked as well, surprised in his own way at how long Alucard had been watching him, seemingly unresponsive or outside his body…in a trance of some sort. But now he had come back to life, so to say, and watched him with a careless air as he usually did. The feeling had left the demon stranded on the island his cell had become. Inhospitable, a place that swallowed up time, making it useless….

"I suppose you are in a better mood to talk now?" Alucard said to the wall where his eyes had since wandered. He left them there while the man glanced at the wall and then returned to him.

"Are you asking me to speak to you about my troubles?" The man questioned, his voice neutral, not domineering and not familiar, but somehow still welcoming.

"If you say them, I will hear. I have nothing else to do, so your woes may fill the night I would have likely spent sleeping. That is…if you know them yourself."

Abraham blinked, his shoulder moving as he cast off the uncomfortable feeling of the demon knowing his mind better than he himself did. He had lost track of his sorrow and could no longer read it. But he warmed, a little. "What about you? Would you have anything to talk about? I can hear my own voice whenever I please." I would rather hear yours.

"I am empty…you won't find anything in me." Abraham stared at the vampire that was looking at him out of the corner of its eye. The crimson orb went to the wall again and pale hands knitted together and then broke apart to hang off the vampire's legs as he bent over, like one carrying thought. The words held too many meanings for Abraham to take anything from them so he waited for the beast to continue. "I have to disappoint you…I have nothing to say."

The man wasn't looking for a conversation, so he didn't want to ask a question. He wanted to listen to the sound of a presence…but the vampire made no sound. His heart did not beat, he did not move his limbs as a human would, he remained perfectly still like petrified wood, even as he turned his face to the man, he had this sense of preservation and eternity about him that was not comparable to a living thing.

"There are dried tears on your eyelashes, Master, and remnants of salt on your cheeks." Abraham was caught by surprise, having completely forgotten that he had been crying earlier. Now it seemed like it had been days since that time. "You wouldn't feel inclined to talk about your wife?"

"No." Hellsing replied quickly, if not a little sharply, but it was dulled by his relaxed posture.

The cell was quiet for a moment. "Is that why you came down here?"

The voice was calming, comforting and un-provoking…Abraham appreciated the beast's rare show of sincerity and understanding for his misery. He wasn't poking and prodding him as he had before. He was keeping the atmosphere…mellow..placid, calm, comforting…whatever the word was…he could not describe it. But he liked it. Abraham realized with a start that Alucard was waiting for him to answer the question. Guiltily he had to pause to search for the answer. "I suppose." He suddenly remembered the voice in his head as the vampire looked away from him, back to the wall as if to wait this out…wishing for the man to go... "Have you ever been alone so long…that your thoughts sound like the voice of another person?"

Red darted to the man, interest sparking in them. The flame lingered with a smirk. "You're asking me?" Abraham seemed put off by the humor, so the vampire gave him a knowing smile. "I often find myself as another person."

The man took the words and then he jerked, keeping his eyes away from the vampire in fear of glowering at it, or worse, lashing out as he could easily see the words as a malicious stab at his pain. But the quiet and easy air told him that Alucard had not been thinking of the 'others' when he said this. He was still being sincere, in his way. "Oh." The man offered to show he had received the statement.

"Why do you ask?" Alucard saw muscles jump in the man's neck. He frowned. "Are you hearing voices? So you got scared and came here? Odd taste…I have to say, as usual."

Hellsing worked his jaw in thought, putting off the feeling of the vampire knowing him too well again. This time, he actually appreciated it, a little. "Not really voices…" he spoke with amazing ease. "…just my thoughts…but they were disturbing."

"Probably not in the same way mine are disturbing…" Abraham's eyes narrowed a little, so the beast moved away from the topic, erasing his forming grin. "I don't think you're ready to move into Seward's house, quite yet."

"I wasn't planning on checking myself into an institute for the mentally insane." Hellsing sighed, his lips twitching with humor that this was an acceptable way to describe his friend's home.

"The only normal person you're acquainted with is Harker." Alucard smirked at the blue eyes that took in some rays of amusement. "The most peculiar taste for company."

"Actually," the man smiled ruefully and looked at the vampire. "I only met Jonathon because of you. If Lucy and Mina had not been friends, I doubt John would have ever met him either…"

Alucard's lips twitched as memories came to him. "Jonathon helped me come to England, though he wasn't aware of it at first. Because of his job, selling property…or something along those lines. He was a very queer house guest as well. I think he _approved_ of my fledglings…" there was a dark chuckle, but there was true humor in the joke he was trying to make this into, so Abraham let it slide. "Now that I recall those nights…he hit me with a shovel while I was trying to sleep. I don't suppose all Englishmen do that to their hosts?"

"Only the ones that plan on feeding their guests to vampires." Abraham snorted at the sick humor, hoping to God that Jonathon never found out.

"I suppose you're right." The nosferatu sighed and looked about the cell, leaning back on his hands behind him. "I won't tell him you laughed at this."

"How generous."

Alucard smiled in a way Abraham had forgotten the demon could smile. It was like a time just before the seal's danger was discovered… He was stunned for a moment, then recovered with his own smile that he obscured by directing at the ground. It was only the features of the face…they were entirely different beings, he thought to himself.

"Are we at a truce, Master?"

The words and the title jolted the man badly and he took a moment to collect himself. His brow furrowed. "Were we partaking in some sort of battle?"

There was an amused smirk. "I thought we were fighting…since I broke your table, killed the mice, and other things…. Is that not the case?"

Hellsing had to look back in order to remember what the beast was talking about, and his lips parted for a gasp he did not allow. It had been over a full month…even two, since that day…when he had told the vampire that he wanted it to die… His lips quivered so he bit them. "I'm not sure…but not to my knowledge."

The beast cocked its head to the side as it usually did when curious. "Then why have your moods been so irregular? You're hating me one moment, walking with me another, experimenting on me, shouting at me, and now you are here, speaking and laughing with me. I have some of my human life returned, but I find this behavior odd even for an un-constant human."

Distracted, Hellsing caught on to the information the vampire had given him. "You remember your time as a human?"

The vampire's mouth became an annoyed frown. "Has this turned into an examination? I hate answering questions about myself." There was a pause as the man struggled to reform the calm from before. Alucard took the initiative by stiffly looking at the opposite wall. "If you're still missing your vermin, you can go three cells down the corridor and if you search in the corners you'll find some stolen newspapers that have been torn up along with a purple handkerchief…and a nest of pups amongst it all."

Abraham's mouth creased in confusion, then his eyes lightened. "Baby mice?" He found some? For me?

The vampire nodded at the wall, as if looking at them. "Mice are like cockroaches. You can kill all of them and they'll magically reappear again….I remember an old spell for conjuring mice. Open a jar and slip in some grain, within a day or two a mouse or a rat will form and the grain will be gone. Obviously not a real spell, but it was entertaining to see how old maids were so fascinated by it…even dabbling in this 'false' magic themselves, more for fun than the dark arts. A peasant's life was dreary back in my time…not that I would personally know the feeling." I was busy slaughtering the peasants anyway, the vampire failed to add, looking at the floor now. I did save my own…or most of them, anyway. "I always liked the commoners." Mostly their women. Not a good topic at the moment, Alucard frowned at his thoughts.

"Really? Not those of your standing, or any of the aristocracy?" Abraham rested his back on his chair.

"No. The bourgeoisie…were either trying to kill me or they were busy being impaled in my courtyard. I didn't care much for them. They were all dishonest…" Alucard stopped, eyes flicking to the man who had stiffened. "They had assassinated my father and my brother. That's why I kept a deep rooted distaste for them." Though, they were also fun to play with, and I didn't have any close ties to my family.

"You had a brother?"

"Three. I was third son, and I only had one full brother, who was my younger. The others were from my father's mistresses."

"You've recalled a lot…"

"At the point where I came to control the Wallachian throne…I was already a man…passing his prime, or at the end of it…only a few years older than I appear now, actually."

"How old are you supposed to be?"

"Thirty…sometimes a year or two younger, but I have no need for a youthful appearance. My body doesn't keep age."

"…I think that's Jonathon's age…John might be thirty-one now, I'm not sure."

"They're young."

"Yes."

"You're not so old yourself."

Abraham sighed, suppressing a humorless chuckle. "I feel old sometimes."

"That's just thoughts, Master. They like to make time seem heavier than it is."

They passed the time in a pleasant way, speaking of nonsense and offering little tidbits about their thoughts. Days before, or even that morning, Abraham had cared nothing for the vampire, seeing it as a chore he needed to check off for the day. Alucard had been a weight. But at the moment, he was something relieving the man's stress. Un-constant. Hellsing felt that the word described what was going on here, perfectly. The vampire seemed to be shifting from one personality to another, all in a random pattern. Abraham smiled, grateful for the miracle that had occurred just when he really needed it. After that night he would be able to go about his day, refreshed, and clear headed, like he had been before when the vampire had followed him about and poked his mind with curious questions like a child.

If John and Jonathon saw the demon right now, they would probably have more motivation to ponder about the vampire's character and reasoning for his actions and recent outburst. Then again, the man felt a pang at the thought, in the morning the vampire would be the same as usual, and when he received the next notice of there being a vampire killing in Britain, Alucard would have to prove his worth in action. So the man held on to the precious moment, keeping it with the night he had spent holding the demon to his chest.


	33. Chapter 33

The sun was hanging low over the horizon. Yellowing the sky and the clouds sweeping overhead, it was nearing its time of setting when John's eyes ran over the barrel of the revolver in his hands. Hunters readied to leave, checking their number and each other's supplies as the young man blinked. His hand was parallel to the polished metal, trying to measure it. He guessed it to be approximately five and a half inches in length as he weighed the revolver, moving it up and down delicately. It wasn't loaded yet. John wanted to wait as long as he could before he had to give this weapon its deadly power. His eyes flicked to a red figure and he lifted his head as Abraham came near, but the man was not going to John. Alucard was a focus of distraction as many paused to scowl or stare at the vampire. Most, if not all, of the men had opposed the creature's attendance. Now John concentrated on their conversation, seeing as Abraham had stiffened and was shifting his weight uneasily to one foot and then the other.

"I am not going to give you a gun."

Many eyes widened in the collected group, and they stared at the man, feeling chills for a moment. John's eyes narrowed as he suppressed a shudder. The memory of the icy fangs that had been close enough to transfer their coolness to his neck, captured his mind and then was forced away. No, the beast should not have a gun, John concluded with a set jaw.

"Do you not trust me?" Red orbs glinted as they narrowed at Hellsing while the rest of the demon's features were slack, betraying nothing. He stood at the center of the parted sea of beating hearts, a constant shadow in their company. Many drifted from him, reaching for the sun like any hindered vine would in a slow…determined…innate repulsion for the darkness.

"Not with a gun." Abraham returned in a low voice, his own gaze becoming a glare. "You didn't have a problem before. You have no need for a weapon... When there comes a time that you…are more trustworthy, as you once were, perhaps I may be able to lend one to you. But not now. Not after your resent behavior."

There was a snort of amusement as fangs broke through a dark grin. Black hair flowed on an empty breeze while the red eyes flitted over the view of the setting sun and then the surrounding trees. Others waited, their thoughts lost as they stood as the mindless audience. "Then you wish for me to rip them apart with my bare hands?" The beast chuckled, turning to leave the center of the courtyard in front of the Hellsing mansion, preferring the shade near a thick based tree. "So be it, _Master_."

Thus removed, the hunters closed the gap between them, and their nerves eased to a level state.

The vampire watched the humans from the shadows cast by the tree's bulk with grim humor. They didn't trust him. Abraham didn't trust him. But then again, the vampire didn't trust any of them either, and he hadn't given them any reason to trust him. In fact, he didn't want their trust. It was better this way. His thoughts turned away from the humans as his fangs tingled, hunger ravaging his stomach as the promise of bloodshed seemed to stand before him.

Quiet came with mixed feelings, but all followed when Hellsing announced that it was time to depart. The golden sky bled into a sweeping crimson dye. The sun was slowly being eaten away by the jagged horizon, roughened by the sharp silhouettes of trees standing against it, and the presence of the band of men and the monster disappeared.

*~*~::..+..::~*~*

The trees stood as a wall of darkness, isolating the lifeless building before them. With two stories, the roof still did not reach over the treetops which confined a damp mist within the area, and it clung to every form on the cobbled stones near the entrance. The door was torn off its hinges and lay discarded in the dim shadow given by the overhanging balcony that was framed by its two supporting pillars. The gaping hole the door had once covered was a black, empty mouth, waiting to swallow those who dared to come too close.

Hidden with a layer of silver cloud cover, the half of a moon suspended above them transferred all of its light to the clouds, leaving a grey world behind.

The hostile land they had entered beckoned to their predatory nature, but repelled their wills to live. Some of the hunters waited outside. Their concern was the possibility of vampires escaping and then killing humans to recreate their numbers, in order to build an even stronger force to oppose the hunters a second time. Escape led to the festering of bitter loss, unjust wounds that ached to be mended with revenge. Many of the gathered humans had once carried such wounds. And so, they knew well its potency. They did not want lasting enemies with wicked minds set on destroying the organization. A power such as this would rival and bring forth Hell that the living feared within their imaginations. Killing all left no one to illustrate their personal agonies that could inspire collaboration on a large scale. With the history of humanity in their reasoned minds, the men did not count the demons as humans, but still worried over the intelligence retained in their undead skulls. Thus, they always set out to completely eradicate their prey, without exception.

Abraham had watched Alucard constantly outside the building, as an ivory grin carrying pointed fangs focused on the building, accompanied by burning hellish eyes brimming with heated bloodlust and hunger. Now they stepped over the silent planks that made up the flooring within the building, practically devoid of furniture or rugs. The men's boots were loud in the quiet while the vampire's were soundless, as if the monster were drifting over the floor, never coming in contact with it. While the others were pushed away by the demon's aura, Abraham walked to the side of the beast, behind its steps. John was trailing Hellsing, to his right, silent and watchful.

Their prey seeped out of the shadows like the ghosts of forgotten souls, detaching themselves from the gloom they had been hiding in. The vampires occupied half of the room while the hunters filled the other side. The humans had passed through one doorway and if they turned some of them could still see the entrance and the beginning of the trees through the crooked shutters covering the windows and the yawning, door-less mouth. The wind moved the shutters, creating sound no one heard as the living and undead watched one another. Then all gazes fell upon the demon in the center of the room.

Ghouls stood with dangling arms by their sides along the perimeter of the wall across from the humans, lifeless until given orders. Their masters were hesitating, distracted by the vampire that seemed to be on the hunters' side. Two males and a female made themselves known by stepping towards the center of the room. They stopped, giving themselves a generous amount of space between them and the unfamiliar vampire. All spoke with stares for a time, but none could read Alucard's now emptied features as he watched the three patiently, waiting for their questioning looks to become audible words.

"Why are you over there?" A male asked quietly, wrinkling his brow as he was confronted with this freakish scene that contradicted the laws of nature, seeing Alucard as a misplaced lion living among lambs. His expression did not change when he received no answer, though his companions frowned, confused. He spoke gently, his mind finding another view through which to examine the scene. He saw Alucard as a shackled being, cruelly forced to do the human's bidding, and he felt pity for him. "Why are you there, with them?" Alucard did not respond, though amusement touched his lips for a moment.

"We don't wish to fight our own." The woman spoke up, trying to appeal to the nosferatu with her eyes, also conscious of the vision of enslavement. A delicate white hand swept towards the other vampires behind her, showing them to the nosferatu as if he could not see them without her help. "Step aside, or better…join us. We can help you if you are here by force."

"Come with us." The previous male offered, gesturing back at the other vampires as well. The third vampire stood stiffly, growing tenser after each passing moment he looked into the shielded red orbs. He stopped relying on his eyes, referring to his other senses, and they showed him a terrible, leeching aura that made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end.

Abraham and John watched, breathless as the creatures seemed to reach out to Alucard as if he were some victim they could save. They had a close sense of identity and bond for their race, which, thankfully, was not commonly observed by Abraham. Usually alone, vampires when they did band to form nests like this one, were often territorial and only came together for safety. Perhaps that's why they were gathered here, but their behavior…was still odd…almost civilized. Then this sense of civility fell away from the creatures as Abraham continued to watch them.

The vampires were tiring, seeing hostility now in the silence as they were ignored, unable to recognize any sense of need in Alucard. He seemed to stand there more as a threat than anything else with his burning red eyes, to both the vampires and the hunters. Finally, the male who had yet to speak hissed at Alucard, full of venom that was meant to discourage the nosferatu by using his sense of shame.

"What? What are you? Their dog? Do you serve them?" He spat out, his throat brimming with loathing that he almost choked on, letting it grow out of proportions in the hopes of it overwhelming any of his developing fear. "Are you a traitor to your own kind?"

The woman caught his anger and seethed with it when Alucard smirked and tilted his head deridingly to the side. Her claws pressed into her palms and abruptly cut through her skin, the pain masking the full brunt of Alucard's realized intentions. "Traitor!" She barked, a bold foot stepping forward. "We will kill you along with these hunters! Just as you deserve!"

A low chuckle rumbled through the air, vibrations of sound burrowing into the undead and human skulls as Alucard let out his amusement. The resonance rose, bringing the other vampires' anger to its summit. So affected by the mob-like scenario, most of the vampires were unaware of any need to feel fear.

"Kill them all! Rip out that _traitor's_ throat!" The woman shrieked, sweeping her hand to indicate John, Abraham, and the other hunters, before pointing at Alucard's grinning jaws. "We are not human prey! We will not let them destroy u…!" She did not have enough time to finish before her eyes lost their strength, rotating up to see the ceiling and then descending while the eyes of other vampires dulled in the shadows. Her lifeless head rolled back towards the group and stopped, facing them as it became nothing but a piece of a corpse, the same as the body that had crumpled to the floor after being decapitated by the smiling demon.

"No." Alucard purred as he watched the rigid vampires, fangs extending at the sight of the blood that dribbled over the floorboards. "You will not become human prey…for you shall be _my_ prey tonight." Alucard's eyes flashed about the room, full of excitement as he stood beside the corpse. Movement snagged them, and the nosferatu growled in feral pleasure when the male vampire lunged at him with a roar and a long dagger in his fist. The beast continued to smile and did not move, even as the dagger plunged into his chest.

Forgotten, Abraham gasped as his slave stumbled back while the bloodied weapon was ripped out of him. Another yell gave a voice to the blade as it pierced into the grinning vampire, again and again and again, blotching his garments with leaking blood. He stumbled back as each savage strike cut into him, laughing all the while. Unable to blink for the unforeseen possibility before them, shock froze John and Hellsing as a universal thought swept through all of the humans. The vampire was going to die. But Alucard had received worse wounds before, in the experiments, and he was still smiling, even now as the knife flashed at his face, painting it over with a coating of blood. The vampire wasn't fighting back. He wasn't doing anything other than laughing at his own death.

Abraham's rational mind held his gun ready, level with the vampires, though another part of his mind told him that he didn't need to, that Alucard was going to kill the vampire at any moment. But the second voice died away when a spray of blood from erupted from the vampire's neck and his body fell to the floor after the fallen head. Alucard didn't get up.

Short lived relief touched every mind but Abraham's while John was immobilized by surprise, his opinion too murky to make out. All emotion in Abraham was numb, feeling no alarm now at the sight of the body. No panic could displace his sense of patience for what was happening. He knew, without even considering his thought, that Alucard would stand again. This was just a game, for one so excluded from death.

The hostile vampire roared in victory and lunged forward to meet the bullets that flew at the undead creatures from the hunter's guns, the vampire with the knife going for the man standing in a daze. Only seconds had passed since Alucard had fallen, but time was moving too slowly for thought to solidify in John's mind, or for his hand to steady his defense against the threat.

Seconds, only ticking seconds went by, shots from a few guns were able to discharge into the wave of undead flesh. Then all time stopped when a body of darkness filled the room. The head of a hellhound the size of a man held the knife bearing vampire in its jaws. John saw the doomed vampire's eyes glaze over while they were open, ignorant of what had happened even as the fangs delved deeper into his chest. The jaws suddenly bit through the vampire so that his body fell in sections of gore. Splashing near John's paralyzed feet; they left crimson dots on his shoes. He would carry the memory forever.

This blood and the blood of the female vampire snaked back towards the fallen monster in haphazard paths, then it swirled around his corpse as he seemed to rise from the ground with only the red liquid's support. The hellhound melted into the darkness that covered the room like a layer of paint. The black consistency gave the illusion that all of them had been swallowed by the demon's jaws. A howl from the hound broke the spell and all sought the beast's form in time to see it tear the ghouls apart. Then the hound fell into the black flames that sparked up along the perimeter of the room and climbed up the walls so that the searching tongues of the fire licked the ceiling.

…And Abraham's numbness heated into goaded repulsion, chilled only by his waning patience.

It was deathly quiet until the creature's minds grasped the severity of their position and realized that they were trapped, already in the monster's jaws. Then some shrieked and fled to the fire to jump through it to get to a window or to a door they remembered. But when the first vampire screeched in pain and was absorbed by the fire, the others stopped and looked to their remaining leader with wide, desperate eyes. The shaken male growled, barring his fangs at the red eyes that opened to them while his hand dove into his coat. Alucard's bloody smile glistened, despite the meager lighting, and darkness built his figure into a daunting pillar, no longer seen as the form of a man. Some of the vampires screamed, their voices aided with some gasps and yells coming from the hunters who retreated backwards to where the door had once been, brushing against the wall, terrified when they were unable to recognize what it was, submerged in the turmoil.

"MONSTER!"

"DEMON!"

Many undistinguishable bodies cried, their voices clashing against Alucard's mirth.

Abraham stared detachedly at the monster as the other vampire lifted a small handgun that fired into the form. Alucard let out echoing laughter while each bullet tore into him, and the volume rose when he lunged at the vampire that screamed as he sank his fangs into its neck, a hand going through its chest before he let it fall to the floor. The blood that cascaded from the vampire's body crashed onto the planks of the floor like a breaking wave, creeping through the sectioned pieces of wood as if it were a flood isolating the buildings of an urban city, before drifting towards Alucard. Every drop of blood darkened Hellsing's expression while his eyes grew brighter.

Fraught with fear and dismay at his approaching demise, one vampire threw himself towards the first human he saw, seeing that his only hope was to capture a hostage so he could force the monster to let him go if he freed the hunter. The vampire chose the man dressed in red. Still yards from his victim, the vampire hit the ground when Hellsing sent a silver bullet into its skull, the glowing blue eyes moving to the vampire only after the gun had discharged. As the figure fell, the shape of the feared monster welled up behind the corpse and then flowed with a rush at the human. The sight made the blue orbs sputter and slowly die, as the fire in Hellsing turned to ice. These shards stabbed into the man, injecting fear into his veins as they stiffened his limbs.

The form of the vampire twisted and warped, losing human proportions, lengthening and thinning as it stretched, towering over Hellsing. The hunter retreated back with instinctive panic, but talon-like fingers wrapped around his arms and wrenched him back into place beneath the blood-red gaze and daggered grin. The maw of teeth gleamed as a howl of manic cackles poured from the beast, his eyes flashing with insane glee.

"HELLSING!" the cackles rang out in the occupied room, no presence capable of obscuring the devil's voice. Abraham's eyes shook, wide with terror as the creature's demented visage quickly descended towards his pale face. A violent jerk came from the man when the vampire's fangs stopped inches from his forehead and another laugh sent sporadic jolts through Hellsing's nerves, coming from a desolate mind. Blood coating the demon's features spattered onto the mortal's brow.

"I AM A MONSTER!" Alucard leaned his body closer to Hellsing, his grin stretching wider as he spoke, his fangs growing to fill his mouth. "NOTHING CAN EVER CHANGE THAT! I AM A MONSTER AND THAT IS ALL I CAN BE FOR YOU, AS IT IS WHAT I ALWAYS HAVE BEEN! I WILL NEVER BE ANYTHING OTHER THAN WHAT I AM!" A snicker that made the skin burn as if it were riddled with crawling insects, broke from the jaws, and Abraham prayed that it was done. That this nightmare was over. Desperately he wished that all of this was a nightmare, and that when he woke Alucard would be sleeping in his chair, the Journal left on the coffee table, wide open, the pages filled… But the tempting dream was ruthlessly torn apart as the present killed off the past. Reality slaughtered all hope and left it desecrated within the heart. "THERE IS ONLY ONE!" Another roar ripped forth from the demon and a faint trembling flowed through Abraham as his eyes sharpened, picking up the portrayal of sin and every wicked thing a body shies from. The white talons released Hellsing roughly, causing the human to stumble backwards, losing his balance and falling to the ground while Alucard turned his fangs towards the remaining vampires.

A shaking hand leveled a gun at the demon's flowing hair. Hellsing's eyes were still wide, but they flashed with wrathful hatred, brightening once more with the blast of his gun as it discharged into his slave's head. Sending out a spurt of blood, the bullet and surprise staggered Alucard who gasped and doubled over like a cripple. His shape shrunk back to its original proportions sloppily, like his form was a container that was suddenly forced to take in much more than it could hold. Wide eyes began to swivel to Abraham as the dead man turned, gaining control of his form, but two more bullets to the head and temple toppled the vampire who crashed into the floor as the silver mercury melted the soft tissues within his skull, aided by the blessed silver of the bullets. The surrounding undead and living beings stared at the wretched monster that writhed in the darkness cast by his own power, the supernatural flames around them, twisting as he did.

The injury gave courage to the demons. A gasp of realization came from Hellsing as a vampire let out a mad squeal of delight and lunged at the man who was still on the floor. His eyes met the body for the second before a hiss threw the vampire into the distant wall when Alucard tore the head from the animated corpse, snuffing out its undead life.

The distressed man remained on the ground while several screams were released from the vampires who attempted to flee, running to the side of the room farthest from Alucard. But they were caught and torn apart by the smiling fangs of the nosferatu who tossed their limbs, coloring the walls with their blood. He laughed as their souls fled from the room, no longer hindered by their physical bodies.

They had risen as ghosts from the gloom and now they returned to rest within it as ghosts again. Their lost souls, already nameless, became forgotten, erased by the devil that swallowed their bodies and blood to satiate his ravenous hunger.

*~*~::..+..::~*~*

Alucard chuckled at the men's silence when they had returned to the estate and the hunters scattered in random paths, their only goal in mind to distance themselves from the devil standing beside their pale leader. John had already departed, going his separate way before reaching the mansion. Now, Abraham gazed emptily at Alucard, looking down at the eyes that flashed up at him.

"Why do you look at me like that?" Alucard drifted away from his master, circling around to watch his expressions. He stood out at a short distance, facing Abraham with a smile. "You have always known what I am, and you know how I kill. You have seen it... I only mean to make you understand, Master, that I am what you see. There is nothing else but what you already know of the one and singular me. There is no other 'Alucard', and I tire hearing of these 'others' so often and of watching you compare me to 'them'." The demon's pale face seemed to glow, a perfect contrast against the night, and Alucard paused for a moment of thought. "I admit that you were right before. I am still Alucard. 'They' are not separate persons, but only parts of a single being. It took time for me to recognize this, though. Mindsets change, but the person is eternally their own. Identities do not change."

Abraham stiffened, life flickering behind the dull expression weighing down his lips. He frowned deeply, full of doubt. Alucard saw this and chose to overlook it.

"If you trusted me then, I am the same creature you would trust now..."

"Trust you?" Hellsing whispered, laughing airily in disgust and fury as sarcasm warped his mouth into a sneer. This was the explanation for the beast's actions? The vampire was angry that he did not trust him? Insanity! Contempt flowed through the man as the thought of tainted memories threatened to insight his full rage. His voice rose as he spoke. "How can I trust a demon like you? Tell me _that_!" A hand gripped the demon's bloodless clothes, pulling him forward, under the damning glare.

The scarlet orbs flashed again. "Did any of the hunters die? Did John Seward die? Were all of the vampires destroyed, as well as the ghouls?" White shone in the eyes and smile as the sky had parted to reveal the moon. "I served you loyally."

That is what he calls loyalty? Hellsing shoved the face away with a scowl. "You _are_ a monster."

The smile only broadened, narrowing the blue eyes into slits. Abraham turned. On the brink of losing control, he was unable to stomach being near the demon, but words that followed him halted his steps.

"I never wished to deceive you, so I made sure to wipe away all deception for you and all of Hellsing…and even Seward. I am a monster that will kill those you send me out to destroy. You wanted me to kill them, and I did. As you can see, I will not betray you, and I do not go back on my word readily. What you saw were only your orders being fulfilled."

Madness. Absolute madness, this was. He would not let it touch him. Abraham feared it. He had seen insanity swallow the woman he loved…and now the vampire…

_It is a curse._

No! He is a demon! Nothing! End it! Do not think, but rather act before it is gone! Memory is such a flighty bird, that is easily coaxed from the hand by the weakest breeze… Silence. The answer is in silence!

A hand tore into the fabric of the demon's shirt and dragged it up the stairs into the mansion. Bent over somewhat, Alucard kept up fluidly with the man's long and purposeful strides as he was led by the hold on his shirt past curious and anxious eyes, and then out of sight. The merciless hand forced him to follow the man down the steep steps into the dungeon. Seen in the distance, Abraham yelled for his caretaker to unlock the vampire's cell door. It was open for them when they reached it.

Abraham pushed the vampire through the doorway, but then followed him, surprising the caretaker. The old man retreated of sight when a large hand wrapped around the front of the beast's throat, pressing the demon backwards, to the coffin. Red eyes gazed up at the cold blue shining down at them, brighter than what the light of the caretaker's abandoned lantern at the door gave off. The hand tightened, choking the pale neck, feeling the delicate bones of the throat shift. Then Abraham released the vampire with a final shove. His eyes stabbed into the red as a finger jabbed at the wooden object on the floor. "Get in that coffin…" the man spoke clearly, though his lips barely moved from their snarl. "..and don't come out."

In the silence, the words could have been screams and would have had the same effect. They were cold, harsh, weighted by hate that the widened crimson took in without comment. Alucard narrowed his eyes ever so slightly and glanced at the coffin and then moved his gaze to the man's extended hand indicating the casket. When the hand returned to Abraham's side, the demon gazed at his feet.

He was angry. He still wanted to believe that there were separate persons within the monster he kept, too hateful of the current beast to return to his old position. Alucard's lips twitched, unable to decipher what he felt about his actions and their result. He could not seem to lift his head for some time. A boot moved, hinting that Abraham was going to leave, and the pale face rose. "Will you let me out again?" The low, steady voice followed the man.

Icy blue gave nothing to the vampire before they went to the door and hard steps distanced the two.

Alucard watched quietly. "Do you hate it? The way I am?" His voice rose, filling the cell with the little amusement he let creep into his voice. "What did you expect…or ever want from me? You have my obedience, to an extent that allows me to be of use. I don't see what else remains that you might desire. So…why are you angry?"

Hellsing ignored the questions and comments until he met the doorframe. His hand rested on it before he left the cell, remaining to turn in the doorway and glare at the creature standing by the black sarcophagus. "Am I supposed to feel any differently about a monster, other than disgust? Especially for what you have shown me and my men tonight?"

Alucard blinked and his lips parted while he made no sound. The door slammed shut, followed by the sound of the scraping keys, the lock clicking, and steps leaving the dungeon. Then the silence descended upon the chamber of stone.

Yes. How was the man to approve of a demon? And why would a demon ever expect to receive anything but resentment? This was the way things should be… But, as Alucard's gaze drifted about the stones surrounding him and he felt the cold, dead blood he had filled his veins with, he could not remember how he had expected Abraham to react to his words and actions.

Had it been…indifference? Or…acceptance? No. No more ridiculous thoughts. There was no reason behind my actions at all. There rarely is…

"Feh." The beast's lips curled in loathing. "You had a reason." He growled to himself as his eyes shut. "Do not lie like a fool."

*~*~::..+..::~*~*

Nightmares tossed and turned Hellsing in his bed, and eventually the blonde head ripped away from the pillow with a gasp. Panting, hands crumpled the sheets as blue eyes darted about the room. It had been Alucard's screams from when he had removed the seal…in his dream, the man realized with a sharp intake of breath. He had heard those screams and saw the monster rip the other vampires apart again.

The man tightened his grasp on the bed sheets, his hands becoming fists. Then he left his bed and threw open his door, pausing only to close it before he walked down the corridors of his mansion, heading towards his library. He searched through the dusty volumes that no one ever reached for, electric lights giving the illusion that it was day. Hellsing pulled out these books, blowing away their neglect, and he opened the creaking pages just as he had before, seeing ancient alchemic circles and diagrams laid out on the yellowing pages.

The beast's strength was undeniable and Hellsing could not ignore how easily his slave dispatched the vampires. No one had died, indeed. Only a little of the memory of the past 'Alucards'. But he wanted to make the demon less demonic, less of a monster… He had control of Alucard in general, but not the vampire's terrifying power. He would limit it, make the vampire closer to a human. That was the man's answer. He could not change Alucard's identity entirely, but he could alter it… And, hidden deep in the man's heart, he hoped that he could recreate the effect that had come about before. Maybe this new seal for the vampire's powers, would also resurrect things of the past.

But could he make this new seal? He had made such a demanding blunder in his last attempt…but the vampire whose memories were almost complete would have the knowledge he needed. Abraham toyed with the idea of Alucard helping him create this new seal. The vampire had no choice but to follow orders, or else it would be subjected to pain that left it screaming on the floor. It was possible, that Alucard could contribute this time around.

* * *

This chapter was delayed because it was insanely long, and I played with it too much so it became really wordy... When I finally finished the chapter, it was over 14,000 words, so I chopped it up so that I can work on it and submit it in more manageable segments.

...and those are my excuses.

Have a nice day.


	34. Chapter 34

Please tell me if any of this is unclear. You'll know what I'm refering to as you read on.

Thank you.

* * *

Alucard stared up at the endless abyss the lid of his coffin pretended to be, leaving his mind blank, reflecting only the false chasm. He wished to escape thought and drift off to sleep; the sun had risen a few hours ago. But Alucard pulled himself back from sleep as he was slipping into it, hearing footsteps at the door, then the click of a lock. Puzzled, the beast furrowed his brow and frowned. Abraham shouldn't have returned to get him so soon…and not during the day. Alucard hadn't expected to see him for days or weeks, but it had only been hours. Still perplexed by the visit, Alucard lifted the lid of his coffin and sat up, meeting the expectant blue gaze.

"You will help me deal with your unruly powers, Slave. Make a new seal that will do this."

Alucard's emotionless features remained thus, though he blinked several times, taking in the order. "You give me no choice?" He asked quietly, eyes flickering at the man's wince. Abraham had reacted to the demon's voice, feeling his anger rise a little. Doubt settled over Alucard's mind but Abraham's voice came again.

"No. Now come."

Hellsing turned and walked briskly from the coffin, calling to his slave when it hesitated. Without feeling, Alucard followed the man once more, as if he were being dragged again, past many eyes and whispers about the night before and the monster. But this time he was led to the library, not the cell. Men in the room picked up from where the other whispers had left off when Alucard was brought to a desk in a remote part of the library, walls of shelves separating the slave and master from most of the hunters. Some men left the room, while others wandered closer to get a good view of the monster before Abraham shoed them away. The man's hand then went to the book opened in front of Alucard, a finger pressing into the page and running down it slowly. "Tell me about life alchemy. Will it work for binding your powers so that only I, or one of my blood, can release them?"

Hands in his lap, a little out of his element with the staring eyes and whispers, the creature of the night blinked at the page, feeling the sun through the roof, and he bit his lip in thought as his mind threatened to split between the question and his memories of the recent hunt. Alchemy, checking his powers, the exchange of energy, manipulation, calculations and circles and symbols… "That's not the purpose of alchemy. You aren't transmuting anything if you are simply sealing the power and switching its control over to you…though it is a transfer, it doesn't create anything…while it must if the power is to be stored and not used in some way." The beast frowned as voices picked up in the background, then he sighed in resignation and leaned over the book. He wanted to refresh his knowledge of the subject and perhaps awaken his distracted mind. A hand interrupted his reading as it slid to cover the page and reclaim the vampire's attention. Stern eyes cut into the demon.

"I asked about life alchemy. I want my answer."

Red eyes twitched. His master had practically changed overnight. Abraham was always somewhat unsure when it came to the vampire, but now he was determined and unyielding. Though, the inconsistency was true to the man's un-constant opinion and contradicting actions. Approval and disapproval battled quietly in the beast's mind and he had to push it all aside in order to think, never wondering why he was letting the man use him like this. "It is the strongest, though darkest, alchemy." Alucard paused, a little frustrated now as many voices kept their conversations battling against his own, and Abraham's finger was tapping impatiently on the book for him to continue. "Haven't you learned that you need to be able to walk before you can run, _Master_?" Alucard's voice cut into the room, silencing it. Abraham's eyes grew a little and he frowned.

"I want you to answer…"

"You do not know the beginnings of what alchemy or magic is and you want me to answer your question about this type of alchemy?" The voice was fast, irritated. "What about life alchemy? Its nature? Its function? How to perform it? What one can expect from it? Its past in human history? Its dabbling with God and death? Will you be able to understand a word I tell you without any basic background knowledge? It is just as it was before! How can I explain anything to one who does not understand my words? You cannot even crawl, human, and you expect to fly? It is foolish! And I do not have the patience for such stupidity!"

Abraham was quiet, effectively chastised, but indignant hunters protested the lack of respect and submission. Alucard hissed at them to make them shut up, but instead, they became more upset.

"And what is this about alchemy, Sir?" One hunter spoke to Hellsing, and the man turned to him. "Something so blasphemous and false…you cannot _actually_ believe in it."

"If alchemy didn't work your heart would be dangling from my teeth right now." The vampire growled at the hunter and the others he could see. "Leave! You pests! You are nothing but disruptive vermin!"

Abraham, who had been enjoying the discussion, able to feel the old 'Alucard' in the vampire, disapproved of the hostility and distractions, so he asked his men to return to what they had been doing before Alucard's arrival. Reluctant but obedient, the men followed the order, though some moved their work to chairs and desks closer to the vampire, to keep an eye on it after the obvious death threat it had pronounced.

Alucard sighed, holding his head with his elbows planted firmly on the desk. His temples throbbed, his body was unhappy about all of the undead blood he had consumed the night before. Abraham gave him a questioning look so he sat up, more for the sake of his dignity than anything else. "Vampires are not meant to be cannibals."

Hellsing paused, then nodded, glancing at the dusty volume so that his slave would continue.

Alucard looked at the page as well, his mind yearning to read it to confute or confirm his doubts. It seemed to be as dusty as his knowledge of alchemy at the moment. "How much time have you set aside for this?"

"Several hours."

The demon closed his eyes for a second. When they opened, he took a breath and began, speaking more to himself than to Hellsing. "Then, I'll begin by telling you a little about the nature of alchemy. It transmutes one energy into a different kind of energy…it does not alter identity beyond the state of energy it can be brought to. A metal and other substances combine together when added to an alchemic circle only because they are still separate components, using energy to change their state of solidity to combine them more freely, perhaps losing some mass for this purpose... Energy is the origin. Natural energy and the ability to alter something…but not change what it is. Lead will not become gold…but a piece of wood can become stone, like a fossil or petrified wood, so there are exceptions. One of the most complicated compound alchemic transmutations would be manipulating the body, fusing it with another or just changing the appearance. In theory it would be possible to change the body and to use alchemy to mend broken bones, even a punctured heart, but it would involve carving a circle into this flesh and supplying it with a source of energy that can be transferred, probably using another heart as the component that would be integrated into the exchange of functioning cells that would close the wound. But it has never been successful. There has never been a chimera or false life that has been produced by element or compound alchemy. Element alchemy…" Alucard paused, recalling his old experiments using alchemy while going over his words as he looked at his master's blank features. "Have I lost you yet?"

"No. I'm still here…but…" The man swallowed, licking his lips as his hand went to the back of the chair the demon was in. "A chimera…is a humanoid creature?" Alucard nodded. "And, for the petrified wood, energy is used to manipulate time or the permineralization?"

"Permineralization. It's a tricky alchemy because it involves two circles. One carved into the ground where the wood or dead animal is placed. Then a layer of dirt is added to cover it and another circle must be drawn identically on top of the soil, with the addition of a few selected minerals that would be used up during the process. The ground must be hard, usually a slab of rock, and the top circle must be molded from metal, so that neither are washed away when water from an underground river hadsbeen poured over the mound. The dirt is then pressed to form a kind of mud brick that will harden. When the mud is broken apart after a specific time period affected by the mass and density of the object you used, it will be a fossil." The vampire continued his thoughts on the past observations and trials he had gone through to accomplish this change in matter, many years ago, after he stopped talking.

Hellsing gave a prolonged blink, then nodded. "Moving on?"

Alucard's mind jumped to another topic. "Do you want to practice with any alchemy before attempting whatever you're going to do to me? One result of a mistake could contain a violent explosion if there is too much energy that is being released at once, and then you would have to spend several more hours of your time cleaning up the mess…. Or I could even burst into flames and die in some way. Any number of things could happen. You were extremely lucky last time."

The library was quiet as Abraham cleared his throat and shook his head, then nodded as he changed his mind. "Maybe."

Alucard watched the man out of the corner of his eye, over his shoulder for a moment before continuing on to something else. "Hermeticism states the collection of the elements are a part of the All, or 'god' and life. Alchemy has the same mindset. We are all composed of elements, which make up compounds, and life energy that drives the electrical pulses of the nerves and makes your system start working. The life energy is not changed after it has been put into a body. It does not grow, but it is slowly used up, thus the body's cells begin to slow in their duplication and a body slows as well, aging; causing the immune system to diminish and the skin to wrinkle, etcetera. It flows like a circuit through the body." Alucard lifted his hands, fingers moving to form a ring as his unseeing eyes stayed on the paper. He realized how useless this was, so he looked up at Abraham who had leaned over to see if he was reading from the book. "A closed circuit system, like the one that powers the lights in your house…they are similar."

"I don't see how any of this is going to…" Abraham sighed as he began to speak, but then a thought passed over his features and he stopped. "Like with a house…lighting bulbs?" He asked the red eyes. The vampire nodded, lips jerking into a crooked smile.

"Do you plan to put my power into light bulbs, Master? That would be using it constantly, succeeding in making me a generator running on blood. I must warn you though, my appetite would increase tenfold. You would be shoveling people into my mouth like coal into a furnace…"

"Enough, go…next, next." Abraham waved his hand at the book impatiently, then realized that they weren't using it. Calmed, he was able to return to his thoughts. "But could you use the same idea…to store energy? Your power?"

Alucard was quiet. The sounds of grumbling hunters came and ebbed away as they realized they were about to be found out. "My power is my form of life energy, in some sense. I have no life energy because my circuit was broken and any remaining energy escaped when I was beheaded, in theory…" The vampire stopped, and dropped his eyes to the floor. He was sitting sideways in the chair now, so that he could look at Abraham more easily. He turned away to sit properly in the seat. "In truth, a lot of this is my own speculation. There are no books or other theories supporting it…and none about the use of…the undead element of alchemy, as I've chosen to call it for this. Before, you made a circle that was drawing upon life energy, so that it instead consumed your own…but I still do not know what you did. I don't understand it because you removed the seal, or so you told me, and I am still affected by it, though not in the same way… I do not know how to use alchemy including a vampire. That is the truth. It is possible that I may not be able to be of much help to you."

"Your power is life energy but my last seal did not draw upon it. There. That is a fact, now continue." Hellsing cut in with a steady tone, looking down at the black hair.

Alucard shook his head doubtfully, but began to speak again. "I don't know how to store life energy. We could attempt to create a philosophers stone, which would be the raw result of stored life energy, even though people have tried it for millennia and have failed, because life energy cannot exist outside a circuit. It is not still. It needs to be doing things, working, burning away. You cannot have a flame pause and stop using up its fuel source. In order to do that, you must kill the flame, and then a new one will have to be kindled. There is the possibility of sacrificing one life to put it into another, though all attempts have failed, but not in storing it for any amount of time. I could put my power in you, but most likely your body will reject it or turn you into a mixture of a vampire and a ghoul…but I don't know." Alucard sighed again, his eyes traveling to the open book. "Life alchemy is man straining for the power owned by God. I don't approve of it at all."

Caught off guard by this statement, Abraham cleared his throat awkwardly as it made him seem somehow wicked. His men were also alarmed by what had been said. If the monster didn't want to do it because it was too sinful, then…

"It is futile, in my opinion to try and master it. But I will try, since it contains our goal. My power could be…thought of as a separate alchemy, not even life alchemy. We could attempt to alter it, like a compound, then I see more optimism for this endeavor…." Alucard was silenced by his thoughts that continued without his consent.

"Is there a way to find out more about vampiric power?" Abraham asked, his mind heavy with everything that had been said so far. "It's magic."

"There is no magic in alchemy. It is a prescience. And no. I am the, you can say, expert on vampiric power. You do not read about it because I have not written any books. I am the source for it, as well as the knowledge about it…and sadly enough, I can say my understanding of it is rather limited. I can use my power for my own devices, but I do not know the mechanics of what I am doing." Alucard waved a hand dismissively, ready to return to his other ponderings.

Abraham was quiet, his eyes almost kind now as he reached a revelation. Alucard had been the first vampire. There had been no name for him, nothing to tell him of what he was or what he should do. "Did you learn from instinct?" The question was not entirely separated from emotion, but the man asked it for the knowledge to add to his understanding of vampires.

"Yes. And through trial and error. Vampires have impulses to drink blood, but things such as the transformation of a human into a ghoul or a vampire were discovered facts… And, I would rather not be _exploited_ as a hermeneus, a bridge between the living and the dead." Alucard frowned at the path this conversation was taking, so he directed it back to alchemy. "But you want to prevent me from accessing my power at will, and make it so that you control how much of it I am able to use. That could be more related to magic, which would work better with my powers than alchemy, but I know much less about magic than I do about alchemy. Alchemy was considered to be like a pharmaceutical science once, but magic has always been an object of the imagination. It is not something just any creature can use. Magic related beings can, such as a vampire or a werewolf or werecat, but generally not humans. I can use it only because that is what I am and I have not needed to study human concepts of magic, since they originated from sources like the Greek gods or spells."

Abraham paused."Werecat?" Alucard watched the man's curious expression. "I know of the werewolf, but a werecat?"

"Very rare and very hard to kill. The only way they die is if they themselves wish to die, or if they are eaten. Think of them as undead cockroaches, or mice, you crush again and again but they pop up in a different place each time. Excessively annoying, and loud."

"Have you met one?"

"One. Then I ripped it apart and fed it to a wolf. The poor beast suffered from some minor indigestion, but not much else."

"Why didn't you eat it?"

"Because I don't eat things that I find on the floor, and its blood smelled terrible." The undead lips fell to a frown. "Can we return to our discussion?" Alucard huffed, his patience thinning with time.

Hellsing's lips were contorted into a begrudged smile that he tried to swallow. "Ah, yes. Is there any kind that you know of that humans can generate at all?"

Alucard looked up at the man thoughtfully after a moment of consideration. "We would have to find you a healthy, willing partner, but there is a theory that channeling the energy generated from a human orgasm can help to step beyond reality."

Alucard's straight face and words made Abraham stare, slowly coloring as he realized several other men were also watching them. Alucard blinked, and then looked at the volume on the desk, flipping through its pages as the man appeared to be distracted.

"No need to be embarrassed. It's called sex magic. It helps thought and understanding."

"Can we find something else?" Abraham cleared his throat with difficulty.

"Are you no good in bed, Master?"

The man stammered something while a few hunters chuckled and returned to their work. "You made that type of magic up." He snapped back.

"I am many things, but I am not dishonest. I believe I have told you what I've done to dishonest people in the past."

Abraham grumbled, glaring at the vampire crossly. "Next one?"

"Theurgia magic would be the type we are looking for, to serve our objective." The vampire closed the book, acknowledging that it didn't have any helpful information regarding magic. "But you would have to consult the leader of your religion…which is the Queen of England…to see if she will sanction it."

A brow rose on the man's face. After the other magic mentioned, he wasn't sure about one that would require permission from the ruler of a reaching empire, one on which the sun never sets.

"Theurgia is considered a vulgar magic, in general, that goes against religious purposes. In this case, it dabbles in magic pertaining to the undead, so it is seen as dirty or dark magic. As you are a religious man, I thought you would be concerned."

Abraham sighed to himself in relief and told the vampire to continue. "What does it involve?"

"You would have to perform it, as it requires ascending, while sleeping, to heaven where a divinity or vision will appear and show you the way of your purpose. You use specific symbols to draw down the divinity's power. The reason it is vulgar is because you are using it in a way that it is exposed to something unholy and you are tainting the holy power. I actually think it would be an effective way to kill me, more than anything else." The vampire added thoughtfully with a small smirk.

The man hissed, his features drawn in a look of distaste. "Then why did you mention it?"

"Because you asked." Alucard responded flatly, looking up at him for a moment. "All of what I have said is pure theory attained from books…and made fairly unreliable by my memory. Have I made it clear yet, that my knowledge of magic for human use is limited? I only know of God and sex."

"Thank you." Abraham coughed out, glancing around at the amused men.

"There is also witchcraft and selling your soul to the devil, but that is not an option."

"No." Hellsing bit the side of his mouth after grimacing at the demon, thinking about everything they had covered.

"Good. Now, can I sleep on this and see if I come up with anything else later?"

A little surprised, Abraham thought about the reasonable request and nodded, realizing his legs were falling asleep. He moved them to get his blood to flow properly. "I'll come to you later tonight." Preparing to walk the vampire back to the cell, the man began to turn, but he stopped and frowned when he saw that Alucard had simply gone through the floor. I wonder how long it took him to learn how to do that? Abraham mused as he stacked up the books and then left the room. The vampire's behavior in the library contradicted the rumors about the hunt he had attended, leaving many discussions to fill the mansion walls outside of Abraham's presence.

*~*~::..+..::~*~*

Alucard, more comfortable beneath the stones and the lid of his casket that sheltered him from the sun, left his eyes open and stared at the black chasm above him while his mind drifted elsewhere. The man did not trust him, and yet he involves him…in this? Forces him to participate in the creation of a seal that will bar him from his power? Forcing him to tear away more of his freedom? What little he had left? Did he wish to tame him? Tear off his talons, his fangs, his wings? Or did he want the power for himself?

No. It was obvious. The man wished to domesticate him, like a pet, or a good, obedient slave. He was showing his dominance, his power over the demon, by forcing him to help create this seal. Abraham was being spiteful, rubbing salt in his wounds after his actions from the night before. Alucard's eyes shut as he scowled to himself, looking back on the events of the hunt and the library.

But this new development could be to his own advantage.

He had no choice but to give his master some control, to prevent himself from accessing his full potential. But he could give himself some independence, and allow himself to be able to lift the restrictions set by this new seal. And he could use this chance to alter the old magic that had melded into his being and gave Hellsing the ability to control him. He could, at the very least, dull the pain to an extent that it would only stop him from a direct order, but would not leave him writhing on the floor, splitting his throat with his own screams. He could use this to learn the limits of the old seal.

Alucard's face had relaxed from the scowl, calming as he slipped into sleep, but his thoughts continued as whispers, for a time. He knew how he could construct this seal. It would be a mangled form of alchemy and magic, evil as well as pure. Holy and Unholy magic, weaved together, would not harm him, probably. It was dangerous…what his master wished to do to him…

This man who did not trust him with a gun, yet trusts his honesty in this? Does he have so much faith in his control over the demon that he has allowed the risk in this to be unseen?

Thoughts kept the vampire on the surface of sleep, an unsatisfying state that led to frustration and clouded thoughts. Losing interest in such a worthless form of rest, he opened his casket and found the Journal and its pen tucked into the side of the coffin. Shutting the lid again, he sat down, one foot set on his knee to form a surface to secure the booklet while the pen moved over its pages, drawing circles and runes, writing thoughts and equations.

He had something to do with his power. Barriers, the restrictions themselves… Could his power chain itself down? This undead alchemy, an un-depleting source of nothing…was it possible to restrain nothing? His thoughts continued as the pen darted about the face of the paper, the name, Hellsing, appearing after moments, just to blend into the rest of the black ink as more symbols were drawn around it.

*~*~::..+..::~*~*

"I have been pondering this since the night before."

Abraham paced in an arch around the coffin, his boots clicking against the stones in solid notes, the left differing slightly from the right. His hands smoothed out his shirt without his knowing, a little unused to the chill of the dungeon now that he wasn't wearing his red trench coat. The day had been too warm for it, so he had left it in his bedroom. Now his hands left the shirt as crimson eyes watched. Disposing of the silence that resisted his attempts to break it, Abraham rubbed his hands together to clear it away, and then crossed his arms. "Why did those vampires act that way last night? They were collected in a group, while others, or most, we come across are alone, accompanied only by ghouls."

"Because the vampires you are used to encountering are babies, new, abandoned by their sires or ignorant of their sire's importance. The ones from the night before were a few years old, still young, but they were around relatively the same age. The 'nests' as your journals refer to them, are usually family units. They can consist of sires and their fledglings or vampires of similar ages." Like the three fledglings that you destroyed in my castle. The vampire's mouth twitched to form a pause in his explanation. "The older vampires tend to kill the younger ones that venture too close."

Abraham's eyes drifted to the vampire as the man listened, seeing the empty features that held some form of fatigue in them. Alucard was gazing at the floor, eyes moving as if he were reading or looking for something. Abraham watched the demon until it glanced at him.

"I have been 'pondering' about the _seal_, instead of insignificant information like _this_, and I haven't slept." His voice was spiced with some bitterness, but he kept the feeling from developing into anger.

Hellsing's face deadened a little, losing any concern he had felt a moment before. Feeling only annoyance and aversion for the beast that gave him such a dull, disregarding look, he wondered if this was the same cooperative vampire he had been speaking to earlier that day. He glared at the demon, then closed his eyes and began to pace again. He didn't need his temper acting out on its own. He needed this to progress smoothly. It was bad enough that he was allowing the vampire to help create his own seal. Thoughts moved through the man's mind, and his boots came to a stop. His eyes opened. "Are you compromising any of my plans?"

Alucard blinked, and it was quiet for some time. Eventually the blue eyes traveled to the vampire and Alucard sneered, shaking his head at the question. "I was also 'pondering' about the likelihood of you actually involving me in such a…delicate business." Humored red orbs sparked at the man, but Abraham did not react. "I did feel temptation, Master. I wouldn't mind returning to my homeland, as had been my intention before your group hunted me down and dragged me back onto this island…." His eyes went to the floor again, and pale hands slipped over the top of his casket as he leaned back. The red orbs returned to Abraham. "I did not compromise any of your intentions. I do not understand what is holding me to you now, so there was no way I could."

"What were you planning?" Abraham's eyes could not stay on the vampire, so they went to the floor and he turned to begin pacing again.

"I wanted to dull the pain…" Abraham's eyes dimmed and his feet faltered, but continued. "And I was going to use the opportunity to find more details about what you have done to me."

"That has nothing to do with the current seal." Abraham continued to walk. Alucard blinked and watched the stones as well.

Damn. The vampire chuckled darkly, his lips twitching. "I disagree with giving you more control over me. I am not a beast for you to keep as your pet, or something you have dominated and made into your slave." Alucard knew that the man had stopped and was staring at him, hostility and distrust rolling off of him. The beast didn't care. His body was numb and his mind…was exhausted. "I was going to cut off my full power and allow only you to be able to release it, but I would also be able to lift the different levels. And I was hoping you were going to bypass asking such questions. It was a baseless, foolish hope…"

Blinking, all emotion fell from the man as surprise and interest shoved it aside. "Levels? Not just a barrier?" The two gazes met, and it was quiet. "What have you come up with?"

Alucard drew the Journal towards himself. Abraham cringed inwardly when it appeared. He had overlooked it until this point, while it had been sitting at the end of the coffin. The white pages appeared to glow in the gloom, and they fluttered against each other, holding whispers that sent shivers down the man's spine. His nostril's flared, burning as his eyes shut. He sighed and opened them when the pages stopped moving.

"Here."

Alucard looked up, and indicated the page by tapping it passively, his eyes running over it after seeing that he had his master's attention. "But, you wouldn't understand any of this, would you?"

Abraham frowned at the impatience, but stepped forward to look at the Journal. The weak light created by the lantern on the floor was not strong enough to allow him to read the spidery handwriting from where he stood, so he leaned down and sat beside the creature to see it more clearly.

An electric spark struck the air, cutting through the vampire. Alucard stiffened instantly and shot a sharp look at the man, but Abraham was oblivious to it as he squinted at the writing. The cell filled with light, originating from the stones above their heads, just as the vampire had done before. Abraham blinked and lifted his head to the ceiling and then looked around. About to thank the vampire, he turned to look at the demon, but then gasped as a force struck him in the chest, removing him from the coffin, and then it held him up as his legs took his weight and he could stand on his own. The bright, flickering eyes bespoke anger that simmered beneath the molten color. Hellsing's blue eyes could have contrasted the illusion if they had turned to their icy glare, but general surprise left them open and calm, like water.

The man stood, mute, for seconds before he could speak. "What are you doing?"

The hand left the man's shirt, and Alucard took a step back with a poorly suppressed snarl. "Don't _sit_ on my coffin."

The man frowned slightly, his eyes adapting some enmity that battled with his indignant embarrassment as he realized that it had been a bit thoughtless of him. "You sit on it." He spoke to retain some of his dignity.

"Because it is _mine_." The beast snapped back and thrust the book into the man's gut, forcing the air out of him. Pain spiked through the vampire and he gasped as well, staggering back to the coffin where he sat down heavily, eyes wide and blinking as the pain subsided. Abraham's rising anger deflated, and he stood quietly, waiting for the rigid vampire to recover. He felt some pity for his slave, despite his determination to reject the feeling. This resolve only fed fuel to the feeling as he recalled the hope the vampire had confessed for 'dulling the pain'. He shook his head, but could not help himself from speaking quietly.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that."

Alucard flinched, disgust flitting over his features before he looked at the man with narrowed eyes. "Don't apologize to me. I don't want it, and I don't need it. You should never ask for forgiveness from me…" He spat out each word, biting off its sharpness at the last possible moment.

You've told me before. Hellsing was forced to look away when he had this thought. No. Alucard…this demon was not the one who had said this.

"…it's insulting."

Abraham sneered disturbingly, registering the tone at the same time. No. He is entirely different.

"I need to be able to respect you in _some_ way. I don't need to be owned by a dog. Serving a real man is not as degrading, but if you prove yourself to be so worthless…" Alucard was glowering at the wall when Abraham's softened gaze went to him.

His words are too similar. The man took a deep breath and peered down at the circles and arrays drawn on the open page. It was…unnatural, the way these symbols and drawings seemed to breathe with their own life, the sight took away Abraham's breath and he could only stare at them until his eyes recognized a reddish-brown color, mixed with some of the black ink. Blue widened, but Alucard answered the question before it was asked.

"I used my blood. No one else's."

The human searched the red orbs dully. "I figured it was your blood. You couldn't have used a human's."

Alucard's eyes darkened, but he felt no ill intent in the statement, so he let it pass. "I could have used your vermin's blood. Any blood. There are other creatures besides humans that have the substance within them."

"You can't harm the mice." Abraham replied calmly, looking at the symbols specifically.

Alucard stared blankly at the man, then scoffed in sour disbelief. "Is that all you care about? The vermin? The damn vermin? Again and again, nothing but the vermin…" He muttered darkly to himself, hands coming together as he brooded over his thoughts. Hellsing cleared his throat to counter, but then merely blinked and allowed himself to examine the book. There were notes explaining thoughts and reasons for the use of one symbol rather than another, and what they would produce. All of the notes seemed to fit what the man had wanted to accomplish, but his eyes froze on the five pointed star made with overlapping lines. He did not like the presence of such an unclean symbol with roots in the worship of Satan. He stared at the pentagram, slowly realizing that there were actually two stars, one within the other. Then his eyes dropped lower on the page.

"Hell's gate…?" He bit his lip as he felt the vampire focus on him. Abraham held back a growl, sighing instead. A finger stabbed at the pentagrams. "I don't like these. I know what they are…"

An unpleasant sneer stole the man's voice, as if Alucard had spoken. Then the beast let the expression turn into light humor. "If you have complaints against it, then you are just as ignorant as most, my _Master._" The demon twisted the title, scorning it for a moment. Red went to the wall as Abraham glowered from above, and the beast drew a small star on his coffin with his finger. "A pentagram is both Holy and Unholy, warped by humans. The five wounds of Christ that were left by the nails that pierced through his hands and feet and then the final wound in Christ's abdomen, create a five pointed star. And so, the symbol was once used against demons, a purity that drove them away. If reversed, turned upside down, the star is a stated rejection of the Holy Trinity. But I am using this as the base for the theurgia magic, using the Thelemic system. It will combine magic with the alchemy, channeling the spirit and the four elements through each of its symbolic points. The matter, in this way, will defy alchemic laws. The energy can be converted into spirit or life energy, as I've referred to it, so it will be compatible with my powers. Otherwise, it would be similar to trying to mix water and oil. Their densities are different, the wavelengths in energy are too different otherwise." A wry smile swept across the vampire's face as he watched his Master's eyes cloud, having difficulty digesting what he was saying. Merciless, Alucard ignored the man's suffering and went on, splitting off into a branching topic. "You may now realize my interest in the god, Hermes. He is an underlying part of magic and the afterlife, something that clearly relates to myself…" He paused and then continued. "The Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn…is actually one incentive that drew me to Great Britain…for it is based here in this land, among the Victorian aristocracy. I even chose the name of the ship, Demeter, because of the involvement of Hermes in _The Hymn To Demeter_. It is an interesting tale…"

Abraham was quiet. Inside, his mind was silent as well, and he wandered, lost within himself as the beast continued to speak. He felt chilled, suddenly, and held his arms, but Alucard did not notice.

"You probably know quite a few who are secretly a part of the Golden Dawn. The only reason you are not included in it at this moment, is because you are relatively new to Great Britain. You just came here from Holland, correct? So…" Alucard stopped when he heard his master's voice.

"I have heard of it and have met some involved in the Golden Dawn…recently…not more than a few months ago." Abraham spoke faintly, his chills remaining though some frustration broke through. Alucard was staring at him now, taken aback by the man's response. Hellsing grated his teeth together and hissed at the wall as he turned away, a hand rising from his chest to touch his chin, only to abandon it spitefully, as if he loathed to touch himself. "There was a faction…an order that…is dying out, falling apart after a period of growing unrest. I heard about it the last time I was in London…to see to some supplies that had not come, and to receive counsel from the Queen."

Alucard briefly recalled feeling the man's absence on a few sparse occasions, and he waited for Hellsing to settle down.

"I should have asked more questions, or had more curiosity…but no. In my stupidity I assumed that if it had nothing to do with the undead that it was none of my concern…!"

"So it is gone. So what? The teachings are left behind. Its connection with alchemy, theurgia, Hermeticism…is all still valid. Countless empires and civilizations have fallen, but we still have the works of the Greek playwrights and a myriad of other inheritances from the ancestors of old…. Though, it is a pity…" Alucard continued slowly, eyes on the man's back. "…you could have used humans with the same knowledge and avoided my involvement entirely." Abraham turned around while the vampire gave a mocking, exaggerated sigh and frowned. "But here we are. I know how to create the seal you desire…containing my own interests as well."

"What are…" Hellsing growled, but was interrupted by the cross vampire.

"I've told you. I have made it so that I can release my own restrictions until a specific point, but I was unable to devise a way to affect the older seal."

"I thought you told me that you were tempted, yet did not act on it because you could not!" Abraham's heavy steps to the coffin added to the din in the cell that restrained his anger. "Now you've lied to me! A hypocrite as well as…"

"Quiet." Alucard passed him a tired, though stern, look. "I used past tense at the time because nothing substantial has been done. I can adjust the seal, but I do not want to…and refuse." The two gazes locked together, equal in power. "You will not make me into a weak, pathetic thing you can keep by the foot of your chair like a domesticated animal. I will not follow you, groveling in you wake or at the presence of any of your hunters. You will not chain me so tightly that I…"

"You are not an animal, Alucard." It was quiet for a moment as the calm voice dispersed the vampire's developing anger. "I'm not making you into a…" The man shook his head and his face became lined with distaste and confusion. "…pet."

"Then I am your slave!" Alucard returned with a new wave of contempt that overwhelmed his last. "You keep me as your slave and refer to me as your slave! A slave that you can starve and neglect and beat when you so chose! A common _dog_, yet again, you have reduced me to! I…!"

"I have never beaten you!" Hellsing broke in with a loud, solid voice, and he came closer to the creature that snarled at him.

"You cannot deny that you have struck me when what I have said angered you, and you have used me as a test subject and left me at the mercy of those who obviously hate me." Alucard's volume had fallen, but his malevolent tone remained. "I have not complained because the pain is nothing. I heal soon afterwards. But it is the concept of your freedom to do what you want with me. Even a slave is fed, while I am not. I resort to eating vampires, cannibalism, because of my hunger. I swallow the cold blood that freezes my veins because I have no other choice. If you invested any time on considering the problem, you would see that there are multiple solutions. Draw blood from volunteers among your estate; ask to use criminals that would have been executed… you could have done something, but you have put it off for your own comfort. So, yes, I would call that abuse and neglect!" The demon tore away from the presence and stalked to the other side of the cell. A rumbling growl entered his chest as he spoke. "And I am reduced to this! Telling you this! Again! Serving your whims! You…!" He spun, a finger directed at the man, as hostile as a knife. Then the finger was thrust at the casket. "I restrict my wings on my own initiative! If I never had, there would be no sense of coexistence between the undead and living! I could have destroyed humanity ages ago, as you should realize! But I did not! I tamed my hunger and desire and 'lived' amongst humans! You cannot claim responsibility for that choice! It has always been _mine_! _My will is my own, only_!"

Hellsing's demeanor was broken, and he stood as an empty figure as the ringing voice pierced his ears, and the pale finger stabbed at his direction with each heavy accusation the beast held against him. He _had_ been trying to domesticate the vampire, he realized with a heavy weight that fell to the bottom of his stomach. And he _had_ been negligent, always assuming the vampire to be somewhat invincible. Though he had realized that he needed to caution the interaction between his men and Alucard, but after developing some distaste for the creature, he had disregarded his past promise.

With the last word, he tried to speak, but could not muster his voice, so he whispered. "I see."

Alucard was frozen, an arm still extended towards the man. Slowly, he regained his composure and stood quietly, facing the man with a slight frown.

"Then you can keep the seal as it is…and I will see to it that a way to feed you…is established and maintained." The hushed voice turned to the door as Abraham left the cell. "I'll look at this while you sleep, then." He held up the Journal as he opened the door, and then closed it behind him without looking back at the vampire.

Alucard had lost his expression, exhausted and numb to his fleeting passion. He remained as he was, watching the door as the moon rose higher overhead, unable to tear his gaze away from it.

And it was silence that kept the beast company through the night.


	35. Chapter 35

_"I…I stand by my decision. He confessed that he is a monster…and his words are blasphemous and poison to your mind. He is trying to trick you…to draw you into Hell with him." Abraham looked away. "Kill him, Abraham. That is my answer. I do not want such a monster on the Earth that my children shall walk upon. That is why we kill these monsters. You have good inside of you and that is why the decision is hard, you are not a monster that can kill so easily."_

_That had been Jonathon's initial decision…to kill the beast that spewed poison and blasphemy…his words had been in the voice that had come to Abraham that rainy night as he had tried to sleep. Poison…his words are poison…the snake, like with Adam and Eve, that had bitten his heart, and the shapes of seduction conducted by the Devil. Damn these thoughts._

Abraham pinched the bridge of his nose and then used both of his hands to rub sleep from his eyes. His mind was too heavy for sleep. If he tried to let himself drift off on that gentle current, he would sink for the weight of his thoughts and be brought to the black bottom of such a body of comfort, and he would be drowned in nightmares. Nightmares…he hated them. They reminded him too much of the closeness of insanity that waits patiently, like a rotting disease, on the outskirts of the mind; waiting to prey upon a moment of weakness. Hellsing sighed heavily, his chest filling with cool air that dissolved into his blood through his capillaries, and then was pumped through the chambers of his heart, sending the oxygenated blood up to his brain to feed the soft tissues. God…what was he to think at this point. He was horrible…evil…God, what he had done? What Alucard had said…it was all true.

The man had a glass of wine on his desk, locked away in his room with books and journals keeping him company. His hand moved, the fingers extending to close around the glass, but his arm would not rise. It was heavy, like stone, or hardened cement that had been poured into a mold to resemble a human limb, and then, when Abraham had been distracted, someone had replaced his arm with this cement form. Ah…such thoughts…he was tired. He needed sleep, but he feared drowning, and he didn't want sleep. He didn't want it. He wanted to find what he did want. In life…from Alucard…from anything. He was lost and confused, and he needed to move his lump of an arm to pick up his glass of wine.

The man shifted his weight and lifted his left hand, grasped the delicate glass and pulled it to his lips. The bitter alcohol warmed his body, a little, and made his mind easier to discern. He took another parched sip and swallowed with a sigh. He caught his head over the Journal with the white pages opened, but unread by the blue eyes. John's journal, which he had left for Abraham to write about Alucard in, was placed by his arm, and it was relatively unused as of yet. Hellsing's heavy arm pushed the Journal away and he moved John's journal under his gaze. Then a hand blindly felt for the pen that was somewhere on his desk. Once it had been claimed by his hand, it was held over a blank page, but nothing happened after that. Abraham gazed dully down at the paper, but his mind and expression were blank. He was tired…sad…he wanted to lay down, collapse on his bed, and escape everything by hiding in the darkness of his closed eyes, awake but close to sleeping. He sighed as he imagined this. Oh, how he would like to go to bed at this moment, but he pushed himself to think, to do something, and the pen twitched in the air and slowly descended to the page. But nothing was written. The ink only began to bleed into the whiteness, building up a collected stain of black. Abraham saw this and his features moved into an irritated scowl and he cast the pen away from himself so that it clattered over the wooden surface of the desk, and then rolled in a curve to tuck under the binding of a book.

His head felt light and cloudy, and his eyes were lidded now, after the pen had hidden from his sight. The man slouched back in his seat. "What to do? What to do?" He muttered slowly, his eyes moving along a path that was not planned. He watched the wall carefully, though he had no reason to. His mind drifted.

Poison. Poison. Alucard was poison. Insanity was poison. Air and life and water and his wine were all poison. Damn this poison. There is no poison! His eyes closed. Then he didn't have the strength to open them and the man drifted off to sleep and then awoke and fell into sleep again, just to have his eyes flutter open minutes later. He looked at the wall, recalling the presence of the demon under his still feet. He moved his bare feet and let his eyes descend to the journal. The blue moved, dimmed and barely awake, to find the pen and a clumsy hand went to it, pushing away books as he did so, or bumping them without meaning to. Hellsing held the pen steadily in his hands, poised over the paper.

What to write? What to do? What to do? Damn the poison. Damn it all! He was just so tired. So…so tired. He needed to sleep, but he also needed to do this. For Alucard…for Alucard… Why did he want to do this for the vampire? Why had his whim endured for such a time? Why was the beast still 'alive'? Why?

_I don't know why._

Abraham stared at the black, drying ink, and he blinked as air dried out his open eyes. The pen scratched over the surface of the page, and he murmured what he wrote.

_I don't know why I have not killed him. He is poison and blasphemy and death, but I cannot kill him. I cannot, for I do not want to. I do not want to hurt him or do anything else of that nature…to him. Guilt. I feel much guilt for starving him. For…my God, neglecting him, as he told me earlier. It is horrible, disgusting, now that I look back on it. He must be…he must have been in so much pain…hungry, confused…locked away to suffer from his memories, his failures 'without end', as he'd said, once upon a time. Poor creature…and what I've done to him…how many times have I hit him? He has never deserved it, not really, nothing deserves to be struck with such hate and venom. Anger and poorly kept tempers are poison…but what is this idea of poison? Where did it come from? Oh…Jonathon. Yes, it was Jonathon who first said it was poison. Damn the poison, these thoughts, I hate them._

The man laughed when he wrote this and he leaned over to reread what he had written so far, reminded of the Journal and the vampire's pursuit of writing in it. His face deadened, losing all light of amusement as he read these alien words, these thoughts he could not recognize. It unnerved him.

Abraham snapped the journal closed and lifted and tossed it onto a stumpy stack of books and then hit his hands, as fists, on his desk. Hellsing was quiet. He did not move for a time. He did not think. Then his eyes wandered to the Journal, Alucard's thoughts…all of their thoughts… He had never read any significant part of it, had he? Only snippets…little pieces. Even Jonathon had read more of it than he had, for Heaven's sake. That…it…it was absurd. Why had he not read it yet? He had told Alucard he would look over the plans for the seal tonight, but all he had done was…well, frankly, nothing. He had done nothing, though he felt like he had. But that was only an illusion from the fatigue gained from his inner struggles.

The man took a sip of wine, to awaken himself, and he opened the Journal to the first written page. His eyes widened as his brow creased. A shuddering sigh shook his chest and passed from his lips as his head tilted to the side. It was Alucard, with his words and ignorance…his innocence about what he was…about himself…about everything. Calling himself a monster… The blue eyes closed and Abraham pursed his lips and took a long breath through his nose to force his cramped emotions from his head so that his eyes could focus and he could read the words. He opened then and took another breath as the alphabet changed and he admired the strange writing, the foreign characters. They were beautiful…he thought as he turned the page and went on. Then there were poems…and parts of songs and compositions even. Did Alucard know how to play any instruments? Another page kept a familiar list where he was at the top, followed by John and the mice and the apple and the dust bunny… What dust bunny? He had never before questioned the existence of this on the list… He had skipped pages, so he went back to them, and Abraham saw the map of London and recalled how it had upset Jonathon… They were pleasant, warm memories that made his nose burn and his eyes thicken with dry tears he knew would not come. He saw sketches of himself, and of the mice and servants, all done in pen, amazingly enough, in his opinion. His eyes lingered on a picture of himself reading in his old library, so focused on his papers that he had not noticed that Alucard was there, sketching him into his Journal. He missed the vampire that would try to be sly and sneak into his bed just to be banished to his chair again. The vampire that followed him, doted on him, sat on the armrest of his chair, the one who made snow angels and threw snowballs with John. The two had been close back then, but now John practically hated the beast. No, the man hated the vampire with a passion… Abraham continued to read, and he turned the page. His eyes ran over some familiar poems, telling of loneliness and how one must remove themselves from the world, as their presence and closeness block the light, in order to see what good they have accomplished. Such…old memories, they seemed to be…centuries old…but they weren't old. Not in reality…not in reality. The man sighed and turned another page.

As he went on, turning more pages, he came across another poem that made him stop and slow his eyes to take in the tone of the words. It was different than before… Which Alucard was this? The second? The first? He could not tell for sure as he read.

_The bird of Hermes is my name_

_Hermes?_

_Eating my wings to make me tame_

_Why take away your flight?_

_To tame the beast for the cage that awaits_

_But does it not hurt? Does the bird not miss the sky?_

_The bird of Hermes, holding the servant under god_

_They may fly with your eaten wings? While you are caged?_

_Letting the bird go but weighted by them, unforgotten_

_The bird must have tired_

_The bird eats the wings, but they return, to mock and scorn and spurn_

_Are the wings, then, hateful?_

_They are sought for, evermore for their hate, they are to serve the servant of the god_

_If you are the servant of a servant, what can you be?_

_The bird of Hermes, who has eaten its wings to tame itself for the iron barred cage_

_Without wings, the bird may still sing_

_Song has been forgotten, the voice strained from the taming task_

_May one pity the bird?_

_The bird will not pity itself_

_But may I?_

_As a wingless bird, the beast cannot alter your thought, but beware of the bird_

_Why?_

_Who is to say what the will of Hermes or that of the god may be? The bird shall act for them without its own name_

_What does this mean? What is it you exist as?_

_The bird of Hermes is my name and I have eaten my wings to make myself tame, my beak full of my own flesh, wingless to stop my reach, the bird will not touch you, as it is dead_

Dialogue, Abraham noticed absently, struck by the words that exhausted his mind further as he failed to understand them fully, and made him pull back in his chair and close the blue orbs, rubbing his face with his hands for a moment. It was a poem of questions and answers, similar to a different one.

What does this mean? What is it you exist as?

…..dead

Dead? Is that what Alucard thinks he is? All that he is, is dead? The bird of Hermes? The servant of a servant? No…no, no, no…these are old thoughts. Who is to know if they were still present? Alucard thinks he is a monster…not just a dead corpse. Sleep…he should really get some sleep. He had not gotten much the night before because of his nightmares… Abraham got up, the wood of his chair creaking after becoming so accustomed to his weight, and the man went to his bed and pulled back the covers to bury himself under them.

….the bird will not touch you

…as it is dead

I don't mind a dead touch…Abraham's mind voiced as he passed beyond reality, into sleep.

*~*~::..+..::~*~*

_"Master! Mastermastermastermaster!" A soft black sleeve wrapped behind his neck as the vampire hung over his arm rest and a pale hand shoved a book on top of the papers in his hands, forcing him to look at the large illustrations of the children's storybook. "Master! I found Wonderland! I found it!" A finger jabbed at the pictures and the words. Alucard's beaming face came into view as he looked up at the creature that was pointing at the book. "Look at the book Master, not me. Look! I found the Wonderland book after all this time, Master! It was right there on the shelf!" Alucard laughed as Abraham felt himself smile. Around him, he was suddenly aware that they were in his old library, and it was quiet and peaceful, feeling full even though they were the only two in it. Hellsing laughed at the childish creature that begged him to read to it. "Or should I read to you Master? Would you like that? You said you've never read Alice's Adventures In Wonderland…you said it was for children, remember?"_

_"Yes, I did." Hellsing leaned over to set his papers on the floor, making Alucard take the book away. Abraham sat upright again and he looked at the vampire that clutched the book to his chest. The shirt was whole, not torn or marked with blood. It was as black as his hair…and his ribbon was as red as his eyes and it caught the light just as playfully as the vampire's laughing grin. "I wouldn't mind it if you read it to me, Alucard."_

_Alucard was quiet now as he smiled, and he caught the side of the armrest with his hand and lowered himself to the ground so that he sat up against the side of the chair. Blue eyes could look down upon the shimmering black hair and the man's hand rustled the soft mass. Alucard smiled up at him contently. "Master. You work too much…you should read simpler books and fun things…it will relax you and make you happier. You should smile more. You don't smile enough, Master."_

_The man chuckled and touched the hair for a last time before laying his arm on his arm rest, just above Alucard's head. "Really now…I believe I smile enough, Alucard. I smile too much, actually. I believe my face is going to end up sticking this way."_

_The red eyes narrowed a little, thinking about what his master had said. Alucard gave up and looked down at the book that was propped up on his knees. "Why would you say that it would stick that way? You say the strangest things, Master."_

_"That's not nice."_

_"I didn't say it to be mean…it's just what I think, so I said it. There's nothing wrong with it, Master. I'm sorry."_

_"I didn't mean anything by what I said either, Alucard. Read the book. You've been waiting a long time, haven't you?"_

_Alucard laughed at this and glanced up at the man's face to find him smiling down at him. Alucard paused and then returned the smile warmly. "It has nice pictures. I'm afraid I went ahead and looked at them without you." The eyes went to the book again and the sound of turning pages could be heard as the vampire searched for the first page. He paused, gazing down at the book. "Oh! I found a poem. Would you like to hear it? I just read it, and I thought it was nice."_

_"Sure, go ahead and read it." Abraham closed his eyes and eased his head back, relaxing in his chair._

_"All in the golden afternoon_

_Full leisurely we glide;_

_For both our oars, with little skill._

_By little arms are plied,_

_While little hands make vain pretence_

_Our wanderings to guide._

_Ah, cruel Three! In such an hour,_

_Beneath such dreamy weather,_

_To beg a tale of breath too weak_

_To stir the tiniest feather!_

_Yet what can one poor voice avail_

_Against three tongues together?_

_Imperious Prima flashes forth_

_Her edict "to begin it":_

_In gentler tones Secunda hopes_

_"There will be nonsense in it!"_

_While Tertia interrupts the tale_

_Not _More_ than once a minute._

_Anon, to sudden silence won,_

_In fancy they pursue_

_The dream-child moving through the land_

_Of wonders wild and new,_

_In friendly chat with bird or beast –_

_And half believe it true._

_And ever, as the story drained_

_The wells of fancy dry,_

_And faintly strove that weary one_

_To put the subject by,_

_"The rest next time-" "This is next time!"_

_The happy voices cry._

_Thus grew the tale of Wonderland:_

_Thus slowly, one by one,_

_Its quaint events were hammered out-_

_And now the tale is done,_

_And home we steer, a merry crew,_

_Beneath the setting sun._

_Alice! A childish story take,_

_And with a gentle hand,_

_Lay it where Childhood's dreams are twined_

_In Memory's mystic band,_

_Like pilgrim's wither's wreath of flowers_

_Pluck'd in a far-off land."_

_Abraham smiled a little when it was done, but he could not amass any amount of pleasure or appreciation for the poem. He could not understand it for some reason, and he looked down at the vampire to find expectant eyes directed up at him._

_"Did you like it?" Alucard asked with his same, pleasant smile that danced, as always, with the light._

_Abraham confessed that he did not understand its meaning._

_"Ah, but Master, what comes of my telling you the meaning itself? It is something you, yourself, must discover for it to have its true and personal meaning that would cause it to become something you may adopt into your mind to keep in your memory."_

_Alucard had changed when Abraham looked down at him again. He was older, by a few years, in appearance, but in his eyes, he was made ancient with wisdom. Abraham gave a calm smile. "Of course. You never make anything easy, do you? You have too much fun playing with the mind…like it is your…well, plaything, or toy, Alucard." _

_The vampire chuckled good-humoredly and turned a few pages, gazing at the book with a quiet smile. "Ah, here it is Master. The first page…so shall we explore this Wonderland together, then?" He laughed at his words as if it was a planned joke and the human just smiled and watched the vampire for a time. Then the blue orbs closed and the blonde head rested against the back of the chair. Alucard looked up at him for a moment and then commenced to read the story. "Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank, and of having nothing to do; once or twice she had peeped into the book her sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in it," and what is the use of a book," thought Alice, "without pictures or conversations?""_

_Alucard stopped and chortled at the words, causing the blue eyes to open and watch, an amiable sparkle playing within the translucent blue waters of his gaze._

_"I'd have to say that this young 'Alice' is quite a lot like myself, Master. Funny that a little girl and I can share a common mindset. Life without 'pictures and conversations' would be so dull, as would be a book that was without them. No, not every book must have literal pictures, but their words' meaning must be true, so true that it portrays a picture, its words illustrate the pages in your mind. And the book makes you think and ask and answer questions posed by the author or by your own thoughts. Yes, no wonder this Alice was so bored." He looked up at the cobalt blue eyes and grinned, showing off a sharp fang or two. "I get awful bored here as well, Master. Watching you sleep only has a limited amount of entertainment it can supply me with."_

_Abraham frowned and looked at his lap where his hands were folded together. "I'm going to nail your coffin shut if you stare at me while I sleep, Alucard. That's a bit…"_

_"Oh, don't let it bother you. It's too boring to become a hobby." He was looking down at the book again, but he was not reading it aloud. Abraham noticed._

_"Have you given up reading it after a single sentence?"_

_Alucard let a smile come to his lips. "Alice says that the sun makes her feel very sleepy and stupid…is it coincidence that the sun has the same effect on me? Perhaps the girl is a vampire…fancy that."_

_"She isn't a vampire, Alucard. Now either read the story or let me get back to my work and you can read it there on the floor, alone." The vampire began to read after this._

_"'And if he left off dreaming about you, where do you suppose you'd be?'_

_'Where I am now, of course,' said Alice._

_'Not you!' Tweedledee retorted contemptuously. 'You'd be nowhere. Why, you're only a sort of thing in his dream!'_

_'If that there King was to wake," added Tweedledum, 'you'd go out – bang! – just like a candle!'"_

_Abraham screwed up his eyes, confused as this was obviously not part of what the vampire had been reading before, and he looked down at the creature. The man blinked, stiffening a bit as he saw the shining daggered teeth leer up at him. "You skipped a bit, didn't you?" Abraham spoke just as stiffly as his posture._

_Alucard sneered up at him, ignoring the words, and he gave a brief cackle. "It's a funny concept, is it not? What if we are all but creatures of His dream, creatures which he can dispel at any momentary whim? Nowhere! Exactly as our loving Lord would condemn us! Nowhere is the perfect Hell! A lost, hopeless, isolated, personal Hell, Nowhere… I should like to go there some time, how about you Master? Would you ever like to go to Hell…I mean, Nowhere?"_

_Abraham scowled darkly at the wicked grin he received. All he wanted to do was rip that book from those white hands, and then stalk off out of the room, but he didn't do it. He didn't want to leave Alucard alone, as he was aware that the beast would lose all of his amusement at that point, and he would just sit there, dully, by the side of the chair and do nothing but perhaps sleep or walk about to stretch his legs. "Alucard?" The man sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and sighing a second time. "Why must you make everything so unpleasant? One, you make everything light and innocent and charming. Two, you make everything hold a deeper meaning and underlying moral question. And lastly, you corrupt everything you touch! Why?"_

_"I'm a monster, Master. I can't do anything else. I can't be anything else. **I can't help being me, Master.** What more can you ask of me, other than not to kill your friends, your men, your humans? You still haven't fed me for over a month…and why am I on the floor? Like a dog? A slave? Wait! Well, of course like your slave! That is all I am, isn't it? You don't give a shit if I starve but you fret and worry over the damned vermin! The damned vermin! I have nowhere to sit, anyway! Only my coffin down there in my cell!" The demon sneered, getting up from the floor to stand with the disturbing smile, watching the man glower and then pale. "Eh? Master! What do you have to say about that? Have you ever considered whether or not I might need something down in my cell? Or, no…the vampire only needs his coffin…to sleep and sit on to watch the stones, the amazing stones that build up his confinement! Oh, glory to that, Master! I can watch the chains you have constricted me with! Oh blessed be that, Master! Oh, damn it all to Hell, is what I say! Oh, wake up Master!" The demon tore him from his chair and shook him, like a limp rag doll. "Are you so blind and ignorant and stupid that you cannot see anything before you? Wake up! Wake up!..."_

"Wake up, Master. It's morning and I believe you're having a nightmare."

Abraham shot up out of his sleep, tearing his head from the covers and knocking aside the cold pale hand that was on his shoulder with his abruptness. Alucard stood calmly by the side of his bed, looking down at the sweating and disheveled man as he clutched his racing heart and gazed up at him in a disoriented way, like he could not believe that it was reality that he was now seeing, that what he had been experiencing a moment before was only a dream. The demon frowned, waiting for the man to lose the stupid look on his face.

"Alucard…?" Abraham took a breath and then another, and his eyes glanced up and down the demon's black attire, staying on his red bow for a few moments before looking at his face again. The man's hands knotted themselves in his sheets, and he swallowed and took another deep breath that he exhaled through his nose. "Oh…" A hand ran over his face and he dropped his eyes to his lap with a sigh. "Why are you here?" He asked more gruffly, furrowing his brow as the oddness of the presence came to mind.

"I thought we would be working on the seal during the day, since you yourself told me to sleep and claimed that you would read through what I had written out, last night."

Abraham suppressed a sudden yawn with his hand, and he closed his eyes for a moment, fighting off any remaining desire for sleep. His eyes went to the curtains that were drawn over his window. There was a weak grey light coming from the blue cloth near the edges on the perimeter of the solid rectangle the overlapping cloth posed as. It was morning. He was usually awake by this time, the man thought, and he cast aside his blankets and got up to go to his closet. On his way, his eyes snagged on Alucard's old chair, and he stopped to watch it. "Alucard…would you like to take this chair down into your cell? You told me how you used to prefer it over the others."

Alucard was quiet, hiding any surprise he felt for the unexpected generosity with a blank mask that Abraham did not turn to see. "I would not mind having it, Master. If I continue to use my coffin like it was a chair, as I have been, on a regular basis, the paint will begin to wear away."

Abraham nodded at this and then stepped to his closet and closed the doors behind him.

* * *

Everything read from _The Adventures Of Alice In Wonderland_ was not my own original work. These were excepts from the book or other literature from the time period. Finished at 2 AM.


	36. Chapter 36

Abraham lifted the cool metal of the fork to his mouth as his eyes strayed to the vampire that was leaning over the Journal, seated at Hellsing's dining room table while a few hunters insisted upon standing by the door to supervise. When the fork made its way into Abraham's mouth and his teeth bit down, he heard a dull clunk and blinked. He had forgotten to put food on it.

Hellsing continued to eat his breakfast, watching Alucard from his end of the table while the beast was to his left, a few chairs of space separating them as the vampire concentrated with a pen in one of his hands. He would scrawl something onto the page occasionally, and then sit back and it appeared as if he would then read through and check everything he had written so far, glancing from one page to the next with a calculated impassive expression that disappointed the hunters to the point that boredom made them begin to murmur to one another. "Make them shut up…" The creature suddenly muttered, tipping the pen to his mouth as his eyes narrowed on a specific detail. The two hunters failed to hear him, Abraham noticed as he watched the social humans. Hellsing felt distanced, like he was observing an exhibit at the museum. One pertaining to the relationships that used to exist amongst the human ancestors of the past, such a thing that had become extinct ages ago. It was a queer feeling that the man swallowed along with a chunk of poached egg that he remembered to put on his fork.

"A little more quiet please…and being here is unnecessary, though you are free to stay as long as you are…a bit more quiet." Abraham smiled kindly at the hunters, though he supposed his expression was a bit too bright, because it caused the men to stare and then hit off on another topic concerning him, most likely, as they regularly looked over in his direction. This probable gossip made Hellsing frown, and his brow creased as he watched them. One even had the audacity to point at him directly, looking him dead in the eye. Enough, the man sighed, a shadow coming over his face as he stood out of the rays of sunlight that was flowing through an uncovered window. He walked over to the men, stunning them into nervous silence. They apologized a few times before he shuffled them out the door and then locked it by turning an iron knob.

Alucard was unchanged after their departure, still reading with the pen kissing his lips. He put the pen down after a moment and twirled it thoughtlessly between his fingers. "I don't think, if you did indeed read this last night, that it did you much good."

Abraham frowned at this as he settled down into his chair, draping his wrists on his armrests as he watched the vampire, forgetting his food. He allowed it to grow cold. Abraham had lost his appetite for the time being, his mind starved now with a need to speak and resurrect this dead concept of associating with the creature, to maintain a wispy relationship. "Why are you so sure that I have not read it?"

Alucard did not look up as he turned back a page to check something. "Because you would be burying me with questions at the moment if you had. You came too late last night…I knew you would fall asleep before you had even begun."

The man's mouth twitched to the side, put-off by the demon's words and apathetic manner. "Well…such faith you have in me." He pointed out with mild sarcasm. Alucard lips arched into a smirk at this, but did not look up, turning the page back over and laying his arm on the table. Hellsing scowled at his plate of breakfast sourly. "You're supposed to deny my _tone_."

"Oh, but then I would be a liar, Master, a hypocrite, as you yourself referred to it…" The fangs smiled as the beast leaned back into the chair and slid his hands to the edge of the table, thrumming his fingers.

Abraham sighed and forced a cold chunk of egg into his mouth to cool his temper. He chewed and swallowed quickly, almost choking. Uncomfortable, he hit his chest and glared at the food. "No hostilities so early in the morning… Would you like to try to make this more pleasant? As you've said, there are other humans I can find to help me with this." The mortal set his mouth as a universal line when Alucard was quiet, and his hand pushed the plate away, off of its beige placemat. Blue followed the intricate branching designs on the cloth, sown with a deep crimson thread that reminded him of the demon's gaze. When the human looked up at his slave, the demon's eyes were shaded by his dark bangs and they were moving, analyzing the runes and symbols, the notes he had written earlier. "Am I supposed to be included in this?" The man inquired after a few dull minutes that echoed his earlier perception of a museum exhibit.

The pale face peered at him and then an arm lifted and pulled on the back of a chair that was placed beside the vampire. Alucard drew it out so that Abraham would know to sit in it, then settled back to reading the Journal. The human let out a postponed sigh and rubbed an eye tiredly with his fist before scooting back his current chair to leave and go to Alucard. It was so quiet in the dining room that Hellsing thought he could hear his footsteps resonate solid notes as they sounded against the hard wood floor that appeared to have been recently polished. He made no comment as he sat down and fixed his chair at an angle so he could read the Journal as well…or at least try to. To the man's annoyance, most of what was written was coded in the Greek alphabet. With a sigh through the nose after closing his eyes for a moment, the man leaned forward a bit, peering down at the spidery writing.

"Greek?" He questioned, speaking quietly as he was close to the vampire at present.

"Yes… It's all written in the Greek alphabet, but, unfortunately, what is written is a mixture of Greek and Karamanli Turkish. Thank the Anatolian Orthodox Christian community for this, Master. The only reason I bothered to learn it was because it was at least Christian…" He muttered under his breath, brooding over the language now, instead of the seal. That moved his mouth into a simper and a pale hand brushed off imaginary dust from the Journal, as if to rid it of the detestable dirt. "I hate those worthless… When was the last time they contributed anything to the world? Centuries ago. The Ottoman Empire is worthless now, I bet they won't survive for another fifty years…that weak relic will die off soon enough." The bitter words attracted the blue orbs to the narrowed features, the vampire's face was within a shadow while the suns brightening rays fell upon Abraham's face. Alucard was quiet after that, glaring at the language as he forced himself to read it again.

"Why do you hate the Ottoman Turks so much? You were at war with them…when you were alive, weren't you?"

Alucard appeared to be genuinely surprised by the question and he gazed at Hellsing, sitting up and away from the Journal, his eyes widened and blinking at the peculiar query that had managed to impale through his nonchalance so effortlessly. It had triggered a sharp alarm in his conscience. The red descended to the tablecloth after a time, and then slid onto the pages once more. "Muslim heathens…" His words were deepened by a growl that vibrated against his throat. "…they ruined my brother, Radu, made him into a heathen…and he was a general, a leader, for their Janissary troops. But…I don't remember how it all came into being…" He sat back again, his eyes cloudy as a finger tapped on his sharp chin. Without focusing his eyes, he returned his attention to the Journal. "I'll bet they're going to be particularly pleasant memories." He turned the page to wipe away the Greek from his vision. "But then…they did kill me, Master…an axe right through the neck. Ah, yes. They were so fond of decapitation." He smiled with a grim chuckle, eyeing the pentagram as he outlined it with the tip of his finger. Disgust shot through Abraham, jerking his arm so that he swept the white hand away from the star.

"Yes…that sounds lovely." The mortal counteracted the demon's tone with dripping disdain, delighting Alucard who laughed and passed him a jagged grin. The vampire, thus enthused, began to point out some of the runes and symbols and explained them to the man. Time passed and Alucard broke off of his steady ramble to stretch his arms over his head and then yawn, withdrawing one of his arms to cover it. Abraham blinked, but did not comment. He absently noticed the demon's returning thinness. So vampiric blood doesn't do him much good, does it? A pulse coiled the man's fingers into a fist that he buried into the cloth covering the table. He still needed to feed the vampire…and he had just…so _carelessly_ eaten his own meal in front of Alucard. Abraham's stomach churned at the thought while his eyes darted to the window, forced to by his shame. Always so thoughtless… "Should I supply you with some of my blood tonight, and until I settle out…the feeding issue?" He stumbled gracelessly over his words, and he knew it as he bit his lips to hold them locked together. But he had gained the vampire's attention, and Alucard's face was lost in thought, analyzing Abraham. Suddenly, the man cringed as he began to feel like food, for a moment. It was a rather unpleasant feeling.

"You can't get it from volunteers? It would be awkward…now, with the concept of eating my Master."

"You are not going to get _all_ of my blood, Vampire." Abraham shot back defensively. Alucard's lips twitched into a smirk that he let go of after it lost its humor.

"'Vampire'…" Alucard smirked again and added a chuckle. "I've never sat beside someone and conversed about sharing blood…well, not with a man, Master. I have found a few generous women who gladly shared blood with me…without turning them into the undead." He added when his words earned a glare. "They said that it was quite an erotic thrill."

"Oh, shut up." Abraham snapped and took the Journal, moving it to his own placemat. The demon chortled to itself and then watched the man, referencing to the Journal at turns, with amused eyes. "There's no thrill in something so disgusting, Slave." Abraham finalized, pronouncing his perpetual opinion on the matter.

Alucard sighed at the title, his eyes flaring a bit. "You said that this was supposed to be pleasant? Don't call me 'Slave' without expecting me to be just as unpleasant as your own tongue. It's a wonder that I stand to be called 'Alucard', but I will. And…you're like a blind man, reading that, Master. You don't have the faintest clue about what it is, at all."

"Stop trying to provoke me, Alucard." The man hissed back with an added short grumble. "What is this reference to a Hells Gate? …Similar to the concept of the golden gates to Heaven?"

"Therugia. I'm using Holy and Unholy magic, counterbalancing their affects. Hells Gate Arrested, And Shine Heaven Now…do you see the connection when it is laid out, parallel? How easily can I draw out my dark powers if Heaven's rays are raining down on them? The magic will construct the barriers, the levels, and the alchemy will help hold it all together..." There was a disruptive banging on the door that tore the red and blue eyes away from the Journal. They saw the wood shiver against the sure pounding of a heavy fist. The vampire and his master frowned in unison, and then scowled at the disturbance. Abraham went to see to its demise.

An individual hunter had a small following behind him as he glared at the demon that was watching casually from the dining room table, his legs crossed elegantly like he was sharing mid morning tea with Sir Hellsing. The man's canines gnawed on the tender flesh within his mouth, compressing his abhorrence for this wretched species of beast. Once tamed, the hunter's eyes were permitted to welcome the human visage of his leader. "Sir." He responded promptly to Hellsing's impatient, yet penetrating, eyes. Tension strummed his nerves and tendons, snapping the hunter into a stiff position of attendance and service. "Many have agreed that you should have a guard when in the close company of such a creature, as your pet."

A flash flared in the blue orbs, sending the hunter's heart racing. It jumped into his throat when a harsh denial was thrown at him. "Alucard is _not_ a _pet_." Abraham didn't realize he was subjecting the man to an undiluted glare as he continued, too irritated by this detrimental interlude from the progress he had been harvesting from an hour of patience, an ordeal that had left his tongue raw with the amount of biting it had required. "I would hope that there is more reason behind your gathering. I had specifically offered to allow two men to remain in the room with me, but they showed that they were incapable of stilling their lips when I asked. I will not tolerate open gossip, pertaining to _myself_, in _my_ presence."

Two of the collected hunters edged to the wall to escape the glare that was cast at them. Abraham's attention refocused on the man before him as the hunter apologized for his subordinates. "May one or two of us replace them? We are uncomfortable, leaving our leader alone…with the monster your vampire has revealed himself to be."

Hellsing disapproved of the reference to ownership, but it was not a thing he could deny. A decision blotted out any issue on the matter, and the door was swung open wider to allow all eyes to freely look upon the vampire and the tranquil quiet in the room. There, the scene spoke for Abraham, see? What about this legitimizes your concerns? "Alucard?" His face was left in the view of the hunters as he addressed the creature, molding the response with the common invitation to state his presence and join in their discussion.

Alucard filled the mold. "Yes?"

"Do you have any plans to kill me today, or in the near future?"

The hunters' expressions lost their human warmth, petrifaction turning them to stone. Alucard was unaffected by the basilisk's eyes that speared the man's question. The beast could have given an answer of any variable kind, throwing chaos upon his master's world if he felt inclined to do so. But he had no thoughts of any nature relating to his actions resulting in the death of this man. He had failed, as before, to ever consider it as his voice shattered the stone faces with a level, untwisted reply. "Never have I made such plans."

Only Abraham knew of the vampire's honesty in this. The men, with darker concepts of monsters, could see nothing but weaving serpent tongues enticing a mouth to taste sin, the corrupting fruit that was the plunge mankind was still experiencing. Their expressions hardened, eyes steeling over to shelter their minds with an armored will.

"May we keep you company, Sir? In case this monster spews lies…"

Abraham drew up his height, offended by their inflexibility, their reluctance to clear their prejudice to truly perceive what was being shown to them. These ignorants, he thought, and could not keep himself from strewing the contaminating factor of risk upon his stand. "Alucard…" The man spoke through stiff lips, his body turning to give the beast an angle to see his face. "…is to be treated as an individual…as a _person_, until he no longer deserves to be considered as such. You would be kind to give him the respect of keeping his identity as his name, and not as a…more derogatory term." Silence accepted this announcement readily, but those within it had no such decision made. Hellsing saw Alucard's empty features with a sternness setting his mouth at a dead frown. He wanted to know if the vampire approved of such a thing, but he had not the confidence to ask for the creature's preferences in front of his men. They needed to know that he was in control, that Abraham was the master that could be overbearing or merciful with regards to his slave. He waited as the crimson soul within those round windows on the demon's face considered what he had said and how he had handled this situation.

The man was developing as a leader. He had respect, some intimidation, but much loyalty in the blood of his men. The hunters conceded, unwillingly. "Yes…Sir. If that is your order…" They still resented this change, though they conformed to suit it by retracting their glares from the vampire. But they could not rid themselves of lingering scowls.

Abraham's aged face was strong with a sure fire behind his commands and a set of unwavering eyes that fell upon the men, showing that he was pleased by their obedience. The gaze eased into a less domineering one, calming the hunters as well. "Thank you. Now go or you may stay at the front of the door. If there is a problem, though I doubt that there will be one, I will call you in."

Unsatisfied but held by the man's confidence and daring in the face of this monster, the men departed, leaving two men to close and wait by the door.


	37. Chapter 37

Abraham heard the door close. That was enough for him. He did not need to turn around to know that his men had left two of their number outside the door and had not stealthily slipped into the room instead. He trusted them because he had respect for his men and did not instinctively expect them to defy him in such a manner. Hellsing had chosen, in his mind, to walk past the empty side of the table to return to his position at its head, but his feet had another purpose that they wanted to achieve, and they diverted his path down the row of chairs that led up to the vampire. Alucard's eyes were resting on the Journal as a white hand held the corner of a page, separating it from the rest. Abraham saw these details as he came to stand beside the vampire, laying a hand on the back of his slave's chair. Blue went to the Journal as well.

"What do you think?" He questioned the Journal as the hand finally turned the page.

"I think that we have much work to do, regarding the Journal and the seal." Alucard replied with a casual air he gave off with a flare of mild humor. His lips moved, unable to pick an expression as the man took the delay and then waited. Alucard finally smirked. "What do I think about being a 'person' now that you have so graciously changed me into such a thing?" Abraham could not read the tone the creature used, so he was irritated by a touch of uneasiness. For his sake, Alucard's smirk became a smile and he flipped the pages back to the first one that addressed the seal. "I mind it less than being considered as a beast or a slave." His eyes wandered the page while his attention was with his thoughts. "What is a person?"

Abraham dithered, unsure himself as he really thought about the word. Alucard continued to speak, eyes keeping with the page.

"Is a person the singular term for people? Are people strictly human beings? Or are they beings of thought?" The crimson lifted to the wall where a window was illuminated with light while the wall was painted over by a haze of shadow. "A person _is_ an individual, but it is a most certainly a _human_, Master. A term coined by humans for a way to refer to other human beings specifically without hinting to their name, age, background, or sex. It is a universal human being." The eyes flicked to the side where their peripheral vision could pick up the man's outline. "Are your thoughts with mine?" Abraham didn't speak as he gazed fixatedly at the pale features he could see. The nosferatu gave him some time, and then spoke again, turning away from the man so he could not see the demon's face at all. "Then you are gravely mistaken, Master. I thought I had taken care of that… misconception…or 'misguidance', and burned the bridge returning you to it."

"Are you a thing, Alucard?" Abraham's level voice and calm tone matched his eyes as he watched the black hair, noting its haphazard and sparsely distributed waves. Alucard was silent, as he knew that this was the reply the question sought. The man went on with his questions breaking down the argument Alucard had built up around him. A citadel on the outskirts of Humanity, the man thought. "Are you an animal? Or a beast?" There was a pause as no answer came. For the first time in a long while, Abraham felt that he was standing above the creature, able to speak to him with a sense of knowledge that Alucard usually denied him. He shook his head, hearing his own words and imagining the blank face the wall could see while he was unable to. "No. Then what are you?" An interruption seemed imminent here, so Hellsing hurried his words, adding some heat to them for the sake of persuasion. "You are a being with thought and feeling; a creature above the standing of a beast. Why can't you be referred to as a person?"

"Because…" The blank face came to life, though Alucard did not take his eyes from the wall. He pressed his lips together. "…mankind created language and reserved the reference, a 'person', to themselves, to humans. God is not a person, he is a god. Jesus, on the other hand, was a person, he was human. A dog or a bird are not persons, they are animals. I, my Master, am a monster. An 'it' or perhaps 'he', just as an animal can become either. I am a 'thing', in some regard, given to the world to exist with man like everything else. I, and anything that is not human…am a 'thing', an addition to the world. …I am not a 'person'."

The room was quiet, though Alucard alone could hear Abraham's quickened pulse, a result of such a quiet battle of concepts and words. He could also hear the placid hearts of the hunters outside. They were unable to overhear their conversation.

"You are a person." Abraham retorted, a volley against the assault his position had just taken. Alucard's face dipped to the Journal.

"I am a vampire."

"You were once a human, the state, if there is one, of being a person is not changed." The hand slid over the flat wood on top of the spine of the chair.

"Once a human is dead, they are not people, and are not considered to be a person."

Blue blinked, undeterred as this was easily countered. "Haven't you heard someone refer to a corpse as 'a dead person'? The dead are still people."

"What about a rotten corpse, or a skeleton?" The vampire questioned softly, his gaze meandering to the door without taking anything within his view into account.

"A skeleton is a deceased person." The man nodded, his blonde hair managing to catch a stray ray of light. The demon suddenly smirked, bemused and humored by this peculiar topic.

"Dust?" He sighed out through a smile, eyes flowing across the windows. "If it was once a human then it will be referred to as a person. So, you have made your point, and those who have been cremated will thank you, Master, but I am not a plain corpse. I am of the undead. I am a vampire, a monster, a demon. A human is never referred to as an 'it', if you would like to continue our debate on the proper use of pronouns and English grammar." He sneered with a chuckle that traveled away from the two, somehow avoiding Hellsing completely.

Abraham saw the black shoulders move with grim mirth, never having heard the laugh. "This is more than grammar, Alucard. You are a person even though the definition for the word suggests that you aren't. I'm being broader with my reference to the word, 'person'."

The vampire's smile lessened, becoming calmer but still touched by humor. "I know you are." Red was at the door again, permitting Abraham to see some of his face.

Hellsing knew that this was true as well, and had been true for their entire discussion. He swallowed quietly, unsure of what his purpose had been in bringing this up. "I want you to respect my men, and they will respect you. I want coexistence, without harm coming to either side."

"Side? So…" The topic changed as the vampire turned about in his seat to look up at the man. "…what separates the two? The humans and the vampire…"

"The men who serve me and then you, Alucard. You cannot be included in their…category. And you know this. You are different from them…" Abraham was aware that the demon was watching the wall behind him now, but he knew where the beast's attention really was. "It is similar to you grouping the humans within the estate. There would be my men coupled with the house servants, and then there would be me. All human but separate in your mind…because of how familiar you are with one over the other."

"My master and then those who serve him, that is what I see of this body of humans. Of course you are more individual to me, you cannot be dispersed among the ranks of Humanity…." The vampire moved to have the Journal beneath his face once more. "I understand your point. But you see this, or feel this way, because I am a vampire while they are human. I am your slave while they are your willing servants. I am the creature you have invested so much effort and time into, specifically, while the rest are given a more general attention. They are one thing to you while I am a separate thing, Master. I get what you are saying."

No. I don't think you do…I don't think I want you to. Abraham grazed the chair with his hand then allowed it to drop by his side as he moved to the seat he had been sitting in before, by Alucard's side. All of the 'Alucards' as one being? Will I assume such a notion when they are each so different? Alternate personalities, or persons? The human sighed, leaning on an arm he planted on the table. "You're special. We'll leave it at that."

Alucard glanced at the man and then gave with a fanged grin that lit up his eyes. "I like _special_." He chuckled and moved the brightened orbs to the Journal as his humor persisted for such an absurd thing.

Abraham caught some of this infectious mirth and had to smile to release some of its reserves. "Now that I think about it, that's a perfect word for you."

The demon snorted, turning a few pages. "And now the man has developed a sense of humor." He narrated, taking his master's humor and splitting it with a lighthearted scowl.

The man eased back lazily in his chair, a soft chuckle moving his developing smile. "Well, we at least managed to be pleasant this morning."

"We did manage that, Master. Congratulations for that glorious feat."

The man closed his eyes, warmed inside. "Thank you."

Alucard shook his head in disbelief and tracked down where they had left off in the Journal. "I'm exercising my flair for sarcasm. You get no such feelings of accomplishment from me, Master. Now try to pay attention as we continue what we are here for… Like a teacher with his uncooperative student..."

"Fine, continue as usual." Kill joy. But I would prefer this more than anything else, any day. Hellsing sighed, a little sadly but still with good spirits, and leaned forward while fixing his posture to observe the Journal as well. They were on the last page, he realized with a spur of unreasonable excitement. Anxiety also came with the feeling as a second allowed him to analyze the meaning of this. They were coming closer to another ceremony, another gamble…something that should be dreaded…but had not been, until now. Alucard finished his explanations soon enough, but Abraham was left with a lingering feeling of imperfection, a lacking conclusion. When he looked up, he saw this feeling as he continued to experience it, present in the vampire's face.

"That is all I can do, but I'm not certain of most aspects of this…seal. …It's not ready for use."

Abraham gazed at the relatively close pale face, and blinked. "Then…" What do we do? "…I should uncover some more books on alchemy and magic? Sorcery?..." His voice died out as Alucard shook his head and looked out into the space behind Abraham's chair. His fingers danced with thought on the tablecloth.

"We need others who can offer their own opinions…their own insights on what effect one rune will have, for example, or if any of this will work. Also, the ceremony itself is much more complicated than yours. It's…demanding…impossible to do without assistance."

Both of their minds went to one singular answer. Abraham's eyes widened as he frowned, turning away from Alucard to rest his chin on the back of his intertwined fingers, his elbows sitting on the table. "The Golden Dawn…is gone…"

"No." Alucard cut in readily, a smirk on his lips. "It's still there. Nothing like the Golden Dawn can disappear entirely, certainly not within a few _months_. The Victorian nobility is still marked by alchemists and magic users, in their midst. Your dungeon is not as effective as one of their ritual chambers…they will have incense, candles, spells, the equipment and the appropriate attire for such a thing…. There is black magic involved in this." Abraham sat up and stared at the vampire, feeling a slight chill, as if Alucard had blown a cool breath down his neck. The red was burning, sure of what was necessary. "Attempting this blindly, is foolish. You, more likely than I, could _die_. Any number of your hunters and servants could be _affected_. Your old seal does not compare with this one."

The man moved his attention to the table and then to a parted curtain, as his chin descended to his hands. "I trust you wouldn't be planning anything else with this." He spoke, still aware of Alucard's demonic nature, the possibility of betrayal and the demise of his organization.

The atmosphere darkened significantly while Alucard smiled through the readjustment. "No." He replied curtly, engrossed by the building strain. "But, this way, others will be able to tell you whether I am or not before this seal ever goes into use, Master. Rest assured. For one reason or another, I am helping you with this. Maybe now I don't have to worry about losing myself a _third_ time."

Abraham was not amused by this as he kept his chin on his fingers. "I'll get in touch with whoever I can find… If they have leaders, then they will most likely be interested in this…and I will have enlighten the Queen to this new development."

Alucard snapped the Journal close, his hands clasping the covers and their pages together. He took the Journal with him as he stood and left his chair, heading for the wall behind his master. "Then you have all of the time you need to accomplish this task. I will be waiting in my cell…with my new chair…until you come to visit me again." The demon's face was occupied by a slight smirk as he remembered the gift he had been given, but his eyes were gleaming with a hellish light and the smirk was warped into a daggered grin when he passed through the wall.

Abraham saw none of this as his gaze was fixed on the table, and his thoughts were elsewhere.


	38. Chapter 38

A man is a man; a beast is a beast; a demon is a demon, identity can never change in entirety. A human will die, become dust, and be buried, their soul ascending to Heaven or falling into Hell. A beast will die, be consumed, or rot, to become nothing but fertilizer for the earth and the life that springs from its death. A demon may or may not die, it may or may not become dust or be consumed, and it may or may not be buried, but its soul will indefinitely descend into the fires of Hell. A man, a beast, a demon, creations of God; the man and the demon might be touched by the devil, while the beast remains to be governed by only its God given nature and the struggle for survival in the grand arena of life. But take the man and the demon and demote their standings to those of beasts, and determine whether either now have the ability to commit sin. Why are beasts exempt from sin? Is it because they have no souls to lose? No morality to defy? Why, then, do they come to love one another and form partnerships? Why does one beast help another beast, if they do not feel? Why does Man have a soul and no other creature?

Man once believed that the sun revolved around the Earth. Man has written himself as being the Master of the Earth. So it was Man that claimed beasts have no souls, no sin, no Heaven or Hell. Demons arise from the forms of Man. With Man's thought and Man's perception, they believe themselves to be soulless, and the concept is reinforced by humans who judge these creatures. But what if a man is a beast? What if a beast is a beast, and a demon is only another species of beast? What if there is no sin? What if all beings have souls?

A lion preys upon a lamb, just as a man preys upon a fowl, or that lion preys upon the man, or the man upon the lion. A demon preys upon the man, or the man preys upon the demon. Beast kills beast. Man kills man. Demon kills demon. Death, in every form. Undead, is to not be dead, but to not be living in the same sense as humans or other beasts. What if the undead are demons of another form of beast? Another form of man?

Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts, without any solid fact or experiment to support or prove these thoughts. I, a man, cannot determine whether a demon is indeed a demon, or a twisted man himself. Thoughts, such as these, are dangerous, a venomous distilment that deteriorates all perception of God and life, the devil and death, religion and atheism and magic. Can they all exist together when they seem to be so hostile to one another?

How is one to know?

And time is running out…

Abraham let out a dejected sigh as his thoughts were forced to return to the vampire. His conscience was always playing with his mind, like a cruel child would play with a rope looped around the throat of a kitten. Suffocation with ringing laughter, no mercy to be found even though the thoughts themselves do not understand that they are being malicious; the man closed the cover of the journal, pushing it away as he pictured himself giving the booklet to John to read.

John would not be pleased with his thoughts. This journal was meant to be a log, recording observations of the demon creature, not these abstract thoughts. Not what he had so far written, trying to justify the vampire's nature. It was wrong, very wrong, in his heart he knew this, but in the same organ, he knew that it was an addictive habit he would not be outgrowing any time soon. And soon, too soon, the demon would be undergoing a strenuous ordeal, a new seal that could come with many demanding consequences. He could lose himself 'a third time'. Hands caught the man's head and blue faded when Hellsing closed his eyes, listening to the quiet to wipe his mind clear of these thoughts…these thoughts…

Abraham stood, scraping the feet of his chair back, and then departed from his office, closing the door gently behind him. He descended into the realm of darkness, hidden under the belly of his household. Coming across some of his men along the way, he bid them goodnight and they replied the same to him. It was pleasant, the man nodded with a hint of a smile, now holding a lantern. He had excused the caretaker of his duty to supply the man with a key to the vampire's cell. Alucard would open the door for him, if he asked.

He did not have to do even that, as the demon's powers unlocked the heavy door before he could speak and the oiled hinges let it open smoothly. Abraham closed the door while the ceiling adopted the same glow that Alucard had given it before, so Hellsing set the lantern on the stones, hiding his smile then it grew in fractions.

It was a smile, but it felt empty, bordering pain. Hellsing let his eyes wander the stones, noting the slight change in color from stone to stone, and the different appearance they had with the light shining on them. The man snapped out of his coming daze when a chair was set by his side, and his gaze traced up from the stones to see the vampire's pale face and the depth in the red eyes, watching him. Fingers tapped on the back of the chair and then grazed the black wood as the vampire drew away. Blue followed the demon as his dark figure drifted towards the familiar sitting chair. It was a shock, the sight of the chair, and it caused Abraham's eyes to flutter in surprise as he struggled to accept its presence. It seemed so out of place, and yet, here it was, and Alucard was lowering himself onto it.

Once sitting, the vampire folded his hands after crossing his legs, watching the standing man with a smile slowly coming to lift his mouth. Fangs glistened for a moment. "Master…won't you sit down? I find it impolite to make my company stand. I've provided a chair for you."

"Oh." Abraham looked to his side, considering the chair he had momentarily forgotten. Awkwardly, with a few hesitations prolonging his choice, the man sat down in the chair, looking at the wooden armrest as his hand smoothed the black surface. His head went up to see the beast smiling, without his fangs, just the curve of his lips. "Er…thank you."

The fangs reappeared with renewed amusement. All this while, Hellsing watched, his features vacant, not knowing why he had come to the cell in the first place. "You shouldn't thank your slave, Master, but I'll accept it all the same." Blue blinked, but the man could say nothing, daunted now, by the position he had set himself in. His eyes brightened and he looked away when the anticipated question was given to him. "And why are you visiting me this evening?"

Alucard picked up on the pause, hair whispering over his brow when his head tilted, amused but also perplexed by the man's behavior. Is it his wife again, or the seal? Red followed the movement of the nervous hands that wrung one another as Hellsing's mind struggled for an explanation. The beast watched its master, seeing his character in flashes as it was given away by his habits. The living hands caught one another suddenly and a sigh fell upon them, with Abraham closing his eyes for a time. They opened, seeing the demon's now untelling features. Abraham still didn't know why he'd come. Alucard realized this after a moment when the pause continued, so he smiled again, with less amusement and a weaker curve.

"You just wanted to sit there? Or did you want to check on your chair?"

Alucard's smile twitched at the man's puzzled look. Abraham stared. "My chair?"

"The one you gave me. The one I am currently sitting on. But if that is not the reason, then I will assume that there is no substantial reason for your visit, other than that you miss your mate or are worried about the seal."

The blue eyes darkened and the man's puzzlement dropped into a darkened scowl. He watched the stones that led up to the wall of the cell, his jaw tightening. "You have a way of touching the most susceptible wounds with your air of careless indifference, Alucard. Might you find a way of becoming more, might I say, considerate?"

Alucard's lips became a settled smirk and his eyes flashed with light as they creased, focusing on the man's clasped hands and the low tenor in his voice. "Did I strike a nerve? I apologize…and I am not being spiteful. I was going for the more familiar host effect, to tell the truth, but I will admit, I have never had much talent for hospitality. Jonathon Harker is a testament to that."

Abraham frowned at the demon, drawing a jagged grin from the beast. The man shook his head, suppressing a groan as his hand smoothed out his hair and he sighed.

"So, have you come about the seal?"

The man rolled a shoulder and sighed again, looking at the ground.

The red orbs blinked, taking and losing light. "Am I supposed to read sighs now, Master? I have yet to acquire that ability."

Now Abraham smirked grimly. "I would be impressed if you could." Then the smile twisted mischievously with an afterthought. "Try. Would you humor an old man and guess what he is thinking?"

Alucard waited, registering the words and the playful tone, and then he grinned again. "You are not old enough to call yourself an old man in front of me. I date back of your grandfather's ancestors. I, Master, am old. You, are not so old…and I believe we have touched this topic before."

Abraham's eyes glazed over as he thought back. When he blinked, they were bright again, like his returned smile. "I believe we have."

"At least neither of us is senile, that is a blessing." Abraham began to chuckle at the demon's words, but Alucard was losing his smile. "Well, actually, I might qualify as senile in some sense."

Abraham's humor ended, but the mood was not entirely ruined as he looked at the demon's eyes, which were not directed towards him at the moment. "Have you recalled anything new?"

"Oh," a pale hand moved along the armrest of the vampire's chair as the empty chest deflated a little. "…nothing significant. Nothing too interesting…only a surplus of betrayal and forests of carcasses, but nothing different. It all begins to blend together, it's so…similar, I suppose. It's almost dull." Alucard stated flatly, with a touch of distaste that was shared by Abraham, though not for the same reason.

"What you have described sounds quite cheery."

The sarcasm brought the smile back to Alucard's face and he gave it to the man. "Doesn't it? Do you want me to share?"

Hellsing cleared his throat, moving his mouth as he became uncomfortable with his disdain for what he had started. "No, I'm good, thank you."

"You've thanked me twice tonight. Now I'm interested as to why you keep doing so, Master."

"No reason."

Then it was quiet, the two watching one another, observing the red or the blue across form them.

Alucard was the first to speak. "So you just want to share my company?"

Abraham didn't respond, but the nosferatu took that as a 'yes', and the creature's mouth crinkled, bemused by the human sitting on the wooden chair.

"Should I be flattered or concerned for the state of insanity you must have reached in order to come to own such a desire?"

Now ruffled, Hellsing frowned at his slave, moving his shoe to plant it more firmly on the ground as he crossed his arms. "I'm nowhere near mad, Alucard. I am in full possession of my faculties, but thank you for your concern."

"Three." The dead flat voice cut off the sarcasm, startling Abraham and unknotting his arms, before he crossed them again, composing himself to watch the blank expression. "You have thanked me three times. Why?"

"No reason." Hellsing grunted, perturbed by the question. It made Alucard frown.

"Well, stop it."

"Fine."

"Good."

The man snorted, pleased with no logical explanation for why he would be pleased by this. He smiled, leaving his bemused slave to seriously consider the man's mental health. "What do you find to be so funny?"

"You." Abraham's smugness came across as a smirk when Alucard lips parted and then pursed together.

"Why am I funny, Master? Have I been made the court jester without my knowledge?"

Abraham just smiled, frustrating the demon into crossing its arms in the semblance of anger. Without anything else to say on his mind, the blue gaze traveled over the vampire, briefly. The mam's eyes stopped on the gaudy red that seemed to pop from the steady background of black that demon was wearing. The bow even managed to take on a pleasant sheen from the light above. A hand gestured to the ribbon, without thinking about what it was doing. "I like your bow."

Alucard stared, the muscles in his face going slack. "What?"

Blue glanced up at the vampire's face and then the bow again when the hand indicated it once more. "I like your bow."

Nothing was said for a moment. Then red eyes lowered to the ribbon that trailed down the creature's chest. "Is there something wrong with it?"

"No."

"Then why are you bringing it up?"

Abraham paused, conscious of his comment, but not caring for its randomness. He shrugged off a smile. "I don't know what to talk about. I saw your bow and so I commented on it, is that such an insufferable offence?"

Alucard couldn't say anything for a moment, frowning, then having his lips as a line, and then frowning again. His eyes flicked to the different parts of his master's attire. "I like your coat."

Hellsing sat up a little in his chair, and then looked down at himself, moving his arms to observe his white sleeves. He looked at the demon again. "But I'm not wearing a coat."

Unfazed, Alucard settled back in his chair, finding its comfort as he replied simply. "I like the red trench coat you wear."

Then it was quiet again, threatening to kill of their conversation. Hellsing looked at his slave's shoes. "I like your boots."


	39. Chapter 39

Once again, as they often found themselves as of late, they were sitting, though their location had changed from their normally limited setting. And they were not alone; a severe rarity in and of itself. Abraham sat on the lush body of the couch, not quite at its center, with a man to his left and two others on his right, all in their proper uniforms, and all of descending ranks not depicted in the age that lined their faces but the experience that deepened their gazes. A few others were in their company as well, in separate chairs occupying the quant little alcove from what seemed like the whole of humanity and the world of the undead. Every colored eye of varying depths was focused in the action of watching the undead demon who, invariably of his kind, could at any moment, through some dark supernatural event, use his satanic magic to break free of whatever hold their leader, a mere mortal, restrained the creature with. Alucard occupied his own seat, eyes of a depth that humans have yet to perceive or come into the ability of measuring peering at the much shallower, but much more human, eyes that contained purpose, fear, desire, and emotion where the red orbs were without anything but their depth and an age that they themselves could not find in the darkness of the abyss that they housed. The vampire said nothing as the men said nothing and as his eyes betrayed nothing, no form of exchange was made within the company of living and undead.

Then the fodder with which the mortals found sustenance came with a fragrance that peeked their interest unconsciously, as always the means of living affected those with a beating heart. Abraham, not the oldest nor the being with the least fathomable depth of time in his eyes or features, broke the focused gazes of the eyes around him as he spoke to the servants that had entered the room upon the word of their duty to serve Abraham Van Hellsing with the loyalty of their own personal affection for the man. Dishes as well as napkins and cups were distributed along with food that was transferred from platters that glistened under the rays of electric lights. The food itself was simple but it had a scent that deterred a few relaxing minds and men distracted themselves with movement in order to bring themselves the satisfaction that they were in control of the moment and that it was something casual and much less dire than the one their hearts and instincts insisted existed.

Untelling crimson, the red that all the living had within them, observed the source of action, eyes often roaming without purpose or with the feigned presence of an intricate scheme or ill thought of one possibly being contrived at a whim's invitation. The vampire suddenly faded from the room, though his chair was still occupied by his dead body, but his presence left the minds of the living by their will and by his own. The dead wished to observe the living, to recall a nature that he could no longer distinguish within the confines of his own remains.

But Abraham brought the vampire into the moment, to be caught by the time that was slowly blowing against the fires of each of the mortal souls. The man smiled, his mind at ease as the peace that he had so far seen had continued for so long. The thought of the vampire's response to seeing others eat while he himself was denied the opportunity did not cross the human's mind. His voice stole back the complacency that had settled over the others and all eyes shot back to the vampire, action frozen in whatever position.

"This isn't as terrible as I thought it might be." The statement was clearly meant to be given to the vampire in particular, but as blue eyes flicked to a few random men, his words were offered to all minds for criticism and digestion. Several frowns came in response, but not a single word. Somewhat disillusioned from his premature comment, Abraham's chest moved with a soft sigh and his eyes were on the vampire that had yet to change since he had first lowered himself into the chair opposite of his master. The smile came back, with a strained wrinkle added beside it that seemed to be asking for someone else to speak. Abraham consented to answering his own query with yet another sigh. "I'm sure by now that all of you know about Alucard." A few absent nods were given out of habit with one or two mumbled 'yes sir's. This eased Hellsing's smile slightly and he found that he could continue with a light tone. "I believe that communication often leads to smoother cooperation. Anyone has permission to ask questions or begin topics that peek their interest-" Hellsing was caught in mid-sentence and experienced a fleeting feeling of relief. Then his face fell to an un-appreciating frown when he heard the vampire's voice.

"Why are we doing this? -if _I_ am _included_ to have _permission_ to ask questions…" The frown was already on Abraham's face and other gazes had widened in registered surprise. "I don't see why this is necessary or how you even came up with this _brilliant_ idea. I'm sure that I am enjoying myself just as much as your men are."

A growl distracted Hellsing just as he himself was going to emit the sound, and he glanced to his side at the angered officer, waving down the flames when he saw that a hand had gone to grip the handle of the man's gun.

That would be an absolute nightmare. Blue twitched and then stared a warning into the officer's eyes. The flames, as a result, cooled in degrees. Abraham bit his lip discreetly and looked at his slave without disguising his annoyance. "I had _just_ said why we are doing this."

A hint of smile came to Alucard's mouth as he stated evenly. "Ah. But I found your explanation lacking, so I was compelled to ask my question. Do you see?" The insulting gesture to Abraham's understanding, quivered the man's temper as the vampire was always on the brink of doing. Hellsing gave a forced smile that attempted to combat his slave's smirk, ignorant of the audience that was assessing them both.

"I do see…that you might have _missed_ the grasp of what I had _not_ _finished_ saying."

The smile widened, and this time when the vampire spoke, fangs that unsettled the hunters, were visible in the reflecting light. "It was my own inadequacy then, my apologies." A mocking tilt of the head sent Abraham's fingers to pinch the bridge of his nose as he shut his eyes and lost the formality of his posture to his irritation. Alucard resented this gathering just as much as Abraham had somehow believed he might. His slave was not pleased that in the late afternoon he had been disturbed and ordered into this room without a choice in the matter. But the vampire had been so accommodating the last time they had spoken…

"Sir Hellsing." Hellsing's head lifted instantly to find the speaker, and his eyes struggled to pick out the right man, for a moment, as all of the hunter's expressions suggested that they were capable of the heated tone. He found the man when he spoke again. "Should we reprimand the demon for its disregard? I'm sure that we all feel that it is in our duty to ensure that it will never speak to you in such a lofty manner again…after we are through with _instructing_ it."

It. It. It. And the threat and tone and malevolence itself pricked the man's chest in an unpleasant way that almost brought him pain. His eyelids lowered and his gaze wandered, collecting himself. "No. Alucard is in no need of any lesson that you think you can teach him… He would know them better than yourself in any case." Abraham looked into the red eyes as his monotone added the last detail that startled the vehemence out of a few faces. In Alucard's eyes crept an obvious pleasure that made Abraham give in to a prolonged, unsurprised blink. Of course, he thought, and then smiled grimly as the beast saw his thoughts and smiled.

"I could teach them if you'd like. My memories have provided me with much knowledge in the field of their interest. And, just imagining whole fields, becoming screaming forests…" Abraham dead look of disgust swirled the spark of glee in the crimson orbs that jolted the nerves of the hunters. To their amazement, Abraham brushed off the vampire's sinister aura by lifting a small, white sandwich to his mouth and consuming a portion of it tiredly. He set it down carelessly, a nonchalance the others could not speak of at the moment. Boredom, even, visited his eyes when he looked at Alucard's hint of smugness.

"If you feel so inclined, I'll be sure to instruct them to practice on you."

"Oh?" Red burned with hellish desire, a corruption that brought out an involuntary scowl from Abraham and those with the deepest eyes. Alucard chuckled. "How delightful. Can I be imaginative, on my behalf, and incorporate silver mercury into my techniques? That source of pain was most _exquisite_."

"S-sir!" A man choked, eyes gaping with a few turned mouths that Abraham observed with a blink. The gape went to the vampire and then Hellsing. "I- S-surely we must do something _now_-" As outrage rose in the stunned men, Abraham gave an audible sigh and dropped his eyes to the tea he had yet to touch. He lifted it with prolonged and controlled movements, but did not take a sip until his gaze had connected with Alucard's. Then the cup served as an obstruction that broke the exchange. He continued to hold the cup in both of his hands, his posture returned.

"Ignore him. That is all I can suggest. His sense of humor is to blame."

Reason seemed to seep back into the vampire's features as his amusement became human, numbing the outrage that had burned within the hunters. They stared at the vampire, and Alucard in turn only watched his master.

He smiled pleasantly. "My humor is not lacking."

"No." Abraham agreed, finishing another sip of tea that made his voice sound abrupt. The tea was lowered. "No, not _lacking_ in any regard. In _excess_, actually, but wanting in reserve or taste."

"I think I humor myself quite well."

"Only yourself."

The fangs entered the smile now and Alucard's voice played at feigning innocence. "Is that not the sole purpose of humor and of this company around us?"

Abraham had no need in his mind to respond, looking around at the humans as if presenting them with the evidence to prove his point. Alucard frowned faintly when he caught the man's look. Red narrowed slightly in return. "Shall I comment on your own humor? Or- _Seward's theory_ is most amusing, in fact, shall I recount it for the entertainment of-"

A sharp glare and a pitched voice spread the vampire's lips with a grin. The man snapped back. "Oh, just _shut up_ for a moment _at_ _least_. You merciless, brutal…" A growl finished the man's annoyance, leaving his observers dumbfounded and the man even more displeased as he realized the source of their silence. This was not what he had wanted from this gathering.

The room paused and Abraham calmly sat up, looking towards the hunter that had just spoken. Alucard's eyes were on the man as well, unaffected by his unpleasant tone.

"Does silver mercury gives you that much pain?"

The dark eyes did not flinch under the red gaze. If they had, Alucard might have ignored the man's question, but for the time being, the demon decided to humor the human.

"In the experiments, that was discovered."

Another man spoke now, claiming the eyes of the room. "But why?"

"It harms human bodies. Ask why some poisons harm humans when they do not harm animals. It is because of the undead body's response to some elements. I do not know why, other than that it is somehow similar to silver."

Now a man seated next to Hellsing asked his superior a question, with all the seriousness of his features leveling his emotions and prejudice with the tranquilizing desire for information to ease his curiosity. "How is the vampire being fed at the moment?"

"I'm not."

Men looked at Alucard, surprised by his willingness to speak as well as his answer. Some glances went to Abraham who did not seem like he was going to add anything to this answer.

"If I do recall-" another officer spoke up, leaning forward as his elbow was propped up on an armrest. "…a night where two vampires entered the estate…and I heard something about-"

Impatience cutting across the vampire's expression, Alucard interrupted crisply. "I ate them."

Silence widened eyes. Alucard almost scoffed at the men, looking away for a moment to view the wall instead. "Food is food. They contained little nutrition for my body and a scant amount of magic that could benefit me at all."

A voice struggled to breach his most resent shock. Alucard did not look at the man. "B-but why? What is the difference-?"

"One is obviously alive and the other is obviously dead."

The man frowned crossly, but pushed forward, putting aside his annoyance. "_Yes_. That _is_ obvious. But if it is only a matter and living and dead, why can't, or don't', vampire's feed off of animals? Do they enjoy dominating and looking down on humans or-?"

It was a sigh this time that interrupted the speaker. But this hunter received no injury for the lack of restraint. Alucard's presence suddenly became eerily surreal as his words came to them. "Blood is the essence of life energy, and more importantly, the soul. An animal has no soul so their blood is useless, a poison to an undead body. The undead do not have souls, but cannibalism among vampires can exist because magic stands in the stead of a soul. A fledgling drinks from its master to become a complete and matured vampire because that is when the fledgling is given magic that awakens its own abilities and small store of magic. Before then, they are lacking, incomplete, and nearly soulless. And so, cannibalism among vampires has always existed as a stage of development. Power and 'life' are transferred through blood. Blood is the key."

Men's hands came to their chins or folded in their laps as they listened, oblivious of the vampire's identity now as the voice carried on.

"That is how I can explain why virgin blood is much more powerful than a deflowered blood. With the act of love, whether or not it has love within it, the protective casing of the soul is broken, like the embryonic sack of an infant. The human is exposed and open to sharing their soul with others, in finding a mate. 'Until death do we part', with any amount of affection given to another, part of the soul is portioned off and given to the partner. A virgin is a whole, un-fragmented soul. And without a piece of one's soul being taken to the grave and beyond by another mortal creature, if all of the soul is still retained inside, then a human can become one of the undead." Red glanced at the men, assessing their thoughtful looks. The pale lips were a line. "Do you understand?"

Mostly, seemed to be the response, but that was enough for Alucard as he waited for the next question. "I was…" The hesitation of the youngest member in the group worsened when Alucard gave him his attention. The man forced himself not to fidget, but he could not look into the crimson gaze. He stared at the back of the chair behind the vampire. "Are vampire's immune to garlic?"

It was quiet, drawing the man's curiosity to take his furtive glance at the red. His eyes froze there for several seconds, and then Alucard responded. "Are you," His eyes swept the area. "…any of you familiar with Islamic lore?"

The looks of distaste and confusion gave the creature his answer.

"There is the story that beneath Satan's first step from the Garden of Eden, garlic grew, and from the second, an onion. That lore is the only explanation I have. There was a time when they once obscured my senses, but I grew immune to them."

It was quiet.

Alucard looked away again. "Then, consuming blood has always been a taboo in Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. God would reject those that consume blood…and as said in Deuteronomy: "Only be sure that thou eat not the blood: for the blood is life; and thou mayest not eat the life with the flesh." Monotheistic religion with Yahweh, the Lord, Christ and the Holy Spirit, has a profound effect on the undead and even contains the forewarning against the ways that will lead one to become rejected by God, damned to become one of the undead. It's interesting, but it proves that there is indeed a God, and for other matters, perhaps it proves the existence of the Devil, though you are not as thankful for that revelation."

The quiet pervaded the room like an intoxicating fragrance for most, dulling their thoughts as their eyes dimmed. A vampire should not hold such consciousness. He was like a being, and not like a beast or a monster. He was closer to being a human at this moment, with the use of language and thought. But the Devil is capable of thought and tempting words…and vampires are the manifestation of temptation, to others and in their own uncurbed desires, immortality, pride, gluttony- the devouring of life, power, and sustenance… They were disgusting demons; nothing human except for form and the language they had leeched from their time on Earth.

Abraham was the only human exempt from these muddled thoughts as he took a sip of tea contently, feeling the heat that it radiated. He was not wearing his gloves at the moment.

Alucard watched his master, pondering the effect his cooperation was manifesting itself as. The information he had given had no doubt interested his master, as had been observed in the man's face, but the calm was not something that had an immediate origin to pin point. It was quiet again, but none cared to break it until a few servants entered, lifting many head that looked to them in surprise. Then the servants removed whatever platters were empty and offered tea for the cups that were not full. Hellsing patiently waited as his own drink was prepared, watching the hands that were performing the task. Once the additional humans had left, eyes once again went to the demon.

Cooperation. The word suddenly came to Alucard's mind and he gazed at his master until the blue eyes saw him. "What form of cooperation did you have in mind?"

The seal, he had already explained to his men because making the arrangements and contacting the Order was stealing away some of his time. But his men were not to be concerned with the ordeal. The cooperation he had been thinking of was what he had just witnessed. All of them, sitting in a room, speaking, exchanging thoughts peacefully. "Tolerance."

Abraham searched Alucard's face to find the creature's response. The demon's head tilted slightly. "I have come to tolerate many things as of late…and for either group…there is no alternative in the matter, is there? I am here. They are here. All bound to you, and your order. You told me I cannot touch them, so I cannot. What more do you want? That, as I see it, is tolerance enough. Do you wish for companionship between them and myself?" A bitter note touched his voice and thinned his pupils. "There will be none, except under a false guise, only, if forced. I will give out my approval upon my own incentive. _That_, opinion and thought, cannot be regulated. What you have now is at a very satisfactory level. You approach greed if you desire more, Master."

The reference chilled muscles, recalling that this ancient being, the king of vampires, was the _slave_ owned by their leader. Admiration and intimidation welled for the man. But the demon's reason rang true. Conversation, familiarity, they had accomplished some form of that now…as much as they would achieve at one time. Then they saw it. There would be more meetings like this, more exposure of the vampire to the men and the men to the vampire. They would build up an immunity to one another, a tolerance…bordering real familiarity of acquaintance.

They watched Abraham Van Hellsing, waiting for what he had to say. Time moved on and he finally spoke. "Are those all of the questions you have?"

All of them? There was some disbelief, for there was reason for a multitude of questions, but the worn men could not find the desire to pursue them. Not right now.

*~*~::..+..::~*~*

Once again, as they often found themselves as of late, they were sitting, and they were in their normally limited setting. They were alone, under the clouded night sky beneath the tree whose shadow wrapped itself lovingly around the vampire's figure. Abraham gazed up at the illuminated clouds cloaking the moon. The men had been restless, but they had also shown their obedience and had seemed to come to terms of living in the company of a vampire. None of them had any fondness for Alucard. That required time, exposure, and discipline. …And a very large reserve of patience.

Abraham looked to his side, catching the scene the sweeping wind made as it shifted the shadows dancing about the demon, and as it moved his ebony hair. Red sparked when it darted to the human after a moment. They held each other's gazes, no expressions on their faces, and then Abraham looked to the sky again.

"Did you enjoy your afternoon?" Alucard offered in a dull vpice.

Blue glanced at the vampire again, musing afterwards. "Whatever joy it offered, I suppose."

"Hm."

"Are you in a better mood now that the sun has set?"

"Yes. Understandably better."

Then the breeze had the only voice in the night, accompanied by the trees and animals that did not keep their silence.

_But what if a man is a beast? What if a beast is a beast, and a demon is only another species of beast? What if there is no sin? What if all beings have souls?_

Abraham blinked up at the veiled moon, the light reflecting in his eyes. "Is it true…that animals are without souls?"

The vampire observed the man, eyes flicking up to the sky and then to the mortal. "According to the Holy books, they don't. But…for my assumption…it is only a theory I have created to explain why vampires cannot feed off of animals. There isn't any concrete evidence proving or disproving my claim."

Abraham nodded slightly to himself, unconscious of the action. Alucard said nothing for a moment. Then his eyes adopted a flash of light that constricted the black pupils and narrowed his gaze, tipping his lips upward.

"Do you have concern for your mice, Master?"

Hostility automatically sparked from the scornful tone and Abraham granted the creature a hard frown, the sky forgotten. "I don't see why animals shouldn't be allowed to have souls of their own."

Finding the answer to be dull, the vampire let his attention roam. Taking the offence, Hellsing turned his eyes away from the demon, feeling the breeze stroke his face. The cool touch sobered the man, shifting his mind back to other thoughts. He sighed, obtaining Alucard's attention again. "I've contacted the Order…and have been in correspondence with a few of their most prominent members…or past members. Everything should be prepared soon." Alucard didn't say anything and Abraham did not look at the creature. His voice was lower, less sure, more questioning. "How heavy is the risk?"

"The risk? It's unstable…untested…an experiment… There is much risk, but I do not have anything to compare it to so that you can understand its severity. But I'll assure you that most of the risk rests with myself."

That did not comfort the man. His eyes, unable to gaze at a sky that would always be there, descended to the vampire's ghostly, ivory form, watching the ebony waves of his hair flow with the breath of the earth. "What will happen if something goes wrong?"

Alucard said nothing, watching the sky, eyes moving with the cloud cover that was manipulated by the wind. Then he spoke to the sky.

"'He who sows good seed is the Son of Man, the field is the world, the good seed the children of the kingdom. The weeds are the children of the evil one, and the enemy who sows them is the devil. The harvest is the end of the age, and the harvesters are the angels. Just as the weeds are collected and burned [up] with fire, so will it be at the end of the age. The Son of Man will send his angels, and they will collect out of his kingdom all who cause others to sin and all evildoers. They will throw them into the fiery furnace, where they will be wailing and grinding their teeth.'" There was a pause in which emotion and expression could not exist. And then the beast exhaled slowly, blinking at the sky with eyes that brightened with query. "Mathew 13:37-42."

The words of Jesus Christ recounted.


	40. Chapter 40

*note at the end of the chapter...if the chapter cannot be endured, please skip to note* Thank you.

* * *

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters. And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light. And God saw that the light was good. And God separated the light from the darkness. God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. Genesis 1:1-31

*~*~::..+..::~*~*

_There is such an origin as one; a person, event, or existence, that will lead to another of its kind, and then another, then another after that, and so is the nature of evolution, time, or any form of building progression that never fails to destroy the concept of the succeeding presence of a traceable bloodline. There was first a beginning that led to whatever became the middle. There is no end. For when such a thing comes into being, then that would mean death, the cease of progression, time, evolution, the end of the book, the Revelations written to become Armageddon. So the origin, the birthmother with no existence of her own, passes away without becoming death, but another form instead. The Phoenix rising from the ashes; Man will indeed be immortal as long as there is a source of origin, or progression, a time to which they may cling and fly forward. Let a dream become such a thing, for it to live on for all time in the mind of endless dimensions of which you are born possessing._

_Alucard held the soft creature in his porcelain carved hands, the delicate grey, a shadow marking his palm. But it was a moving shadow, a breathing shadow, as it climbed over the cuff of his sleeve and wished to explore more of the being which held it so gently, with so much care that a small creature, such as itself, had no innate sense that provided reason to explain what was happening. The larger beings of the world were to be feared and avoided so as to survive. The larger, those more fit for survival, were meant to kill smaller existences. A raging fire swallowing a smaller one to preserve the fuel that the insignificant flame would have put to waste by using, the larger fire owning the desire to keep fuel that it might burn to grow or continue to exist as the forests and woods, like individual wicks, burned low and would soon be reduced to an ashen field where no fire could hope to kindle the weakest flare. Self preservation and survival. The mouse could not understand why a larger, stronger creature would be content to hold and pet it, but it took a perverse pleasure from surviving minutes of life while in its current vulnerable position. The other pale hand captured the mouse, coaxing a squeak from it, as the little beast was transferred to the palm because it was in need of a shadow. Alucard smiled and stroked the curve of one of the mouse's thin ears, using a single finger to perform the action. He was petting the mouse's furry cheek as the man called Abraham looked down at the shadowed porcelain palm._

_The realm was white with either purity or only the colorlessness of the state. No dimensions were in accord with reality as the white flashed, without emitting light, with the imposing memories that wished to conquer and invade this place. War and artillery, blood and evil things, on the verge of shattering the pure white of peace; but all of this was silenced and tamed in submission to this realm when the man bent over the vampire to observe the mouse and their interaction. He crouched down and then found himself sitting as he watched the vampire and the small creature play, in defiance to the rules of survival, laughing at all of nature and conflict as their undead and living hearts beheld joyful pleasure from their closeness._

_It should not be so, thought the world._

_This is just as it has been intended, thought the man, countering the opinion of the world. And the world ceased to function. It was not needed by this dimension, this white realm. All such perception faded and morphed into a place of substance. Like the unfolding of beauty captured by a butterfly's wings, the realm underwent a metamorphosis, becoming a room; a stone floor rising beneath the human and the vampire, scaling part of the wall, until it crumbled, unable to climb higher, and then a painted wall, a cozy one found within a house, created the rest of the barrier and constructed the ceiling above them. The stones constantly struggled to climb and overwhelm the rest of the wall, to create a prison, a cell, a dungeon, the stones dusting and crumbling down the face of their own accomplishments, what held them up above the stones of the floor…the trickling of sand, an hourglass weeping as it fails to hold onto time, failing to save all from age and death. The falling sand was soundless at times, and then it whispered, like coming and ebbing waves, like an ocean into which the weeping sand fell. Something of substantial size formed against the wall before the man and the vampire, supporting a row of thoughtlessly arranged books. A gold and patterned rug came from beneath this something and covered the stones on which the two beings were seated._

_There were no windows or doors. They were alone as the demon played with the grey mouse, depth granted by an untraceable light. They sat there, amongst Silence and its kin, Patience and Peace. Silence drifted away with the rise and ebb of the ocean, life entering all that could retain it._

_So the man breathed and blinked as his eyes wandered the charcoal and porcelain form of the vampire. Abraham became Abraham, more than a man and a stated name as he was met with the desire to touch the mouse as well._

_The man watched the progress the little pest made when it went to the edge of one hand and peered over it and then moved to the other hand to look down its side, creating a rocking motion on the still ocean they sat upon. Abraham held out his hand and the mouse went to it, sniffing curiously before darting away, rejecting it for the preferred comfort of the vampire's palms. Alucard frowned at the mouse and plucked it from his hand, situating it on Hellsing's. The blue and red gazes watched as the grey creature stood on all four of its paws, rigid with a lifted tail standing behind it. It did not move until its shock had subsided, and then, uneasily, it sniffed the pungent fragrance of human skin. It settled in the warmth, circling to lie as a curled ball. The points of reflecting black that were its eyes, closed, and the fairness of its soft and heated fur became so delicate that its own breath dispersed its existence. The mouse disintegrated into a fine dust that trickled through the man's fingers and fell into the ocean that built from the dissipating edge of stones. Abraham watched the dust flow from his hand, like water, and then fly to freedom as a breath of wind carried it off._

_Blue moved to the vampire, no thoughts born from the scene, to watch as the vampire held a grey mouse on its arm. It scampered along his forearm and began to scale the mountain that led to the demon's shoulder. It made it over the curve of the black cloth and crawled to the beast's neck where it rested itself on his collar bone, hidden in the fabric of the shirt and the seclusion of its new resting place. It remained there, a point of heat, a fixture of life, as the dusting stones trickled down the surface of the wall._

_Abraham's hand moved over the rug, his fingers smoothing the threads and then the shape of the porcelain fingers. They touched the vampire's last finger and then left the hand to put weight on the rug as the man attempted to stand. Gravity was too severe and restricted him to the floor, so he eased back with his hands behind him and looked at the large something that had become a seat for the gathered books on top of it. He squinted and yet its details and identity eluded him._

"_What is that?" Abraham asked the vampire, eyes watching the form._

_A pale finger petted the hidden mouse as Alucard pondered the same question. "I don't know."_

_The man hummed, puzzled by the object._

"_What do you want it to be, Master?" Abraham saw the eyes that were watching him and the hand that was touching the mouse._

"_What do you mean?"_

"_Well," Alucard looked at the form and tilted his head thoughtfully. "It has no name. It is nothing right now. Make it into something. What do you want it to be?"_

"_I want to know what it actually is, Alucard. I don't want to play this game." He analyzed the thing._

_Alucard watched his concentration, continuing to pet the mouse. "Why not?"_

"_Because I want to know what it is…I don't want to make something up." The man grumbled, leaning forward to sit up. Alucard blinked, never taking his eyes from the man. The vampire was on his knees, sitting on his haunches, facing the human now._

"_I know what it is, Master."_

_The man's head jerked to the monster. "Really? Then tell me."_

_Red looked into the blue eyes. "Face me."_

_Abraham knew what Alucard wanted, so he turned his body and sat with his legs crossed, heart and mind directed towards the demon. He waited expectantly while Alucard nodded, taking both of their gazes to the thing as he looked at it._

"_Can't you see it?" The vampire questioned the mortal. Abraham strained his eyes but could not tell what the object was._

"_No, I can't. What is it? Tell me."_

_Alucard watched the object begin to color, adopting wood to construct its body. "It's a piano."_

_Abraham looked at the piano, noting the wooden bench that sat before it as well as each of the white and black keys. Porcelain and ebony black, his gaze went to the vampire's features as the creature gave its attention to the instrument alone. Look at me, the man thought, but could not move his lips or any part of his face. When he looked at the piano he could speak. "What is the significance of a piano?"_

"_It has no significance but the one you give to it, Master. What is it? This piano? What is its purpose? What shall be done with it? Shall you play music for me? Will you let me touch it?"_

_As these questions were spoken by the melody of the demon's voice, the stones gained ground, rising higher on the wall, dust taking shape. Abraham watched, peering around as he saw the progressing wall of stones, distracted from the piano. Alucard reclaimed his attention._

"_Will you let me listen to the music in your heart, Master? Pass the notes into the world and then into the dimension where they will drift if they are not caught by our ears, our minds, our memory? Where does music die, Master? Is there a place where it exists for the dead? It is so for the living, and perhaps for the dead, but what of the undead? What of me? May I listen to your heart as well, Master? Will you let me?"_

_The stones were rising, a daunting shadow of anxiety spearing the man as sight and depth left the room, the impervious wall of rock cutting off the light. He was afraid, and felt that the vampire's words were loud and irrelevant in the face of his fear. He feared the darkness. "Make it stop!" He cried out to anyone who would hear him. His eyes were on the ceiling, the only surface without stone. Blue was wide with terror as the stones encroached on this final reserve of comfort. The man shook. "Make it stop, Alucard! I don't know what you are asking! I will not play for you! I cannot play or see the notes in the dark! Alucard! Stop it!"_

_The vampire was quiet, covered in shadow as the ceiling was eaten away by the four walls of stone, leaving a single pillar of light to stand in the center of the room. But it was diminishing, sweeping slowly, in inches, across and away from the mortal's stricken, upturned face. It became a line, a single beam a dot of focused light on the floor. Abraham was too afraid to look away from the light from the ceiling, afraid that as soon as he did he would lose it forever. It would disappear at the moment he turned his eyes to the light on the floor between himself and the monster whose eyes glowed as embers in the darkness._

"_Why are you afraid, Master?" The demon spoke as the mortal refused to move. "Why are you afraid of the dark? I am here. I will be here with you forever. Why are you afraid of being trapped in the darkness with me?"_

"_No!" The man shook his head as the light grew weaker. "No! I don't want to!" He tried to stand without looking away from the origin of the light, but he could not. A curtain of force was upon him, holding him down. It would not let him stand and reach for the light. "Alucard, stop it!"_

"_I can't stop it Master. I did not make the stones." Replied the darkness._

"_Regardless of whether or not you made them! Stop them! Stop it!" Hellsing struggled to stand._

"_I cannot. I can't do anything Master. I can't stop them if they wish to take the light away and imprison us in here, Master. But what is wrong? Why won't you stay with me in here, forever?"_

"_Because I want to live!" Screamed the man that became nothing more than a voice as the light was extinguished. The world, the realm, the room, fell away and the man descended with it as the floor became nothing. He was falling through the night. He felt the rush of the air his body cut through, the whipping of his coat as the air caught it. It was cold, a crisp chill in the clean, untainted air, at an elevation where Man's pollution and impurities could not taint it. The man turned his face and saw the planet sized moon beside him. White captured and battled for dominance in his eyes. There were clouds now, and they rose to meet and pass him as he fell. He was rotating, his head dipping to point directly at whatever ground was beneath the man and this night. He watched the moon and saw stars arrive to accompany the celestial form._

_It reminded him, distantly, of the sea he had almost drowned in, as currents of air rolled over his body and he continued to descend. Some shadow fluttered by the moon. It was a bird. The creature was moving horizontally, and yet it was descending with him, remaining level with his fall. It was a healthy little sparrow. The man blinked, gazing at the bird as it flew in the space between the moon and the night, between the ground and the sky._

"_How did you manage to get up here?" The man asked himself, more than the bird, watching it as he plummeted through the atmosphere, passing clouds and racing down the face of the ancient moon. "How did you fly so high?"_

_Silence was the rushing air, Patience was the time of the man's descent, and Peace was the calm all around him, in the totality of the black, the substance of the clouds, the white of the stars and moon, and the beating wings of the sparrow that fell with him. This all began to fade, becoming murky, darker, and something held the man up, allowed him to rest upon something solid that wasn't quite hard, and manipulated his body so that he was lying down…with his head propped up on a form._

Abraham's senses slowly accepted the scent of incense and smoke and the temperature of the room, as well as the mortal quiet of the Earth. Then his eyes were able to open and wander with his sight, taking in the black cloth his head was resting on, and then the black walls and pillars holding up the rising spiral of stairs that ended with the ceiling of the next level. He could smell all of the scents and herbs and feel the smoke lay a haze over his body as he began to lift himself and remember where he was and what he was doing when he saw Alucard's unconscious body on the grand, circular stone that was placed in the center of the chamber, beneath the circular ceiling above them and the incomplete rings of stairs. He sat up, beside his vampire and shifted his attention to the hand that was offered to help him from the raised platform. He slipped from the stone's edge and found his footing, cementing his reality with a deep breath of heavily scented air.

When the ceremony had begun there had been three other humans in the chamber, but now he only counted one. The man next to him had only just arrived to see if he had awakened. This was in preparation for the sealing ceremony that would take place in a separate location at a separate time. A few attempts at transcending into the unconscious had been made already, but this was the first success they had been awarded with, and it caused the man that had helped Hellsing, to smile.

Abraham knew the man's name, and only one other within the remnants of the Golden Dawn. This was Sir Penwood. Sir Islands was not in attendance at the moment.

The Queen had helped to gather these members to aid Hellsing, in order to seal Alucard's powers. All preparations were set and minds were given the selected pages from the Journal. The concept of the undead element had amazed the members of the past Order, and frightened a few into backing out. This 'Dream Session' had been designed by Alucard…as…in fact, the Order had not been able to contribute to the seal at all, only confirming the meaning of the runes and the purpose the seal might serve. They were able to acknowledge the vampire's loyalty, his honesty with regards to the seal. The monster had much more knowledge than all of their decomposing alchemy and sorcery books combined (for the ceremony they were attempting), so they were wary of his control over the creation of the seal.

Abraham looked back at the unconscious vampire, seeing the breaths his undead lungs stole from the air. He waited for the creature to wake while Penwood asked him to return to a room where he could rest and eat something. The man wouldn't budge until the demon's eyes opened and Alucard was able to follow them up the stairs.

He did not trust these magic users, these alchemists, with the vampire. There had been a concern voiced earlier that still rang in his ears.

'_How can we give all of this power to one man? A man who does not know how to use it?'_

It had only been one voice and it had been silenced, but the voice remained with Hellsing as he checked over his shoulder to see that Alucard was still there. They reached the room set aside for resting and recuperating after ceremonies, and closed the door. It was dark in the room. Abraham ignored the bed with its lush pillows and settled for a chair. Alucard wandered about the perimeter of the room as Hellsing closed his eyes while his system diluted the scents and smoke his body had absorbed.

"What was the purpose of the 'Dream Session'?" He asked the wandering creature, a muddled mind wanting the answer but not in a state to find it.

Alucard was looking at the bindings on the books that filled the shelves occupying the wall where the door stood, mirroring the back wall behind them. "You sleep and transcend into 'heaven' to obtain a vision. If it is a violent Hell, then you know that this magic has rejected you. I acted as your hermeneus, your bridge, your entrance into death or the beyond, as well as your lifeline so that you could find your way back. I was your Hermes, your Isis, whatever god you would like to refer to…but, as I told you, I was not sure if anything would come of this. I was able to act as the figurative psychopomp…" Red flowed to the man, burning candles in the gloom. "Your purpose was to find me. To detach from yourself, take your soul from your mind and memory to seek out my form. I saw you…" The vampire said suddenly, opening blue eyes. The man gazed at the vampire, close to sleep. "I saw you in the clouds." Spoke the quiet, thoughtful voice, wonder of what they had accomplished brightening his face as if the moonlight was still raining upon it. The vampire watched the man, anticipating an answer to a question that was tickling his mind. "What form was I? What did you see once you saw the chain of light and passed the herma?"

The chain of light the vampire was speaking of, Abraham recalled, was the beam of light, a supposed form of intellect he might receive. The 'intellect' would arise, if he had received it, during the ceremony for the seal. Passed the herma…? "What was the herma?" Hellsing looked at the bookshelves and then the vampire. "Could it have been the stones?"

"Stones?" Alucard blinked, his head tilting slightly. "So that was your barrier holding you back from death? That's interesting…but I suppose it could have been. Herma is the boundary line, the seams stitching life and death together. The psychopomp guides a soul into death or into birth and life. It is also the intermediary between the conscious and unconscious, a vessel to pass through dreams as well as death." He looked at the man again, wishing for his answer. "What was I? A man, maybe a woman? A dog? A cuckoo? An owl or a raven? A horse, perhaps?"

"You were a sparrow, Alucard." The man spoke to the door and the line of light he could see beneath it. He blinked, recalling the moon and the bird, the bridge between the white form and the night. "What does it mean? …That…you were a sparrow?"

Alucard was staring at the man. When blue moved to him, he directed his eyes at the ground. "I don't know…the form is not that important…I was just curious." His eyes lifted to the books, finding a Jewish Torah, a Christian Bible, and an Islamic Koran, side by side. "Did you see any angels? If you were to come across an angel, it would only be…"

"I didn't see any angels. I saw a full moon, clouds, stars, the night…and the little black sparrow with a white breast."

No angels, no crosses, no crescent moons…there was no God in the vampire's realm of death? Or was it Abraham's? And he was a sparrow? Not the wise and sturdy owl? Not a dog or a carnivorous midnight raven? A sparrow, he mused, humored now. "A sparrow?" He chuckled aloud.

Abraham closed his eyes, just as amused. "You were a cute little sparrow, Alucard."

The vampire smirked and turned his attention to the bookcases, searching through the titles to find anything of relevance to the seal or something he could entertain himself with while the man slept in the chair he had selected. A book titled 'The Philosopher's Stone' was the most meaningful literature he came across as he waited.

*~*~::..+..::~*~*

Alucard glared at the man that approached Abraham with a blindfold in his hands. The human stopped and gazed fearfully at the demon, catching Hellsing's attention. Abraham scowled at his vampire and ordered the monster to let the man do his job.

"There is no need to blindfold you." Alucard hissed, barring his teeth as the human with the black cloth attempted to move forward. "_Get back!_" The demon barked and the man retreated several paces. The bright crimson went to Abraham's sour expression. "It doesn't matter if it is a secret location! I don't care! I will know where the location is in any case, so there is no need to blindfold you! I will not stand for it! I will not be blindfolded either! They should not keep any secrets to themselves! It is foolish! Foolish! Idiocy!"

Sir Islands frowned at the vampire and cast his hand to the man with the black cloth. Sir Islands was blocking his path to Hellsing. "Fine, Vampire. Since there is no way for us to hinder your…superior senses, we will make an exception for your _Master._" He twisted the title of ownership, ripping a snarl from the glistening fangs.

"Shut up, you insignificant pulp! I could get your peasants, your beggars on the streets above us to fill the places of your followers! They are each as equally ignorant! I only need your resources and your ability to stand in attendance to ensure that nothing goes wrong!" His chest resonated with a growl as he spun to subject his master to his temper. He pointed at Islands, heating the man's face with the insult. "If that man cannot hold a candle upright and can't draw a straight line if needed, I am going to _kill him_."

Abraham, ruffled by this conflict, shook his head with a creased brow. "No eating."

"I didn't say eat. I said kill. Why in God's name would I want to eat something so vile?" Alucard marched up the inclined hallway, leading to the surface where a carriage would take them to their next location. Abraham groaned and apologized to the men the vampire had offended, and then specifically asked Sir Islands to ignore his slave's empty threat.

"He's still uneasy about performing the ceremony without acquiring a second opinion for his-"

"Can't you muzzle your _dog_, Sir Hellsing?" Islands cut in with an indignant huff. "The beast does not understand how much he is depending on our knowledge. His remarks are rude and insulting…and if we were not obligated to give you our assistance, then, most likely, many of us would rather be at home. Quite frankly, I would rather be at home. I have no desire to affiliate myself with…_demons_."

Abraham sighed, following Alucard's footsteps. "I do not consider Alucard to be my _dog_. And I can't do anything about his irate behavior. As I told you, he is uncomfortable doing this without consulting someone with more familiarity with magic and alchemy, than himself."

Islands scoffed while Penwood nodded, coming up behind the two men, in agreement with his thin, older colleague. "That would be impossible. We have never come across anyone more experienced in these matters than Sir Islands…and myself. Your vampire's long life has allowed him to collect…a daunting amount of knowledge. There is no one he could hope to confer with to check these theories of his…this creation he has come up with." The man shook his head of dark chestnut hair. "Therugia used in such a way? An undead element? It is extraordinary! What he might be discovering!" The man was speaking to Islands now, filled with excitement. "Could he not contribute greatly to the Order? If he wasn't a vampire…if _only_ he wasn't a vampire, Islands! What he could accomplish with such a mind!"

"Quiet!" snapped the thin man, glancing at Abraham and Penwood. "The _demon_ doesn't need to hear your praise."

"His name is Alucard." Abraham added into their conversation, bitterness getting his message across.

"He is a beast." Islands offset the effect of Abraham's unspoken demand. He glared at the Dutch man, looking him over with a sneer. "A doctor _and_ a monster hunter, are you? _Mr_. Hellsing…"

"**SIR** Hellsing." Echoed a deep voice that shot down the hall. Alucard stepped from the wall beside his Master, scowling at Islands so as to affect the man's pallor. "You have interest in this ceremony." The vampire stated pointedly, stiffening Islands. "So, if you wish to attend and _watch_, then need to keep your spiteful drool to yourself, you _pitiful dog_."

The man hissed between his teeth, glaring down the hall as Alucard smirked humorlessly to himself, having put the noble in his place. They continued to walk for a moment, but then the man, Islands, halted with a malevolent expression and a hateful, twisted snarl.

"I'll be damned if I go along with this and permit a demon to speak to me in such a way. Do you understand the scope of what participating in this ceremony and affiliating with this Godless creature, means?" His glare was directed towards Hellsing who had stopped with the rest of their company, in the middle of this isolated hallway.

"'When you come into the land that the Lord your God is giving you, you shall not learn to follow the abominable practices of those nations. There shall not be found among you anyone who burns his son or his daughter as an offering, anyone who practices divination or tells fortunes or interprets omens, or a sorcerer or a charmer or a medium or a necromancer or one who inquires of the dead, for whoever does these things is an abomination to the Lord. And because of these abominations the Lord your God is driving them out before you.' Deuteronomy 18:9-12." Alucard droned out flatly in a steady brass voice that filled the corridor and shook the humans' limbs with one or more sporadic tremors of anger or surprise. "Oh yes, affiliation with a median like myself damns your soul, Sir Islands. But you were damned the moment you undertook the initiative actions required of you in order to enter the Golden Dawn. You've worshiped an idol that was not 'the Lord your God', and traveled through the crypts of Egyptian pharaohs in search of Hermes' tomb, on your journey to find the Philosopher's stone at the pyramid of Memphis, correct?" For the first time, Alucard looked at a specific body as he finished his speech, with an unpleasant smile reserved for Island's pale visage. "Oh," The beast's smile contorted into a fanged, demonic smirk, animated by a chuckle. "…have I frightened you, oh sinner, my comrade? We shall accompany one another to Hell someday, do not worry yourself. All of Mankind is damned in one way or another. Heaven is relatively empty, I assure you." Alucard's chuckles became louder as his master grumbled and sighed. Though, a touch of pleasure from Island's wilted stand trespassed into Abraham's mind.

"That's not funny, Alucard. The man will die of an overexcited heart before we ever get there if you continue to torture him like this." Alucard grinned wolfishly at Hellsing, picking up on the man's humor.

"So the recital of the verses from the book of Deuteronomy do not apply to you Master? You who have some to a new land and have simulated into its sinful practices?" And hold the name of Abraham, the man who almost burned his son? Such coincidences, such coincidences that that should damn a man when once he had believed that it was God's will that he burn his son as a sacrifice…

Blue eyes dully gazed at the pale face. "Do all Englishmen have vampires living under their homes, Alucard? Or am I just ignorant of how commonplace I am in society?"

The teeth left the grin, but a humored smile remained as the other mortal's watched their interaction with disgust or fascination. "You are one who has allowed yourself the company of a vampire and now the company of sorcerers, disciples of Hermes as they chose to call themselves. The Holy Book clearly says that you are not to do this, so this damns your soul, does it not?"

Abraham refused to look at the inquisitive, sparking eyes, and instead took note of the progress they were making down the hall. "If everything was taken so literally, Alucard, then you would be right and all of us would be cast into Hell as soon as our souls leave us."

It was quiet as the man's unexpected security amazed his listeners, delighting his vampire whose fangs glimmered for a moment and then were hidden by his cold lips. "That is why the Bible is such a fun object to play with. That is why it has inspired so many Crusades, slaughters, wars, hatred, and rivalry, because it is open to interpretation as the language of Man fails to become something solid, irrevocable, un-malleable. Even if the Bible were to be carved into stone tablets, like the Ten Commandments held in the prophet Moses' arms, they can be broken by passion easily enough in this Human world."

Abraham sighed, indifferent to the words. He was used to Alucard's religious speeches and knew better than to allow them to fester and distract his mind. Islands managed to do the same, used to the ranting of fanatics, but Penwood was mystified by the demon's mind and digested every word he spoke. Keeping back a bit so he could look at Alucard without being hindered by Abraham's presence, Penwood spoke to the demon, catching the red orbs that blinked at him. "So you deny the power and authority of the Bible?"

Alucard stared at the man and his eagerness to speak with him. It was odd, he blinked at the pleasant tone and curious eyes. Abraham and Islands glanced at the man and then the vampire. Islands left his eyes on his colleague when the demon spoke.

"No."

"Then what do you mean by what you said?" The eager man was practically smiling at the blank white features. Alucard's slowed steps had brought him in line with Penwood as he continued to stare and ponder the odd human.

Will I have to explain every word I speak to this man? Annoyance flitted over the dead face and red was directed to the hall instead. "The words of the Bible are not to be taken at face value, but it should not be ignored completely. It still contains some worth." He growled when a question he didn't bother acknowledging was asked. He glared at Abraham, as if this was his fault. His first instinct was to kill the annoying being, but he wasn't allowed to. Rip out the man's tongue, not allowed to. Knock him unconscious…maybe…but he was necessary material for the ceremony. …They could pick up a drunkard on the way, to replace him.

"Can you explain to me how exactly you discovered this relation between vampires and alchemy? Life alchemy, compound alchemy, working beside basic alchemy? Where did you learn of such things, if you did, and how?"

A faint growl cut off the stream of questions. "I have a brain, Sir Penwood. That's all one needs in order to think and deduce with reason and a small reserve of knowledge."

"Fantastic! What did you take this knowledge from? What formulas, calculations, thoughts brought you to your conclusions on the matter? Have you ever read from the hieroglyphs from the tombs of the Old Kingdom pharaohs? How were you introduced to Hermeticism and…"

"Shut up."

A crestfallen Penwood gaped at the stolid back that was walking beside Abraham, ignoring the man he had spoken to. "E…excuse me? I believe I misheard…"

"No. You heard me correctly." Alucard's blunt response collided with Penwood's head.

The man's mouth hung opened. "But…"

"Shut up or I will have no choice but to compromise your speaking ability, Sir Penwood."

It was quiet as the other two mortals wordlessly agreed with the vampire's statement. Penwood gazed at the creature with a forlorn frown. "You do not wish to discuss any of the…"

"No."

"Not even…"

"No, Sir Penwood. You may speak in your mind and attempt to logical imply the process of elimination to find your answers. But, I'm tired of hearing your voice, to put it honestly. So, shut up, or I will have to do something unpleasant to you, and we wouldn't want that to happen…."

Large eyes were brought to the end of the hall as Penwood's frown kept him in a state of disappointment. They were on the ground level of the building. He quietly attempted to initiate conversation. "Could you enlighten me to the defining characteristics of vampires?"

"Fangs. Dead. Silver and blessed objects burn them. Die as a result of decapitation or the impalement of the heart." Alucard's mouth barely moved as he spoke.

Abraham watched the demon's face as Penwood took some hope form the response. "But the magic. Might you tell me about that? And spells? Do spells affect the undead? Are there different types of vampires? What is required to become a vampire? What drawbacks, if you may, come with being a vampire?"

Alucard's interest was dimly lit by these questions and he gifted the man with a glance. "Are you a virgin?"

The man stared while Islands muttered about the demon's rude nature. Penwood reddened at the improper question, but consented to shake his head. "I'm a married man." He mumbled afterwards.

Alucard was unchanged. "Then you can't become a vampire. You can become a mindless slave, a ghoul, that feeds on human flesh, but you cannot become a vampire." His tone suggested beginning boredom as he watched the timid mortal. "You may become a werewolf, if you still hunger for immortality. But more times than not, the werewolf will eat you rather than change you."

The eyes grew wider as a neck shook the man's head rapidly. "_No_! No, never! I don't want to become a vampire or anything like one. I was simply curious…er…" His eyes fell away, flicking up to the red eyes as Penwood sought for a way to address the demon. "May I call you Alucard?"

The dead stare went unbroken. "What else would you call me?"

"Oh…" The man fidgeted like a man half his age. "Do you have a last name I might refer to…?"

Alucard paused while Abraham became increasingly more uncomfortable as the topic was drawn out. "Not anymore." Red left the man as another question bubbled up out of his throat.

"Anymore?"

Alucard didn't answer. Abraham knew that it wasn't necessary, but he let himself speak to the man beside him without looking him in the eye. "I renamed Alucard when he came…into my posses- to be my responsibility."

"Like a pet." Islands sneered, earning a sharp look from Abraham. Hellsing wasn't sure if he liked these men…at all.

Penwood was trying to gain Alucard's attention again. "Then what was your name? You were alive at one point, correct? What was your occupation? Were you acquainted with the Order?"

The doors came into view as the four entered human-occupied surroundings. "Why don't you save your questions for the carriage, Sir Penwood?" The vampire's flat line of a mouth moved to form the words for this suggestion, and then remained as they were when the brown haired man nodded and agreed with him. Thus, it was quiet until they reached the busy London street and entered the said carriage. Much to the noseferatu's displeasure, Penwood seated himself directly across from him in the carriage. Abraham was closest to the door, across from Islands. Both of these men had their arms folded. Islands was looking out the window, his top hat perfectly situated on his blonde head, while Abraham observed his hands, or the man that was already raining question upon question on his vampire's head. Alucard was slightly more patient now, but he enjoyed torturing the man by taking his time as he responded.

"I was alive at one point."

Penwood nodded, intent upon getting his other questions answered. "What was your name? How did you live?"

"Those are unimportant details." The vampire sighed, waving away the questions as he crossed his legs and looked the other man in the eye. "When I came to Great Britain, almost two years ago, I went by the title, Count Dracula."

Islands looked across the carriage, watching the vampire's face.

"A Count?" Penwood seemed to be delighted by the detail and he caught his hands in his lap, smiling again. "I know you are not from English origin, so where…?"

"Transylvania."

"You speak English beautifully. I hear no accent at all…"

"Thank you." The beast smirked/smiled, adopting the deceptive appearance of a nobleman in conversation with another of his class. Such manners were more for the purpose of playing with Penwood for the creature's own amusement.

"Oh, by all means, you must deserve such compliments. You must have spent much time on acquiring your distinct pronunciation. I was impressed by Sir Hellsing's speech as well, but his accent does come across at times, while yours is nonexistent."

Abraham's mouth pursed at this while Alucard chuckled and enjoyed Hellsing's expression. I have an accent? The man gazed emptily at nothing until Penwood spoke to him directly. Then he looked up at the brown haired noble.

"Only when you pronounce your 'w's, does it become obvious that English is not your first language, Sir Hellsing, but never you mind. It is still very good, your overall pronunciation."

Hellsing tired not to frown as his eyes settled on the black interior of the carriage. "I had never noticed."

"For that matter," Alucard smiled at his master's blue eyes. "…I hadn't noticed it either. But to be compared to me is unfair. I've been speaking English for over seven decades now."

"Amazing." Penwood breathed, charmed by the idea as he received an expressionless look from the monster. "How old are you?"

"Over four hundred years."

Islands stared blankly while his colleague gasped.

"Just amazing." Penwood's eyes danced with light as he breathed, filling his chest with air. "Just imagine, if such beings could contribute to science or any field... Minds that can compile centuries of knowledge…"

The demon smirked while his master's features twitched. "So, you would like to extend your hand to vampires and ask them to donate their knowledge to Mankind?"

The man beamed. "Oh, wouldn't it be wonderful?"

There was one moment of quiet before the demon let out a barking laugh, frightening Penwood into leaning away from the deranged sound. Abraham jerked at the sound and then closed his eyes with a hidden scowl. Islands was frozen to his seat by both his colleague's proposal and the demon's laugh. Alucard cackled. "You, in the midst of a nest of vampires, asking them to gift you with _knowledge_." His fangs flashed dangerously within his grin, eyes molten as they leered at the now huddled Penwood. "Do you forget what vampires are? What they feed on? They see you as nothing more than quarry. Sustenance. _**Prey**_." It quieted as the demon's humor tamed. He smiled at Penwood's wide eyes. "They would either eat you or tear you apart for their own amusement. And what makes you think that any of them hold the intelligence you are seeking? Do you believe scientists and great thinkers are among those that are readily available prey? No. It is the uneducated back-country peasants, whores, drunkards, defenseless children, and those living on the outskirts of society that are most commonly consumed. Few are able, or have the mind, to integrate themselves into society. They have instincts, hunger, and, in most cases, disregard for humans once they are turned." He laughed again, but it was a human, sane, laugh that allowed Penwood to sit up and let Islands thaw from his frozen position. "You think all vampires are like me? …And, are you aware that I have been forced into servitude by this man?" A hand indicated Abraham who opened his eyes as he chewed the side of his mouth and then his lip. The vampire brought his hand to his knee, still smiling. "You don't fear me because I am not permitted to kill you."

Fear painted Penwood's face a grayish white as his color drained. Now he understood Islands' behavior. This vampire called Alucard, was a monster. All vampires were monsters that Sir Hellsing fought against, to ensure their safety. Penwood stared at the demon. "You see people only as prey?"

Alucard's humor faded away as the new question did not present to him a new source of amusement. "No. Humans are weak, foolish, and fantastic creatures. What they have and continue to accomplish, how they grow, show cowardice or bravery…every fiber that constructs their existence, is fascinating. I eat them, but that does not mean I believe I am superior to their race, or that they are worthless. Though, there are some exceptions, such as our friend, Sir Islands over there…" Islands stammered in outrage while the demon simply smiled and closed his eyes to rest in his seat. "I'm a vampire that has discovered the pleasure of playing with one's food."

"You play with your food?"

A red eye creaked open to view Abraham. "Observe. …Do you like that word better?"

The man said nothing as he too closed his eyes to rest while their carriage ran over the paved road, with the clop of horse shoes filling their ears as they proceeded to leave the city of London.

* * *

This was written to come before the chapter where Alucard and Abraham discuss what they like about one another's attire... I didn't like the huge jump in time...so I fought with the story for a bit, came up with two other chapters before this one, and am still debating whether or not I'll remove this chapter and spin the story in a different direction. The changes...the new characters (which are the ancestors of Arthur's Sir Penwood and Sir Islands)...seem hard to keep up with. So...I would like criticism/advice, if anyone has any to offer, so that I can fix this chapter/go in a seperate direction with the story/move on from this point.

Thank you. ^w^


	41. Chapter 41

The feathered creature twittered occasionally and hopped about in its cage, losing its balance at times but regaining it by flapping its wings when the wheels of the carriage struck a rock or dipped into a shallow ravine as the horses drew them along the dirt road. Pale fingers slipped between the metals ribs of the cage, and the little bird, drawn by some mysterious force of affection for the demon, trilled and skipped to the hand to sit beside the porcelain carved fingers and fluff up its feathers comfortably before it began to preen itself. Mortal eyes observed the interaction between the sparrow and the vampire, Sir Penwood close to physical suffering as he struggled not to send a barrage of questions to Alucard, especially as it was currently midday and yet the demon was awake, though not cheerful or full of boundless energy, to report his gaunt and haggard appearance in a more dignified account. The bird was able to entertain the more amiable characters in the carriage, meaning every mind except Sir Islands who was brooding darkly in the corner, having finished complaining about the slowness of the horses that had lost speed when the weight of Alucard's coffin had been added to the roof and tied down securely. Sir Islands was tired and grouchy, a man full of complaints as he missed the comfort of his own home and bed. He sighed now, dejectedly, outside the range of pity that he might have gained from the other passengers, having fretted and fussed over every little detail of their journey and supplies earlier and thoroughly exasperated almost every individual that was accompanying them on their journey. Anyone who might have pitied the older man was riding in a separate carriage or coming from a separate direction. His brooding eyes strayed to the image on the window where he saw his own reflection and the round bead of sweat before he felt it roll down from the band of his hat, touch his brow, and then slip beside his nose. Islands growled in aggravation that came from the heat and his continued discomfort, taking the hat from his head so that he could dab up any dampness with his handkerchief. Out of his peripheral vision he could just make out the white cage and the bird in the reflective glass. The cage that was suspended in the air, floating like a mirage or a phantom.

With the prickle of the clammy hands that arrived to chill the man's neck and spine at the sight of the supernatural, Sir Islands snapped his head in the vampire's direction, driven by his brief alarm, and then his eyes beheld the cage that rested on the demon's lap. Red eyes glanced over Islands' troubles, and then, finding them to be unentertaining, revolved about the cabin, touching the other occupants without much interest either, then returned to the bird. A beak pecked and fussed with Alucard's fingers and then made short, curious jabs at his black sleeve, doing its part in maintaining its master by keeping the vampire well groomed and in the company of affection. The pale fingers stroked the winged beast, delighting it with the extra attention while other eyes looked on in reputable silence.

Abraham's eyes wandered up the black sleeve to arrive at his slave's face, finding the sharp chin, white features, and red eyes to be familiarly demonic and yet comparable to a human's face. But it was only the effect of the nearly commonplace setting the demon was occupying. Alucard, a demon centuries old, was sitting in a carriage while horses beat miniature dust storms beneath their hooves. And it was day, the sun was in the sky. This was not a setting a vampire was made to fit…and Alucard did not fit into it easily. His skin came off as being startling white while his fatigue gave him the look of an ill man, though he still bore the pride and dignity of someone of the noble stature, observed in his bearing, if he happened to move which at the moment he did little of, and in his posture.

The carriage jostled with a bump and the bird called out a complaint that curled the vampire's lips with a wash of mild humor and the fingers stroked a feathered cheek softly, lulling the bird into a dim trance so that its eyes became lidded and it leaned limply into the touch. When Alucard drew his hands away for a moment, the dozing bird fell on its side in a comical fashion. It scrambled for its dignity, puffing out its feathers and widening its stance as it stood, peering up at Alucard through the bars with all of the expression its limited facial features could muster, giving forth a frown. It chirped quietly, as if to grumble to itself, and then moved its feet, adjusting to the changes in the position of the floor of the cage with the dipping and rising movement of the carriage driving over uneven terrain. The little sparrow was comforted and persuaded to sit down when Alucard's hand petted its head, fingers running down the slope to its back, pressing the bird down with gentle touches.

This was Alucard. This was a monster that had murdered thousands during his life, and had devoured millions afterwards. That was the monster's hand that had often been coated with blood, petting the adoring sparrow as if it were something fragile and exceedingly precious. The only thing that told otherwise was the cool gaze the red eyes gave off. A cool gaze made of fire whose dancing flames never seemed to tire, that looked down upon the bird with only remote interest. There was no true kindness or affection in the cold fire, but there was also no disregard for the existence of the little bird. Meaning Alucard knew the worth of the small life, but also knew how small and insignificant it was as a whole outside the purpose it would serve in the ceremony to come. So, because of the knowledge, there was some small remnant of pity in the red eyes that drove the pale fingers, though also aided by idleness, to stroke the bird's feathers. Its life was a short candle, one whose wick would be clipped before having had the chance to burn away naturally and expire as it had meant to with the length it had been allotted.

The sheen of sweat that layered every face like a stifling sheet forced handkerchiefs to brows while the horses' coats outside darkened with dampness. Abraham's own handkerchief dabbed at his face and then scrubbed it to rid him of the frustrating perspiration, and the man sighed, casting his eyes to his slave when he kept the cloth in his lap for ready use. There was no sign of perspiration anywhere on the white skin. Interest sparked.

"You aren't affected by the heat?"

Upon hearing the voice and the ridiculous question, all eyes went to Abraham, living and undead. It took a moment for the humans to realize to whom the question was addressed, then their attention switched to the vampire who was watching the sparrow again. The bird was dozing off against the creature's palm.

"It's unpleasant for me as well….the nights are much cooler than the days in any season." The horses snorted, as if arguing to be allowed to experience the coolness of the night instead of the roasting sun above them. The nocturnal life was tempting to all at the moment when dripping sweat again required the attention of handkerchiefs.

"Ah." Hellsing replied out of politeness, but he was close to doubting what Alucard had told him. The vampire did not appear to have any other discomfort other than fatigue…

He isn't moving much either, and he isn't speaking. There's no sign of his darker nature either. Abraham blinked, looking at his slave with inquisitive eyes that ran over imagined motionless muscles and skin beneath the demon's black shirt. He did not perspire, how was the vampire retaining a stable internal temperature? Or was he slowly increasing in temperature and remaining still for the purpose of avoiding creating unnecessary heat? The only part of the vampire that ever moved were his fingers and then his eyelids that blinked occasionally to ward off particles of dirt and dust.

"How do vampires cope with heat? Do they have a way of regulating their body temperature at all?"

The men seated on the other side of the carriage paid some attention to the continued conversation. Islands did it out of boredom, while the curious Penwood echoed every question Hellsing asked in his mind and then felt the hunger of needing an answer. His eyes became fixed on whoever was speaking, absorbing all of the knowledge the two might offer to him indirectly.

"No. Vampires have no way of cooling down. They are adapt to being active only at night when it is cool. They sleep underground, preferably, and escape the heat of the day to the extent that their location allows."

Abraham licked his drying lips, listening. He nodded his head, having expected this to be the case and a small smile twitched his lips upward. The smile faded when he spoke, with no loss to his positive mood. "What consequences do they suffer if they do not manage to find an underground 'location' to spend the day?"

Alucard took a deep breath and let the air flow from him slowly. Abraham noticed that when the vampire's breath was usually frigid, now he could not feel it at all though it should have been able to infect him with its penetrating chill at this distance. "The sun used to be an issue. It would burn undead flesh, but not in the way your imagination assumes. Its like a sun burn that steadily worsens. Eventually, the vampire's flesh would cook, but death…I have only heard stories of. I have never seen a vampire die from exposure to the sun. Perhaps they could, with time. It would take them longer to starve…if they are unable to preserve themselves…because heat tends to reduce the appetite for blood."

"Why?"

Alucard glanced at his master after the quick question. He did not want to speak, but boredom also weighed on his mind, and he wanted to distract himself from his discomfort. "Would you want a hot drink when you are overheated, Master? Would you drink tea, for the common English minds to understand, at this time? And also, part of the nourishment that is taken from blood, is heat. By consuming blood, the vampire's internal temperature rises, so if no heat is needed, there will be less hunger."

It was quiet for another moment while Abraham digested what Alucard had said so far. Penwood was much more at ease now that he knew some of his questions might be answered while Sir Hellsing was speaking. The demon didn't seem to mind conversing with Abraham as much as he minded talking to Penwood or Islands.

Abraham removed moisture from his brow and chin before he spoke again. "Vampires don't perspire?"

"They do not sweat. They can make use of their pores, though, when they have consumed more blood than their body can sustain. Then they shed it like perspiration. This is the case for fledglings who do not yet have control of their appetites, or do not know how to read their urges."

This fact fascinated Abraham, finding that vampires possessed adaptations that helped with their developing years. "So you can read your own hunger? I thought vampires ate indefinitely, at any time blood is available. They don't actually practice restraint for any of their urges, do they?"

"The young ones do not. And that is how you find them so easily, and they are killed. Most are too stupid to realize that the more they kill, the more attention their activities will draw. They believe themselves to be invincible. Humans are prey, and they do not assume that other vampires mean them any harm…they learn to respect their elders, if not taught by their sires, and they are taught to develop eating patterns. Otherwise, they learn the hard way, which usually ends in a confrontation with hunters and their possible demise. The example for this would be the girl. I sired her and abandoned her because her company was no longer desirable after her transformation into a vampire. She, like many females, was drawn to children, so she chose to feed from them, and that resulted in your confirmation of her vampirism. And so, you killed her. That is the common result for fledglings these days."

Abraham, at first confused, had watched Alucard with a furrowed brow, his mouth falling to a frown until Alucard mentioned feeding on children. When the realization struck him, his face paled and then burned with heat while he could not decide whether to allow himself to humor his temper or not. The result was a mild glare in his eyes that alarmed the other mortals who were not used to seeing the man's anger.

"_Lucy_? Don't tell me you are using that poor girl as an example…. Are you really talking about her…to _me_?"

Alucard watched his master with a neutral response. "You are angry?"

"Of course I am! I _knew _her, Alucard! I knew her as a sweet girl _I could not save_! Of course I am angry…. It is common sense." Abraham leashed his emotions, pulling them back when they threatened to get out of hand. Islands and Penwood were silent but fully engrossed despite their moral opinions about listening to this conversation.

Alucard left his eyes on his master while he spoke, but when Hellsing became quiet, he let his eyes drift to the bird that had been upset by the raised voice. A finger petted the reassurance of its safety back into its little mind. "Seward would have shot me if he was in your position."

Amazement instantly hit the humans, bypassing Abraham who only scowled to himself, the only one who understood the scope of what Alucard was referring to. "He loved her, of course he would retaliate if you used her death so casually. That, too, is obvious."

There was a pause that left the other humans neglecting their beading brows.

Alucard left the bird alone when it seemed to doze again. "Would you be angry if I spoke of your wife that way?"

There was a sharp hiss and Abraham stiffened, tearing his eyes from Alucard to decrease his wave of resentment. "Why, Alucard? Is all I ask. Why? It's not like you don't know how people respond to these things."

"Seward was not her husband. She was Arthur Holmwood's fiancée. She felt nothing but pity for Seward, and maybe the affection of a friend. The girl did not love him. She was a flighty child, self-centered and wholly uninteresting as a fledgling. I had no use for a weak minded creature that could not conduct itself properly, even after I had ordered her to change her behavior. The blood-lust took her, and she had no shame for eating children. …I will tell you now, I did not tell Lucy to prey on children. It's a wasteful practice, though it comes with almost guaranteed virgin blood. Children do not have as much blood as adults. And cutting their lives short before they have properly matured and acquired the same amount of blood as an adult, is the same as hunting out of season…you do not hunt fawns or capture small, undeveloped fish. There is a point when virgins become ripe. Children are immature…"

It was quiet once more when the vampire realized Penwood had turned greenish in front of him. The vampire gave him a distantly humored glance and then looked at his master's grim expression.

"Lucy was not sweet after death, is all I will add then. -And for all the anger you hold against me for her death, you have never considered my own feelings. You killed three of my fledglings, Master. They were worth much more than the undead Lucy, though I cannot compare them to her person when she was living. I did not know her well."

Hellsing chewed his lip, irked by the added comments about Miss Lucy. He somehow could not feel guilt for killing Alucard's fledglings. After the mention of Miss Lucy…and that fact that there was no bitterness in the vampire's monotone…. Although, that could be a result of the heat. The man, with the reminder of his surroundings, fanned himself. Alucard watched him with lidded eyes, finding that he would receive nothing for the reminder he had given of his dead fledglings. He looked away, his eyes on the bird without seeing the little beast.

"…You might find this rather interesting, but I am not fully responsible for the girl's death."

That recaptured the drifting attention. Eyes stared at Alucard, thoughts weaving into various possibilities. The vague premonition of a murder scandal hung over Islands and Penwood. Satisfied by the effect, the vampire took another deep breath, and then was displeased by how warm his breath was becoming.

"What do you mean?" Abraham's sharp inquiry did not affect Alucard, who had expected this. "John and I killed Lucy when she was a vampire. She was dead, or undead, at that point. _You _are responsible for her death."

This development, the blank confession of having killed the girl without the added knowledge that Seward was the man named John that Abraham had mentioned before , startled the other men who chose to be quiet. Alucard did not change.

"Seward gave Lucy his blood when it became known that she was in need of more…and she improved, yes?" Alucard did not want a response, so Abraham said nothing, listening with a stale frown. "When it became a hazard for him to give her more blood, you supplied the girl with your own blood…and she improved, again. Next…_next _there was Arthur Holmwood. …With your aid, he put his blood into his fiancée….and did she improve this time? No. Arthur Holmwood's blood would have killed her if I had not turned her instead."

Staggered by the connection he had in the matter, Abraham gawked at Alucard, and then looked away, fuming with outrage and then piercing guilt, caught between believing the honest devil and doubting him entirely, for all the things Alucard had so far confided in him about Lucy. While his emotions stormed, the carriage was quiet beside the sound of motion. Finally a glower landed on the vampire and cold blue eyes saw the blankness of the beast's features.

"Are you saying-" His voice was strained, barely able to control his volume. "-that _I_ am responsible for Lucy Westenra's death? **Are you? Alucard?**"

A flicker of pleasure sparked in the vampire's dulled eyes, and his lips curved slightly when he witnessed the fury that was contained in the human beside him. Hellsing's eyes were dancing, as if filled with a current of electricity that was trapped and forever trying to escape from his irises. "I am not accusing you of anything other than ignorance. I am accusing humanity of ignorance. Blood is not the same for every human. I have noticed that there are those who are not closely related but possess blood that tastes similar, as if there was an underlying 'spice' that some human blood shares. There are several different 'spices', different _types_ of blood. Lucy Westenra possessed blood that was compatible with Seward's blood, and your own blood, Master, but her body could not use Holmwood's blood. Which I find ironic, since he was her husband to be, the one she held closest to her heart out of you all, besides Mina. I think she loved Mina more than she loved Holmwood. Foolish girl, she did not understand her own affections anyhow…"

Abraham said nothing, deflated and nearly faint in his seat with the stuffy air and the horrifying revelation. Did he have a part in Lucy's death? Did he? And if he did, how could he ever look John in the eye again…or Arthur,..or Jonathon, or Mina…

"Really_? _Are you going to pass out now? I'm disappointed in you, Master."

Abraham looked to his side where dim red eyes were passing him a disapproving look. Outside Abraham's knowledge, he had lost his flushed pallor, and was still paling as he faced his slave. His blue eyes were also becoming hazy and unfocused. Alucard, in a fluid motion, without the choice of opening the window or door for the threat of letting in more dust than clean air, took the bird from its cage and lifted it up to the man's face, allowing the frantic flapping of the distressed creature to both fan and slap the man to his senses. It was a laughable scene, but no one was in the mood for laughter while Abraham shielded himself against the flapping wings with his hands. After a few seconds he ordered Alucard to stop. The vampire returned the ruffled sparrow to his lap where he then began to pet the feathers back into place and quiet the screeching, now chirping, animal. The sparrow was very unhappy because of the abusive treatment, but it forgave the vampire when the petting continued.

Abraham turned away, moving his eyes to the window he shared with Sir Islands. He saw the passing terrain, trying to force himself to focus on something, but the weight of his new knowledge taxed him, and he sighed dejectedly after a time. The sparrow that was placed on his shoulder after the sigh, eased the man's internal distress. His warm finger stroked the dark head, slowly becoming charmed by the soft creature. The bird came to like Abraham as well, but it soon wanted to return to its master. Hellsing lifted it on his finger and offered it to Alucard.

The vampire watched him for a few moments before dropping his eyes to the animal and accepting the little burden.

The carriage returned to peace once more, and no one minded the heat quite as much as they had before.

* * *

Note: Abraham was not actually going to faint. Alucard knew this. He was just trying to distract him because the information had affected Abraham much more than he had wanted it to.


	42. Chapter 42

I had a hard time uploading this, so if there are any glitches please tell me. I want to write the next chapter better than this one, as a note. I would like to focus more on this story than others, but this one takes up a lot more time and requires more research for what I want to do with it. As a result, I work on easier stories more often. ...If I didn't, I would never be updating.

So, anyway, sorry about the slow updates.

* * *

Blue swept through the ink countries, roaming over the map before closing in on the short distance between the point that was labeled 'Hull' and the point that was labeled 'Amsterdam', pupils crossing over the North Sea time and time again. The man's eyes flicked between these marked locations, a frown creasing his pinched mouth. Teeth chewed on a lip and the map finally lowered with the blue eyes peeling away from the paper to see Sir Islands' face which, for once, seemed to be the face of an ally. When Hellsing shifted his attention to Alucard, the vampire's expression was stern, pale lips having become a taut line. Abraham exhaled slowly, looking at the little piece called Netherlands sitting next to the German Empire. He released his lip and his tongue slid over the imprints left behind. "I say we go to Amsterdam. We don't have enough supplies for a long voyage at this point. And…I am familiar with the people and the city. We can move over the land, down south-east with use of the rail-"

Hellsing was cut off by a curt snort from the demon that tightened the man's frown and irritated him further. Their cargo was being hefted on the muscled backs of sailors or lifted by creaking ropes to be stored on the deck of a ship. The dock was busy, noise that addled the senses coming from gulls, yelling accented voices, and the slapping water that refused to leave the wooden vessels alone. This ship was not the Russian _Demeter_ that had run aground on the coast of Whitby years ago when Dracula had first stepped foot on British soil, but it was kin to that unfortunate ship in that it too would serve to bring the No-Life-King across hostile Northern waters. The party had obtained their papers, permission for this voyage and for any journey that would come later. But a cluster of murmuring humans stood idly amongst the flurry of action occupying the populated, wooden dock with a red nosed sea-captain pacing or standing near the edge of their group. The captain, with his cap obscuring most of his brow, was typically known as a man that looked like he was always angry or calm, depending on which side of his face was being viewed. However, at this moment he was at a level of frustration that made his nose glow with heat, and if there was any calm to be found in his face, it was making itself scarce. It was simply outrageous that his passengers had not yet settled on a destination - changing the ship's course as if it was a slave shackled to their whims - while the bickering Islands had independently done his part to make enemies with the sea-man already, and now with the swirling clouds that choked off the sun overhead and the fog that was rolling in, the captain was having second thoughts about taking these passengers. But they were paying him a handsome sum and had reserved his ship so no other duties weighed on his time, so the captain licked his salty lips and crossed his arms, eyeing his gloomy navigator from time to time to see the other man's opinion on the matter. If it weren't for the money and the high status of his passengers, the captain would have lifted anchor and sailed away without this unorganized bunch ages ago.

At this time, Alucard also had his arms crossed, watching his master with a single raised brow when he listened to the blonde man's argument for the third time. With a grimace, a sharp look was cast to the hostile ocean. His eyes darkened with the shadowed clouds, reluctant to use the sea, but he believed that his way would be better - ultimately, in what results it would produce. After a moment, he cut off Hellsing in mid-sentence without offering an apology. "Amsterdam is all well and nice…but I choose to go by sea. I say we stay within sight of the shore, following the natural shape of the coast that will lead us into the Mediterranean. Then we will have all of Africa and Asia Minor at our disposal. We can choose later how to proceed…with many more routes that we can consider _if_ we go by sea."

The frown deepened on Abraham's face and the map folded together in his hands as he stared at the demon, confounded by the creature's desire to follow such a vague plan. What of trespassing into international waters? He closed his eyes and shook his head, opening the map to point at one of two specific blue lines, the Tigris and the Euphrates Rivers. "How are we supposed to get over that, Alucard?" We don't have enough preparation put into this trip! Hellsing cursed in his mind, mentally berating himself and the others that had fallen short of completing their duties. The supplies were less than half of what he had foreseen…overall, evidence of miscommunication and a lack of leadership riddled the 'disgusting' scene in front of him. With a scowl, a blunt finger jabbed at the Euphrates and then moved up to trace the river down towards the Persian Gulf. Then, when the man looked up, frustration made the blonde brow lower as his eyes bore the image of his wholly indifferent slave.

Alucard shrugged as if flowing water was not one of the many banes of the undead existence. "If we have no other alternative but to cross it, I have my coffin. But we can-" A sharper white finger touched the northern-most part of the Euphrates and then tapped it lightly. "…simply go around it, here." He drew back while human eyes examined the map. Abraham alone was watching the vampire and he caught the glint of fangs that flashed in a strange smile. The watchful, blue gaze darkened when the demon's voice came again. "We can land in Egypt and cross the Syrian Desert, or the Arabian, whichever you _favor_." Abraham did not agree with the sarcasm, but he allowed the tone to persist. "And then travel north into Asia Minor, transverse over mountain ranges until we can maneuver around the origin of the river and then travel down towards our destination. But I say we land near Jerusalem, or farther north so that we will not be encumbered by the Jordan River, leaving the Holy Land well-enough alone, and then we would brave the Syrian Desert - or the curve of the Fertile Crescent, which would surely be more pleasant, by its description, and then cross the Euphrates directly."

Abraham's eyes were dull, lost in the winding maze, the jumbled puzzle - _whatever it was _his slave was proposing. He was sure if they chose any of these routes, which might be nothing to a vampire, half of their party would perish from exhaustion or poor coordination. These were noblemen, aristocrats past their prime, primarily men of intellect. These were not adventurers. Boarding a ship that was not destined for a university or other gathering of scholars, was enough of an adventure for this lot.

Unexpectedly, Islands spoke up with a voice that carried his steady contempt for the demon only lightly. "Why stop in the Mediterranean?" Red eyes brightened and then crackled with silent flames, watching the human while keeping the beast's demonic humor under control. "We can enter the Black Sea." The oblivious man continued, looking at the map over Abraham's arm. "And so, go around the Euphrates, bypassing most of the mountains that would be an issue if we landed near Jerusalem... That would make all of this _much _easier."

When Sir Islands looked up, smirking and ready to receive acknowledgement for his plan, he blanched at the wicked, daggered grin Alucard was giving him with red eyes dancing, full of evil delight. The vampire chuckled, its master abstaining from telling it to hide its teeth. The normally red nose of the captain had turned pink when his face had paled, and his eyes were subdued with the same unease that visited the others that were gathered around the map.

But then Alucard smiled calmly at the most outspoken member of the Golden Dawn, uncrossing his arms once more to leave them hanging by his sides. "So, you agree that we will go by boat and sea. Good then, we can finally board. -_Later _plans can be discussed _later_…while we are at _least _making some form of progress, yes?"

Islands, dumbfounded, stammered something like an oath about what kind of god or devil could have made 'this blasted vampire'. Abraham blinked quietly after this charade, trying to figure out where his plan had been buried beneath Alucard's rubbish, but the man gasped out in mute surprise when the vampire snatched the map from his hands. Alucard left Hellsing, rolling the map up as he ascended the ramp to reach the deck of the ship. The humans gazed after the black clad form for a moment, until the demon looked back at them over its shoulder to wave impatiently, its belief being that their skills of perception should have led to immediate action. "Get two of the men to carry my coffin onboard. I plan to get some sleep while I still can."

With the issue of how they would reach their ultimate destination, the ruins of the ancient capital of Mesopotamia, far from being resolved, the humans - with one exception - followed the demon like a line of marionettes being carelessly dragged along the ground by the fist that had captured their strings…while a sprinkle of misty droplets dampened their cooled brows. The heat of the summer had been left far behind.

As Abraham's boots marched up the wooden ramp on their own accord, never to resemble one of the captured puppets, the chirping of a caged bird caught his attention. Hellsing observed the talkative beast that was carried by a sailor in front of him while his thoughts strayed to what troubles he would be facing later. First, he decided, before he did anything else, he would speak to the captain and then take a refreshing, and much needed, nap.

*~*~::..+..::~*~*

Altogether, they made a group of twelve, and for the most part four shared a cabin where they could sleep and pass the time. Hellsing and his vampire would spend their time onboard apart from the others.

Abraham tracked down the captain and spoke with the unhappy man, presenting himself as the figure with the highest authority among the group of passengers on board while apologizing for their lack of 'efficiency' due to this being the first time they had met as a full group, or in person. Completing this task, Hellsing searched for a sailor that was not too busy to point him in the direction of the cabin where Alucard's coffin had been stored.

Walking into the room, the most noticeable trait it possessed, that the eye was attracted to, was the large pitch casket that lay on the floor beside a bed, both of which Abraham had anticipated. The rest of the room was rather plain. With only a lingering curiosity pertaining to the coffin, Abraham made his way to his humble bed, stripping off his unnecessary vest which he folded over the back of a little wooden chair that accompanied an ascetic-looking desk, discarding his boots, and then buried himself beneath a handful of white sheets and a blanket. He had been exhausted by the journey, organizing his personal supplies, visiting his mansion to pick up Alucard's coffin, changing plans, following plans, and then changing plans again. It felt like he had spent five days in a circus ring, with the full cast of clowns and raucous lions demanding his attention while a ringmaster snapped a whip about his head, ordering him to perform a trick he could not comprehend. But now his spinning thoughts rocked gently with the sea-bound vessel, slowly pulling him into a sleep he gratefully succumbed to.

*~*~::..+..::~*~*

When Abraham woke, the ship was nearing the midpoint of its journey to Amsterdam, slowed a bit by only slightly choppy seas. Fortunately, no storm had come to sink the ship that carried an undead passenger.

_Unfortunately_, the undead passenger was in a poor mood despite their good fortune, and being so, welcomed Hellsing's return from sleep with an ill-humored frown and crossed arms, two piercing red eyes gazing down at the mortal's face when the man's eyes first opened.

Surprised by this unexpected 'greeting', Hellsing said nothing, squinting up at his slave with eyes that still had evidence of sleep about them. To be rid of this, the man rubbed at his face with one hand, still laying down, and when he finished, responded to his vampire's expression with a similar frown, adding a disappointed grimace that was altogether his own. "Yes, Alucard?" His hand fell onto the bedcovers and it was quiet.

The staring eyes, barely wider than slits, focused down at the man, not humored in the least by his hospitable and deceivingly innocent response.

Abraham blinked up at him dully, tempted to prolong his nap but unsure if that was possible with a vampire (naturally a companion of Death) watching him in such hostile spirits. "Are we on course for Amsterdam then?" He asked in a flat and predominately casual tone not meant to goad the vampire, but instead admit to the man's conscious decision to ignore, therefore erase, Alucard's plans.

"_Yes._"

The hiss caused grim, perhaps misplaced, humor to lift the corner of Hellsing's mouth, so the man closed his eyes to compose himself. When he opened them again a frustrated glare was fading from the demon's face, but Alucard, within a second, was in control of his features once more. This, unlike the hiss, failed to humor Abraham. With two cobalt eyes staring coldly up at the pale creature, Abraham sought to remind his vampire that its temper needed to be kept in check. But he said nothing about the beast's temper after a second of consideration. Instead, he asked another question, adopting a serious and pointed tone.

"Do you want to kill the men who have volunteered - _purely _of their own free will - to dedicate their effort and time to assist us in this…..venture?" It took a few seconds, but Hellsing found the word wanted to refer to their objective, in a general sense, and so ended his question.

Alucard said nothing for a time, never blinking within the space of his quiet. It was the type of quiet that easily became the breeding grounds of suspicion. "My route might thin out the weak, but that is the law of survival. I would not be killing them. How would the blame be linked to me if a few of them were to be…cast off as the victims of natural selection?"

"…So you don't care if they die? You would feel absolutely nothing if they were to lose their lives as a result of your decisions?" Blue flickered with combative forces, narrowing against the inhuman character his questions might portray based on the vampire's response.

"I'm indifferent to it whether they all live or perish… Well…" The nosferatu shut his eyes while he shrugged his shoulders, tipping his head to the side when he reconsidered his claim. "It would be a _little _troublesome if they were _all _to die… I would prefer that at least ten or so of them survived."

Now Hellsing paused, a small dose of ease soothing the forces within his gaze, while calculating the number of their party. "You want two of the men to die?"

"And I believe you can easily discern _which two_…those might be."

With a breath and a roll of his eyes, the man sighed as he sat up and pushed his legs off the bed, casting aside the constrictive blankets that were no longer needed or a source of comfort to him. He bent down to reach for his boots and socks, pulling the smaller of the two from of the other and unrolling the cloth he soon slipped over his bare foot.

Alucard watched, losing some of his hostility when the particular feeling became meaningless. Abraham's route was the more comfortable one, though possibly longer in the case of delays and lagging, pampered fools who could hinder their pace; whereas with the ship, for the most part, only the crew would be able to determine their rate of travel (conveniently cutting out their journey through deserts and over mountains when he compared the time each trip would take). The vampire had no trust for the progress undisciplined humans were capable of, but its thoughts did not dwell on the insignificant change in plans as their final destination would remain the same.

Now interest was born in the creature when it considered what the human had done, in depth. "How will the others take it when they discover you have **arbitrarily **positioned yourself as their leader?"

Unaffected by Alucard's negative way of describing what he had done, Abraham stuffed his foot into a black leather boot and worked with tightening the straps, prolonging the time he took before speaking. He began while his eyes remained on his working hands. "I had assumed that Sir Islands would take command of the others and keep things in order. He seemed, to me, to be the type of man that would be responsible and proficient in this role. However-" Abraham cleared his throat and slipped his other foot into the remaining boot, choosing his words carefully. "-seeing that the situation has…_deteriorated _to this extent, without a clear idea of where we are walking _while _we are already plodding along at full speed- So to say that this is similar to our condition at present, I've decided to take control of the situation. …Frankly, there are few times that I have been more embarrassed than I am now. This lack of organization and preparation is _embarrassing _and I refuse to subject myself to it, or allow this…_mess _to reflect my own abilities, when I can avoid it. …It is within my power to improve upon our situation, so I have simply invested my abilities in what I believe will lead to something better…than the alternative that might have come to pass with myself remaining silent and allowing…future mishaps to descend upon our company."

The answer pacified the undead creature that let its crimson gaze roam about the wall, skipping over a holy cross that was nailed there, when his master got to his feet. Hellsing began to brush the creases from his clothes before donning the dark vest he had removed for his nap.

Abraham was no Machiavellian, and there was little chance of the other men seeing him as one, now or in the future. Sir Hellsing had no ambition for greater personal gain or political power. Only good could come from having an identifiable, though un-appointed and undeniably forward, leader to guide them. The demon's musings ended, and it observed its master's grooming with an unoccupied mind. Then a thought, seeing the available space, brought another matter to the creature's attention.

Alucard hummed and then spoke. "I saw something amusing before I discovered you had secretly changed the ship's course."

Unsure as to how far he should read into what the vampire had said, Abraham glanced at the figure he saw out of the corner of his eye while straightening his tie. He had to hesitate, based on prior experiences, before adopting the openness that could permit him to take pleasure in, or simply bear, the undead creature's characteristically grisly and distasteful humor. "So…what was it?"

With a wry smirk on his colorless lips, Alucard reported what he had witnessed. "I found our most pleasant acquaintance, Sir Islands, bent over the railing, vomiting the contents of his stomach into the sea. …He is quite generous when it comes to feeding the fishes.."

The busy hands promptly froze, along with the rest of Hellsing's movements, after this news was stated. Abraham stared at Alucard and then at the door on the wall across from him. Seconds ticked away, and finally Abraham finished adjusting the forgotten tie when his objective revived. "That might be…a little humorous…Alucard. But…it's not something one can really laugh at with an easy conscience." Or an easy stomach… What in God's name inspired him to tell me this? Mixed feelings swallowed a grumble and Abraham did not extend his response.

In contrast, Alucard voiced his own feelings immediately, without an ounce of shame. "_I could_, if I wanted to. …I might have chuckled at him at the time if I had been in a better mood when I woke up. But finding the ship on its way to Amsterdam had been a significant disappointment for me, you must understand." The vampire flashed a jagged grin that was disregarded by a frown. "His pain is my pleasure (perhaps as a victim for my future whims), however disgusting the fashion of his suffering." Alucard continued in order to add a side note when Abraham gave him no substantial reaction. "…A few of the others are ill as well. Somewhat amusing… The sailors get to see what their _dignified_, wealthier class of citizens dines on."

Abraham was scowling discreetly, a little irked by the company's compiling, and most bothersome, weaknesses, as well as the callous humor. Alucard, who had been waiting for this, enjoyed the expression, his eyes following Abraham when the man left and shut the door with a irritated flick of his wrist. After the creature found itself isolated, alone in the room, Alucard chose to make use of what time he had left to sleep before the ship arrived at their first destination.

Abraham Van Hellsing was certainly becoming more and more interesting with time. The demon's predatory daggers glistened within a perverse smirk and a snicker as the lid of the coffin decapitated the light's path, throwing over the vampire a shade of darkness its nature melted into with murky consistency.

*~*~::..+..::~*~*

Swaddled in cloth as if it were a cargo as precious as a newborn babe, the coffin was carried over the threshold of the hotel's entrance by three hired hands who followed the party that was paying them, at first seeming to do so out of diligence for their work. But if one was to observe their raw, beating hearts, the sporadic skip of fear would be identified, revealing that they were clinging to the company of men they pursued for either protection or, at least, some form of consolation. With the heels of varying styles of footwear tapping over the tiled floor, Alucard hung behind the sound to keep his admonitory stare locked onto the three strangers, maintaining a mild level of distrust for the humans as they carried the precious casket while throwing dark glances in his direction. In turn, the men disliked Alucard's shady character, which was doused in a mixture of black cloth and shadows that should not have been so covetous of a form at this hour, with summer twilight long in approaching and shadows typically stretching away from earthly bodies instead of collecting around them. Granted, a few clouds made the sun less severe, but there should not have been enough coverage for the murky gloom that seemed to slink after the demon…the monster that was currently stalking the three nervous men who felt their brows dew with cool perspiration.

While onlookers halted to gawk and emit whispered exclamations at the morbid piece of luggage the party had brought with them, Hellsing, with Islands' contribution scowling over his shoulder, attempted to convince a man standing behind a reception desk, to calm down, assuring him that the coffin was unoccupied at the moment. Abraham also encouraged him to favor the English language so as to allow Islands the comfort of listening. Meanwhile, Alucard circled back to the now stationary laborers who were looking for a place to relieve themselves of the swaddled load.

"If you leave so much as a single mark on that coffin…." The demon's eerie whisper scratched and wriggled through the men's nerves, becoming vertical shafts of fear in their spines that left their bodies rigid and clammy. Their were eyes paralyzed and round, understanding the vampire's accented tongue perfectly . "…your lives will be taken as recompense. ..I will see to it that your prolonged _suffering _and _pleading screams_-"

"Alucard!" Abraham, clearly ignorant of the threat Alucard was giving the unhappy men, called to the vampire. Hellsing's hand gestured towards one of the awaiting hotel staff that had scurried forward to service them, once Alucard had looked in his direction. "This kind man will be leading us to our rooms now. Tell our new friends to take the coffin with us to the elevator. The stairs will most likely prove to be too much for them."

The shafts melted with the comfort that the blonde nobleman, who shared their blood, was watching over them when the hired hands saw what the man Abraham had gestured to was doing. With noticeable eagerness, the three hurried after Hellsing with ducked heads, passing the narrowed red eyes that burned into their bodies, scorching them with hellfire and pent up bloodlust, along with additional aggression. The tired-eyed look that betrayed the beast's true state only surfaced when the men were a good distance away, and the vampire followed the humans slowly, seeing that the hired hands, who had by now been effectively intimidated, would have to wait for the elevator boy and other hotel staff to return from their first trip up the elevator.

Coming upon the bronze gilded gate that covered the now empty shaft, a few of the noblemen directed their attention to the dinning hall, hoping to receive a late lunch that might serve as their dinner while the rest would be waiting to go up to the floor where their suites were located.

The gate opened with the elevator's return and more luggage and persons were shuffled into the shaft. The elevator rose again, and, sometime later, it descended. When, after much grunting and other signs of difficulty, the coffin barely fit into the space limited by the elevator's dimensions, Alucard decided to make use of the stairs rather than wait for the elevator to return a third time. Dark brown eyes, somewhat warm and capriciously alert like a boy's, caught on to what the vampire was doing, and so the ever curious Penwood strode to the stairs and hastened to meet and match the demon's pace, cutting off Abraham unintentionally when the man was about to climb the stairs as well. With a hand skimming the rail as he followed the two up the steps, Hellsing observed the interaction between Penwood and the reluctant nosferatu who offered only curt or condescending responses if it gave any at all. But Alucard seemed to be behaving himself, so Hellsing was content; a quiet observer while the ascending steps persisted and they switched to different staircases, when the current one ended, in order to get to where their belongings were headed.

They reached what would be their temporary living quarters, occupying a full floor of the hotel that had put a professional amount of effort into accommodating the unexpected flood of wealthy, foreign guests. Maids rushed in every which direction with towels, pillows, and other comforts, to improve the rooms in whatever way possible while luggage was carried from the elevator. Though some of the more unseemly cargo the party had brought was still on the ship, there was still a good number of suitcases to keep the staff busy. Handsome tips were awarded to the hard working men and women who had smiles despite the dampness left on their brows, Abraham apologizing and seeing to it that they be paid well for their admirable effort in order to encourage future hospitable service comparable to this - instead of resentment. He did not wish to come off as being arrogant and abusive of his high status.

When the flurry of movement began to settle, the noblemen went to dine, leaving Abraham to observe the tangible vision of what the next day or two would be like. It was tidy and neat. All of the nobles had their own rooms, none of which were grander than the rest, while a few adjoining doors lubricated the network of their communication. Alucard, who had already shut himself up in his coffin, would be kept in Hellsing's room, wherever the vampire wanted to store himself.

At this moment, when all was peaceful, Abraham stepped to the rug at the center of his own room, some space away from his temporary bed, to observe the seemingly ever present sheen that the light reflected from the surface of his slave's dark sarcophagus, satisfaction and ease sweeping through his nerves like a refreshing breeze when he felt that everything had been put in order. Light illuminated the room splendidly, as if the sun, when close to high noon, was shining straight down on the room through the roof, so only a narrow puddle of gloom could cling to the casket's perimeter. The rounded tips of Abraham's boots waded into this slender, black pool and then stilled, failing to throw off a single ripple. The shadow would go undisturbed, too dense to be manipulated as carelessly as water. Darkness, when real, could never be so responsive.

"Alucard."

The coffin was mute, but, within it, two scarlet eyes cracked open. With the emergence of the luminance orbs, the undead creature's pupils flicked to the origin of the voice and waited there for Sir Hellsing to continue.

Blue eyes were focused on the lid, the mind behind them not distracted by the gloss and luster. "You should join me with the others in the dining hall."

Alucard watched the side of his coffin, slowly blinking once as his lips twitched. Abraham waited for a response with generous patience.

The man spoke again, tranquil and inviting. "Come with me."

Finally the response came, in a quiet, questioning voice. "…What will Iget to eat while you and the others dine, Master?"

Struck by the revisited disturbance in this reminder, the man retreated a step, his boots exiting the puddle of shadow to return to the light found in the rest of the room. He composed himself, guilt flattening his expression while the feeling also presented itself in the form of a quiver that invaded the furthermost corner of his lips.

Alucard listened to the mortal's movement, expressionless within his dark abode. "You forgot to consider the maintenance your humble slave requires? That must be unprecedented for a man as responsible as yourself, Master."

With a slight shake of his head, Abraham sighed, grimacing again at the additional remarks. "Don't make this difficult, Alucard."

The demon closed its eyes to rest like the dead. For that instant, the room became a silent tomb.

"You're being selfish."

"Selfish?" Hellsing coughed, his eyes flaring anger before blinking tell-tale signs of confusion when he cocked his head to the side. His teeth bit into his cheek to restrain an unpleasant smile that wanted to counter the sharp, and unearned, insult. "I'm only asking you to attend dinner with the rest of our company…when it is crucial for what we wish to accomplish, that we discuss our plans and straighten out-"

The sound of the lid being lifted and pushed to the side to create a crack that would allow Alucard's voice to be heard more clearly, interrupted Hellsing, but it gave the man the time he needed to command the shivering nerve Alucard had plucked, into stillness. Confusion, however, remained.

"You are asking me to accompany you so I can participate in table conversation? If you want a genuine meeting, then organize a meeting in one of the rooms. My place in not in the public eye. …But the way you worded your…most considerate suggestion_, _Master, was, perhaps, unimposing until the moment you added the _order _that made it seem as if I had no other choice but to 'come with' you. But I appreciate the 'offered' order, nonetheless."

Hellsing's cool eyes viewed the casket and the floor beneath it, letting the irritation that lingered with the bitter twinge in the vampire's tone, fade. "Dinner is a more intimate setting." The man offered his reasoning softly. "Which is appropriate for building a relationship with the different members on an individual level and-"

Alucard cut in, impatient and brisk. "I wish to have no relations with these men. I will use them, and that is all."

Not to be dissuaded by the demon, and yet still conscious of the particular leniency he desired to show the vampire (but could not give in excess), Abraham did not chastise Alucard's persistent rudeness. He aimed a controlled glare at the coffin's lid. "You will have to interact with these men in a friendly manner, treating them like _people_, because you will not use them in the mindset that they are your pawns. These men are not objects, Alucard, that you can manipulate in a way that they become tools for the sake of your objective. A human can never denote to a mere facet of a personal desire."

There was no pause before the creature retorted in a low and surly tone. "Is that not precisely what you have chosen to do with both myself and these men you insist require _pampering_ and _spoon feeding _for all that they do, _Master_?"

A scowl could not be subdued when it bubbled forth with the rising heat of Abraham's already sensitive temper, which was being further irritated by Alucard's pronged verbal jabs and general lack of mercy. So the man's voice was more defensive and emotional when he spoke again. "I asked them for their services and they consented to supply the aid we need."

"No." The creature cut back with a sneer in his tone. "You cajoled them into consenting by mentioning the attention your work and this particular venture have received from the Queen. You have expanded upon influence from sources out-"

Unable to let this pass, Hellsing interrupted the demon with a startling snap of his teeth, pronouncing his first word while biting into it viciously. "You believe that I should have concealed the support my organization receives from Queen Victoria? If I had, then how would you go about legitimizing any of my intentions, Alucard?" His arms animated his language. "I could make as many arguments and claims-" A hand smeared them into the air. "-that I am capable of supporting, but nothing would be able to substitute religious and royal will. My title," His fist dipped with the two syllables, clenched before him as his volume fell. "-as a Knight already associates me with the Queen. Without the Crown, my organization would not exist! It has no standing, no reputable name- And those who are unfamiliar with my organization will want to become familiar with it. How do I explain the existence and legitimacy of something that sounds like it belongs in a madman's fantasy? !-"

A heavy sigh ended the aggravated voice and Alucard relocated his gaze, breaking from Hellsing's direction. "Enough. …'I would rather sleep', is all I can say to you then. …You handle becoming acquainted with the men and establish whatever _relations _you would like to establish. I have no place in this work. Give me my tools, my location, and your cooperation and that is all I need, want, and will tolerate, in order to serve the purpose you have laid down for me."

It was silent for a time after this conclusive statement, unchallenged by any following reaction. Abraham lingered in the room, his body swaying with its indecision while he thought, but then the man left the vampire abruptly to go downstairs to the dining hall by himself, calming his nerves along the way.

Alucard shut his coffin securely and went to sleep.

*~*~::..+..::~*~*

Some of the men were already working on appetizers when Hellsing joined their table, finding a seat that was almost directly across from Sir Penwood. With the new presence, Penwood took note of Abraham and then scanned the area for any sign of the man's vampire. When Alucard continued to be absent, Penwood called on Abraham directly to gain his attention and then addressed the questionably unsocial behavior politely.

"Will Alucard not be joining us? We 'reserved' another seat for him. -Well… It had to be stolen from another table, and the blame will rest with me if it's missed…but there is another seat here if he wishes to accompany us." A nervous chuckle rolled off of this confession.

Still somewhat unused to hearing others, besides a select few, refer to the vampire as 'Alucard', Abraham took a moment to adjust to the change. He put on a thin, but friendly and thankful, smile. "No. Alucard will be sleeping instead… He will probably join us again later on tonight."

To not allow the ebb of conversation to recede from him, Hellsing persuaded Penwood to delve into another topic, drawing in others from the table until all of the men were participating in a single discussion. He kept it so that the conversation and atmosphere were pleasantly engaging, a feat that would have been - without question - nearly impossible if Alucard had been present.

*~*~::..+..::~*~*

With two blue eyes gliding over to the solitary coffin, Hellsing gazed down at the floor, a neutral expression flirting with a frown. He crouched suddenly, his arms folded and propped up on his knees. A fist reached out and rapped on the lid, using enough force that the human was sure the undead creature would not be able to ignore him, and then the fist withdrew to rest on a knee again.

"Alucard."

No answer.

"If you want to be alone I'll find you a bat cave, but for now I would like it if you'd come out so I can speak to you, face to face. …It's more pleasant than talking to a coffin. Though…I could be talking to my own reflection, which I can see quite clearly right now." As if I were talking to myself…

"A cave filled with thousands of screeching, flapping animals does not provide an environment that would allow one to be able to fully appreciate the pleasurable experience of being _left alone_."

The man watched the coffin, his expression unchanging with this explanation. "Is that so?"

"…Yes."

"…You would not like to live in a bat cave?"

"The cave would reek. I would have nothing to eat. Feces would be raining on me… No, I would not like to live in a cave full of bats."

Abraham nodded at the concrete reasoning and then patted the top of the coffin with his fingertips as if to provide Alucard with an audible series of nods. "I may arrange it so that you can move into a bat cave if you continue to avoid human contact, like you have been. …Which would be more unpleasant for you?"

"…May I pick out the cave?"

"No."

"…I still prefer the cave. At least the bats have a purpose when they screech. Men more often have no purpose with speech."

Interchanging screech and speech now? "You sound like a pessimistic old man, as of late… Have you noticed?"

The hand that had patted the coffin smoothed out the flawless lid, brushing it thoughtfully to ensure that its occupant would not be able to sink into silence. Hellsing's presence would not be ignored.

Alucard acknowledged this by frowning upon the man's persistence and then closing his eyes with a low hum that could have been a growl. "At heart, I am one of many pessimistic old men, Master. Having seen and heard too much to be lively and naïve… -Aware of _boundaries _so as to avoid overstepping them without intent. _Intruding _where you are not wanted…" Hellsing thoroughly disagreed with these statements, having an ironic smile tingle at the tips of his lips. "-Quite soon you will join me amongst their ranks. Old and wrinkled and totally dependent on another-"

"I am intruding, then? I am intruding when," the man looked about as he spoke with a smile, "this so happens to be my room, my living quarters, where a few paces behind this radnom casket I have found on my rug, is my bed? Forgive me for intruding. I must have overlooked the boundary line, so could you do me the favor of pointing it out for me?"

A renewed growl, broken up by a bare cough that resembled a chuckle, entered the coffin with two red orbs puncturing the darkness that separated them from the restless human fingers above. A white hand twitched, experiencing the odd itch to tap back at the human, but then the beast flicked away the whim like it was an annoying flee. The vampire frowned before setting his expression into a blank mask, hardening it by wiping his mind clean. The fingers continued to roam over a specific section of the lid that was comfortably accessible to Abraham.

The absence of silence encouraged half-thoughts to nip at the edges of the vampire's mind, corroding the barrier the being had set against them. Finally something matured into an insight that inspired a musing expression and motivation to speak. "So I assume the dinner was satisfactory? Has having company drawn out a loquacious side in you? An urge for idle chit-chat, possibly?"

Abraham smirked, thrumming the lid as he considered this. "Perhaps. ..It might be the cause."

"Damn them. They all seek to ruin my quiet."

Hellsing grinned, humor giving him no choice in the matter. "Oh, yes. They are _all _conspiring against your happiness."

"Hm…I will have to end their efforts. Tonight, while they sleep-"

"That doesn't seem likely."

"…Alas, fated for disappointment and misery."

Hellsing sighed with a smile, content for the moment while amusement twinkled in the corner of his eye. "Will you be emerging any time soon?"

"No, let me stew in my malcontent for a while longer."

A few polite knocks hit the door, distracting the two. Hellsing stood and answered. "It's unlocked."

The door opened with Penwood smiling nervously into the room, finding Hellsing with doe-like eyes. His smile faltered and his gaze dove down to the coffin, finding its peculiarity clashing with the décor of the room. "Good evening Sir Hellsing." The man cleared his throat, forcing himself to glance at Abraham. But his eyes were immediately pulled back to the casket, his tongue wetting his lips with the same nervousness before his teeth began to gnaw on the flesh of his bottom lip.

Abraham watched, interested, as before, in Sir Penwood's behavior, and he chose to give the man a welcoming smile. "Good evening."

Brown eyes, as if startled, went to Hellsing and then drifted back to the coffin while Penwood nodded his head. "Yes… -Yes, thank you… ..I-So, good evening, Alucard…also, .." The man fidgeted and pulled on his waistcoat when he withdrew his gaze and cleared his throat a second time to dislodge his choking awkwardness. "If Alucard is in there- I mean, if he is present…"

Inside the coffin, the vampire cursed to itself, glaring while lamenting the loss of the isolation that had belonged to Hellsing's dungeon. Alucard is not here. Alucard does not exist.

Hellsing looked back at the coffin and his smile remained. "Yes, he is present."

May the Devil drive his soul to hell and back. …Master…you will regret this.

A hiss was contained by the casket while Penwood asked for permission to enter and was soon venturing up to the black, wooden box. Abraham stood by quietly to observe.

"Hello." Hands rubbed one another with eagerness that outshone the brown haired man's insecurities.

Die.

"I don't mean to be a bother-"

Then die. Your breath is a bother.

"-but I would like to continue our conversation. I had anticipated finishing it, possibly, at dinner, but you weren't there. Your presence was missed, I assure you. It would have been nice to have you with us."

Now the vampire had to frown up at his casket's lid, his eyes scrunching. Is this sarcasm?

In the background, though he was standing adjacent to the coffin, quite close to Sir Penwood, Abraham also had to furrow his brow and doubt what Penwood was saying. The entire party had been much relieved, in his opinion, not to have Alucard's intimidating aura giving them indigestion.

Penwood, growing more anxious without a response to play off of, looked to Sir Hellsing for help or an explanation. "He can't be sleeping, by chance. I would feel so foolish-"

"No." Abraham shook his head to reassure him. "Alucard is ignoring you - vampires tend to do this. It's in their nature to be annoying."

"I appreciate that generality."

Penwood's eyes widened and he whipped his head to the side with a shallow gasp, so he could gawk at the coffin, having been surprised by the response he had thought would never come. Abraham was smirking down at the coffin now. "You're welcome. I can say that you've done well to earn it today." He snorted at his own words and slipped a hand into his pocket, pleased with himself. He spoke to Penwood again. "Yes, but what you should look out for is when they are in a combative mood. _Then _they do everything in their power to be deviant and frustrating. But you aren't in a combative mood right now, are you Alucard?" The coffin reflected a warped image of Hellsing's smirk. "You're behaving, in your own way, correct? To the best of your abilities?"

The beast growled again, sending an unseen, piercing glare to his master. I hate all of you. "I am combative, hostile, murderous, and blood-thirsty as always. Is Sir Penwood here to offer me a meal, or is his sole purpose in life to irritate me until I cannot forgo my desire to claw at my own ears until there is nothing left? Is that the only way to attain what I want? Quiet through deafness?"

"Oh." Penwood took a guilty step back, injured by the words and his hands clasped one another and then fell apart sadly. Hellsing scowled at the coffin when he saw the other man's reaction, but he looked up when Penwood spoke. "I was afraid I would be a bother to you, but I found what you said to be so interesting… There aren't many who speak as freely as you do, and as the time…I will be exposed to you, to one such as yourself, and a mind like yours… I wanted to…I did not want to waste that precious time…you see."

It was quiet and Alucard took whatever compliments he could find without comment, scowling a little to be defiant. Abraham was both surprised and impressed by the (unwanted) new friend his vampire had acquired.

This journey might end up improving more than just the seal, the man mused with a snorted chuckle.


	43. Chapter 43

The days were busy to the extent that schedules were bursting at the seams. Abraham was at the heart of it all. He sought out his own acquaintances and some of those related to the Golden Dawn, going so far as to track down some who had eluded him before. Immediate responses were a blessing the man received, but still time passed quickly, lengthening into two weeks.

During this time a few of the men who had come to Amsterdam did their part to help Abraham and followed his orders. Alucard retired to his casket and rarely emerged, sleeping both the day and night away.

Their funds did have a limit, they were all aware of this. So as not to hold the Queen's purse accountable for all expenses, and to seek out those places where favors were owed to him, Abraham strove to contact a specific German banker. Fortunately he succeeded, and the man was more than willing to help his old acquaintance when Hellsing was in a position where more help and stability was needed. The banker, Franz von Mendelssohn, went out of his way to meet with Abraham, traveling by train and taking advantage of his own connections to find a location that would pamper his tastes.

The banker, for the purpose of meeting the great Abraham van Hellsing and to discover if business could be exchanged, brought with him a man named Henri James Simon. Having heard of Hellsing's intentions, Henri Simon was keen to get in touch with the man - and so the three met around a meal with the moon occupying the clouded heavens.

In this way Berlin, archaeology, and the Deutsche Orient-Gesellschaft became variables which incorporated themselves into Hellsing's venture. However, the most unexpected variable to arise from this meeting, was the slight hostility Henri Simon showed Abraham when he learned more about his 'sponsor' and where the benefits of this venture would go. Britain was perceived to be a competitor in something that interested Henri Simon. Hellsing's motive and destination could only be understood if oriental archaeological research were his focus. Abraham, sensing the sparks of rivalry where he had only sought an ally, denied having any related intentions that might intrude on the man's work. (Abraham was later informed that Franz von Mendelssohn was also involved in the financing of the specific archaeological excavations Hellsing's party would – because there was no way around it- interfere with) To put an end to confusion that could not be easily fixed without presenting his vampire, Abraham asked to know more about the Deutsche Orient-Gesellschaft (German Oriental Society). He learned that it was based in Berlin, Germany, and had been established recently, in January of 1898. Simon and Mendelssohn were investing a small fortune into the Deutsche Orient-Gesellschaft, so Henri Simon had been displeased by the concept of the arrival of a well-funded, British competitor.

Seeing how complicated this matter would be, Abraham first refused to return to Britain and then proposed meeting with the man in charge of the German excavation site. This proposal was accepted and a date to meet with Robert Kildewey in Berlin was agreed upon. Two results could come about from this meeting.

Abraham would either be forced to abandon his venture, or Mendelssohn had offered to finance the rest of Abraham's trip and make arrangements so that his group would travel with the archeologists. They would, in this case, follow the veins of industry into Russia (meaning the railroad), cross the Black Sea, and later take a boat across the Euphrates River. So there was no other alternative now, the future had become rather limited, but Abraham was actually grateful that he had been able to reach the banker and learn of these matters. Else, it would have been quite an…_untidy_ business if his group had trespassed without prior warning or an easy way of explaining their purpose.

So Hellsing added this to his list of things to take care of, and readied to receive the additional members of the Golden Dawn who would be arriving in Amsterdam in a matter of days - those whom he was certain would improve their group significantly, and most likely ease the burden of responsibility that was currently sagging Abraham's shoulders.

With all of this compiling and swallowing time - there being no restraint in the nature of this business - over a month was spent in Amsterdam. The captain had departed and their supplies had been stored in one of the many warehouses available in this city whose veins were canals pulsing with life, ships, foreigners, and trade.

Four new members arrived to join them and offer their services.

*~*~::..+..::~*~*

The company gathered privately in Hellsing's room, removed from the public – which had been Alucard's advice and preference. Now they sat together in a broken circle. Some of the members had placed chairs in an arch that might continue to form a circle, but others had not followed the pattern, keeping their distance from the rest and from Abraham van Hellsing who sat in a chair with Alucard lurking behind him. The creature surveyed the group as eyes followed his movements, glancing over the dark silhouettes of heads that could not see him, and then he lowered himself to the pitch sarcophagus on the floor towards the back of the room. Penwood, on Abraham's left, turned in his chair to see Alucard, while Islands, on Abraham's right, threw a sideways glare at the demon, his mouth wrinkled with a scowl. Hellsing however, did not turn or give any attention to the vampire, watching the others who were distracted instead. A small smile pressed itself into his cheek when his eyes landed on specific individuals he had conversed with through letters, telegrams, and then in person that morning.

Alucard will join us on his own incentive. Blue eyes brightened, focusing on a man with a short beard that covered the lower half of his face, brown hair parted from the right and slicked down neatly. Soon, the other man noticed Abraham, and their eyes met, somehow drawing in the gazes of the other members just as Abraham's lips parted to speak.

"We all met and spoke a little, earlier, but one of us had decided to be absent…so I will introduce Alucard to you now, if he does not wish to do so on his own."

Eyes darted back to the vampire, and Alucard, seeing the attention, narrowed his stare but did nothing more. White hands were planted on the edge of the black coffin.

One man spoke up, initiating the exchange Abraham had desired.

"I am John Brodie-Inness, and have only heard a little about you, Vampire Alucard. Hopefully that will not be so in the future."

Red flashed and the developing glare retracted when Alucard saw the man, surprised and then discontented with the prominent man's presence. The Scottish accent did not enter the room again, the man remaining silent, exchanging gazes with the vampire instead. The bearded man seated next to J. W. Brodie-Inness watched them, eventually unable to hide a smile or the keen, almost obsessive, interest that glowed in his brown eyes as they scaled the vampire, beginning from his boots and coffin.

The bearded man had to speak in order to receive any attention, but once he began Abraham gave his full undivided attention to the man, blue eyes dimming as his senses fixed onto the words.

"You are Dracula."

Alucard glanced at the bearded man, his face neutral. The demon was not impressed by the parroted information Hellsing had given out to a few of the members, but the focus in those dark eyes attracted his attention and captured his gaze, though the man by his side should have been the more interesting subject.

The bearded man continued to smile as a noticeable quiet filled the room. "I've been told that you were called Dracula, and now your name has been reversed…so you are now called Alucard. But you _are_ Dracula…as well as a genuine vampire?"

Alucard's head tilted slightly and stayed there, this motion giving the affirmative as he wondered how the first fact could be true without the latter detail. Senseless man…but then…he was still interesting…somehow…

Teeth broke into the human's smile as he watched the vampire now, a full crescent grin within his beard.

"I am not an official member of the Golden Dawn, and forgive me for where I may not be as knowledgeable, but I have studied vampires and vampire lore for many years now…and when my friend," a nod was given to Inness, kindling a spark of curiosity in the demon, "told me of this…opportunity to meet a vampire…" The grin curled with humor and the man patted the arm of his chair and leaned back. "Well." He chuckled, amused by something that could have embarrassed others in his position. "John first had to convince me that there was the possibility of a real vampire existing (not only in this world, but – for God's sake – so close to us as well!), and then of the possibility of one being held in captivity by a mere man."

Abraham cringed internally at this - though none of it touched his face - but Alucard was too engrossed in the two men he had discovered to be bothered.

The bearded mortal shared a grin with his friend who was recalling the memory, and then both looked at the vampire again, as did the others in the room. "And, though I have not been entirely convinced…I am more skeptical about your identity than I am about your…undead state." Alucard's eyes remained locked with the deep brown pair, his lips and face deadened by an insentient mask. The human's skin roughened with a chill he experienced, keeping eye contact with the pale human-like being that sat on a coffin as casually as any of the men in the room sat on a chair. The feeling postponed his next sentence as a smirk commanded the man's face, unable to speak as he stared into the red eyes, his own dancing with glimmering wonder. "…I have studied 'The Impaler'…Vlad Dracula who slaughtered men, women, and children, his own people as well as his enemies… A man, intelligent…yes, he was brilliant, but indisputably consumed by madness…"

Uncomfortable mutters rose and ebbed away, others being slightly familiar with the stories and history of the prince who had ruled centuries ago.

While this whispering chatter entered the background, Alucard regarded the two men who had spoken so confidently, his eyes swiftly darting through the other faces, picking out the new ones and lingering on a dark face for a moment before returning to the two men who interested him most. He focused on the smiling man with the short beard.

The pale face tilted to a new angle, black hair moving with it. "What are your names? We now have a Scot, an Irishman, a Dane, and an Indian to diversify this bland collection of Brits. …John Brodie-Inness, the name with which you have introduced yourself, will you introduce those you have brought with you, or will they introduce themselves?"

Eyes roamed to find the bodies Alucard spoke of, but they collected with the bearded man again (who was the most vocal member of the group) when he spoke.

"I was distracted, I apologize." Brown eyes, which seemed to fill with light whenever they touched the vampire, twinkled with more light than the room could afford. "My name is Abraham Stoker. Your master, Abraham van Hellsing has come to call me Bram, so you and everyone else in this room can feel free to refer to me as such."

Light sparked in the crimson irises, both for fascination and anger he experienced. He was known as a slave…but this interesting man shared a name with Hellsing…

The fair-haired Dane introduced himself next, blue eyes sharp and cold as they examined Alucard's face. "I am Victor Klemens." And after this he said nothing, but continued to watch the demon with a narrowed glare.

Finally, Alucard turned his attention to the last member.

"My name is Rachana Adams." The vampire watched the dark complexion, long dark hair, darker than her skin. "I was born and have lived my entire life in Great Britain. My mother originated from India, and her heart never left her homeland. She believed in and worshiped the Hindu gods and taught me about her culture and traditions. But my father, Charles Adams, was a Protestant, raised only a few miles from London. I have been brought up with his faith and the teachings of my mother's beliefs, so you will not find me a heathen with your eyes. I am a Christian."

"I do not care what god you pray to." Alucard spoke roughly and surveyed the woman, finding her strength as well as her beauty which was not hindered by her age. "And I trust - since you have kept your father's name - that you are not married?"

"No. I am not."

The demon mused, scanning the new faces in quiet. Meanwhile, others engaged who they might in conversation, and the meeting progressed with no further contribution coming from the nosferatu who watched the three men and the one woman as they at times would send their eyes to watch him.

How changed was his perception of this Order, now that he had seen the true face of the Golden Dawn.

* * *

It's finally updated, though it wasn't too exciting. Stoker was rumored to have been part of the Golden Dawn since he was friends with Inness, so this all fit together nicely. Inness is Scottish. Stoker is Irish. Victor is Danish. Rachana is Indian - she has traveled and has encountered some discrimination - anyone who wants to understand a little bit about why she wanted to make sure that the men knew she was a Christian can watch the first twenty minutes of Gandhi. If anyone doesn't make the connection now...well, I'll just say Integra seems to have some Indian blood in her and I'll leave it at that.


	44. Chapter 44

_Life is energy manifested in one, unique, unalterable form. One energy, one essence cannot be forced to become another. A human is a human. A rock is a rock. But life is energy - just as a spark catches, grows, blazes, shrinks, and sputters out as a sighing, wavering ghost, the smoke dissipating in the air. All life can be viewed in the same way, a process of energy being released, an explosion and an end. A life is a droplet of energy being released. That energy is small, the spark, the infant. Then that energy grows, as with a child developing. Then the energy reaches its peak, its height, its bloom, when the fire is hottest, strongest, and largest, when the body is beautiful and full of strength, vigor, and potential that is being realized. Then the energy begins to shrink as it is spent, the youth and peak fading, the flame shrinking. Then the fire is frail with what is called age, where time is just a means of measuring the quantity of energy that has been spent, how long it will take one droplet to expire and be reduced to nothing that contains potential - dead, only dust and smoke. The old man flickers with the remnants of life, the last flare of his energy that was his existence. And then he will die as the energy, the flame, or the explosion, however it is willed to be conceived, shrinks to a degree that it can no longer fuel the form that it has created. Then it breaks down, losing the ability to maintain the form, and becomes the decaying corpse, until it is reduced to the material that can and is then absorbed by the earth, wherein the energy is collected with the remnants of the energy left over from all other manifestations. Then it can be conceived that the energy may pool together in the Earth for some act of creation, but it is more likely that the dust becomes less and less until it becomes nothing at all. The energy, once spent, can no longer exist, just as a dead flame can no longer produce light or any evidence of its existence – not even phantom smoke._

_It then must, at this point, simply end._

John Brodie-Inness completed the page of the worn and cracked diary, but his thoughts carried on for much longer. His intellect had been tickled, in a pleasant way, by what the vampire had written. There, however, was still something offensive about a monster possessing the ability to think, the ability to write and keep notes and the thoughts that should only originate from the mind of a man. Creatures like Alucard were not humans. Dehumanizing the enemy was a common action in times of conflict, in times of war when the enemy needed to be slaughtered. Here in this case, Alucard and his kind were monsters, the undead, there should be no need to dehumanize them because they weren't human. They could be looked upon as beasts, demons, minions of Lucifer. But they should not be allowed, permitted, or granted the right to have the human gift of language. It was wrong, the extent to which Alucard lay on the border that separated a monster from a man. But what the creature said also produced a welcomed effect on Inness' mind. It was interesting. It was a theory. And it was different.

Different was important in the ways of progress, be it for science, philosophy, theology, politics, literature, or for the economy. Different was new, and what was new and original had the ability to grow. After it developed to a certain degree, like a tumor it would beckon to the body that housed it, the country and its resources, the veins that would nourish it and allow it to grow to whatever extent the resources could support it. That was called potential, but potential was living, growing, maturing, forming, and creating – not destroying, not producing the product of a tumor. The dead had no potential. Monsters had no potential to create or contribute. The dead should be more like the nature of the tumor that results in death, to rob the body and destroy it. Vampires should only be capable of destroying mankind, not aiding it. How could the living and the dead become allies? It was like asking Christ to pull the devil up from the pit of Hell and hand over to him the task of redeeming the world of its sins.

It was counter to the purpose the devil served to fulfill. The devil created sins. He did not wash sins away.

Alucard…should take from man, not give him gifts of thought and knowledge.

It simply should not be.

Within the cabin, beside a dozing Stoker, Inness frowned down at the booklet in his lap as the train rocked ever so slightly, reverberating with a hum and clacks under the man's feet. The world passed by quickly in the windows, thin curtains drawn back to let in the natural summer light. It was warm so three coats were folded on the seat across from Bram. A red trench coat lay at the bottom.

Abraham watched Inness as the frown gradually faded and the man's eyes turned up to meet the cobalt gaze and easy smile that was more due to the bright weather than any other source. They were quiet as they exchanged gazes, quiet and calm.

Brodie-Inness finally spoke over the sound of the train. "It's interesting." He loosened his mouth, feeling that he needed to do so in order to speak comfortably after a long span of silence.

Hellsing's smile slipped higher on his cheek and then moved back to where it was most comfortable, still pleasant. He waited as the man eyes returned to the diary and the binding creaked as it was bent and pages fluttered, soft and weightless like feathers. A thumb leafed through them. "Very interesting. Very different from what I've come across before. But it has no work to support it…"

"I know." The soft smile replied, causing Inness to glance up at Abraham and then crease his brow and frown faintly at the diary, thoughts moving in the similar free pattern of the few clouds that swam in the blue above.

"I can see why your vampire would want to…share this theory with others… But-" More pages flipped, diagrams and black ink flickering. "But, I don't see what can be done immediately. Perhaps with years, experiments, more information, something could be developed from all this. But…but I don't understand what the purpose of all this is if we will not be given the time to work with these ideas. Nothing… ah, nothing seems quite stable…there is…so much risk in what we are doing."

The smile was gone and for the moment one of the roaming clouds chose to bathe in the sunlight, passing a shadow over the train. The rickety tracks and movement murmured. "I know." Hellsing's voice was quiet.

The tone caused Inness to look up with a sympathetic expression and then sigh down at the diary, flashing through the pages once more. "This…this is a difficult situation. This situation…it is difficult for me to grasp. It…it seems so rushed, so- so desperate and frantic - I can't help but feel that it is. It makes me anxious Sir Hellsing. You are throwing yourself into a realm you do not understand…and we are hurtling into the darkness after you."

Quiet returned while the train continued, but finally the industrial serpent escaped the shadows to bask in the warmth of the sun's good grace again. Still Abraham did not speak, silenced by the ominous words. His ease had left him.

Inness watched the man and then peered at the journal, his thoughts still, his mind stationary as if it had reached a conclusion or some dead end – an impenetrable wall. His idle thumb played with a page and unfocused eyes took in the ink he did not decipher. He sighed, closing his eyes, and placed the book beside him where it had no chance of bothering Stoker as the writer napped. Movement attracted the man's attention, and Brodie-Inness looked at Hellsing again as a gesture was made.

"May I have it?" Hellsing's hand referred to the journal.

"Oh! Oh, yes, I'm sorry." The book was quickly passed over to the man who had more right to keep it. Abraham lifted the coats to reach for his own and slipped Alucard's journal into one of the red pockets. He straightened the pile and then returned his hands to his lap. The iron serpent continued to fly over the land and gently rock the contents of its belly from time to time. The wind had apparently changed, either that or the train's direction, because suddenly the smoke the train exhaled entered into the flashing scenes that would momentarily be caught in the window. Blue eyes observed the smoke and the string of images as the quiet lengthened. Both of the men passed a casual gaze to Bram Stoker when a dream caused the man to move a bit in his sleep, arms folded and head tucked in to his chest. His shoulder and arm had moved, but were now still.

"We're all plunging 'down the rabbit-hole' then."

Blue shot to the man sitting beside Stoker and stared for some time. Inness was letting his head rest against the back of his seat as he kept his legs crossed, as if ready to doze off himself. Abraham paused. "Excuse me?"

Inness looked down and found Hellsing's confusion, and then smiled as understanding seeped into his eyes. "'Down the rabbit-hole'? You haven't heard of that expression before?"

Abraham waited, but Inness seemed to require an answer, so he crossed his arms. "No, I haven't. But the concept…seems familiar…"

"Have you heard of Lewis Carroll?"

Yes, he had. Of course he had. His nerves now quivered after the sudden surprise, so he only nodded.

"Queen Victoria seems to be quite found of his book, _Alice's Adventures in Wonderland._ Oh…I'm leaving the topic." His tone seemed to express guilt. "The phrase has been understood to mean the beginning of…well, an adventure or dream-like scenario where you have no control over what will happen. What I meant is, we are plunging into uncertainty and perhaps even chaos, Sir Hellsing. I'm sorry for the confusion."

Abraham waved off the need for an apology but remained silent afterwards, drawn to his thoughts as memories that were tied to the book surfaced, as well as thoughts that imagined this "rabbit-hole" swallowing their group - a deep, black hole with no end. It seemed like a nightmare, but that was impossible. Their situation wasn't that dangerous. And…nothing tied to Alucard…the first Alucard… -No. Nothing involving him could ever be so ominous.

* * *

I am trying to work on this. I read through the story again - I just need to gather up my notes and track down my ideas again.


End file.
